


Balancing The Power

by Menomegirl



Category: Angel: the Series, Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: F/F, F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-28
Updated: 2015-02-28
Packaged: 2018-03-15 13:28:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 97,559
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3448886
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Menomegirl/pseuds/Menomegirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Someone from Angel's past arrives in LA. Wackiness ensues.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This fic begins where "Chosen" and "Home" left off, and I wrote to entertain myself and others on the Angel MB during the summer months. It turned into a monster that wouldn't die. (also: this _was_ written between seasons 4 and 5 of Ats, so I experienced the thing called "being Jossed".)
> 
> Lyrics to the song Lindsey sang in the episode "Dead End" (lyrics written by David Greenwalt) are included within one chapter. Chapters 4 and 5 include (with permission) parts of another fanfic I was inspired by.
> 
> This is very, very long...so please, bear with me.

~Beginnings~

 

Angel stood facing the wall of glass, his eyes closed. The warmth of the sun was having a calming effect on him. He'd learned that in the last few months. He often stood here and thought about him.

 

The door swung open, and soft footsteps entered. Angel inhaled the air, and knew it was all his friends entering the office. He turned to face them, and knew by the expression on Fred's face they were here with questions. Again.

 

"I don't want to talk about it", he sternly said. Hoping that would be the end.

 

Fred stepped forward. "Angel, you need to get it off your chest! You've been brooding for a couple of weeks and that's just not good."

 

"Yeah, man", Gunn added. "We only want to help you."

 

Lorne came forward to sit in the easy chair, stating as he did so, "I can see the pain you're in, bucco. When we went to Sunnydale to see the destruction ourselves, I knew we had to confront you about it."

 

Angel crossed his arms and took a stance that blared out resistence. {My friends annoy me, the past haunts me, and I miss you. Where are you?}

 

"So? Do you think I'm going to spill my guts like some girl?"

 

Wesley walked all the way to the desk, leaning over and looked directly at his old friend. "It's not like we're here to laugh or make fun of you. We're your friends, Angel. We're here to listen and help, if we can."

 

Angel's eyes squinted in a slightly evil manner at Wesley, then he sighed as his body relaxed, somewhat. Wes really annoyed him.

 

He pulled his office chair near the desk, sat down and looked at them. He looked at Wesley. "Alright. I'll tell you. It's been preying on my mind so maybe it's better if I just let it out." {But not what's really on my mind. You wouldn't understand.) Angel picked up a pencil and began rubbing it between the palms of his hands.

 

"Okay, when I got there, she was fighting this preacher guy. She killed him-literally split him in two. Then she laughed about it!"

 

The silence lasted for a few seconds, until Fred asked,"But we've done that ourselves, Angel. So have you."

 

"But that's not all! While she was busy with preacher boy, I sensed Spike nearby. I....," Angel sheepishly said,"I kissed her and I knew he was there...I could feel his emotions. He was very angry."

 

Wesley asked,"Spike?...Oh! you mean William the bloody? Angel, that makes no sense!"

 

Angel held up his hand, replying,"Wait! That's not all. When I kissed her, I could smell Spike all over her. And she just, like...I don't know, blew me off. Sort of."

 

Angel's forehead wrinkled as he continued, "She said he was different...that he had a soul. But she didn't say he was cursed...and, well... I know they've slept together! I don't understand it!"

 

Gunn smiled a little and asked, "Is this a jealousy issue?"

 

"Well, yeah..I mean..not totally," Angel continued. "I know Spike...and he's not into love-dovey oh I'll love you forever with humans. He's quite sadistic, in fact. And...she said he's in her heart. I think she loved him. And I can't process that!"

 

Angel looked at his friends and continued,"In all my life, she's the only woman I've ever completely loved, who I've opened up to, who I've ever been...honest with. And...I can't reconcile that with the fact she's been with Spike."

 

The gang sat there, all unwilling to ask the one question on their minds.

 

Finally, Fred quietly asked,"What about Cordelia?" Angel thought {Who cares about Cordelia? I wanna know where the hell Lindsey McDonald is!} Noticed Lorne frowning at him. Of course, Lorne knew. He'd read it off him eons ago. But he didn't say anything, he never had because the others wouldn't have understood.

 

Meanwhile, in the dusty desert that was once Sunnydale, a light blue sedan pulls to a stop very near the edge of the crater left by the destruction of the town.

 

A door opens, and blue jean clad legs emerge.

 

The woman walks over to the edge of the huge crater and extends her hand toward it. She mumbles a few phrases in an ancient language.

 

In the glare of the desert heat, a small object floats into her hand. It is the amulet worn by Spike that caused the town to collapse on itself. Her hands enfolds the charm, and she brings in close for a look.

 

She has dark brown hair, and her eyes are a very light brown, almost golden in color. Her coral pink lips crease in a small smile.

 

"Now the fun starts," her dusky voice proclaims.

 

~Questions~

 

"What about Cordelia?" Angel replied. "That's out of my hands."

 

Fred stands up and says, "You said you loved.."

 

"No, I never did", Angel interrupts."You all just thought I did. Maybe I could have...but ...that's over. It was never about her in the first place, you all just never knew that." Angel stood up and walked to the wall of glass once more.

 

Wesley walks to Angel and says,"But Buffy..."

 

Tensing up once more, Angel turns around to face Wesley.

 

"I mean...ahem...You left Buffy. It's not like she owed you something, Angel", Wesley said.

 

Angel leaned toward Wesley and looked him deeply in the eyes. Wesley stared back, raising one eyebrow.

 

"I know that,"Angel said, almost snarling the words out.

 

But Wesley didn't draw back. He told Angel,"Did you think she was going to be waiting for you, all sweet and innocent, after all these years?"

 

The rest of the gang are staring at the two friends in a mixture of awe and fear. (Of course, they all believed the brooding was about the slayer, but they weren't aware of the direction Angel's thoughts actually were focused.)

 

"Leave it alone, Wesley,"Angel warns his friend.

 

"No, Angel. You..you act so self-righteous sometimes, and that's hard to deal with! You mope about even when you have no reason to, you don't tell us what you think, you sit in dark rooms and feel sorry for yourself, you put us all off...and for what? A woman you walked away from! Did you think you were going to change? Be different somehow? Or...become human yourself?"

 

Angel reached out and grabbed Wesley's shirt, pulling Wesley just a little closer. "You don't know everything about me, Wes. None of you do. Why I do the things I do or want the things I want, but I was human...once, dammit. I was human."

 

Wesley's lips curled in a slight grin as he asked, "But did you love anyone then? Have you ever truly loved any one?"

 

That set off another echo from the past.{I wasn't capable of it.....and neither are you.} Angel glared at Wesley. "I never really got the chance to.", he replied."There was one woman I could have maybe...but she left. Then I met Darla and....."

 

Angel broke off as a knock on the door interrupted them.

 

"We're busy!" Angel called out.

 

The door cracked open and a blonde woman peaked into the room. "I'm sorry, Mr. Angel, but your 1 o'clock is here. We tried putting her off, but she said she has to use the white room today and also, she needs all of you present."

 

"All right, send her in. We'll wait here," Angel said.

 

"What's this about the white room?", Gunn asked.

 

"Oh, I'm not sure. Some Wiccapoo spell about balancing "The power" or some such. Sounds harmless. There have to be six people present or something. Sounds new-agey to me," Angel said.

 

"Yeah, but the white room? Uh, how harmless can it be if the white room is needed?" asked Gunn.

 

Everyone turns as the door opens to reveal a tall, beautiful woman with long brown hair at the threshold. She's wearing a white dress with barely there sandals and looks as pure as the snow.

 

"Excuse me? I'm here for an appointment with.."

 

She trails off as she sees Angel.

 

He is staring at her as if he cannot believe what he sees.

 

"Adera?" Angel whispers.

 

"Liam..." she whispers.

 

In unison, they both say quite loudly:

 

"You're dead!"

 

~Shocks~

 

The silence that descended the office was so thick you could almost feel it. Everyone was entranced with the pair who were staring at each other as if they couldn't believe their eyes.

 

"Adera, is that truly you?" Angel said.

 

She closed her eyes, shook her head, and replied, "I went back. I stood by your grave. I cried over you! The whole village was dead-your family, your friends, the whole place was destroyed. I...I my God!"

 

"You came back? You...really came back?" Angel softly whispered.

 

Adera exclaimed, "Of course I came back- how could I not? But it was too late, wasn't it? You died that night! You...you're a vampire, right? How else could you still be here!"

 

"Yes, I died that night- I am a vampire. You're not! So what are you? You haven't aged a day. You're not quite a human- I can sense something- But I can't get what it is."

 

Adera looked around the room, noticing for the first time Gunn, Wesley, Lorne, and Fred. She looked at her watch.

 

"Okay-This isn't the time for past issues, Liam. Are these the other four I requested?"

 

Everyone nods their heads, still too bemused to speak. "Good. I only have 2 hours to do this, and before you ask, it's not evil. I've been held prisoner by The First and it's morons for 6 years. I only escaped a week ago. I could have completed the task set fourth for me 3,000 years ago if not for that. So, in the interest of time, I have a task for each of you then we will do a joining spell first."

 

Adera turned to Fred, handing her a rolled parchment. "These ingredients are essential. My instinct tells me you're the one for this task. They must be accurate."

 

"Alright," Fred replied as she takes the scroll.

 

Adera turns to Wesley. "You're the Watcher, right? I need you to look in the Illusia Codex, page 117, and bring the volume with you."

 

Wesley replied, "But I ..."

 

"No time! Please, do it," Adera pleads.

 

"Yes, all right," Wesley said.

 

Adera turns to Gunn and Lorne. "I need you two to find these items in storage. Seek help if you must-but please hurry!" She hands them a folded piece of paper. They only nod their consent.

 

"Please go now, and thank you," she said..

 

The four friends leave the room.

 

Adera turns to Angel.

 

"What do you need from me?" he asked..

 

"Patience. Understanding. To just be there for me. I can't explain right now, and the joining spell will make everything clear."

 

Adera holds her hand out to Angel.

 

"Truce? Please...I need your help."

 

Angel looked silently at her, then he took her hand within his. A brilliant white flash of light separated them, and they were thrown across opposite ends of the room.

 

Adera sat up, and looked at her hand, which was tingling with strange vibrations.

 

"Now, that's just wrong," she said.

 

~Assumptions~

 

Adera looked at Angel sitting on the floor by his desk, looking slightly dazed. She sighed, knowing she was going to have to explain at least part of her story to him now, instead of waiting on the joining spell.

 

"What the hell was that about, Adera?", Angel asked.

 

"It's about a promise I made long ago in exchange for a favor. It's about innocence and power. It's about you and I. Oh, this is just... unreal."

 

Adera stood up and walked over to the easy chair, and sat down. She was visibly shaken and her face was now a few shades paler than before.

 

"I'll start with my coming back to the village to talk to you. What I told you before I left was true- I could never have let you make love to me. No matter if I wanted you to or not."

 

Angel stood up and sat behind his desk, a wounded look on his face.

 

"Is that all you were coming back for-to talk? Adera, you wanted me as much as I wanted you. I still remember the heat in my hand!"

 

Her face slowly turned a rosy pink as she looked at him, but she wasn't going to look away. Things were different now. And she was finally going to face soon what she'd avoided for thousands of years.

 

"Yes, Liam,"her dusky voice intoned. "Your hand on my body. Your lips on mine. Your embrace. These things I've never forgotten. But I knew...that you were only into the chase. You did not love me. As far as I could tell, you never loved any one. If I had surrendered myself to you, you would have forgotten me the minute it was over. That's just how you were, and I knew it."

 

Adera settled back into the chair. "Do you know, I've killed men for less than what you did? The only advantage you had? I think they call it hormones now. But..", she paused and took a deep breath.

 

"That's not important now-what is important is the truth. So, I was born 3,000 years ago in Greece. When I was a few weeks old, my parents gave me up to the temple of Athena, and I was raised by the priestess of the order. There was another girl who was my friend. She was also given over to the temple, but she had a different purpose from life, because she was the chosen one."

 

Angel jumped as if a ghost had walked over his grave. "A slayer?" he asked.

 

"Yes-a slayer. I loved her as if we were sisters. But...I was a little jealous of her. And my jealousy lead to her death.

 

There was an apocalypse happening at the time. I knew my friend had to be brought back...so I called upon the goddess Athena to help me. And she appeared.

 

I made a deal for my friend's life. But gods, they always have to have sacrifices.

 

I made a promise to Athena. A price for the life of my friend, and to save the world. A pact to balance the power in time.

 

I vowed to remain unknown to the hands of man...to be chaste, remain a virgin until the day came to complete the balance of power for what I'd asked of Athena.

 

This vow I have kept.

 

Except for you, no man has ever touched me.

 

Now the rules are changed, and my Goddess has accepted you as the one. I'm not sure if it's because of the past between us or not."

 

Adera stood up and began pacing the floor.

 

"But that's not now...it's later.

 

Six years ago, The time came for me to begin to balance the power back, to repay the fates for intervention so long ago. The First knew what was going to happen, and it stopped me.

 

I was held a prisoner in Arizona all this time, at the mercy of The First and it's cruelty. It taunted me, saying I was responsible for the end of the slayers, because I'd fallen into their hands. That for one friend, one girl, the world would come to an end.

 

Six years ago, I was supposed to balance the power between vampire and human when the Anointed One was slain.

 

Six years ago, I was supposed to merge with the slayer of the Anointed One, to balance his evil blood with my purity.

 

You see, I am a vampire also. But I'm a different breed from you...and him. I can walk in the sun, drink holy water by the gallons, and eat garlic raw if I wanted to.

 

Athena created me. I also had to make a vow about my nature here also.

 

I have never fed on a human, or created one of my kind. My blood is as pure as my body. Well, the time has come for my vows and promises to come to fruition."

 

Angel, who has listened and thought during Adera's little speech, closed his eyes and asked, "You're not talking about me now, are you? You....You're talking about..."

 

Adera turned and held up the amulet.

 

"I'm talking about Spike"

 

~Knowledge~

 

Angel stares at the amulet that Adera has in her hands. Lilah had told him it was buried so far under that it was in the Hellmouth itself. They hadn't made any attempt to reach it. How had Adera retrieved it?

 

"Spike is dead," he said.

 

"Yes, he is. Well, mostly. His essence, his life force is contained within this amulet. I'm going to release it and set him free."

 

"Why? I know he's the one who got rid of the Anointed One, but he saved the world. He's probably at peace now. You can't bring him back!" Angel exclaimed.

 

"Yes, I can and I will. When William killed the Anointed One, I felt it. I've felt his emotions ever since then. Oh, Liam, you can't imagine the feelings this vampire has! I've felt it all: the evil, the hatred, the anguish, the anger, the confusion and the love.

 

The First often appeared to me in the guise of Spike, to taunt me because I couldn't save him. Now I can! I can begin to balance the power!"

 

A loud snapping noise broke the silence of her comments. Angel threw the broken pencil in the trash container by his desk and started to fiddle with a new one. He looked at Adera and raised an eyebrow.

 

"I know everything I need to know about Spike," he said. "I'm his grandsire."

 

"What?," Adera said. "That can't be...You...that would mean...your name is Angelus."

 

Angel looked at Adera. He smiled, a cruel little smile.

 

"I am Angelus."

 

Adera stared at Angel as emotions played across her face with freighting rapidity: sorrow, anger, despair, fear and finally, an emotion that threatened her mission: guilt.

 

"I walked away from you and you became....Him. I turned you away because I had to and now you tell me this. I'm partially responsible for the deaths of ...thousands of human lives!"

 

Her body became still and a very slight quiver passed through her. She opened her eyes and they had changed color. Instead of the golden brown she was born with, they were now a funny shade of light purple.

 

She stared directly at Angel.

 

"Do you know what I could do to you?" Adera whispered softly, knowing he heard every word she uttered. "Have you not thought on what I must be feeding on since I don't use humans? Hmmmmm? I could do things to you that you've never heard of.

 

How much pain could you withstand before you break? How long before that calm facade you show the world crumples and you beg me for mercy, even death?"

 

Adera smiled slightly so he could see her teeth. She had him mesmerized now.

 

"When my fangs sink into your neck, will you remember the deaths of your victims? While your blood drains away, will you feel remorse", Adera asked as she slowly made her way toward the desk. "Or will you only remember that slayer you seem to love so much?"

 

She reached the desk and leaned over it, placing her hands flat on the surface and leaned her body closer to Angel until her face was directly across his, so that they were eye-to-eye.

 

"Before he died, the slayer told him she loved him. Before he died, the slayer made love to him. She didn't think of you at all."

 

~Passion~

 

Angel leaned a little closer to Adera. His whole visage was one of utter violence.

 

"Is that true?"

 

Adera replied, "Yes."

 

Angel reached out and grabbed her, pulling her over the desk, towards him. He roughly pushed her against the glass and held her hands enfolded within his. He leaned his body into hers. {Used to do this to him. She reminds me of him. Why is that?}

 

He whispered into her ear, "I feel your heart beating. You're not dead like me. I can remedy that. I can make you wish you were never born."

 

Adera looked into his eyes, and she still did not flinch. He realized she was not afraid of him. If anything, he excited her. {Just like him.}

 

"Is that what you want?," she asked him.{He's seeing someone else in his thoughts.} "Do you hate Spike so much you'd ruin your chance to balance the power within yourself?"

 

Angel's lips descended on hers in a combination of desire and anger. He deepened the kiss as his body reacted to the embrace. He felt the same desire he'd had for her when he was human, only it was much stronger now.

 

His lips trailed a path to her ear and he replied, "I can feel you. I could take you. I could do it right here...right now."

 

"I'd let you," she barely whispered. His body reacted to those words. "I can feel you, too. But not now. We can't do this. Not now. Please, Liam. Stop!"

 

Angel breathed deeply and replied, "Adera, I don't think I can stop."

 

She whispered to him, "Relax. You can do it. Yes, you can. Close your eyes. Good. Now just relax. I 'm so sorry I said that, Liam. I was angry and reacted badly. Please! We must stop this..."

 

Angel shivered as he slowly relaxed against her. God, he thought, what is it about her that does that to me? It's like I'm Angelus. It's like she's Lindsey. That thought was so much like a cold shower, it was quite sobering.

 

Angel stepped back and released Adera, and she moved away from him a short distance.

 

"Was what you said true?" he asked softly.

 

Adera grinned. "Yes, but I was angry and I told you that very badly. You must not lose heart, Liam. I can show you something. Here, take my hands."

 

Adera held out her hands toward Angel and he gently took them in his. "Look into my eyes," Adera said. Her eyes still were the funny purple color. In them Angel became mesmerized once more. "Now see what I see, and feel what I feel"

 

A swirling darkness surrounds them and they hear sounds of a battle being fought. They begin to see what happened those final moments between Spike and the slayer.

 

They see the determined look come onto her face as she takes Spike's hand in hers. They see the tears in her eyes as she tells him, "I love you".

 

They see the surprise as he realizes what she'd said. They see the love shining in his eyes as he replies, "No you don't but thanks for saying it."

 

Then the visions clear and Angel and Adera just gaze at each other.

 

~Answers~

 

"Thank you" he said.

 

Adera smiled and released Angel's hands. "I think we're too much alike. So much anger beneath the surface, it just wants too choke you. What can we do, huh?"

 

She sat down on the easy chair once more, tucking her legs under herself, yoga-style. "There are still issues you two will have to deal with. You both have a soul. But you were cursed with one. He sought his out. Do you think Angelus would have ever done that?"

 

Angel crossed his arms and replied, "No".

 

"Not even for his sire?"

 

"No".

 

"Mmm," she said, thinking, {Would you have done it for that blue-eyed man I just saw in your thoughts?}but didn't ask. "Well, the point is- Can you understand why Spike did it?"

 

"Yes".

 

"Boy, you're a fount of information, aren't you?"

 

Angel grinned. "I try".

 

"They'll be here in a few minutes. Before we ascend to the white room, we're going to do the joining spell here. I want everyone clear on why I'm doing this. The only way to do that is a path to the past. But I won't be in total control of the images I seek. Things I might not wish any of you to know may bleed through. I know you will understand, maybe even accept, but will they?"

 

"I think so," he said. "All of them have had difficult experiences in their own pasts. If you're worried about them judging you, I don't believe that's an issue."

 

Adera frowned. "You do realize what I feed on, right?"

 

"Vampires. Must be quite a thrill. You're not actually feeding on humans, but you still benefit from the death of them."

 

"Splitting hairs, I admit. And yes, it is a thrill. To kill something so evil, to feel it's life force draining away, to feel the demon inside lose it's purchase on the body...but you know what that's like . You and your sire shared all the time, didn't you? It was quite erotic, wasn't it?"

 

"You are such a tease", Angel said.

 

Adera shrugged. "Covers the fear."

 

The door to the office opened and Fred, Wesley, Gunn, and Lorne entered.

 

Adera smiled.

 

"It's Showtime!"

 

Clearing off Angel's desk to make a temporary shelf, Fred and Adera were talking about the oils and herbs that were needed for this spell. Fred was telling Adera about the recent re-ensouling of Angel.

 

The men stood watching, Wesley was frustrated because Adera had told him only women could begin the adjoining spell. Gunn, Lorne and Angel were grinning because Wesley was pouting about it.

 

"What about that whole equality thing? It's just not right! I know as much about magic as Fred- maybe more," Wesley exclaimed.

 

"I think it has something to do with the whole "woman power" thing", Gunn told Wesley.

 

"Yeah, ease up, Obi-Wan.", Lorne ribbed Wesley. "The Force will always be with you."

 

The four men laughed at Lorne's joke.

 

Adera set up a small glass oil burner as Fred handed her the oils, adding a small amount of each to the glass receptacle as it was handed to her.

 

"Rose for love, Sandalwood for healing, Basil for protection, Orange for luck, Lemon balm for success, and finally, Passion flower for peace."

 

Adera struck a match and touched the flame to the candle underneath the oils. Then she caught the small brazier of charcoal on fire, adding the herbs to burn.

 

"Thyme for love, Bay for protection, Nutmeg for health, and Yarrow for courage." Adera struck another match and lit the six white candles arranged on the desk.

 

"Okay, I think we're ready to begin. Everyone have the votive candles? Now step into the sacred circle of willow branches, be careful not to disturb them"

 

All six of them stood in the circle and sat down, crossing their legs Indian-style. Adera placed a large white candle in the center, lit it, and said, "Everyone light your candle and place it about a half inch from the big candle , directly across from you, making a circle within a circle."

 

Adera continued,"Now, place your hands on your knees, close you eyes and breath."

 

Adera waited until the air was heady with fumes from the combination of heated oils, burning herbs and the vanilla scented candles to start her chant.

 

"I, Adera, Daughter of Lilith, Created by Athena, Goddess of war and wisdom, call upon the Fates to send us into memories of the past so that we can be clear in our purpose to fulfill the task set fourth by Athena herself so long ago. I will my memories to be shared by these who are with me. Take us back in time so the path to the future lies clear."

 

The six sat still as a blackness descended over them in their minds and rising mists cleared to allow them to see as one. Laughter is heard by them all, girlish laughter. They hear speech, which at first they don't understand. Then gradually it becomes clear as they begin to hear English spoken.

 

They see two girls, about 8 years old, playing in the sunshine. They have staffs and are practicing with them. One has long dark brown hair and is clearly Adera. The other has hair that is dark golden blonde.

 

They fight with the staffs, and the blonde is obviously the better with the weapon. She knocks the brown haired girl down.

 

"Thea, that's not fair! You didn't give me a chance!" Adera whined.

 

"You baby! Come on, stand up and we'll go again." Thea said

 

Adera stood up and held up her staff at the ready position. Thea holds her staff in the same position.

 

"Are you ready, Priestess-to-be?" Thea taunted Adera.

 

"I was born ready, Slayer-in-training!", Adera replied.

 

They both grinned at each other.

 

(Disclaimer: The spell used in this chapter comes from my imagination and is only for the purpose of this story).

 

~Remembrance~

 

The two girls circled each other, each looking for an opening to strike. They began to fight, the staffs making a solid sound every time they connected. Adera saw an opening and hooked her staff behind Thea's right ankle, flipping Thea on her back. Adera placed her staff over Thea's heart.

 

"I have defeated you, oh mighty Slayer. You are dead!"

 

Thea closed her eyes and went totally limp, playing dead. The girls both cracked up laughing. Adera dropped the staff and lay down beside Thea, still giggling.

 

After a few minutes, they stopped and started looking at the clouds, naming shapes and being silly.

 

"Look, Adera! That one is a lamb," Thea pointed out.

 

"Looks more like a lion to me," Adera responded.

 

That comment sent them into hysterical laughter again. "I see an apple and you see a pomegranate!" Thea exclaimed.

 

"I see an deer and you see a goat!" Adera said. Another round of girlish giggles followed.

 

After the laughter died down, the both grinned and looked at each other.

 

"I train to kill vampires I've never seen!"

 

"I train to serve a god I've never seen!"

 

A swirl of blackness consumes this scene, childish laughter fading, to be replaced by a vision of them several years later, on the verge of womanhood. Thea and Adera are about 12 years old.

 

They are in Thea's chambers practicing throwing knives at crudely drawn figures on a wall. Thea's knives hit with slightly more accuracy than Adera's.

 

Suddenly, Adera stops and walks over to the sleeping couch and sits down. "I'm too tired today, Thea".

 

Thea walk over to Adera. "You've been too tired a lot lately. Ever since you returned from the trip to see the Oracle at Delphi. Did something happen? What did the Oracle tell you? Is that why you don't want to practice with me much any more?"

 

"You know I'm not supposed to tell anyone that!"

 

Thea sat beside Adera, placing her hand on Adera's. "I'm your best friend. I know something is eating away at you. You can tell me! I'll help if I can."

 

Adera sighed and started flipping the throwing knives a little in the air, catching them quickly. "Adera, please!" Thea said.

 

Adera stopped flipping the knives and folded them together, within her right hand.

 

"The Oracle speaks in hidden meanings, and her words aren't always clear. She told me I would walk the path of Athena. I don't see the point of learning to defend myself from creatures of the night is when I'm going to be some sort of spiritual leader. I..." Adera stands up and begins pacing in a small area. "I am not going to be the slayer, Thea. You are."

 

Thea smiled and walked to her friend. "That doesn't matter. You are nearly as good as I am. If what we practice at one day saves your life, then it's worth every minute of it! Come on, let it go! Smile for me, please?"

 

Adera grinned. "You're so funny! I bruise for a week, while you heal in a day or two! Is that what you call "nearly as good"?"

 

They both smiled at each other. "Now, come on. Let's.."

 

They both turn as a servant enters the room. "The teacher has asked for the lady Thea to join her at the archery field."

 

Thea sighed. "I hate archery. See you tomorrow?"

 

"Tomorrow, yes. Good luck!" Adera called as Thea left her chambers. She held up the knives and frowned. "The Oracle told me I'd walk with the shadow of you on my heart for eternity," she whispers. Adera threw the knives behind her without looking and walked from the room.

 

A glimpse of the wall before the scene fades to black: The knives were aimed perfectly. One is buried in the head of a drawing, the other in the heart.

 

~Mistakes~

 

The mists of time parted to reveal the two friends in Adera's chambers this time. The two friends are consumed with an argument. It is a couple of years later.

 

Thea reached out and took Adera's shoulders, shaking her. "You can't do this! You cannot abandon your calling! You can't just walk out!"

 

Adera broke free from Thea and replied, "I don't have a true calling. I never did! My parents left me here, like an unwanted pet! I want a life. I want to see the world. Oh, Thea- I'm not like you. I wasn't chosen for some noble destiny. I'm just...me."

 

"You're afraid. And you're running away! Adera, it's not like you. You're leaving with some man I've never met- I'll never see you again!"

 

Adera turned away from her lifelong friend and continued stuffing garments into a valise. "This conversation's over. I'm leaving. We've been at odds for over a year now. Somehow, I'm sure you'll be relieved when I'm gone. Don't you have an apolcypse to stop? You need to worry about your job, and stop trying to run my life!"

 

A sad and resigned look came over Thea's face, which Adera could not see. "I'm sorry you feel that way, Adera. I'm leaving now...if I never see you again...always remember I loved you." Thea swiftly left the room.

 

Adera closed her eyes and sank to her knees, crying. "I love you, too," she whispered.

 

Swiftly, another scene appears and we see Adera riding a horse, which she brings to a halt and dismounts. She looks around, possibly sensing something is wrong.

 

Adera enters the ruins, expecting to find her boyfriend waiting for her. Instead, she sees Thea laying on the cold stone floor. She rushes forward and bends down to look at Thea, who is face down.

 

Adera gently turns her over, and gasps at the shock of seeing the bite marks on her best friend's neck. She touches Thea's chest to check for a heartbeat, even though she knows her friend is dead.

 

Adera bends lower to put her head on Thea's chest to listen for a heartbeat when she notices the dust on her friend's clothing. She notices the wooden stake and the small pile of dust that had lain underneath Thea's body.

 

Then the chaos of her mind accepts the two realities it has denied the few seconds since she'd found her friend: the ring amid the dust and the blood on Thea's lips. Adera's shaking hand reaches out and picks up the ring and she sees what she feared was true. The ring had belonged to the man she'd planned on leaving with.

 

It had been a trap, she knew that now. It had never been about her. Only about the Slayer. And it was worse than death. For she knew what that blood on Thea's lips meant, and in her deepening sorrow, she realized that Thea had killed the man Adera had loved with what was undoubtedly her last strength.

 

Thea had come to stop her from leaving, and met the most horrible ending a Slayer could know.

 

And it was all her fault! Her best friend was dead, her soul was lost, and she would become one of the creature's she'd trained to kill since childhood, in fact been hunting and slaying for the last year.

 

What about the apocalypse? That was tomorrow! Thea couldn't be dead, her mind said to her, no, she can't be dead. Thea has to fight the darkness, she has to defeat the evil that's trying to overrun the land!

 

Her fingers closed around the ring, making a fist and Adera screamed, "NO! NO! NO!", then she started weeping in wild abandon.

 

From the recesses of her mind came a memory from childhood, a memory of Thea's voice:

 

"Into every generation a slayer is born. One girl in all the world, with the strength and skill to fight the vampires and the powers of darkness." And the memory of the Oracle of Delphi:

 

"Your destiny is to walk the path of Athena. She alone will set what your course will be. She will offer you a choice that is not a true choice: life or death. Perhaps both. It will be your actions that bring you and your friend to the brink of disaster; it will be your actions that will save or destroy the world. You will walk with the shadow of the slayer on your heart for eternity."

 

Adera slid the ring on her finger, determined to wear it always in memory of this night and what her selfish desires had caused.

 

She picked up the body of her friend, and made her way out of the ruins.

 

~Pacts~

 

Adera kneeled in supplication before the alter in the sanctuary of Athena, having bolted the doors when she entered. No one was usually around in the dead of night, but she had wanted no interruptions.

 

She had been praying to Athena for over an hour, begging for the life of her friend. She was now reduced to helpless crying, having come to the conclusion that if Athena didn't answer her call, she would have to remove the head from Thea's body to prevent her rise as one of the undead.

 

As she sat there weeping, she noticed the room filling with a soft golden glow. In wonder, she looked up to find the Goddess before her.

 

"Ah, my dear Adera! You plight has touched my heart and I have come to grant your request, but there is a steep price attached. Think carefully before you agree. You are asking for the life and soul of your beloved slayer to be returned, so she can fulfill her destiny and remove the guilt from your heart. The fates must balance. For me to grant your request, your destiny must be sacrificed. I will extract a promise from you, and you must agree to certain conditions before hand. If I do this, Thea will still only have one day of life left. She will avert the coming apocalypse, but the effort will cost her life. This is as it was always meant to be. I cannot change that. Is one day worth an eternity to you?"

 

Adera answered with all her heart: "Yes".

 

"Then you must take her place. But since you are asking not only out of a selfish desire to undo what your actions have wrought, but a desire to save humanity as well, I will temper my judgement in this one instance. Once you have agreed, nothing in time or space will alter it. Do you agree?"

 

Adera answered with all her heart: "Yes".

 

"I will create you a daughter of Lilith, a living vampire. Your heart will beat, and you will be able to walk in the sun as if you are human. But you will not be.

You will retain your soul, because you are sacrificing for the greater good of mankind.

You may not feed off humans, and you must never create one of your own kind.

You must remain untouched by the hands of man, until you have balanced the power.

When the day arrives to balance the power, your body and your blood must be as pure as the holiest man who ever walked this earth.

Do you agree?"

 

Adera answered with all her heart: "Yes".

 

"One day, a long time from now, a vampire will be born to the heart of darkness. You will feel when this happens.

One day, this vampire will change his destiny forever by annialiting the holiest vampire ever born. You will know when this happens.

From then until you balance the power, you will feel everything he feels, from the evil of murder to the beginnings of love. You will be his heart.

You must bind his evil blood with your pure blood. This will balance the power.

Do you understand?"

 

Adera said, "Yes".

 

"When that is done, you will only have one task left to complete for me. The time between now and what's to come are immeasurable. You will go through many trials and heartaches before this comes to pass. And even then, you will not see clearly enough to know the correct path to take. You must trust in your heart to lead you, for there lies the only truth that's real. You will only be saved by an anachronism. What I have asked of you is a hard thing. It will build a core of hardness within you. In the end, you will become almost a goddess yourself. You will become as complex a creature who has ever lived, and in the end, that complexity will only be happy in an adulterate union. My final demand for the favor I do for you today is the surrender of your virginity to a soul who is a shattered caricature of a man, and to a man who is cursed with the pain of his past and who seeks redemption for it. Your surrender will complete one, and enable the other to fulfill his own destiny. Do you understand and agree?"

 

"Yes, Athena, goddess of war and wisdom. I understand the price and the tasks you have laid before me. I agree. I will not fail you."

 

Athena smiled and placed her hands on both Adera and Thea, and the room filled with an amber glow as their destinies were corrected and changed.

 

~Lifetimes~

 

The swirling mists of time started channeling scenes from Adera's long past very quickly through the group within the circle. They see:

The death of Thea

Adera devastated while watching the funeral pyre of Thea

Adera killing a man who was attempting rape on a helpless peasant girl

Her anger which caused the first feeding on a vampire, then dusting the vampire

Her rescuing a young girl from the devastation of a burned out village.

 

Adera engaged in a fierce and bloody battle with another woman, who she killed

Adera at a crucifiction

Adera wandering through the wasteland during the plague of Black Death

The death of another woman at Adera's hands, and her orgasmic expression when it was done

A major argument between a bloody, beaten Adera and a bloody, beaten Darla.

 

Images begin going by faster & faster until they come to a halt with a vision that brings a familiar face: Liam.

 

"You can't deny me, sweetheart. I know you want me as much as I want you," Liam whispers into Adera's ear.

 

"Liam..no. You must stop. This can never be," Adera whispers to him.

 

Liam pushes Adera against the wall and kisses her while his hands roam over her body. She kisses him back but you can tell she's doing it out of some desperate desire. Suddenly her eyes open and her face flushes with heat and he whispers, "I can feel the heat, Adera. How can you continue to deny me?"

 

Her eyebrows arch and she violently pushes him away, stating, "Go back to your tavern wenches! I...I want nothing to do with you any longer!"

 

Liam straightens up from the almost fall, and saucily grins and winks at Adera.

 

"I'll go now- but you'll come to me one day. When that day rolls around, I'll most likely no longer care. Goodbye, my darling dear."

 

Liam swaggered out the door, which Adera rushes to bolt behind him.

 

Time goes forward a little farther until we see Adera in a graveyard, which is filled with very recent graves, dozens of them. She is indeed crying at the grave of Liam, without the knowledge he's no longer residing under the dirt.

 

Fast forward again to the scene of William's siring by Drusilla. Then flash to Adera in a hotel room, looking in a mirror at the faux bite marks on her neck. She smiles because she knows he was born to darkness and her pact with Athena is nearing completion.

 

A scene showing Spike killing the Annoying One is shown, followed by Adera passing out at a party when it happens.

 

We see Adera being attacked and drugged, then we see her in a room made up of steel, with all the comforts of home. Except for a door. We see the First taunting her in the guise of Thea, Spike, and Darla. We see Adera experiencing the many changes Spike has gone through.

 

We see an image of Spike from "Seeing Red" and Adera's room in total chaos after her maniacal rage about that. We see her amazement when Spike is granted his soul, and her relief when he sacrifices himself in "Chosen".

 

The mists of time swirl around the group and slowly fades away as the spell is ended.

 

Wesley is looking broody and he says, "Oh".

 

Gunn is looking bored as he says, "My".

 

Fred is looking teary-eyed as she says, "God".

 

Lorne is looking like he has had an epiphany as he says, "I finally know what Kyrumption means".

 

Angel and Adera only look at each other.

 

~Resurrection~

 

The people sitting within the circle were quietly observing Adera and Angel gazing at each other. None of them wanted to disturb the moment because they all knew what they'd just witnessed during the spell and knew also the great impact it would have on Angel's future.

 

Adera's eyes stayed locked with his as she asked, "Do you still care, Angel?"

 

The use of his name was not lost on Angel. He knew now that Adera had accepted who and what he was, and he could tell by the look in her eyes, she did so without judgement or reservation.

 

His voice rich with the emotions within him, he answered, "Yes".

 

Adera smiled, and for a few minutes, they continued gazing at each other as they silently spoke without saying a word. Then they both leaned forward at the same instant to blow out the candles.

 

Angel stood up and held out his hand to Adera. She took it and smiled at him. He bent down and gently touched his lips to hers. She closed her eyes and let him deepen the kiss. After a few seconds, they stopped and he placed his hand on her cheek in a gentle embrace. Adera smiled at him.

 

"It's time to bring my heart back," she said.

 

The elevator ride felt like it was taking forever. Adera had given them each a 2 carat stone with instructions about what to do and say once they entered the White Room.

 

Finally, the large button appeared atop the others, and Angel pushed it. They were enclosed in the White Room.

 

Without speaking, they each took their place as they formed a six-sided star with their positions. They closed their eyes and let the memories they'd recently witnessed wash over them.

 

Fred said, "I bring fourth an emerald for healing the heart and to bring balance." Then she placed the emerald at her feet.

 

Wesley said, "I bring fourth a sapphire for healing, protection and strength." The he placed the sapphire at his feet.

 

Lorne said, "I bring fourth a topaz for mental awareness." Then he placed the topaz at his feet.

 

Gunn said, "I bring fourth amber for eternal life." Then he placed the amber at his feet.

 

Angel said, "I bring fourth a diamond for purity and an amethyst for transformation." Then he placed the two stones at his feet.

 

Adera said, "I bring fourth moonstone to honor my pledge with Athena to balance the power." Then she placed the moonstone at her feet.

 

The stones began to glow as they released some power that had been trapped in them. The light within the stones merged and an iridescent sphere formed within the star-shape they represented.

 

Into this sphere, Adera tossed the amulet Spike had been wearing when he turned to ashes. The amulet began to glow with a light more powerful than the stones, getting bigger and brighter until they all had to close their eyes. In their minds, they felt a whooshing noise, although they didn't hear it with their ears.

 

They opened their eyes to see Spike laying in the circle. He was sans leather coat but was still clothed in his black jeans and shirt. He appeared asleep.

 

Adera stepped into the sphere and the gang formed a circle around the two. She knelt next to Spike, and touched his face. He opened his eyes. She smiled and helped him sit up.

 

"Do you know who I am?" Adera asked.

 

Spike shook his head no, but said, "I've seen you in my dreams."

 

Adera smiled. "I have seen you, too. I've been in your heart for six years now. I know everything you've done. Felt everything you've felt. You are part of my spirit and I'm part of yours."

 

Spike whispered,"Why am I back? Where did I go?"

 

She answered," I brought you back. You have fulfilled part of your destiny by sacrificing yourself to save the world. You have earned redemption with that act. If you had left when the slayer asked you to, it would still have been alright. But you didn't. You gave your life so others could live."

 

Spike shook his head. "No," he said. "I'm dead, I have been for over a hundred years. I only wanted to....I'm not sure now what I ever truly believed or wanted."

 

"No, William. Your body was dead, yes. But your humanity was not. You are the most human vampire ever created. And when you put an end to the Anointed One, you set yourself on a path that's lead to this moment in time."

 

He asked, "Why did you bring me back?"

 

She said, "To balance the power between good and evil which was upset when you earned your soul back. That's why the First was able to become so strong and wage war on the line of slayers. It had nothing to do with your beloved Buffy."

 

"How are you going to do that?"

 

Adera smiled and said, "I ask that you trust me. I brought you back as you were, but that isn't your destiny any longer. I'm going to change it. Do you trust me?"

 

Spike looked into her eyes and realized that he wasn't afraid of her...or what she might do. So he said, "Okay, pet. Do what you will."

 

Adera whispered, "Close your eyes, William."

 

Spike closed his eyes. Adera leaned into him and sank her teeth into his neck, while holding onto him so he wouldn't falter.

 

Adera broke off the embrace, reached up her hand to her dress and slid one side of her shoulder strap aside. She said, "Open your eyes, William."

 

Spike opened them, and you could tell he was weak. He was very pale.

 

Adera commanded, "Take me."

 

Spike shook his head no, a horrified expression on his face.

 

Adera touched her hand to his face once more and said, "This is right. It's not evil. Do it. Take me. I won't die, I promise."

 

Spike edged closer to Adera and held her eyes with his own as he vamped out. When he saw she wasn't afraid or repelled, he bent his head toward her neck and ever so gently bit into her. Adera moaned.

 

A gathering force pushed the others back as Spike fed from Adera. The opal colored lights within the sphere the two were joined in began swirling around them, until a final, brilliant flash of pure white light engulfs Spike and Adera and throws them apart.

 

Angel rushed to Adera to see that she was still alive, only knocked out. She showed no evidence of having been bitten.

 

Wesley went to Spike to see that he'd also been knocked unconscious. He also did not show evidence of being bitten.

 

Wesley could tell something was different because Spike looked changed. Wesley touched Spike's chest and gasped very loudly.

 

Everyone turned to look at him.

 

Wesley said, "His heart is beating".

 

~Promise~

 

Adera awoke to find both Angel and Fred watching her. She looked around and saw they were no longer in the White Room, but some sort of medical exam room.

 

Fred appeared to be about to withdraw blood for some tests. Adera looked at her arm and reached with the other to remove the tourniquet from above her elbow. Fred looked like she was going to protest and insist on doing the test.

 

"No blood tests," Adera said. "The science you believe so much in has nothing to do with me. I'm not your specimen and I don't need medical attention." Adera sat up and swung her legs to the side of the examination table.

 

"Are you okay?" Angel asked.

 

"I'm fine. A little woozy, but okay. How...is William?" Adera asked.

 

"Spike is still out of it," Angel replied. "Adera, his heart is beating. How is that possible?"

 

"Angel, I've fed off vampires for millennia. I have gained strength from this, which I was never meant to have. Frankly, Athena had no idea what she created when she created me.

 

I just resired William. He is like me now. A living vampire. Well, I take that back....he is almost like me, but not quite. You see, my blood is eternal. William will never feel hunger for blood again. He is forever sated."

 

She shrugged. And looked at the blood on her dress. While her body showed no evidence of the joining with Spike, Adera felt a tad unclean. She frowned.

 

"Are there any sleeping accommodations here, near your office perhaps? I...I need to clean up," she asked Angel.

 

"Yes, there is," Angel answered. "In fact, there are...accommodations adjacent to my office."

 

"Great," Adera said, standing up. She turned to Fred. "I meant no offense to you. I know how brilliant you are. I'm just not ready for your science, that's all."

 

"Oh, it's no biggie. I understand. No offense taken," Fred said.

 

Adera smiled at Fred. Then she told Angel, "Lead me to a shower, lead me to a spring. I want to wash up, cause I feel unclean." Fred burst out laughing. Angel smiled.

 

"Right this way, my Lady," Angel said, playing along. He bowed to her.

 

"Thank you, gentle knight," Adera said, curtsying.

 

They all laughed at that. Adera followed Angel out of the room.

 

In his office, Angel touched a panel on the wall and part of the wall slid aside to reveal a door, which he then opened.

 

"Your room, my Lady."

 

"Thank you, kind sir," Adera quipped as she entered the room.

 

Angel leaned against the doorframe, arms crossed. "There should be something for you to wear, a robe or something."

 

"I'll find it,"she said. "I need you to go check on William. When he comes to, he'll be a little upset. I trust you to handle it for me. You do know the difference between the two of you, I hope?"

 

Angel frowned. "I was cursed with my soul. He earned his. Is that what you mean?"

 

"Close enough for now. Okay, please go," Adera replied.

 

Angel nodded and turned to leave.

 

"Angelus," Adera said.

 

Angel looked at her, shocked she'd call him that.

 

"I'll be waiting for you."

 

~Unsettled~

 

Angel was heading for the room Spike was being kept in, when he was sidetracked by Wesley. He was in a hurry to see for himself how the Big Bad was doing, and not at all happy about being stopped.

 

"What, Wesley? I'm busy! I don't have time right now," Angel said rather curtly.

 

"I'm sorry to slow you down, but you must read this before you talk to or even see Spike. It's important, Angel". Wesley held out the Illusia Codex. "Read the passage I marked on page 117."

 

Angel sighed and took the book from Wesley. He found the page and the passage, and began reading it. Wesley stood silently by his side as he read.

 

***It is believed by some that when the Pure One has completed her tasks, she will become human once more and live out her life as if Athena had not granted her immortality.***

 

Angel thought to himself:{Now, why is he standing there? That's very distracting!}

 

***But in the research I have done, this theory is not supported in fact. If anything, the opposite is true. The Pure One, after balancing the power with the one vampire, still has a task left to break the pact with Athena.***

 

Angel thought to himself: {What is it about Wesley, anyway? It's more than him kidnaping Conner. He just keeps....annoying me. Yeah, that's it! Wesley annoys me.}

 

***Even then, she will remain immortal. Athena granted the slayer her last day of life and returned her soul, and asked the Pure One if that one day was worth an eternity. The Pure One agreed.***

 

Angel thought to himself:{I wish he'd move away a little.}

 

***The last task the Pure One has to go through has been perceived as some sort of trial, and it's known to involve another of vampire origin. This is task is hidden and not meant to be known to us.***

 

Angel thought to himself:{Now why does he bother me so much? It's almost as if I had feelings for him!}

 

Angel paused to let himself adjust to that last thought.( Have I transferred the emotions I feel for Lindsey to Wesley? That's so wrong!) Then he continued to read,

 

***What is known, however, is that the two vampires will combine forces and work for a time together to make the world a better place after world peace has ended.***

 

Angel frowned, deep in thought. (No, that's not it, it's not Lindsey. It's something about Buffy, I'm just not sure what yet.)

 

***Ambiguous the facts become at this point, but it is known another man, one who has chosen evil and rejected it, will become the poignant focus that will bring equilibrium to balance the Pure One.***

 

Angel thought (Poignant? Poignant?!? Only one man I know fits that description, and it sure as hell isn't Spike!)

 

Wesley said, "Revealing, isn't it? A surprise, I must say! I can't wait to see how this all plays out." He'd noticed Angel's skin color turn paler than usual, but took it to mean he was shocked about the prophecy concerning working with Spike in the future.

 

Angel shrugged with apparent nonchalance, and replied, "Yes, it was quite a revelation, indeed. Never saw that coming. I'm quite shocked, and at a loss for words. Please excuse me."

 

Angel swiftly left to check on Spike, leaving Wesley wondering if he'd done something to offend Angel.

 

"Well, that was strange," Wesley said.

 

~Meeting~

 

Angel entered the room, closed the door and leaned back against it. He closed his eyes against the thoughts and images of Lindsey McDonald that were crowding his brain. He took several deep breaths, unneeded of course, willing calm to return.

 

When he felt in control of himself, at least a little, he opened them again. He saw that Spike was on an examination table-much like Adera had been. He was bare-chested, and Angel could tell he had been hooked up at one point to a heart monitor.

 

Angel walked over and gazed down at what could be called his grandson. He noted Spike's color was bordering on human, with only the trace of death. He placed his hand over the spot where Spike's heart was, so he could feel the beat of it.

 

He got lost in the rhythm of Spike's heartbeat, and was startled when he felt the beat quicken. He knew Spike had awakened.

 

"What do you think you're doing, you bloody poofster?" Spike said.

 

Angel grinned. "Listening to your heart beat. It's amazing."

 

Spike was nearly shocked speechless at Angel's grin and lack of hostility. They had forever been at odds with each other. With damn good reason.

 

"What gives? Aren't you going to beat me to a pulp or anything?"

 

"No, I'm not. Things have changed, Spikey. When you sacrificed yourself to save the world, you gave yourself another chance. I'm not going to stand here and berate you for things you had no control over, or rail at you for the things you've done."

 

Spike was now speechless.

 

Angel grinned a little wider and crossed his arms, quite happy to have rendered Spike momentarily unable to speak.

 

Spike slowly sat up, and Angel backed up a little to give him some room. He looked at Angel warily.

 

"You know I..."

 

"Got your soul back in repentance for what happened between you and Buffy? Yes, I know."

 

Spike said, "And that's all you say? Why aren't you wailing on me? Kicking my butt or even trying to stake me?"

 

Angel briefly closed his eyes as another shot from the past flitted through his mind. {I don't need you to save my life! Why aren't you trying to kill me?}He softly asked Spike, "Do you want me to? I could, you know. Wouldn't even find it all that hard to do."

 

Looking hard at Angel, Spike said, "I'm not sure you know what I'm talking about."

 

Angel dragged a chair close to the exam table and sat down. He said, "You mean all the times you tried to kill her? Or when you became obsessed with her? Or when you two racked each other up so bad you couldn't hardly walk?

 

How about all those times she bit you-almost fed from you-and you allowed it? Or when you let her nearly beat you to death? How about Anya, now there's a story. I know you're referring to the attempted rape. But Spike, there was blame on both sides. She was using you and you allowed it. What you did was horrendous. I won't sit here and tell you it wasn't, because it was."

 

Angel sighed and leaned forward , placing his elbows on his knees. "But both you and I have done worse. Christ, I did worse to you as Angelus. So, I won't get into it with you now because....well, I know you love her. Enough to die for her. Enough to die for what you know in your heart was the right thing to do. I want you to know...that I...I stand in awe of you. You did a lot of changing without your soul."

 

"It was the chip..."Spike interrupted.

 

Angel shook his head, "No, it wasn't the chip. That only gave you a push in the right direction. You did things I know as Angelus, I never would have." Angel paused to think on what he'd just said. "That doesn't mean I think you're better than me- just different."

 

Spike looked down, deep in thought. "So-what, now? Am I human?"

 

"No fucking way! Are you high now?"

 

Angel and Spike both laughed.

 

"You're what Adera calls a living vampire. I'm not sure about the rest. I know you have some decisions to make. You need to become familiar with your new self. I cannot believe I'm saying this but...I'd like you to consider staying here while you work through all of that. I'd like to help you...somehow."

 

"Don't want me finding the slayer, huh?"

 

"No, it's not that. When I was in Sunnydale, she gave me some idiotic cookie dough speech about not being baked. I don't think she's ready for a lifetime commitment yet. I think she needs time...but if you choose to go, I won't try to stop you."

 

Spike smiled. "Yeah, heard a speech or two of hers. Sometimes she's just...out there, you know?"

 

Angel grinned. "Yes, she is, isn't she?"

 

"I'll think about what you said. No promises."

 

Angel stood up. He said, "Fair enough. I'll go now, but I'll see you later tonight or possibly tomorrow. I hope you give my proposal serious thought."

 

He walked to the door, thought of something else and turned around. "By the way, Nancy Boy. You need a root job." Then he left the room.

 

~Desires~

 

Angel walked into his office and closed the door. The last few hours had been some of the strangest he'd ever lived through. Now all that was left was to walk into the bedroom adjacent to his office. When all this was over, he was going to have to sit and think about all of this. Process his thoughts. Especially about the Wesley/Buffy deal. How the hell had he come up with that in his head? What did it mean?

 

And then there was Lindsey. Obsessing about him....God, why couldn't he let it go? Oh, but he knew the answer to that. His greatest mistake.....letting Lindsey walk back into the arms of Wolfram & Hart after what Angel had done to him. It was a memory that burned deep, and one he remembered with perfect clarity:

 

Lindsey walked into the room looking dazed and confused. He was in his undershirt, having removed the torn shirt, which he held in his hands. "What the hell happened," he asked. He felt exhausted and exhilarated at the same time. Strange.

 

"You must have been really stressed today, Lindsey," Angel said in an amused tone of voice. //You lost yourself in passion, that's what.// "Just as you were through copying the discs, you passed out. I tried to catch you, but I only managed to tear your shirt. Are you okay now?"

 

"Yeah, I'm all right. I don't care about the shirt," Lindsey said. //Passed out? Passed out?!? My body feels like I just had a mind blowing orgasm! And I only passed out? I'm losing it.// "In fact, I'm throwing it away. Too much happened today while I was wearing it." He pulled the suit jacket on, picked up the discs, and walked to the elevator. Angel followed him. It was a ride taken in silence.

 

When the were upstairs, and Lindsey was close to the outer door, he turned and said, "Thanks for your help today. I'll never forget it, Angel."

 

"Sure you will. Guys like you always do," Angel said.

 

"Angel, you don't even know me," Lindsey said.

 

"I already told you, Lindsey. I know all I need to know." He reached out and touched Lindsey's lip where it was split. "Don't I?"

 

Lindsey reddened with embarrassment as he remembered Angel licking the blood from him, and the bolt of pure desire he'd felt when he'd done it. "Christ on a crutch! You aren't gonna lick my face again, are you?"

 

Angel burst out laughing. "Only if you want me too," he replied.

 

"Huh," Lindsey said. "The day comes I want you, you can pretty much bet Hell froze over, or World Peace ended. Guess that pretty much means no, don't you think?" He turned to exit the building.

 

"Lindsey, if you ever need me.....I'll be here," Angel said.

 

Lindsey looked back. He smiled. "I'll remember that," he said. Then he left.

 

Angel sighed and rubbed his neck . He was very tense and the last half-hour or so had been very stressful. He walked to the bar and picked up the brandy.(Does it look like you have to throttle me for information?) Stop that! Get out of my head, Lindsey. He was reaching for a glass when he heard the door to the bedroom open.

 

"Bring the bottle and two snifters. I could use some false courage, too".

 

Angel picked up the two glasses and turned around. When he saw Adera, he very nearly dropped everything in his hands. She was wearing a white silk nightgown, and her hair was unbound. The shining mass of brunette went down to her waist. The desire that slammed into him made Angel wonder if he could walk to her, or if he would just die right in this spot.

 

She smiled. "Come on, lover. We haven't until the next century, you know". She turned around and walked in the room. Angel followed her. She closed the door behind him and muttered words in a language he didn't know. A force swept the room with unseen power, and he looked at Adera questionably. "Protection spell," she said. "So Angelus won't get free."

 

"Do you think he'll emerge? You know, I had a thing with Darla and he didn't show up. What makes you think he will this time?"

 

Adera laughed and asked him, "Do you think I'm being vain? Angel, you're about to deflower a 3,000 year old virgin who has fantasized about you for over 200 years."

 

Desire swept him again. Angel closed his eyes, praying for a semblance of control. "That had better be the best damn spell you know, Adera."

 

"It is. He won't get out," she said. "Only Athena herself will release the lock that binds us in here."

 

Angel looked at her and he didn't see fear of Angelus in her eyes. Lindsey McDonald flashed through his mind again. Shaking his mind free from that quagmire (I'm not dwelling over him any longer!!) Angel said, "My god! You not only expect him to show up, you want him to!"

 

"Yes. I cannot complete you without him. Don't fear for me, Angel. I can handle him. In a way, I have more in common with Angelus than I do with you. Now, pour us a brandy, get comfortable and let's get started! I've waited long enough, don't you think?"

 

~Angel~

 

Angel poured a small amount of brandy in both glasses and handed one to Adera. She smiled and raised the glass to inhale the aroma. She took a small sip of the brandy, her eyes locked with Angel's. She raised one eyebrow in a sort of challenge. Angel knocked his brandy back all at once.

 

He moved forward and took the brandy from her. He drank hers as well. Then he set the glass down , moved closer to her and placed his hand on the side of her face in a gentle caress. "Are you sure about this?"

 

"I've never been more serious than I am right now," she whispered.

 

He leaned in closer still and claimed her lips, kissing her gently. Adera's arms pressed his back as she pulled him even closer, until his body was embracing hers. The kiss deepened, and she slid her right hand between their bodies to unbutton his shirt, pulling until it was free from where he'd tucked in into his pants. Then she slid her arms around him once more, palms flat against his skin, and pushed him as close to her as she could.

 

Angel slowly ended the kiss, and whispered, "My god." She smiled and backed away from him, turning to the bed, where she pulled the covers back. She reached up and undid the clasp that held the gown together, letting it slowly glide to the floor. "I told you, Angel. I'm tired of waiting."

 

Adera held her hand out, beckoning him to join her. He took her hand and she slid the shirt off his shoulders, letting it fall to the floor also. She ran her hands down his chest until they stopped just above his pants. She looked back into his eyes and a small smile of teasing appeared. She raised her eyebrow at him again, in waiting for the answer to the question in her eyes.

 

He smiled back and answered, "Boxers." He slid off his shoes and unbuttoned the pants. Her hand brushed his aside and she unzipped them. The feel of her hand through the material was driving him mad. She backed away a little to allow him to remove the rest of his clothing. Angel kicked them away and she took his hand and they resumed kissing as they lay on the bed together.

 

Angel let his hands roam free over her body and Adera was on fire. She was touching his bare skin, he was all over her and it was glorious. He turned her onto her back, and just looked at her. Her beautiful, wavy brown hair, her perfectly formed face, her incredible body. He lowered his head to her breast and gently took the erect nipple in his teeth, biting gently on it. She moaned and arched her self into him. He licked the small hurt away, then drew the nipple into his mouth, gently sucking on it.

 

Adera arched into him again, and he moved to do the same to the other breast. He moved lower, kissing and licking her skin. She wanted to touch him, to do the same for him, but he wouldn't let her. He said, "Not yet. Later." He kissed down to her feet, then gently spread her legs. He moved from her feet to her thighs, the touch of his lips and tongue were like fire and ice on her skin. He edged her legs a little farther apart, and he gazed at the perfectness of her womanhood. She was smooth-skinned there. He raised his eyes to she her looking back at him.

 

"I was a priestess of Athena,"she whispered. "Body hair was considered unclean. When Athena made me, my body was like frozen in time."

 

"You're very beautiful, Adera," he said. His eyes were smoldering flames, and the look in them was a little frightening to her.

 

"Stop looking at me like that! You look like you want to eat me alive,"Adera exclaimed.

 

Angel said, "Darling, that's because I do. You're mine" Then he lowered his head and tasted her there.

 

"Oh my goddess," Adera moaned as the warmth of his mouth drove her to the edge of sanity. She felt like the blood in her veins were liquid fire, and every inch of her skin felt hot. He drove her over the edge and when she climaxed, she screamed his name.

 

He slowly made his way back up her body, his hands soothing her, calming her down a little. He drew each nipple into his mouth and suckled on both before he finally kissed her lips once more. He deepened the kiss, his tongue caressing hers. He kissed her throat, moving up to her ear, where he whispered, "That's what you taste like.", before he took her mouth again.

 

He nudged her legs apart with his knee, and she said, "Wait! I wanted to.."

 

"I can't wait," Angel said. "I want you now. My body is at the breaking point. I....I don't think I've ever been this hot before."

 

He paused to let her relax a second then held her hands within his. He kissed her as he slid into her body. He felt the barrier of her virginity, and with one final push, entered all the way. She screamed into his kiss, and he lay completely still so she could adjust to the feeling of him inside her. She was panting hard, and a tear had fallen from each eye. He kissed them away and whispered, "I'm sorry I hurt you."

 

"I'm okay. It's not hurting now." Adera pulled his head down to hers and they kissed as he began a slow movement within her. He slid one hand down her body, a little under her to lift her hips and teach her the rhythm of this age-old dance. She learned quickly, raising her hips and shifting herself to allow him to penetrate deeper inside her. He clenched his teeth and groaned as she did this.

 

It was more than he could bear. Angel drove himself within her, again and again, feeling the heat and wetness of her in the core of his being. She met every downward push of his with an upward push of her own. He was tender but hard at the same time, but Adera found she didn't care about that. She was fast approaching a vortex that she had no control over.

 

Angel lifted his head and caught his eyes with his. She was mesmerized by the look in his eyes. It almost looked like tiny lights were in them. He started moving a little harder and a tiny bit faster, and she felt the climax build within herself. Her eyes started to close. He pulled her hair a little and her eyes opened back up.

 

"No,"Angel said. "You keep them open. I want to see your eyes when you're there. I want you to be looking into mine when it happens. You owe me that."

 

Then he started pushing her harder until the climax overtook her. She kept her eyes open, although it was exacerbating to do. She saw the tiny lights glow as he climaxed and knew that he'd made her watch his soul being lost.

 

Both Adera and Angel lost consciousness in their mutual climax.

 

~Angelus~

 

Adera's dreams were filled with images of Angel, his life after he was cursed with his soul, and those last few seconds of their fevered coupling. She heard evil laughter, mocking laughter following the dream from image to image. She heard a scream of pain, felt a flash of blinding regret. She saw things she'd rather not have. In her dream, she heard Angel say, "For a hundred years, I brought ugly death to everyone I met. And I did it with a song in my heart".

 

She awoke with a start, her heart beating wildy. She looked over at Angel. Only, when he woke up, it wouldn't be him. It would be Angelus. Adera broke out in a cold sweat, her fear simmering just under the surface. But when he did wake up, she knew she couldn't let him know she felt that fear at all. Better to face it now, while he was still out.

 

She gently slid from under the covers, and stood up, checking to be sure she hadn't awaken him. She sighed when she saw him still sleeping. She grabbed the duffel bag Fred had brought up for her earlier, and went in the bathroom. Setting the bag down on the counter, she removed a bottle of water from it. "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned," she told her image in the mirror. "Never fear, my child, drink this holy water, and you shall be cleansed."

 

She opened the bottle and let a drop fall on her finger. Nothing happened. She smiled, and drank the bottle, throwing the empty container in the small wastebasket. She removed another, opened it, and drank half of it. Setting it back down, she opened the shower door, turning the water on, adjusting the temperature. She quickly put her hair up, and stepped inside, feeling the water as it washed away the evidence of her lost innocence. Adera closed her eyes, letting her thoughts drift back to his last words.

 

"No," Angel had said. "You keep them open. I want to see your eyes when you're there. I want you to be looking into mine when it happens. You owe me that."

 

The little lights had been in his eyes already. Had Angel felt it happening this time? What a stupid curse. It wasn't even all that clear! And, holy shit! He'd meant for her to see it happening! Angel could be as much of a bastard as his unsouled self. After all, she'd seen an image of him shutting lawyers in a death room. Well, best to hurry up, she thought. She grabbed the soap to wash herself.

 

Adera rinsed off, and stepped out. Taking a towel from the wall shelf, she dried off. Walking back to her duffel bag, she started to pull her clothes out, then thought (why bother?) And took the robe from hook on the door. She donned it, then let her hair down to brush it. As she did so, she heard the shower behind her being turned back on. She looked in the mirror on reflex, but of course, he wasn't there. She took a deep breath to reign her fear in, finished brushing her hair, drank the rest of the water, and removed the last bottle out of the bag.

 

She left the bathroom, and opening the bottle as she walked, drank about half. She was going to the bed when she spotted a comfortable looking easy chair , and decided that was better. She saw a guitar in the corner, and smiling, she set the bottle of water down on the dresser. She picked the guitar up, and sat down with it in the chair. She held it within her hands as images from the last person to use it filtered through her mind. A man who had worked here. Random scenes flashed in her head, pain, a lost loved one, pain, Angel, oh it was bad. "Lindsey," she whispered. The man Angel wanted.

 

Adera shook her hands to clear the images away. Empathic abilities sucked. It was one of her gifts she hated. She removed the pick and started to play a tune that Thea had loved hearing on the lyre. Different sounds, but still, it brought a smile of remembrance. She strummed a little harder as she continued playing.

 

"Well, my, my! It's Angel's little whore. That's a pretty tune you're playing. Are you going to serenade me?"

 

Adera looked up and saw him standing there by the dresser. Nude. Holding the water bottle in his hand. Holy crow! She had been so hot to have Angel, she couldn't remember actually looking before. She'd stopped playing, she was so entranced.

 

"Cat got your tongue?" Angelus asked.

 

She looked back up at him. "Admiring the piece of work you are, Angelus. By the way, you shouldn't throw stones. You were Darla's bitch for a hundred years." Seeing him raise the bottle , she quickly said, "I wouldn't drink that if I were you."

 

He stopped and looked at the bottle. "Test it on your finger," Adera said. Angelus let a drop fall onto his finger, and steam rose from the water as it burned him. He shot her an evil look and set the bottle back on the dresser. She grinned at him. "What? I told Angel I could drink holy water by the gallons, and not be harmed. Did you think I was joking? To paraphrase Spike, as he once told that skanky slayer from Sunnydale, a slayer must always reach for her weapon. I have mine."

 

She laid the guitar out of harm's way and continued, "I know you want to just drain the blood right out of my body, but you can't. My blood would be your death. So sorry!"

 

"Guess I'll just have to fuck you to death, then," Angelus said. "Since I'm stuck here until I can figure a way out."

 

"Nasty words from a small mind. You'll never leave this room. As for the rest of what you said, if you think you're man enough to fuck me to death, you're welcome to try. Maybe we'll answer the question of who's the strongest sex."

 

He calmly walked over to her, reaching down to grasp the front of the robe. He pulled her up out of the chair. Her eyes never left his face, nor did she flinch. He smiled. "You're not afraid of me, are you?" He asked.

 

"Hardly,"she replied.

 

"That's good. Not too long ago, a woman welshed on a deal with me. I so wanted to kill her. But that's alright. I'll take you instead." He pushed his hands into her hair, until they were behind her head, then he tightened his hold until he was pulling her hair, until her head leaned back . He smiled a very cruel little smile. " How much pain could you withstand before you break? How much before your calm facade crumples and you beg me for mercy, even death? Are you afraid now, priestess?"

 

Adera knew he was using her own words to Angel to try to get under her skin. It wouldn't work. "No, I'm not. Do you recall what else I told Angel? I'll feed on you until you're so weak, you'll wish for death."

 

"Promises, promises," he whispered as he took her lips in a kiss.

 

~Angelus~

 

Adera decided Angelus was the Celtic god of sex or something close to it. The combination of heat,cold, desire and pain was driving her almost insane. He had done things to her that she'd never heard of, never dreamed of. He had said things to her, touched her in a million ways she wouldn't have imagined such an evil creature would do. The feel of his body moving on hers was so exquisite that it was painful. His voice so erotic it was like ice shivering down her back when she was hot.

 

But the pain and despair she felt the most wasn't coming from him. It was in her hands, in her mind, in her heart. It was coming from Lindsey. When she had picked up that guitar, her empathic ability had bonded with him somehow. There was a song she kept hearing, about a woman he'd loved, and lost. This connection was almost as strong as the one she'd had with Spike. In a way, it was stronger, because she wasn't sure where it came from or why. It wasn't coming from Angel. At least, she didn't think so.

 

Angelus knew something was off. He knew he did not have her full attention. It had him off-balance, which was probably a good thing. He hadn't inflicted that much pain on her, just enough to heighten her senses, or take her to the edge of orgasm, only to deny it before she got there.

 

Adera had no idea when he'd said he was going to fuck her to death, that she'd almost want him to do so. What a way to go. This was really intense, this....passion she had for him. It was a crying shame he was so damn evil.

 

She slid her hands down his back, letting her nails lightly rake his skin. He shivered. She cupped his buttocks within her hands, pulling him closer, closer , wanting him as deep within as he would go. She whispered, "Angelus, oh god, you're driving me insane. I'm too hot, I'm on fire. Ummmmm"

 

He bent down to whisper in her ear, which he'd discovered turned her on, got her even hotter, which he took full advantage of. "I want you on fire for me," he said. "I want you always to think of me whenever another man is between these pretty legs of yours." Then he lifted her a little higher, he went in a little deeper, and at the same time he managed to inflict a little pain, too. To sharpen her senses, draw her away from the edge again.

 

It sharpened them, all right. And brought Lindsey back . Music filled her soul, his voice which she heard within her mind, sent shivers of emotion into her. It was like lightening under her skin. God, this is maddening, she thought. I....I need to concentrate on Angelus, not this Lindsey. But his pain was sharp and jagged, and it burned deep. Deeper than Angelus was getting. And the flashes she'd started getting of...

 

Darla.

 

Oh, please, no, she thought. But the flashes of Lindsey and Darla kept coming, too. Was this why she'd connected with Lindsey? Her blonde hair, that seemingly innocent smile....

 

Darla.

 

It gave her the idea she needed to get the satisfaction she so desperately needed. She felt around her, and her hand touched the robe Angelus had ripped off her body earlier. She grasped the belt of the robe, inching it into her hand. Her head was at the foot of the bed, ha, very convenient. With all the strength in her body, she used the leverage she had, along with the element of surprise, to flip both of them over. He hit his head on the headboard, which stunned him just long enough for her to tie his hands to the bars of the headboard. The look on his face was priceless. First it was surprise, then a faraway look of remembrance, then understanding.

 

Adera smiled. "Time to play my game now," she said.

 

"That was good, my darling," he said, testing the strength of the knots she'd made. "You know, when I get free, there will be payback for everything you do to me."

 

She could feel him inside her. Being tied up and at her mercy excited him. Yes, it did. She felt the hardness within her throbbing like a heartbeat. "Do you like pain, Angelus? I know how to inflict." Again, that turned him on. Well, well. Here was something she hadn't imagined, that a man's body betrayed itself like that, even in the heat of passion.

 

She leaned forward, her face close to his . "Time for you to burn, Angelus," she whispered.

 

~Random Thoughts~

 

Wesley, Gunn and Fred were standing in Angel's office. They all had conflicting expressions on their faces.

 

"We have to do something," Fred exclaimed. "We can't just not do something!"

 

Wesley said, "Fred, I'm not all that sure we have much choice but to do nothing."

 

"Yeah, we don't exactly know what's going on. Don't wanna bust in on some party," Gunn said.

 

Fred looked exasperated. "That's Angel in there! We can't just leave him at the mercy of some woman we just met today!"

 

"You're forgetting, Fred. Angel knew her as Liam years ago," Wesley reminded her.

 

"I don't care about that," Fred said. "For sweet pity's sake! It sounds like she's killing him!"

 

"Angel's a big boy, Fred," Gunn said. "He knew what he was doing when he walked into that room."

 

"Oh, and that makes it alright for us to just stand here and do nothing?"

 

"It's not like that!," both Wesley and Gunn said at the same time.

 

"It is so like that! Oh, wait, wait, wait! I get it now," Fred said. "You're afraid of making Angel mad if I'm wrong."

 

Wesley and Gunn answered, once again in unison, "Are not!"

 

"I see, then. It's a man thing. You two are a couple of lily-livered cowards!"

 

Just then a scream issued from the room that made them all go a shade lighter in color. They looked at each other in solemn silence.

 

Wesley said, "There must be a volume in the archives that would break the spell on that room."

 

Gunn said, "I'll go check out contacts, see if I can dig something up."

 

Fred said, "I'll see if we can blow the damn door open."

 

They turned to leave, and saw Spike leaning against the doorframe, very amused.

 

"You don't want to do that," he said.

 

Wesley stepped forward. "We know you don't like Angel. Nor does he care much for you..."

 

Spike interrupted him. "It's not about that. You don't want to let him out of that room."

 

Fred said, "You just try and stop us!"

 

Spike shook his head. "You're forgetting, pet. I know Angel. I've known him a very long time. There are things about him I'll never forget. And I know with no question whatsoever that's not Angel in there right now."

 

"What's that supposed to mean?" Gunn asked.

 

"Angelus," Spike said. "That's him in there. Not your friend."

 

"That's not possible!" All three exclaimed.

 

"Oh, but it is. That's Angelus. I know the sound of his voice. I'll never forget it. Passion isn't always hugs, love and roses, you know. There are other things," Spike looked at Wesley. "I think you've found that out. All three of you."

 

Another awful moaning sound came from the locked room.

 

They looked at each other.

 

Fred said, "I think I'm needed in the lab."

 

Wesley said, "Ahem....I believe I have some reading to catch up on."

 

Gunn said, "I so didn't want to know that." They all fled past Spike, in their hurry to get away from Angel's office. Spike smiled.

 

"And, if I didn't know different, I'd swear on a stack of covered bibles, that I almost believe it's Darla in there with him," he mumbled as he left also.

 

Somewhere in Arizona

 

He stood looking at himself in the mirror.

 

What's wrong with me?, he thought. I've felt funny all day.

 

He leaned closer to be sure his eyes weren't bloodshot. No, they were fine, despite the several shots of bourbon he'd had, trying to blot out memories that kept coming back to haunt him. Angel. Always Angel, damn him.

 

I haven't thought about her in awhile, either. I haven't thought about LA in awhile, he thought to himself. It's like.....it's like the thoughts aren't coming from me.

 

It's like they're being pulled out of me.

 

And his hands were burning, a slow steady burn, like a heating pad on high.

 

He felt as if something or someone was trying to call him to return there.

 

He shook his head, then walked into the living room, sat down on the sofa, picked up his bourbon, and continued trying to become drunk enough to forget.

 

~Emotional Freedom~

 

Adera was on the edge of emotional collapse. She'd done so many things to Angelus, and he still wouldn't give it up. It just wasn't right! How could he have such control over his body? Immortal or not, he was still a man. Her stubbornness was getting her nowhere fast. If she couldn't break him, she would fail, and Angel would be lost forever.

 

"What's the matter, lover? Not giving up, are you? I must admit, you're good. Better than I would have dreamed," Angelus said, an excited tone to his voice.

 

Adera closed her eyes. The song was still playing, her hands were on fire, she kept seeing Lindsey, feeling his anguish. It was becoming nauseating, dealing with both Lindsey and Angelus at the same time. During all of this sadistic activity, she thought Angelus had become Lindsey several times.

 

"I'm only catching my breath," she whispered. Images of Darla began to bleed through once more. This only made it worse.

 

Then Angelus said the worst thing he could have said. Although he didn't realize it, his next words sealed his fate.

 

"You're almost as good as she was. I can feel in your touch her hands, I can almost see her on top of me. I almost can hear her voice. Ah, Adera. She taught you very well."

 

Adera went cold. It was like having ice in her veins. "What did you say?"

 

Angelus smiled wickedly. "Darla," he said. "Your lover, my dear." He began to move his body below hers again."She must have thought a lot of you. Considering you were still a virgin."

 

Slow heat built within her, she couldn't believe this was happening. Almost of it's own violation, her hips began moving in time with his. "What do you know about it?"

 

"I know what her hands on my body felt like. You have her touch. Sometimes, I close my eyes and I can still feel her soft little hands on me. Don't you?"

 

Heat spiraled into her, the words he said inflaming her. "Yes," Adera said.

 

"Her mouth on yours in a kiss, her tongue touching your skin, what did that feel like? Lightening. Thunderstorms. Silk. Satin. Pain. Pleasure. Do you remember?"

 

She closed her eyes, the movements they were making leaving her dizzy. His voice was mesmerizing. "Yes," she said. Music played for her. Oh, Lindsey.

 

"We're two of a kind, Adera. You belong to me. I need you. We could roam the world together." {Oh, Angelus....she said that. Did you know that?}

 

Music. Lindsey. Darla. Angel licking blood off Lindsey's face. Lindsey kissing Darla. Her soft voice It's not me you want to screw, it's him. Darla biting him. Angel with Darla, in bed. Angel slamming Lindsey on the bar. Angel garroting Lindsey. Darla taunting Lindsey, saying she loved him, then laughing. Music played for Adera.

 

Oh, she was so dizzy.

 

"Untie my hands, Adera. I want to touch you. I want to touch your body."

 

Ah, she thought. The final seduction. Oh, but she was tempted. "Angelus," she whispered.

 

He sensed the nearness of her capitulation. He increased his movements. "Inside you're like me. Evil. I know it, I sense it. I've felt it. We belong together."

 

Her head was so full of Lindsey and his voice, she only barely heard Angelus. "I can't do that," she said.

 

"I'll give you what you want, if you come with me. If you're with me."

 

She opened her eyes. Angelus smiled when he saw the purple within them. He thought had her now.

 

"I'll be yours, Angelus. But you're going to give me what I want now."

 

She leaned forward slightly, still moving her lower body. She looked into his eyes. He was doing it. She could feel it. He believed her.

 

She kissed him, touching his tongue with hers. She could feel him approaching the moment. She wove her hand into his hair, turning his head to the side while she whispered in his ear, "I could have loved you until the end of time."

 

She sank her fangs into his neck, and he began to move under her like a madman. But it was too late. He was in the midst of climax, and what she'd done only increased the wipe out he experienced. She fed off him until she knew she had to stop.

 

He was out, but she had not killed him. And she wasn't sure who was more broken. Adera started crying.

 

~Stir My Soul~

 

Adera shivered in spite of the warm water raining down on her from the shower. Angelus was still out, so she was taking the brief respite to try to clean up, even though she would most likely never feel clean again.

 

She had always thought she was good at heart, even if her existence was developed from the heart of darkness. She had killed humans, but not to feed, only out of necessity. She had known how the ages had turned her blood into a weapon of such purity, it was pure poison to vampires. So she had assumed she was good.

 

Angelus had shown her that was very far from true. At the moment it most counted, it had not been her goodness that had saved her, only Lindsey's pain. Her soul was filled with him, his voice driving her now. She hated to think what would have been if she hadn't picked up that guitar.

 

She shivered again, then turned off the shower, and dried off. She brushed her hair with vicious strokes, until her scalp tingled and it was smooth. Then she donned the white nightgown once more. She thought it ought to have been black, to match her thoughts. She just felt....numb.

 

She took a small knife out of her duffel bag, returning to the room, where she cut the knots binding Angelus to the bed. He was still out. She looked at the knife, thought "who cares?", and set it on the night stand beside the empty matchbox.

 

She dropped down into the easy chair, and massaged her temples with her shaking fingers. Tears slid slowly down her cheeks. She just....couldn't feel. She let Lindsey's music fill her soul, trying to find some balance in herself before he woke up.

 

She reached over and picked up the guitar, looked at Angelus, who still appeared asleep. She shrugged again. She picked at it until she found the tune that had woven itself into her soul all afternoon. She started to play, putting all the energy she had left into it. When he woke up, she was going to die, so who cared? She'd lost Angel forever.

 

The sounds of the guitar awoke Angelus. He felt....numb. He listened to the sounds of the music she was playing, and then she began to sing.

 

"Pretty girl on every corner

Sunshine turns the sky to gold

Warm, warm, it's always warm here

And I can't take the cold"

 

Angelus thought she sounded as lonely and empty as he felt.

 

"The street's littered with diamonds

Everyone is glistening

This whole world shines so brightly

But I can't see a thing"

 

A tightening feeling was happening in the area of his heart. He rubbed it.

 

"She's pretty as a picture

She's like a golden ring

She settles me with love and laughter

And I can't feel a thing"

 

Adera had began playing a little harder. He turned to look at her....and saw that her eyes were closed. Tears were on her face. The sight was making his heart....break.

 

"The sky's gonna open

The people going to pray and crawl

It's gonna rain down fire

It's gonna burn us all"

 

It had to stop!, he thought.

 

"The sky's gonna open

People going to pray and sing

Well, I can't feel a thing"

 

Then he realized the only way to stop it was....to go to her.

 

"She's pretty as a picture

She's like a golden ring

She settles me with love and laughter

And I....I can't feel a thing"

 

Angelus gathered up all the strength he had left and got out of the bed. He slowly made the way towards her.

 

"The sky's going to open

People going to pray and crawl

It's going to rain down fire

It's going to burn us all"

 

He kept walking, the feelings in his heart driving him on.

 

"The sky's going to open

People going to pray and sing

I can't feel a thing

Why can't I feel?"

 

She continued playing until she felt his presence. Adera looked up to see him before her....with tears on his face.

 

She knew it wasn't Angel. But he was crying.....she realized he was crying for her.

 

He reached down to pull her gently to her feet, then kissed her. He kissed her tears away, he held her, he led her back to then bed, and he made love to her with all his heart.

 

She saw the lights in his eyes once more, but they weren't just in his eyes. They surrounded them both, enclosing them for a brief moment of perfect healing that had completed them both.

 

She had succeeded. The curse was broken, and no longer would the specter of Angelus arise again for Angel.

 

She just wasn't aware of the mistake she'd just made.

 

~After Burn~

 

Angel and Adera lay facing each other. He reached over to her and moved a lock of her hair from her face. She smiled at him. They were quite. They were calm. They were amazed with each other.

 

Adera said, "Feel any different?"

 

"Yes," he said.

 

"Are you...in pain?," she hesitantly asked him.

 

"Some, but I'll live," Angel replied.

 

She touched the marks on his neck. "Angel, I..."

 

"Don't," he said. "You had to. It was the only defense you had left. I'm sorry I drove you that far."

 

"It was Angelus, not you," she said.

 

"No, it was me. I finally understand that now."

 

"What do you mean?"

 

"The only thing separating me from Angelus was the willingness to do evil, to be evil," Angel said.

 

"How do you know that?"

 

"I told you I always wanted you to be on fire for me. That I always wanted to be in your head when another man was between your legs. That came from me. It's what I thought when I was human. I always wanted to be ....there."

 

Brief heat inflamed her, but it was different this time. He was being sincere, not trying to seduce her.

 

She met his eyes with her own in a perfect second of understanding. "You always will be," she whispered.

 

Angel smiled, and caressed the side of her face with his hand.

 

"You are amazing to me," he said.

 

"You're welcome," Adera said.

 

He gathered her within his arms, rubbing her back gently. She snuggled into his embrace. Oh, she felt at peace. Almost.

 

"I love you," he whispered.

 

She replied, "No, you don't. But thank you for saying it."

 

They fell asleep, dreaming of the future. He dreamed of someone from the past. She dreamed of a man in Arizona.

 

~Emergence~

 

Angel and Adera stood before the door, dressed and about to face the new world they'd created for themselves. It was nearing early morning, and they had been locked in here for hours.

 

"You ready?," Angel said.

 

"I was born ready," Adera answered as she reached out to try the doorknob. As she did, a blast of energy went through the room, and they heard a voice in their minds.

 

"Be at peace for now. I may have need of you in the future. Both of you."

 

Angel quickly glanced at Adera. She smiled and whispered, "Athena".

 

She opened the door wider and they saw into his office. Wesley, Lorne, Fred, Spike and Gunn were sleeping in various chairs and couches around the room. They all had weapons, but were fast asleep.

 

"Good thing the world's not in peril," Angel grumbled.

 

Adera smiled at him, then looking at his friends, she noted Wesley. Her smile widened. "Ooh, look at him," she whispered. "All rugged and handsome. What a man." She glanced at Angel to see him looking embarrassed. She raised an eyebrow. "Couldn't you just feel his hands..."

 

"Arrrg!," Angel interrupted her. "You are evil personified!"

 

She leaned closer. "You know what they say about payback...."

 

"It's you?"

 

"Who do you think is better looking, Wesley or Lindsey?"

 

Angel looked a tad bit aggravated. She giggled. "Are you through having fun at my expense?" he asked.

 

"Oh, all right! Let's get this show on the road," she said, stepping forward. "Pretty boy," she tossed back.

 

A string of obscenities rang in the air behind her, which alerted the gang. They sprang from where they were and rushed en mass towards Adera. She pushed Wesley into a wall, disarmed Fred, taking her crossbow and twisting Fred's hair until Fred was kneeling on the floor. She pointed the crossbow at Gunn as he reached her. It was pointed at his neck.

 

"Stop!," Adera commanded. She didn't take her eyes off Gunn. She knew they could all be formidable, but in this instance, she dismissed everyone (including Spike), except him. Gunn inched forward a little and she pressed the bow into his skin. Looking at him calmly, she said, "I have no compunctions about killing you. I'll do it."

 

He stopped. "That's good. Now, back up!"

 

Gunn held up his hands and inched back. When he was far enough away, she released Fred. Still holding the Crossbow aimed at them, she said, "I know what you think, but you're wrong. This isn't Angelus."

 

She looked at each of them in turn. "He's Angel."

 

~Revelations~

 

Adera held the crossbow still pointed at Gunn. They were at an standoff.

 

Fred said, "Can't Lorne read him?" Everyone except Adera looked at Lorne.

 

"After what happened last time?" Lorne said. "Not even to meet Cher!"

 

Spike glared at Angel, "You always let the little girl do your dirty work?"

 

Angel, who was casually leaning against the doorframe of the bedroom, arms crossed, taking it all in, replied, "That little girl had me at death's door, Spike. You want to take her on? Be my guest. I'll just watch the show."

 

Spike growled at Angel, "You bloody poof!" And he walked over to stand in front of the crossbow. He met Adera's eyes with his own. "They might not mean much to you, pet, but I know I do. If you had to, would you kill me to protect him?"

 

Adera thought about that. She thought about those six long years in that prison the First had kept her in. She thought about 3, 000 years of wandering the earth, of the loneliness of her life. As she thought, Spike saw her eye color slowly change from warm brown to purple. He knew how dangerous she'd just become.

 

Adera had kept eye contact with Spike while she was thinking, but her gaze suddenly sharpened. He knew her decision had been reached. She moved the crossbow down slightly, so it was pointed at the heart.

 

"Yes," was all she said.

 

Spike continued looking at her for a minute. He could see how much regret she'd have if he forced her to actually kill him. He could feel the vibrations coming from her. And he felt this respect for her that surprised him. He nodded to her. "All right, pet. I believe you."

 

Everyone breathed a sigh of relief. Spike backed away from Adera. He turned around and left the room. She lowered her arm, letting the bow down to her side.

 

Behind her, Angel was greeting his friends and co-workers. Adera walked to Angel's desk, sat the crossbow on it, then crossed to the wall, where she slid a panel back to reveal a small refrigerator. She removed two bottles of water, then closed it. She slid the panel back.

 

Adera picked up a small package from his desk, and turned to catch Angel's attention. When he glanced at her, she tilted her head to indicate she was following Spike. Angel nodded his head. And smiled. Adera left the room, the excitement of the group ringing in her ears.

 

She found Spike on the roof of Wolfram & Hart. He was sitting on a bench, looking out at the lights of LA. He didn't look dejected, as she was afraid he'd be. He was deep in thought, possibly contemplating the future. That was good. Now all he needed was a direction to go in. She smiled and continued walking to where he was.

 

When she had nearly reached him, he said, "Don't suppose you brought any bourbon, love? I'm feeling a bit peckish."

 

She laughed, and said, "No, I brought you something a lot stronger than that." Over his shoulder, she held a bottle of water in front of him.

 

"You're kidding?"

 

"No, I'm not. C'mon, be a sport. I don't need you getting drunk right now," Adera said.

 

"Women," he said, taking the bottle, opening it and downing half the contents. After a minute, during which she'd held her breath, he said, "Hey, this is good. Tastes really clean."

 

"I know," she said, moving to sit beside him on the bench. She looked over the many, many lights glowing from the city. "I was afraid I'd find you brooding about what just happened."

 

He finished the water, sighed, and said, "I know you don't love him any more than you do me. Not truly with your heart. We were both the means to an end for you."

 

(Oh, but you're wrong about that.)"Not upset, then?," she asked Spike.

 

"A little, but I'll get over it. Although, I must say, I'm kinda tired of being second best by now."

 

She handed him the second bottle, which he took. "It's not about that. Do you know what you did? Why I brought you back? In the whole of my life, no vampire has ever done the things you have. Angelus certainly never did. He had an evil heart and only took pleasure in pain, death and destruction. You were different from the moment you were sired."

 

"I was evil," he said.

 

"Yes, but there are many shades of grey. You were the lightest shade of grey a vampire has ever been." He looked at her. "Yeah?" he said.

 

"Yeah," she said. Adera smiled and said, "Look, I know Angel made you an offer to work with him. I know you said you'd think it over. This is what you should do for now."

 

"I don't know. I was thinking about...," Spike paused.

 

"Going to her," Adera said.

 

"Yeah."

 

"You know, when I was held prisoner, I had a lot of time on my hands. I watched an awful lot of television. One of the shows I watched was "Xena, Warrior Princess". You know that show?"

 

Spike smiled, and replied, "Never could get into that show. Too much chop-sockey crap for me."

 

She grinned at his joke. "Well, there were two profound lines from "Xena" I just loved. I'm going to tell them to you because I think they apply to you more than anyone I've ever known."

 

She waited until he looked at her. "To conquer others is to have power. To conquer yourself is to know the way."

 

"You have done that, Spike. Conquered yourself. And if you go to her, you are only walking into the past."

 

He frowned. "You think so?"

 

"I know so," she said. "You don't want to be under Angel's thumb or following his shadow. I understand this. But you can still stay in LA, and help him."

 

He finished drinking the bottle of water, thinking about what she'd said. "I don't know how," he said.

 

"Well, you will find your own path," she said. "But this will help." She handed him the package.

 

He opened it, to find inside identification, bank accounts, car keys, apartment keys, everything he needed to begin a new life. He looked at her, shocked beyond words.

 

"I gave Angel my innocence. I damn near gave Angelus my soul. I've given you a new life, and I expect you to make the most of it."

 

He smiled at her. "Is that a challenge?"

 

"Does it have to be?," she asked.

 

"No. After all you've done? I'd burn in hell for you."

 

"Thanks, but I hope it never comes to that."

 

He looked up at the sky. "Getting daylight soon. I'd better be going inside."

 

"No, not yet," she said. He was surprised. "Do you know why that water tasted so clean to you?"

 

"Because I was thirsty, and I needed water?"

 

She grinned. "No, because it was holy water."

 

Spike dropped everything he was holding in his utter shock.

 

~Sunrise~

 

"Holy water! You let me drink holy water?," Spike exclaimed. "Are you mentally constipated or just outright insane?"

 

Adera held a straight face for a few seconds, but then broke up laughing. After all the tension of this very long day, it was an outlet she desperately needed.

 

When she wound down, she wiped the tears from her eyes. He was grinning now. "I'm sorry, Spike. It was so funny." He smiled. "I know Angel talked to you, but I'm pretty sure all he told you was that you're a living vampire. Right?"

 

"Yeah," Spike said. "I take it, he didn't know about the holy water?"

 

"No, he did not. Angelus wasn't very happy about it, either."

 

"I imagine he was quite put out," Spike observed.

 

"Well, since he couldn't ingest my blood, he expected me to, yes."

 

Spike laughed at that. He believed her. That sounded like Angelus, all right. "So, you're saying, if I continue drinking holy water, I myself have a defense in blood alone?," Spike said, blushing over her comment.

 

"Yes, your blood will become almost as pure as mine was. Is. Whatever, I'm not sure of my stasis now," she said. "You blush very prettily, by the way."

 

"What else do I need to know?," he asked, the blush deepening.

 

"Well, we're going to sit here and watch the sun rise. You have a reflection now. You can have garlic on your pizza if you want. Wild roses will not harm you," she said. "Oh yeah! I almost forgot!" She reached into the pocket of her jacket and handed him a box.

 

He opened it to reveal a silver cross on a fine linked chain. He looked at her. "Put it on," she said. "If ever you're in doubt about your purpose from now on, you can touch it to remind yourself."

 

He removed the neckless from the box and put it on. The cross was very visibly touching his skin with no adverse effects.

 

"How is that possible?," he whispered, almost as if he were in church.

 

"When we fed from each other, I resired you. My blood was pure-I had never fed on a human, nor created another like me."

 

"So, you are my sire now, not Drusilla?"

 

"Exactly. Except for one important thing. My blood is immortal. It's forever. You will never hunger again," she told him. "Just don't get yourself staked or let your head get chopped off."

 

"Ouch?"

 

"Ouch is right," she said. "The reason for the difference is because I was created before Christianity came into being. I was a priestess of the goddess Athena. My world was very different from this one."

 

"What else do I need to know?"

 

"That's about it. You may develop other powers that vampires don't have. You may become empathic, telepathic, or develop any kinds of extra-sensory perception. You may develop powers that are male-oriented, ones that I don't have. I can't predict what's going to be."

 

Adera looked at him. "You have common sense. You were able to clearly see things others about you could not. I'm sure that will turn into something else, but I know not what. The most important thing is this: I brought you back with a clean slate. What you do from this moment on is what the powers that be will judge you on. What you do with my gift is your choice. Although I am your sire, I'm not your parent, and I will not be here to hold your hand. Your path and your choices are your own."

 

"Is that advice or a warning?," Spike asked.

 

"Both. If you turn to the darkness once more, I will have no trouble putting an end to you. I will become your worst nightmare. And I will triumph, because I always do."

 

"I understand," he said.

 

"Do you?," she said.

 

And between them came a memory, one he had witnessed, and one he had missed: Angelus standing over Buffy, sword in hand. Spike seeing it, saying, 'God, he's going to kill her', and then Angel receiving his soul back. The heartrending expressions on Buffy's face when all this happened. The finality of her killing her lover. The devastated expression when she had done her duty.

 

Then they were alone once more. Spike was crying.

 

Adera quietly said, "I was given eternity and a destiny because of a slayer. Athena bestowed these on me. I have given you eternity and destiny. You have earned them because of a slayer. That is our bond. I will always do what I must. I advise you do the same."

 

Adera looked out to the horizon and took his hand in hers. They watched the sun rise to a new day in silence.

 

~The Fine Point in Time~

 

Adera was standing in Angel's office in front of the wide expanse of glass. Her hands were pressing on the glass, as if she wanted to push it out the window. She had her eyes closed, and it was if she was listening to something only she could hear.

 

On her way down from the roof, she'd sent Spike to check out his new apartment, spoken to Wesley, conferred with him on several documents, apologized to Fred about pulling her hair, sang for Lorne, listened to advice, and then she came here. She felt a little confused, like she was missing something. It was a relief to have a quite moment for reflection.

 

In her head, she again heard the music: it had not left her. If anything, it was stronger. And she didn't have Angelus to distract her away from Lindsey now. She reached out with her mind to touch his. The music became louder in her head, rather like turning up the volume on a radio. She tilted her head, listening.

 

A vision of Lindsey came to her: sitting on his bed, playing the guitar. Singing that song. He had jeans on. A white undershirt. My god, he was something to behold! His blue eyes were full of emotion. And he looked awfully confused. He didn't understand where these feelings were coming from. He didn't know about her. Only what was in his heart.

 

She smiled. She knew where he was. Oh, yes. And to think, I was held by the First less than 20 miles from Lindsey. It felt like a slap to her face when she thought how the First had undoubtedly known the part he played in all of this.

 

The music continued. He was singing it again. How long had he been doing that?

 

"Calm down," she whispered. "I'm coming. I'm coming for you. I'll be there for you. I'll make you feel again, I promise. Lindsey." In her vision, he tilted his head, as if he heard her. "Lindsey," she whispered.

 

"I see you're still thinking about him."

 

Adera pulled herself slowly back from Lindsey. She backed away from the glass. And turned to face the cause of a lot of Lindsey's anguish.

 

"I'm not the only one whose thoughts linger on him, isn't that right?," she said.

 

"That's my business," he said. "I'm not chasing after him like a bitch in heat."

 

"No, just brooding about him. You resent everyone for it, including Lindsey himself."

 

"He doesn't know that I wanted him. I never told him, Adera. Lindsey's better off where he is. Can't you leave it alone?"

 

"Let's not do this now, Angel. I'm not in the mood for this now."

 

"Oh, I think now is exactly the right time," he said.

 

"I'm not your girlfriend. I'm only your lover. Big difference, Angel! You have no rights over me."

 

"I never said that! But it burns me up because you're falling in love with him! He's evil, Adera. I know him."

 

"Don't presume to tell me what to do, lover. No one does. Ever. You're just jealous because you're afraid to go to him yourself or upset I'm not in the throes of passion over you. Which is it, Angel?"

 

"Even while in the throes of passion, you were only seeing and hearing him. I kept having to pull you away from him and back to me."

 

"Yes, you did," she said. "With pain. How very romantic it was, too."

 

"You liked it, my dear. You got off on what I was doing. But inside all you felt was Lindsey. All you saw was Lindsey. You weren't fucking me, you were fucking him! I felt like I wasn't there!"

 

"Didn't care much for that? Tough shit! You purposely put Darla in my head to counterbalance Lindsey! How's that for sick?"

 

"I'm not the one who put her there- you did. You're the one who had the affair with her. I only said things that quite turned you on. You got unbelievably hot when I did. You moved like a ship during a storm. It felt like I was dying inside you. And when you bit me, it was like being in hell."

 

Adera said, "Grrr!" She turned her back on Angel. A tear fell slowly down one cheek. "I can't believe we're doing this."

 

"I'm only trying to prevent you from a horrible mistake," Angel said softly, pushing his hands in his pants pockets, looking awkward.

 

"It's my life you're attempting to interfere with. I don't need or want your advice . Or your offer of- this is funny- HELP."

 

"I'm sorry you feel that way," he said.

 

"He came to you for help, Angel," she whispered.

 

"I tried! Lindsey made his own choices, Adera. You can't fault me for that!"

 

"You didn't try hard enough because you really didn't care. Did you? After all, it was only Lindsey. It wasn't Faith. So, he didn't matter to you at all."

 

"I told him I was sorry for that!," Angel protested.

 

"With your fists during a fight, and after you had used the woman you KNEW he loved like a common whore. Bet he felt the grief you experienced over that."

 

Angel sighed. She was right. Lindsey had made a lot of wrong turns, but he hadn't wanted to help him or hadn't cared. He'd been too concerned over the lust he'd hid so successfully from the lawyer. He had protected Lindsey as best he could, while giving the lawyer the gift of freedom. Could he have made a difference, if he'd truly wanted to? Maybe.

 

"What do you want, Adera?"

 

She turned around to face him. "For myself? Nothing. For Lindsey, a second chance. And that's if he'll want it."

 

"How? He signed a contract..."

 

Adera smiled a little, picking two documents from his desk, and handing them to Angel. "Wesley got these for me. One is Lilah's perpetuity contract. The other is Lindsey's. You can see, he did not sign the perpetuity contract. His is a standard option on his soul contract."

 

"What does that mean?," Angel asked, looking at both copies.

 

"It means, Lindsey still has free will. He can still choose good over evil. Angel," she said. He looked up at her. "It means, you could have him on your side. Don't you think this W & H thing is a little too convenient? Wouldn't you rather have someone you know helping you?"

 

"I don't trust Lindsey. How can you ask me to?"

 

"I'm not asking for trust. I'm asking you to give him a chance. A chance to change. I just gave you one. Isn't your heart big enough to do the same for Lindsey?"

 

He looked at her, and remembered all she had done for him. He sighed.

 

"All right. If Lindsey will agree, I will give him a fair chance."

 

She said, "From your heart? A fair chance?"

 

"Yes. But he won't agree," Angel said.

 

"I'll get him to. Starting with your letter."

 

"My what?," Angel asked, confusion evident in his expression.

 

"The beautiful and heartfelt proposal you're going to write, inviting him to rejoin Wolfram & Hart," she answered.

 

"You are so evil," he said.

 

"In your own handwriting."

 

Angel's eyebrows lifted in shock.

 

"What am I supposed to say? The truth? Huh?"

 

She smiled. "There's a fine line between love and hate. We need to balance that line."

 

~Periphery~

 

Angel smirked. "A fine line? That's funny. Adera, my feelings about Lindsey are very complex. But I'm fairly sure love isn't involved."

 

"Really? Then why are you so upset about how I feel?"

 

He frowned, considering that. "I'm not sure why. I've never thought about why."

 

Adera came forward, from behind the desk, to stand facing him. She reached up with her hand to touch his face. She moved slightly closer, and he bent down to kiss her. She could feel longing, regret, and guilt in his kiss. Much the same emotions she felt. They were truly too alike, yet worlds apart. The kiss ended. They gazed at each other.

 

"I'm sorry for everything I did and said to you," he whispered.

 

"I know you are," she quietly replied. "I love you for it. But I knew what I faced when I walked into that room. There is a place inside both of us that goes where most mortals wouldn't tread in their worst nightmares. And Lindsey owns that place, too. I had the darkness inside always. I never let it lose until..."

 

She had trailed off, thinking about why that was.

 

"Until you fell in love with her," Angel whispered.

 

Adera said, "Yes. She looked so..."

 

"Vulnerable," he supplied.

 

"Yeah. I just wanted to..."

 

"Protect her," he said.

 

Adera sighed. "I never realized what she was up to until it was almost too late. Then, when I walked away, I was devastated knowing the depths I'd let her take me to. Mostly because I wanted to go back to her. A part of me didn't care about the consequences that would follow if I did. And that was what kept me from doing it. I've hated myself, that part of myself, ever since."

 

Adera frowned. "Angel, I've never told anyone these things. You...you bring these truths out of me, and it's because you know what I mean. You know because..."

 

"I've been there," he said.

 

She shook her head. "No, that's not it."

 

Angel looked confused. He thought her confession had more meaning than he could think about now. "Adera, I'm not sure I get what you're saying."

 

She braced herself against the desk behind her. Then she reached out and grabbed his shirt, pulling him to her. "I'll show you," she said. When he was next to her, she looked into his eyes. Hers were full of desire. So were his.

 

He bent down, taking her lips in a kiss. Her arms encircled him, drawing him closer still. He kissed her until she was breathless. Hurting. She slid one hand between their bodies and jerked his shirt until the buttons popped apart. She whispered things into his ear. She kissed his neck where she'd bitten him.

 

Angel whispered, 'Adera'. She sank her teeth into him briefly, only for effect. The small amount of his blood she took, she returned in a kiss. A kiss he deepened.

 

Then Adera pushed him back, away from her. Her voice husky with emotion, she said, "Now you walk away from me."

 

Angel turned around, his head reeling from the layers upon layers her confession had touched upon. He reached the door.

 

He locked it.

 

~Crossing Over~

 

Angel closed his eyes, her whispered words echoing in his mind.

 

"The only way to understand is to embrace the truth. You aren't doing that. I made you whole but you're still trying to be what you were. You must become who you truly are. We all must to over rule the problem Wolfram & Hart has created. I think you are afraid you can still become Angelus. I'm going to show you that's impossible. This isn't about Lindsey. It's not about Darla. It's about who we both are. I want you with a passion that's beyond anything both of us will ever know again. Your touch makes me burn, Angel. Your mouth on mine does things to me you'll never know. Every inch of my skin tingles when you're near. I want your hands on my body. I want you to drive me to the edge of sanity, and then I want to feel your hardness sliding into me as deep as you can go. I want you to fuck me until we can't move, until we can't think, until I can't breathe. I want you to make me yours. I want to be inside of you for eternity."

 

Every word she whispered inflamed him. Then she kissed the spot where she'd bitten him. She licked it. He groaned in frustration and nearly came right then. She sank her teeth into him, but only for a few seconds. Adera pulled his head to her and kissed him, the taste of his own blood filling his mouth. He touched his tongue with hers, deepening the kiss, and he moved between her legs, pushing her bottom forward so she could feel how utterly erect he was. He could feel her heat through the material of their clothes.

 

Then she pushed him back from her. "Walk away from me now," she said. "Walk away from me like you did from him."

 

Her true meaning clouded his thinking further. She wasn't only talking about sex. She wanted him to take her the way a vampire would. Sinking his fangs into her, draining the blood from her body while she moved under him.

 

Angel turned away, fully intending to walk away. He couldn't do that, it would take him to the place he'd been with Darla. He couldn't go there again.

 

But before he got to the door, he remembered what she had said. "Embrace the truth. You're still trying to be what you were."

 

When he reached the door, he paused in thought. He sensed she was almost quoting Darla. She said she'd walked away from Darla. And hated herself for it. There was something here he was missing, but he sensed if he asked her, he'd get no reply. But it had to do with Lindsey. And him. And what he'd done to Lindsey.

 

Could he walk away from her offer? He'd agreed to let Lindsey rejoin the firm, if he wanted to. Yet the blood link wasn't about him. He'd once drained Buffy almost unto death, but only because she forced him to, to save his life. But this wasn't about her either.

 

Angel realized what Adera was truly offering him. Freedom from himself, from his worst nightmare."You must become what you are. I want to be inside you for eternity," she'd whispered.

 

He reached out and turned the lock on the door, knowing that no spell or magic charm was needed to keep his alter ego from returning. He no longer resided in him. But for him to truly overcome his fear of Angelus, he would have to lose the most constant thing he'd known since he was sired by Darla.

 

The bloodlust. Adera's blood was eternal. He would never feel the call for blood again.

 

Then another thought intruded: had Darla known that? Deep in thought, his forehead wrinkled with the effort he was making, and rapidity of small things he remembered Darla say, Angel came to the conclusion that Darla had, indeed, known about it. She must have wanted it. And Adera had refused her. Adera had left Darla over it.

 

He remembered Darla begging him to sire her when she was brought back by Wolfram & Hart. He had turned her away! My God, what had that done to her?

 

He also knew the unspoken reality Adera hadn't said. Buffy had power. She was the Slayer. Everyone within AI had power of some sort. But only one person had the power he needed the most.

 

The power of knowledge. Power that he held in his veins. Blood that was full of magic, and powerful on it's own. Angel had marked him as his once to protect him. Angel sighed. Life bites, he thought.

 

He turned back around to face her. He walked back towards her. He took her hands and placed one on his chest, where his dead heart lay, and the other, he placed on his throbbing erection, letting the heat of her hand rest there.

 

"For eternity?," he whispered.

 

"Tell me you love me," she said.

 

"I love you. I always will," he whispered.

 

"Tell me you want me," she said.

 

He touched her face in tenderness. "Words cannot express how badly I want you."

 

"For eternity?"

 

He whispered, "I want you for eternity," then his lips came down on hers.

 

~Blood Lust~

 

She ended the kiss because the need for air burned her lungs. He tugged the silk shirt from her jeans, slowly unbuttoned it, and slid it softly off her shoulders. He threw it behind him. He unhooked the bra and it went behind him as well. Then he pulled her into his arms so he could feel her skin against his. Her nipples were burning into his chest. Her body was very hot. She felt like she had fever. He ran his fingertips down her back. She shivered.

 

Adera slid her hand up his maleness, towards the snap of his pants. She paused. "No holding back?" she asked.

 

Angel cupped her face in his hands, looking at her solely. "I won't hold back, but I don't want you to, either," he said.

 

"Angel," she said. "I'll give you everything I am. Just take me. Now." Then she undid the slacks, pushing them off. Shoes and everything went behind them once more. Now he was clad only in the black silk boxers and his shirt.

 

She pulled him into her embrace, using his shirt. He pulled her legs up on either side of him, relishing the contact even through her jeans. He took her boots off, tossing them carelessly away. He slid the socks off, tossing them, too. Then he moved back slightly, pulling her to her feet. He unsnapped the skin-tight jeans, pushing them slowly down, until they were lose enough for her to kick them away. She'd been bare under them.

 

He lifted her just slightly, so she was on the very edge of the desk. He trapped her there. Then he began running his hands ever so gently over her body, teasing her, not touching where she wanted the most. Her skin quivered under his hands. She was ready for him now. He could smell it. But she'd wanted to be driven to the edge, and he did it.

 

He started kissing her. Slowly, he bent her back just a little. He moved his face, kissing her ear, whispering, "Tell me you want me, Adera." He slid his hands up the inside of her thighs, getting closer still.

 

"Angel," she moaned. "I can't take this. I need you now. I want you inside me. I hurt. Make it stop."

 

"I know that. I can smell your sex. How wet do you think you are? Enough for me to slide in as far as you can take me? Enough for me to ride you the way you want?'

 

She made a growling noise. He cupped her sex within his hand. It nearly undid him. It undid her. She grabbed his shirt, pulled him as close as she could, and kissed him with all she had. He moved his hand slightly, pushing the folds of skin apart and he pushed a finger inside her. She moaned into his mouth, "Angel.." but he drew the finger up until he came to her clitoris. He began rubbing it, the moisture from her body coating his finger, soothing her and burning her at the same time.

 

She was making the growl noise again. But her hips were moving with the rhythm of his hand. She moved her hands down and she slid the boxers down, and he kicked them aside. Then her hand touched him, enclosed on him. She began to climax, moaning deep, and moving like a wild thing.

 

She pushed him, until they fell on the floor. He rolled her over until she was under him, and he pushed her legs apart with his. When he entered her, Adera screamed. But she moved to make the way for him to go deeper inside her, moving as hard as he was. She grasped the front halves of his shirt again, beginning a series of climaxes that made her want to die. "Do it now, now, now," she said.

 

He wound her hair in his hand, twisting her head to the side. He kissed her neck where the vein was. Angel's face changed as the vampire took over. He slid the sharp fangs into the vein. He began feeding from her, and they both moved like a storm at sea.

 

Dizziness overtook him as they both climaxed. He withdrew his fangs from her neck. The marks disappeared almost at once. If she'd been human, she'd have died twice over.

 

She opened her eyes, whispered, "Angel," then passed out.

 

~Hunger~

 

Angel held Adera up in the shower, the spray from water hitting her as warm as he could get it without burning her. Although, at the rate she healed, maybe he ought to have it on hot only. Getting her warm was all he could think to do. Her skin was as cold as a corpse, her heart was beating at a frantic pace, but she was barely breathing. He held her against him, tipping her face up to his. She was still out.

 

"Oh, God, Please," Angel said. He kissed her forehead. " Don't let this woman die. I know I have no right to ask anything of you, but I'm not asking for me. Please, I want her to live. I'll get down on my knees and beg if I have to. "

 

"Oh, I know I did not just hear you say that," she whispered.(He loves me. How can I go to Lindsey when Angel loves me?)

 

His eyes widened and he looked down into her face. "Are you all right?," he asked.

 

"I'm weak. I'm very cold. My hair is now soaking wet. Do you know how long it takes to dry?"

 

But she was smiling a little when she said that. He relaxed, a little. "That was horrible, woman. Don't ever do that again!"

 

"Were you truly that worried?"

 

Angel met her eyes with his own. "I thought you were dying."

 

His words moved her so much, she leaned forward to kiss him. "I'm not going to die," she whispered. She kissed him again. He pressed her forward a little. He kissed so good, she couldn't stop. He tasted like.....he tasted like blood. She deepened the kiss.

 

The hunger she felt hit her with pain so deep, it was coming from her soul. With a terrified whimper, she jerked herself out of his arms. He was shocked at her action.

 

"Angel, you have to leave. Now," she said, a look of horror crossing her features when she realized what she wanted to do to him.

 

"What? Adera, I .."

 

Shivers of fear rippled under her skin as she worried about controlling herself if he stood and tried to argue with her.

 

"Leave. Now. Go get Spike. I need him. There's a book in the duffle bag with addresses in it. Find him. Bring him to me," she commanded him.

 

"What do you want Spike for?," he asked, not angrily, only confused at her behavior.

 

She let out an angry growl. "To feed on, damn it!"

 

"If you need to feed, use me. I'm here already!"

 

"I can't! We may be different breeds, but we're still kindred. You just drained me nearly dry. If I take you, I'll change. And that I will not do!," She paused. "Angel, please. You have to before I lose what control I have."

 

Then he realized what he should have before. Her eye color had been purple since she'd come to.

 

"All right," he said, stepping out of the shower, snatching a towel and drying himself off as he walked away from her.

 

Adera leaned out and said, "What happened to your shirt?"

 

"I took it off," he said.

 

She laughed. "Angel, I won't tell any one you begged God not to let me die," she said, in a joking manner.

 

He stopped, and turned back, walking back to her. When he faced her, she was shocked at the deadly serious look on his face.

 

"You can tell the whole world I did that," he said. He bent down and kissed her again, not really caring about her fear of control. Then he backed up, smiled, and left.

 

Adera was left in amazement at the changes in him. He loved her. And didn't care who knew.

 

Why was her life so complex?

 

~Girl Talk~

 

Adera paced around Angel's office like a caged animal. She had dressed again, choosing to wear the jeans, but changed into a blue tank top undershirt. She had stuffed all her things back into the duffel bag, picked up Angel's clothes, and straightened up the office. On her way to the hamper, she thought about making up the bed, but didn't. She placed his clothes in the hamper, then thought better about his shirt. Memories of her grasping at it just a short while ago filtered into her mind. With a wicked smile, she walked back out of the bathroom, tying the shirt around her hips. This she was keeping.

 

She sat down on the bed, where she put on her socks and Ropers. She walked back to the office, removed all three bottles of the water she had left, and drank them. It helped some, but not by much. She brushed her hair, which was still damp, until her scalp tingled. She pulled half into a ponytail, letting the rest hang down her back.

 

She listened to Lindsey again. The bond between them was strengthening. He could feel her pain now. He knew something was happening. He could feel her hunger, but he didn't understand it.

 

Now she was pacing the floor because she could feel the humans in the building. The hunger had become her focal point. Where was Angel? Oh, she could eat everyone in the building. Could she feed on a human now that she'd balanced the power? Grrr! She needed a distraction! She started pacing the floor again. Adera was so intent on her own thoughts, she didn't hear the door open.

 

"Excuse me? Is this Angel's office?"

 

Adera whipped around, startled at the intrusion. Who she saw standing there should not have shocked her, but it did. It was inevitable she would come. Well, now she had a distraction. She crossed her arms.

 

"Yes, it is. Angel will return soon, I hope. You're welcome to wait with me. Kind of glad you showed up, Slayer."

 

Buffy advanced further into the room. The other woman was clearly not human, with that eye color. She didn't get a feeling of evil from her though. She looked around the office, and into the bedroom. While blocked partly from view, she did see the rumpled bed. She looked back at the woman.

 

"Angelus," Buffy asked. "Is he Angelus again?"

 

Adera smiled. "No, he's not. Angelus came, he learned, he cried. He's gone for good. You won't have to worry about him any longer, Buffy."

 

Buffy thought this was strange. This lady was Angel's lover, without question. Where was her anger? Why wasn't she upset? She felt like she knew this woman, but she'd never seen her before. She walked into the room more, dropping her handbag on a chair.

 

"Where did Angel go?"

 

Adera replied,"He went to search out someone for me. For his sake, he better hope he returns soon."

 

Buffy walked around her, looking over Adera, trying to figure this thing out. You had to give Angel props. This woman was a hottie. How could she stand that long hair? No undies under those jeans! She was slightly taller than Buffy, but only a little. Buffy looked up into her face, and met those incredible eyes. And she recalled a lifetime of memories.

 

She knew this woman.

 

"Adera," Buffy whispered.

 

"Slayer," Adera said.

 

They stared at each other. Adera smiled. "Give me a kiss, love."

 

Buffy shrugged. "Okay," she said. Then she slugged Adera across the face.

 

~Chicfight~

 

Adera turned her head back towards Buffy. She was still smiling. "Thanks, I needed that," she said. Then she slapped Buffy back.

 

Buffy put her hand up to her face. "Ow!," she said. "You've gotten a little better at this, I see."

 

Adera snorted. "I was always better than you. I just hid my talents."

 

Buffy shot her an evil look. "Oh, is that so?"

 

"It is," Adera said.

 

"We'll see about that," Buffy said, then punched Adera so hard she flew backwards into the desk.

 

Adera sat up laughing. "Are you upset about something?"

 

"Who me? Oh, nothing. I just tried to save you from a mistake. Only got killed for the trouble."

 

Adera said, "Hey, I brought you back!"

 

"Yeah, for one day of life. Was that worth the eternity you've lived?"

 

"Yes, it was!," Adera said. "You also got your soul back, too!"

 

"Of course, let's not forget the vampire you were leaving me for!," Buffy said, her voice loaded with sarcasm.

 

Adera stood back up, angry herself now. "I left because what you wanted was wrong! It wasn't you! It still isn't!"

 

"That was my decision to make, not yours, Adera. You were wrong to leave," Buffy said.

 

"It may have been the wrong choice, but it was my choice. You had no business trying to stop me!"

 

"How could I not? I loved you," Buffy said.

 

"No, you didn't!," Adera said.

 

"Yes, I did," Buffy nearly screamed.

 

"Ok, that's it! I'm not listening to any more of this shit," Adera said. Then she rushed at Buffy, pushing her with both hands, sending her flying backwards into the office door.

 

Buffy fell on the floor, onto her knees. She looked up at Adera. "Oh, you are gonna hurt now," she said.

 

"Bring it on," Adera said. "I've embraced the pain. Maybe you think you'll do better than Angelus?"

 

Buffy stood up and stalked towards Adera. "Oh, now that ain't nice," she growled.

 

The two women circled each other. Buffy was reminded of the fight she'd had with Faith. Adera realized Buffy didn't know everything that had happened. Buffy knew Adera was wanting to fight for some reason other than the past.

 

They both hit each other at the same time.

 

Angel and Spike were in the elevator, going up to the top floor. Spike was disgusted with Angel for what he'd said happened with Adera. Angel was just smug about the whole thing. Bloody rotten poofster!

 

Angel was worried about Adera. He had told everyone to stay away from his office, but how much control did she have after balancing the power? The look on her face when she realized what was wrong about the kiss haunted him.

 

They both wondered why elevators took so long.

 

Buffy pushed Adera into the wall, pinning her arms behind her. The room was in shambles, stuff was broken everywhere. They were both breathing hard. Adera tried to loosen Buffy's grasp on her arms. It didn't work. The slayer had her in a death grip. She tried making Buffy lose her balance by moving her leg against the slayer's, to push her back away from her lower body. Buffy only leaned forward more.

 

"Let me go," Adera growled at Buffy.

 

"No," Buffy said as she lowered her head.

 

Adera stared at Buffy's split lip. "You so don't want to do this, Buffy!"

 

"Yes, I do. One time pays for all," she whispered. Then she pressed her lips to Adera's.

 

Adera tasted blood. This was not good. Waves of hunger flooded her mind and she lost the tight reign of control she'd had on herself. She started returning the kiss.

 

They were both startled by Spike's indrawn breath, and both of their voices saying in unison, "Excuse me?"

 

They turned to see Angel and Spike standing in the doorway.

 

It was hard to say who had the funniest expression on their face.

 

~Appeasement~

 

Buffy stared at Angel. She stared at Spike. "Oh, my God," she said.

 

"Oh, thank God," Adera heartily said. "Something so bad was going to happen."

 

Angel chuckled. He crossed his arms. Looked over the chaos the room was in. "Let me guess. Reincarnated soul?"

 

"Yes," both Buffy and Adera answered.

 

"What the hell was that about?," Spike said.

 

Adera sighed. Of course, Spike didn't know anything about Thea, unlike Angel. "Past history. Angel can give you the skinny later," she glanced at Buffy. "History that's over. Finished. The End. Isn't that right, Slayer?"

 

Buffy pressed her lips together in a mutinous manner. Frowned at Adera and said, "Won't mention it again." Then she looked at Spike again. "I can't believe you're alive!"

 

Buffy started to move toward Spike, but Adera grabbed a handful of her shirt and jerked her backwards.

 

"Later for you. I don't have time for reunions," Adera said. She began walking to Spike, glancing at Angel while Spike came towards her. "You better watch it. She's learned some nasty things from Spike."

 

Angel grinned. Buffy was mortified.

 

They reached each other, and Spike cupped her face in his hands. He looked into her eyes. "Did Angel hurt you, pet?" He could smell the undertone of sex in the room. What had happened while he was gone?

 

Buffy's mouth fell open. Angel burst out laughing, earning him an evil look from her.

 

"No, he didn't. Did he tell you? I need you, Spike," she said.

 

He smiled at her, caressing her face with his thumb. "Said I'd go to hell for you."

 

Adera began unbuttoning his shirt. "If we hadn't arrived, would you have killed her?," Spike asked.

 

"Oh, yes," Adera answered. "I had lost the fragile control I had left."

 

"It'll be all right now," Spike said, lifting her into his arms. She gently sank her fangs into him. Spike winced, and smoothed the hair on her head. His eyes were closed.

 

Buffy's mouth fell open again. What the hell? And...and...and...Spike was wearing a silver cross! Vampires couldn't wear crosses! How was he even here? Then what Adera said sank in. She would have killed her? Buffy touched her mouth, where her lip had split. She looked at the fingers, at the blood on them. She looked at Adera and Spike in their embrace. She tried to warn me, and I wouldn't listen. Then she thought about Adera joining the kiss. Realized she hadn't been responding, only losing control. Her eyebrows met in extreme displeasure at that thought.

 

Angel laughed again, having read every thought in her head. She looked evilly at him.

 

He held out his hand. "C'mon. Let's leave them alone," he said. "I'll tell you a story..."

 

She placed her hand in his, and they left the room, closing the door softly behind them.

 

~Fantasy~

 

Buffy and Angel sat at a table across each other in a break room. She was drinking root beer, he had black coffee. She took a sip, thinking over the things Angel had told her.

 

"So, you're telling me all this has happened in the last 24 hours?," she said.

 

Angel replied, "Yes."

 

"Wow," she said.

 

"How do you feel about all of this?," Angel asked her.

 

"Like I joined the cast of 'Passions', complete with back story and total recall," Buffy said, laughing.

 

Angel smiled. "I've got to admit, seeing you kissing her was an awesome thing."

 

"I'm sure it was! Finding out she wasn't doing it out of desire isn't very funny!"

 

Angel laughed. "Yes, it is! The look on your face when you realized that! Don't believe I'll ever forget that!"

 

"Angel, it's not that fucking funny," Buffy grumbled.

 

"I'm sorry," he said. Then he laughed again. "I'm sorry! But you looked so funny for a few seconds. One part of you wanted to jerk her away from Spike and pummel her senseless. The other part wanted to make love to her just to prove you could. Buffy, it was priceless."

 

She glared at him. "I want to talk about you and Spike."

 

"There is no 'me and Spike'! I never felt that way about him," Angel exclaimed.

 

"Damn! That's a fantasy shot to hell," she grouched. Then her mind reached for a replacement. It found one. "Wesley, what about Wesley?"

 

Angel tugged at his ear. "Um, I have some issues about Wesley, but...it's complicated and I'm not sure....," he trailed off at the funny look on her face.

 

"Can there still be oil involved?," she said.

 

Angel's mouth dropped open. "You actually...you actually thought about Spike and I....with oil involved?"

 

"Oh, yeah," she answered.

 

"Well I....I can't imagine that," Angel said. "I really don't like him at all."

 

"Wesley?"

 

"Mmm, You're as evil as Adera!"

 

"How do you feel about that?"

 

Angel leaned back, crossing his arms. "Like I joined the cast of 'Passions'"

 

~Reassurance~

 

Spike lay Adera gently on the bed. He moved the hair off her face. She had fallen asleep in his arms, exhausted from the past day's events. He bent down and pressed his lips to her forehead. Then he turned to walk from the room.

 

He paused at the doorway when she whispered, "Lindsey." He listened to her fevered words, a grim expression on his face. Couldn't she even sleep in peace? He left the room in silent rage, not sure why he was angry, not caring either. He closed the door softly behind him self.

 

Spike went in search of Angel.

 

"At the Hellmouth in Cleveland," Buffy said. "Faith said she needed Giles, so he went with her."

 

Angel asked, "And Willow?"

 

"She's with Kennedy in England right now. Xander is doing construction work in Reseda. The SITs all returned home until Kennedy starts the school in a week."

 

"So, you've pretty much gone separate ways, then?"

 

Buffy smiled sadly. "Yeah. I believe they all were pretty sick of my speeches. Besides, I have freedom now that I never thought I would. That's actually why I'm in LA. Somebody opened an account for me, deposited an unholy amount of money in it, with only a small note I had to read in order to claim it."

 

"What did it say?"

 

"Thank you."

 

Angel said, "That's all?"

 

Buffy nodded her head. "Yes, but I'm almost positive it was Adera who did it. It's the only explanation that makes sense. I just didn't know about her when I was at the bank. I stopped here to see if maybe it had been you."

 

Angel looked at her. "Is that the only reason you did?"

 

"Well, no. I did want to see you," she replied. He smiled. "Are you still baking?"

 

"Yes. After this morning's events, I'm beginning to think I'm way underdone."

 

They both laughed. Then Buffy asked him, "Angel, how is Spike able to wear a silver cross? I saw his reflection in the broken glass. How is that possible, if he isn't human?"

 

"I don't know," Angel replied. "Adera didn't explain that to me. What she told Spike is between them. They have a bond between them, I thought balancing the power would break it, but now I'm not sure. I know she drinks holy water, it enhances her. I saw Spike drink it at his apartment. They are different from regular vampires. But still kindred."

 

"Kindred? Dracula told me that," she said.

 

"You met him?"

 

"Yeah, a few years ago. It was a thrall," she joked.

 

"What happened?"

 

"Oh, you know. What always happens. He enthralled me, he fed on me, I hid it from everyone, Riley said I was transfery, Xander turned into Renfield, Giles made out with the Dracu-babes, I fed on Dracula, had an epiphany, I pretended to stake him a couple of times, he pretended to turn to dust, then he left town."

 

"Giles got some?," Angel asked, incredulous..

 

"Well, Riley interrupted him," Buffy said.

 

They both laughed. Then Angel said, in all seriousness, "Buffy, you don't need to feed on any more vampires. I'm not sure what it could do to you."

 

"Angel, I..."

 

He looked her dead in the eyes. "Fed on Spike."

 

She looked away, unable to say anything.

 

"I'm not judging you. You felt empty and dead inside. I understand that. Spike made you feel again. I understand that, too. I know he loved you, Buffy. He still does. I'm just saying, what you did is a dangerous thing. Please don't do it again."

 

She was crying. "Angel, I can't believe you understand that."

 

"Well, it's just been that kind of day, you know?"

 

She smiled. "Do you still love me?"

 

He smiled. "Always," he said.

 

They leaned towards each other and kissed.

 

Then the door slammed open to reveal a silently enraged Spike.

 

~Reconvening~

 

Angel and Buffy were both disturbed about Spike seeing that kiss. They both thought it was why he was standing at the door in a seething rage. Angel was waiting for Spike to pounce on him, fists flying. He was unnerved when Spike crossed his arms and did not.

 

"I understand the thing with your soul. I understand about Angelus, even about the blood you just took from her. I understand, I do," Spike said. "I just don't understand why you did it like that. Do you think you could lower yourself to explain that to me? Otherwise, I'm going to beat you until you're in a bloody heap."

 

Angel looked at Spike a long time, remembering many things from their past. This was certainly a different Spike. When you start asking questions before you attack, you have undergone something deep, moving, and profound. Angel glanced at Buffy, who was staring at Spike as if he'd grown horns. Deep, moving, and profound. Yes, that was Buffy.

 

Angel looked back at Spike. He said, "She wanted it that way. There is a part of her that's made up of the same darkness we all have. Even Buffy shares it. Adera learned a great deal of hers from Darla."

 

Buffy and Spike said in unison, "Darla?"

 

Spike shrugged. "That explains a lot I was missing. I knew all that noise Angelus was making sounded familiar," he said. "You said she had you at death's door. I believe it now."

 

Buffy recovered enough to say, "Darla! She was with Darla? Why...why I'm so annoyed I don't know what to say! I'm...I'm insulted! Why was she with that...that witch? What's wrong with me!"

 

Spike looked at Buffy as if she was the one who'd grown the horns. Along with a tail to match them. He looked back at Angel for an explanation.

 

"Buffy feels like she just joined the cast of 'Passions', complete with back story and total recall," Angel supplied.

 

"Oh, so she's the slayer Adera brought back to life?"

 

"Yeah," Angel said.

 

Spike smiled. "This is getting interesting."

 

"Buffy also thought about you and me....with oil involved," Angel said.

 

The smile dropped from Spike's face. He looked Angel over. He turned to Buffy. "You're a sick puppy."

 

She smiled. "Don't worry, Spike. Angel didn't care much for the idea either. So, I'm going to replace you with Wesley."

 

Spike looked back at Angel, who was mute. Spike raised an eyebrow in question. Angel shrugged. He walked to the refrigerator, muttering, "That was too much information. Yeah. How am I gonna look at Wesley without this in my head?" He removed a Dr. Pepper, opened it, and walked to the table, where he sat down between them. Buffy and Angel were laughing.

 

"Adera gave me a message for you," Spike said. "She said she'll be going to Arizona shortly. She wants the letter you promised her."

 

"Oh, crap!," Angel said.

 

"And, who is Lindsey? She was talking to him in her sleep," Spike said.

 

Angel said, "Lindsey McDonald used to work for Wolfram & Hart. He wanted out, came to me for help, and I was not as helpful as I could've been. There are issues between us, you might say. He hates me, with good reason. I'm going to invite him to rejoin the firm."

 

"Can you trust this Lindsey?," Spike said.

 

"About like I trust you," Angel said. "But I'm willing to give him a second chance. The same chance I'm giving you. I only hope I can convince him to help. Ok, I need to do this alone." He looked at Buffy. "I'll see you before you leave, right?"

 

She looked at her watch. "I have about an hour before I have to go. I have to be there when Dawn gets home. You better write fast."

 

Angel reached out to touch her face. She smiled at him. "I will," he said. Then he swiftly left the room.

 

Buffy looked at Spike. He had an unhappy look on his face. "Oh, Spike, I'm sorry."

 

"Nothing to be sorry for, pet. I know Angel comes first in your heart. I always did, I just denied it for awhile. I'll still love you, but I've found I can live with it. I believe I can move on, now."

 

Buffy had tears in her eyes. She reached out and picked the cross up, cradling it in her hand. "You're so changed," she said. "I'm happy beyond words Adera brought you back."

 

Spike placed his hand to her face, wiping away the tear that had fallen. "You'll never know what it meant to me when you told me you loved me. I'm grateful you had the courage to do so, after what I did to you."

 

"I forgave you that, Spike. We were both at fault. You....you were so devastated by it, you went to seek your soul out. Do you know what that meant to me?"

 

"Yes," he said. "I do now."

 

"I do love you," she said.

 

"But not like you love him. You'll never love anyone like you love him. I understand that now that I've seen."

 

"Now that you've seen what?"

 

He removed his hand from her face, and took her hand in his. "I saw this," he said.

 

Between them came the memory Adera had shown Spike: Buffy killing Angel after he got his soul back.

 

When the memory cleared, she was crying. Spike whispered, "Love like that doesn't die. It lives into eternity."

 

The part in her heart that belonged to Spike longed for him because he had grown so much. She hoped with all her heart one day, he would find someone to love him the way he truly deserved.

 

~Invitation~

 

Angel sat at the desk in the office next to his, staring at the blank sheet of paper with the Wolfram & Hart logo at the top. This is going to be hard, he thought. He picked up the pen.

 

He started to write.

 

Lindsey,

 

I'm sending this letter with my friend Adera. I imagine by the time she arrives, you will know she is a very special lady.

 

I'm writing to you because Angel Investigations has taken over the LA branch of Wolfram & Hart. The reasons for this are many and varied, as I hope to explain to you later.

 

I'm asking for your help. I know you have no reason to consider my proposal, but I'm hoping you do.

 

I want you to rejoin the firm, as head of the legal department. You will not have to sign the perpetuity contract, as Lilah did. In fact, you can write your own contract, if you like.

 

I want to apologize for not helping you when I had the chance. It has been pointed out to me that I was not helpful at all, but worsened your situation. I will agree some of that is true. I did things that were....not right. I did them knowing how you felt about her.

 

For that, I'm sorry.

 

I believe you have knowledge that I need. Frankly, I am more inclined to trust you than anyone currently here. Please consider my offer.

 

I need you.

 

Sincerely,

Angel

 

Angel folded the letter, tucked it and envelope, and sealed it. Then he thought about the past, about the man this letter was going to.

 

Buffy entered Angel's office, having taken leave of Spike so she could say goodbye to Adera before she left. She heard sound of a guitar playing, and walked to the bedroom.

 

Pretty girl on every corner

Sunshine turns the sky to gold

Warm, warm, it's always warm here

And I can't take the cold

 

Buffy pushed open the door. Adera was sitting in the middle of the messy bed, playing. She looked up at Buffy's entrance and continued.

 

The street's littered with diamonds

Every one is glistening

This whole world shines so brightly

But I can't see a thing

 

Adera played a little more, but didn't sing. Then she stopped. She smiled at Buffy. "Came to say good bye?"

 

Buffy said, "Yeah. That was very pretty."

 

"Thanks."

 

"I also wanted to say I was sorry about before," Buffy said. "You know, the kiss and all."

 

"All right," Adera said. "It was only the past, Buffy. You must not get stuck in it, or you will remain there. I learned that long ago."

 

Buffy sat on the bed, too. She reached out and took Adera's hand, fingering the ring Adera still wore. Buffy looked at her, an unspoken question in her eyes.

 

"So, some things cannot be forgotten," Adera said.

 

Buffy smiled. "I know. Spike showed me something about Angel-"

 

"Wait," Adera interrupted. "Spike showed you something. You saw the past with your own eyes?"

 

Buffy said, "Yes. He took my hand, like this," as she closed her fingers into Adera's, like they were holding hands, "and then I saw a scene from my past. It was like I was there, like it was happening all over again."

 

"Wow," Adera said. "I couldn't do that until I was 500 years old. Maybe he got some of my strength as well. That's....kinda scary."

 

"Yeah," Buffy said.

 

"Yeah," Adera agreed.

 

Buffy removed her hand from Adera's. She stood up. "I'm meeting Angel before I go. I just wanted to say good bye." She turned to leave, getting half way to the door before Adera said, "Buffy."

 

Buffy turned around. Adera was right behind her. "Angel told you about Darla, didn't he?"

 

"Yes," Buffy said.

 

"She was my Spike, you know that, right?"

 

"Yes, I understand that," Buffy said.

 

Adera touched the side of her old friend's face. She drew Buffy forward with gentle pressure. "One kiss, to bury your past forever," she whispered. Then Adera pressed her lips to Buffy's, the brief kiss intense with emotion. Then she broke it off gently, and said, "I did love you."

 

"I know that. I always knew it," Buffy said. "Good bye, Adera. I hope you come to know peace."

 

"Bye, slayer. Remember, always look forward," Adera said.

 

Buffy left, and Adera went back to the guitar.

 

~Hope~

 

Buffy left the office, to find Angel exiting the room next to it. She smiled.

 

"Thought I was going to have to search you out," she said. She noticed the envelope in his shirt pocket. "Finish the letter?"

 

"Yes," Angel said. He held out his hand. "C'mon, I'll ride with you to the parking garage."

 

They walked to the elevator, entered it, and Buffy pushed the button for down.

 

"Did you say goodbye to Adera?"

 

"Yeah," Buffy said. She smiled. "She admitted she loved me. She told me to always look to the future, not be mired down with the past. Funny, from someone who's worn a ring picked up out of dust 3,000 years ago."

 

Angel said, "You think so?"

 

Buffy shook her head yes. Then she said, "I was thinking, now that the curse is broken, maybe Dawn and I should move to LA and.."

 

"No," Angel said. "You can't. It's not time yet."

 

"What do you mean? We can be together, Angel. My future is you."

 

Angel said, "She made you hope for the future, and all I can see is the past. You have things to work through, and so do I. There are things, important things, about this whole situation I haven't told you. Now isn't the time."

 

Buffy was confused. She said, "But, Angel!"

 

"No," he said. "Only a matter of two weeks ago, you told him you loved him. Two weeks, Buffy! You only called to say it was over, you'd defeated the First. You could've come here then. But you didn't. I think that was smart on your part, in fact I think it said a lot."

 

"But, I couldn't because.."

 

"You were mourning Spike," Angel said.

 

"Yeah, I was. His death was Magnificat, but I was happy because he had learned to care enough about love to sacrifice himself for the greater good. I was sad because he wasn't here anymore."

 

Angel said, "You just come back here, find out he's alive. You find out we can be together, now that the threat of Angelus is gone. Now you're like, let's party? I'm sorry, Buffy. It doesn't work that way."

 

"Just what are you trying to say here, Angel?"

 

"I think your feelings for Spike run as deep as the love you have for me. In many ways, it's a truer thing, because it was built on friendship and trust. What we have is a Romeo and Juliet romance....and that never ends well, does it?"

 

"I do not love him more than I love you! How can you stand there and say that?"

 

Angel replied, "You always have ask what I think or what I feel, don't you?" He paused.

 

"I'll tell you-but you're not going to like it. You slept with him the night before he died. You told Spike you loved him right before he did. That meant more to him than you and I will ever know. It was only two weeks ago, Buffy. For you to now say you're ready to move back, knowing he's here, it's just not right. It cheapens what you did. It cheapens you."

 

Buffy was crying. "Oh, now I'm cheap? What the hell do you mean by that?"

 

"I'm saying we both need time. I need to find out how all the things that've happened over the last 24 hours work. There are other things in the past, things I need to work out, stuff you know nothing about. And I'm saying you need time to think, really think....about Spike...about us. About yourself. You aren't the chosen one any longer. You can finally look forward to something else."

 

"And you think I need to decide what the something else is."

 

Angel said, "Yes, I do."

 

"When is it going to be the right time? I love you, Angel. I want to be with you."

 

"I love you, too. I always will. But now....I love her, too. Things are very complex right now, Buffy. There's Lindsey McDonald, also. The past I share with him....it borders on insane. It rivals our relationship. Then, there's you and Spike. And I'm not judging you by what happened with Spike. God knows, I wasn't there for you. But he was. He was. He changed in ways I never would have. The difference between us is amazing. I actually have respect for him. And, well, I don't want to hurt him by throwing it in his face because you chose me over him. It's too soon. Do you understand that?"

 

"Yes," she said quietly.

 

He reached out and touched her face. "I always make you cry, don't I?"

 

She laughed. "Yes, you do," she said.

 

He leaned down to kiss her. She pulled him to closer and kissed him back He kissed her closed eyes, then whispered, "You have my heart. A part of me will always belong to you. I'll be here when you're ready. When it's time. I promise."

 

The elevator doors opened. He stepped back.

 

She turned to walk out, and he started to follow.

 

"No," she said. "I'll say goodbye here. When I return, it'll be time then. In the future."

 

She looked back. "I have something to look forward to. Finally."

 

Then she stepped out of the elevator and the doors slid closed.

 

~Smile for Me~

 

Adera was back in Angel's office, sitting in his chair, thinking over the events of this long day. She smiled about the song she's sung for Lorne and the advice he had given her. She was glad she'd followed it. The look on his face alone had been worth it when she'd burst out with "Maybe It Was Memphis". The sales pitch for him as her agent was priceless. Yet she still felt that something was missing, off-kilter, and wasn't sure what it was.

 

Angel entered the office, letter in hand. He looked tired. He walked over to her and sat the letter on the desk. "I hope it'll be worth the time it took me to write this, Adera."

 

"Thanks, Angel," she said. "I know how hard that was for you. I'll bring him back, I swear."

 

Angel dropped into the nearest chair. "I'm so tired, I could die," he said.

 

"Well, Angel, you know men should never challenge a woman like you did me. The man is going to lose. Every time. You guys just aren't equipped for that sort of thing. Although....you did hold up amazing well."

 

Angel grinned at her. "Oh, you're funny. Jokes from the ex-virgin. You were about to give up, and you know it."

 

Adera laughed. "I was not! I was about to give in, not give up. Two entirely different things! If I'd done it, given in.....how long do you think it would have been then?"

 

"I shudder even to think about you on the dark side. I hope I never have to see it."

 

She said, "You better hope you never do, boy!"

 

They smiled at each other, then sat in silence a minute. "It was hard for you, saying goodbye to her, wasn't it?" Angel said, "It always is."

 

"Did you tell her about Lindsey?"

 

"A little. Not enough. I'm not sure she caught it," he said.

 

Adera smiled in understanding. "Well," she said. "I have to hit the road. I have a long drive ahead of me." She picked up the letter and the duffel bag, and started to walk toward the door.

 

"Adera, wait," he said, coming up behind her. She turned to look at him.

 

"I want to tell you how grateful I am for all you've done for me. I can't even tell you how much you've given me. You...you took away my greatest fear, and made me whole again. There's nothing I can give that will express what that means for me."

 

She dropped the bag and sat the letter on top. Then she smiled at him. "Yes, there is," she said.

 

"What?," he said. "Tell me and it's yours."

 

She moved until she was as close as she could get. "Kiss me before I go," she whispered.

 

He bent down and touched his lips to hers. Into that kiss went everything he felt, everything she felt, everything they felt for each other.

 

When it was over, he held her in his arms. For just a minute of time.

 

"Are you going to keep that shirt on?" he whispered.

 

"All the way there," she replied.

 

She backed up. She glanced at the shirt tied to her hips. "Not as good as a mark on a bedpost, but hey, I did Angelus and lived."

 

He laughed. She retrieved the bag and letter. "I'll be back, I promise."

 

"It won't be the same," he said.

 

"No, it won't," she said. Then she turned and started to leave again.

 

Angel said, "Where is he?"

 

"The only place a soul in torment, who has lost the capacity to feel or care about anything would be."

 

"Sounds like hell to me," Angel said.

 

Adera said, "Lindsey McDonald is in the most beautiful place in America"

 

Then she left Angel to ponder over that one.

 

~Adera Bear~

 

She had driven hours upon hours. She'd made several stops along the way. When she finally arrived, she'd made her way to the bed and breakfast she'd made reservations at, showered and changed. But she was too keyed up to sleep.

 

So, Adera drove around, going where the voice within told her he had been. She saw the breathtaking sights of Sedona, feeling Lindsey's every emotion as though it were her own. In every rock formation, she saw beauty. He saw rocks. In the sparkling water, she saw life. He saw death. In the geographic landscapes, she saw in her mind's eye what white columns of glaciers must have looked like. Lindsey imagined the destruction caused by nuclear holocaust.

 

It was heartrending. It was emotionally draining. It was tearing her up inside. How could she overcome a darkness that deep? How could he live among such beauty and be blind to it?

 

When she could no longer take it, she returned to Sedona. She ate, shopped, walked the streets. She bought beautiful hand-made rugs. Jewelry. Clothes. She purchased artwork, beautiful paintings, which she shipped to LA. She spent a fortune on things to remind her of the beauty of life, after seeing through Lindsey's eyes.

 

But none of that really mattered. All that did matter had been burned out of him. She was at an impasse trying to figure out how to help him. Could he feel her, did he know she was in Sedona?

 

Driving back to the bed and breakfast, she again showered, washing the sweat of her sightseeing adventure away. Trying to wash his world view away. She put on a light blue gauzy dress and sandals. She applied very light make up, and brushed her hair until it gleamed. She pulled some of her hair into a beautiful barrette she'd purchased today, made of silver. Her hair went nearly to her waist.

 

Then she left to go to the Thunder Mountain Music Festival. She found an inconspicious place and she waited. She listened. She waited.

 

Finally, he sang a few songs with a local band. She closed her eyes, letting his voice sooth her. It felt like lightening under her skin, like ice running down her back on a hot day, like jumping into a pool when you're hot. His voice set her on fire and calmed her down at the same time....but he was empty.

 

When he finished, she left as fast as possible. He had been scanning the crowd. He did feel her. She knew he'd remain hours, looking for her. She wasn't ready to face him. Not yet.

 

She went to his apartment. She stood before the door, unlocking his security system with the power of her thoughts. She walked into the apartment, and her heart ached to see the bare walls, the total lack of decoration. His apartment was as desolate as he was.

 

She walked into his bedroom, and she saw something that gave her the first spark of hope, the first glimmer of a chance to save him.

 

A teddy bear.

 

She walked over and picked it up. When she did, she got a vision of Lindsey winning it for Darla at a street fair in LA. She knew not long after that, Angel had seen Darla, and known he hadn't been dreaming about her.

 

What had Lindsey left with? Clothes, a guitar, and this. He had kept the teddy bear Darla hadn't cared about. He still didn't have much more, only the things one had to have. Nothing else. Her heart bled for him.

 

She sat her purse down on the night stand, slid the sandals off, and lay down on the bed. Where she fell into an exhausted sleep, the teddy bear held within her arms.

 

Several hours later, Lindsey walked into the bedroom. He looked down at her sleeping form.

 

He whispered, "Well, well. Look who's sleeping in my bed."

 

He cleaned up in the bathroom, and then he returned to his bedroom, where he gently lay beside her. She turned to him in her sleep, and he took her in his embrace. She snuggled into his arms, with her head on his chest, and whispered, "Lindsey".

 

He closed his eyes and drifted to sleep, holding something in his arms except a teddy bear in over two years.

 

The healing had begun, and she didn't know it.

 

~Preconceived~

 

The first thing Adera was fully aware of upon awakening was warmth. The second was the embrace she was in. Or rather, who's embrace she was in. She realized he had returned, and instead of awakening her, he had held her in his arms, and slept himself. A bright new hope sparkled within her. Then she came to the realization that he was also awake. His hand was smoothing the hair that fell to her waist.

 

"Lindsey," she whispered. She could feel his heart beating under her cheek. She felt the warmth of his body. He smelled like the sun, like sheets dried in the open air, like a man of nature. He was human, he was alive, and this man was going to be hers. Oh, yes.

 

"You aren't quite human, are you?," he softly asked.

 

"No, I'm not," she replied.

 

"Tell me your name," he said, his voice sending flashes of heat through her.

 

"My name is Adera," she answered.

 

"I've felt you in my thoughts, in my dreams, in my head. How is that possible?"

 

Adera said, "I have an empathic ability. I touched something of yours, and my emotions are bound with yours now. Everything you feel, I feel. I don't know how long it will last."

 

Lindsey sighed. "The guitar I left behind. The song I sang," he said. "I could feel you. I felt pain. Pain that was coming from you, not me."

 

Adera gasped, "You felt my emotions? That's...That's never happened before."

 

"Is that bad?," he whispered.

 

She looked up into his face, into those blue eyes, considering what he'd asked. "I don't think so. Just strange. There are other factors involved and....well, they could be influencing a two way connection, I suppose."

 

"You sound a little unsure," Lindsey said.

 

"I guess I am. Things are a little strange right now."

 

Lindsey laughed. "That's an understatement, if I ever heard one. I don't know you, and yet I feel like I've known you forever. I've been here two years. The last two days, I've experienced more through you than I have alone."

 

Adera said, "You make my heart hurt, Lindsey."

 

He wiped away the tear that had fallen from her eye. "I'm sorry. Something inside is telling me to be honest with you. I...Adera, I haven't had a life since I left LA. My life is empty, it's barren, it's nothing. My life is a prison, but it's a prison I made for myself. You aren't in any way responsible for what's happened. You shouldn't feel for me. I made some bad choices in the past."

 

She said, "Lindsey, there are things you need to know. Events I need to tell you about."

 

He said, "Tell me later."

 

"These are things you should know now," she insisted.

 

"Whatever it is, it can wait," he said.

 

"But, I..."

 

"Shh," Lindsey said. "It can wait. Right now, I want to ask you something very important."

 

"What?," she asked.

 

"Are you in my bed for a reason?"

 

She looked into his eyes. He was honestly asking. She sensed her answer almost meant life or death to him. His body had a tense feel to it.

 

"Yes," she whispered.

 

His eyes seemed to turn a deeper shade of blue. They seemed to light up, like a lamp being turned on in a darkened room.

 

"That's good," he said.

 

"Is it," she asked softly.

 

"Yes," he said.

 

"Why," she whispered.

 

"I'm going to make love to you," he replied.

 

~Surrender~

 

Lindsey's words reverberated in her mind. The words "make love" coming from someone as desolate and empty as he was made her heart hurt worse. His whole statement was a cry for help, but he wasn't aware of it.

 

If it was only that, if only it took her body to help him, she wouldn't even hesitate.

 

But the important point was, he had not asked. He had stated his intentions. What he wanted, needed from her, she wasn't sure she could give. She had put herself into his bed on her own. Knowing this would happen, just not knowing how.

 

She was a little discomforted at the thought of herself leaving Angel's bed and going straight to Lindsey's, given the emotions Angel had for this man. And for her. She thought it in par with the "I'll fuck anything that moves" tendencies most vampires had. Having remained chaste for so long, however, she didn't care.

 

Adera thought Lindsey should know about Angel. Perhaps his intuition told him not to hear that information at this time. Adera didn't know how he would react to the knowledge that she had just been with someone he considered a mortal, or immortal as the case may be, enemy. She thought he would find the knowledge that Lindsey had been in her thoughts almost the entire time quite amusing.

 

What he wouldn't find amusing was her relationship with Darla. Or the fact that all three of them were connected by her. Lindsey didn't believe in coincidence.

 

The most disturbing thing to her, however, had nothing to do with this. She was beginning to think Athena had known about this man, as well as Spike and Angel. If that was so, there was more to all of this than she knew.

 

Athena had given her the gift of immortality, with strictures and conditions. She had warned her about becoming hardened. She had also told her that she would almost become a goddess. What Athena had not said was how strong a will Adera would develop. But develop it she had.

 

Adera closed her eyes as she remembered something else Athena had said:

 

My final demand for the favor I do for you today is the surrender of your virginity to a soul who is a shattered caricature of a man, and to a man who is cursed with the pain of his past and who seeks redemption for it. Your surrender will complete him, and enable him to fulfill his own destiny.

 

Angel had been the one. That much was clear. Athena herself had unlocked the door to release them from the spell Adera had cast on the bedroom.

 

What became clear to Adera now was the subtle nuance of the word virginity. The meaning of the word surrender. Because, even though Angel had taken her virginity, she had not truly surrendered herself. To surrender herself to Lindsey, she would have to do something she had never done before.

 

She would have to suppress the part of herself that was not human.

 

She would have to allow her emotions free reign.

 

She would have to subjugate her will to his.

 

Complete surrender.

 

She looked into his blue eyes a long time. She again heard the song that had haunted her. Athena had bound them in a way Adera did not understand or know the reason for.

 

"I'm going to make love to you," he had said.

 

Adera whispered, "I'm going to let you."

 

-to be continued-


	2. Chapter 2

~True Passion~

 

Lindsey eased the embrace they were in, so she gently moved back from him, just a little. He moved her hair, so it was all behind her. Then he slowly glanced over her body. As he did, a slow, hot heat built within her. Then he raised his eyes to lock them with hers again.

 

"I felt that," he said. "I haven't laid a hand on you yet."

 

Adera whispered, "Then I suppose I won't have to tell you how much I want you. You must know it."

 

He bent down to press his lips to hers. She opened her mouth to allow him to do it right. The feel of his tongue touching hers was seductive, it was erotic, it was sending hot shivers down her spine. Lindsey tasted like brandy. She liked it.

 

Then he touched her. He ran his hand up her left leg, under her dress. He stopped when he reached her waist. The feel of his hand there, not moving, just touching her skin set her on fire.

 

He pushed her gently onto her back. He moved with her and did not break the kiss. He began unbuttoning her dress with the other hand. With each button undone, his fingers touched her skin. With each button undone, her desire flamed higher. When he undid the last button, he parted her dress and took a breast in his hand. She hadn't worn a bra, and the heat from his hand made her arch her back forward into him. She moaned within the kiss.

 

He moved away from the kiss, to her ear, and he kissed it, he licked it where her diamond studs were, he gently pressed his mouth over the studs and bit down softly. She said, 'I'm going to die." He chuckled, the husky sound making her burn hotter. He kissed her neck, working his way to the other breast. His lips closed over the nipple and he sucked on it, while he gently pinched the other one. Her entire body felt like it was going to burn from the inside out, and she felt his teeth graze her nipple. She moaned, and deep inside, she felt the small climax happen. So did he.

 

Lindsey pulled back and softly said, "Holy God!"

 

Adera said, "You felt that?"

 

Lindsey said, "Yes."

 

He slid the dress off her shoulders, down her arms. She moved so he could pull it out from under her. Then he pulled off his undershirt, and took her in his arms again, kissing her once more. The feel of his bare skin on hers was exquisite. She broke off the kiss to press her lips to the hollow underneath his Adam's apple. The feel of his warm skin under her mouth was trying to awaken bloodlust within her, but she ruthlessly pushed those feelings aside.

 

She maneuvered her hand until it was at the snap to his jeans. She flipped the snap open, and worked the zipper down. "Take them off," she said, her voice husky with desire.

 

"Getting impatient, are you?," he said.

 

"Yes," she softly growled.

 

He chucked again, and he removed the jeans. Which set him free, because he wasn't wearing any thing under them.

 

He pushed her back once more, and gently slid the ice blue panties off her. He looked at her, knowing what she felt. Knowing what his eyes on her body was doing to her. Knowing she wanted him inside more than she wanted to breathe. And knowing also, she had never wanted anything as badly in her life.

 

He touched her legs once more, and she shifted to receive him.

 

Lindsey did what he'd told her he would. They lost themselves in each other, creating magic neither of them knew about. They never noticed the tiny glowing purple lights that surrounded them, and Lindsey never knew the exact moment he fell in love.

 

His heart wasn't empty any longer, and hers was too full of him in that moment for anyone else.

 

~Uncommon~

 

Lindsey lay on his back, with Adera curled up beside him. Her head lay on his chest, and she reveled in the sound of his heartbeat. Inside, she felt a completeness, a wholeness, that she'd never known before. It was more satisfying than anything she'd ever experienced, in the millennia she'd lived. Just to hold him, to touch him, made her feel a warmth within that was almost frightening in intensity.

 

She realized this was what true happiness felt like. Strange, how she'd never known how empty her own life was. She wondered when she had become so inured to being alone. She couldn't recall, and the two relationships she'd had both turned out badly. Thea and Darla. Is this why Angel was so....caught up in Lindsey? It made her understand part of the bond between Lindsey and herself.

 

"It wasn't only the empathic ability," she said. "Although it did start when I picked up your guitar. It was me, too. My life has been as empty as yours has become. I realize that now."

 

Lindsey said, "I'm sorry."

 

"There's nothing to be sorry for. How can you know what's missing, if you never knew something was?" Adera sighed, and sat up. She took his right hand and traced the line of demarcation that was left from the surgery that had given him a hand back. She looked at him.

 

"You look at this everyday, and you hate yourself because of all the wrong you've done. You feel guilt because of the lives that were taken or destroyed because of your love for her. Because you set the evil in her free. Because she used you, and you willingly let it happen. You feel sorry for yourself because she didn't love you. And you can't even hate her."

 

He looked weary and a little sad. "What you said is true. I have felt that way. I let my greed and passion for material possessions make a bad choice once. I ignored what was right from wrong in my desperation for her. I knew the difference. At the time, I hated Angel so, that I didn't care."

 

"But you do now," she said.

 

"It's too late now," Lindsey said. "It was too late two years ago. I can't go back and change what happened. I'll never be able to make it right!"

 

"No, you can't make it right. But you can still make a difference. You can redeem yourself, Lindsey," Adera said.

 

"How?"

 

She said, "All of this, all of it, has been some sort of circle. I do not understand everything, but we are bound by more than empathic means. And both of us are bound to him. I won't try to explain it, because it would take too long. But I can show you. I will show you. You must trust me. Can you do that?"

 

"I would trust you with my life," Lindsey said.

 

She smiled at him. He smiled back. She was entranced, because he looked so very different when he smiled. She felt a rush of feeling for him. His eyes widened, for he felt it.

 

"I can let you see my memories, Lindsey. Those that are mine alone, and those I've inherited from others. Usually, all I would have to do is this," she said as she enclosed her hand with his. Nothing happened.

 

"I don't feel anything but us holding hands," Lindsey said.

 

"That's right," she said. "We are so connected, that this won't work. But I know what will. That's where the trust comes in. Because I have to warn you, I'm not sure what it will do to you. You may inherit some of my abilities. You may become as I am. It may possibly do you no harm at all. I cannot be sure. Will you agree?"

 

Lindsey thought about it. Not knowing exactly what she was he thought about the most. He seriously didn't want some demon inside him. Not after everything that had happened. Did he trust her that much? She didn't look evil, but then again, Darla hadn't, either.

 

"After all you've given me, I'd follow you into hell itself," he said.

 

She was reminded of Spike. Men, she thought, were such simple creatures sometimes. She reached up to undo the barrette which was in her hair. It came apart in two pieces. One of them was a very small, very sharp little knife. She held it up for him to see.

 

"There is a common denominator here. It binds us all together. I will go back to the beginning, so you will know about me. I will show you things about others involved. Some things you see, you will not like. I cannot help that. But before I do this, you must know, the head of Wolfram & Hart has made you an offer to rejoin the firm, Lindsey. I have the letter in my purse."

 

He shook his head no. "I will never go back."

 

Adera held his hand once more, closing her fingers with his. She slid the very small knife between their hands, gently turning it so the blade was sideways.

 

"Never say never, Lindsey. It's the kiss of death," she whispered as she swiftly pulled the small blade downward. They both winced as she pressed her palm into his.

 

~Revealing Echo~

 

Lindsey and Adera saw images of the past that she had shown others. But she showed Lindsey images the others had not seen, not even Angel: Images of her with Thea, the moment in time she realized she was in love with her, the intense bloodlust for vampires she had acquired, her cruelty towards those she'd slain, the disdain she sometimes had for mankind, the intense battle she'd had with an evil slayer, the deaths of that slayer at Adera's hands.

 

Then the first of what she knew would cause him the most pain: Images of Darla from the past. The many times Adera had seen her but hadn't approached her. Lindsey clenched his fingers tighter into hers, but she kept showing him. She showed him her growing fascination with the beautiful blonde. She showed him images of Darla's growing interest in her. Things she'd taken from Darla's head. Images from Darla's memories of Adera killing vampires without mercy, unaware Darla was watching, intrigued by the violence Adera had in herself.

 

She briefly showed him that she had indeed had a sexual relationship with the bewitching vampire. She showed him the deliberate seduction Darla had used on her. She let him realize that she had been with Darla six months, months that Adera had been played like a fine instrument in Darla's evil desire for the exchange that would leave her Adera's equal, able to walk in the sun, to become the ultiment evil that Adera would not let herself become. She showed Lindsey her love for Darla, who had at first hid the evil nature she had. Then the final moments: the fight about Darla wanting the exchange, Adera forcing her to hold her hand, and the memories she'd taken from Darla. The moment she knew Darla had planned the whole thing.

 

Darla's last words to her as Adera left: "I'll find you again. One day, I'll find a way to revenge myself on you. You will never see me coming. But I'll be there."

 

She showed him images of Angel when he was still human. Of his attempted seduction, which Adera had walked away from. Then she showed Lindsey what Angel himself didn't know: When Darla had sired Angel, she had done it because she could smell Adera's scent on him. Lindsey could feel the desolation in Adera's soul because she felt as if she were responsible.

 

Then she showed him the last few days. Her realization when he had said he was Angelus. Everything including her idle with Angelus himself, during which she had Lindsey in her thoughts. Everything up to this moment in time. But she left him with two statements she'd made. The one she had told Angel before their last encounter and the one she had just told Lindsey.

 

Adera sighed. "I never realized what she was up to until it was almost too late. Then, when I walked away, I was devastated knowing the depths I'd let her take me to. Mostly because I wanted to go back to her. A part of me didn't care about the consequences that would follow if I did. And that was what kept me from doing it. I've hated myself, that part of myself, ever since."

 

"You look at this everyday, and you hate yourself because of all the wrong you've done. You feel guilt because of the lives that were taken or destroyed because of your love for her. Because you set the evil in her free. Because she used you, and you willingly let it happen. You feel sorry for yourself because she didn't love you. You can't even hate her."

 

Adera released his hand. She took a deep breath, and looked up at Lindsey, expecting to see anger, betrayal, maybe even hatred for what she was, the things she'd done, or things she felt she should have told him to begin with. That's what she expected, knowing she had slept with a man he hated, even at one time wanted to kill. A vampire that, deep down, he wanted himself.

 

What she saw in his eyes was a love so deep, so intense, nothing would stand in it's way. She still felt his emotions, and she knew he would love her forever.

 

"We can leave for LA on Sunday night," he softly said. Then he took her in his arms, where he allowed his emotions free reign, and he surrendered himself to her. It was the most glorious thing they had ever done.

 

~Small Talk~

 

Lindsey and Adera rode up in the elevator from the parking garage. He was in a tense mood. She was excited he'd agreed to rejoin the firm. But of course, just now, he had that serious look on his face. The one she'd made go away while they were in Sedona. She had made him take her to all the places she'd visited when she'd arrived. She had shown him the beauty that was there to see, if one had the grace to look. They had slept in the open, under the blanket of stars. She smiled. That was a night she'd never forget.

 

She'd wanted him to put on a suit, but he said he was through with that. He liked his jeans just fine. Which he'd chosen to wear with a solid blue long sleeved shirt, underneath his black t-shirt could be seen because Lindsey hadn't buttoned the blue shirt. The shirt made his eyes bluer. Looking at him, she wished she could stop the elevator just now.

 

The muscles in his back relaxed somewhat. He turned to look at her leaning against the side of the elevator, looking at him. He wanted to pick her up, wrap her legs around him and.....

 

"Stop doing that!," he said. "How am I supposed to talk to Angel if I'm so worked up over you?"

 

She crossed her arms and smiled at him. "I suggest you open your mouth to let words form."

 

He laughed. Ah, there it was! That was the look she so longed to see. He held out his right hand. She took it and he pulled her close to him. She looked up into his face. He bent down and kissed her softly. She almost purred with satisfaction. She laid her head against his chest, listening to his heart beat. Oh, what this man did to her.

 

She wondered about the changes happening within him. The scar on his wrist had disappeared. You couldn't even tell it wasn't truly his hand. The other, little changes were slower to show them selves. Unlike Spike, Lindsey had been human. And there hadn't been the vampiric exchange of blood, either.

 

But he had changed. Was changing, rather. He was not wholly human. She just didn't know what the final outcome would be.

 

The elevator came to halt, the doors opened to reveal Wesley waiting for them. He looked them over, a slightly judgmental look on his face. Angel was obviously being as closed-mouthed as usual. Wesley had undoubtly not known of their impending arrival until just a few minutes ago. He said, "Lindsey."

 

Lindsey said, "Wesley."

 

Men, Adera thought.

 

Lindsey released her while Wesley informed them that Angel was in his office. He talked with Wesley a few minutes while she waited, musing on the ways of the male beast. Lindsey walked past Wesley, heading down towards Angel's office. She tucked her hands into the back pockets of her leather pants, deciding to repay Mr. Wesley Wyndham-Price for that look he had given them. The action made the silk of her blouse pull back a little.

 

She slowly walked up to him, right into his personal space. She looked up into his face, allowing time for the scent of her perfume reach him. Then she softly said, "So, how's your pretty boy been doing while I was gone?"

 

"Pretty boy?," he said. "Oh, you mean Angel. Well, that's hard to say."

 

"Not much for small talk, is he?," she said.

 

"No, Angel is a man of action," Wesley said.

 

She looked smug. "Thought so." Then she walked past him to the office as well.

 

Wesley followed her, perplexed by the verbal exchange. He thought, what the hell was that about?

 

~A Tangled Web~

 

Lindsey opened the door and walked into the office. Angel was talking to a small group of people. He remembered Gunn, but didn't know the girl. The other man must be Spike. Lorne, of course, Lindsey knew him, as well. He took a deep breath, and went forward to meet them.

 

Angel looked up as Lindsey approached. He noticed how different Lindsey was dressed, considering he used to wear expensive tailor-made suits. For some reason, these casual clothes made Lindsey look..too damn sexy to live. {Give me strength, please.} Lindsey looked like he had finally found his place in life. He looked...satisfied with it. Not entirely happy, but satisfied. Lindsey's worth tripled in Angel's eyes, and he was now willing to give his old rival a serious second chance.

 

Angel stepped a little apart from the group, who had went silent. Angel had just told them about Lindsey rejoining the firm. Lorne and Gunn glanced at each other, knowing the animosity the two had once had for each other. Lorne wondered how long it would be before the two men would finally admit the attraction they both felt for each other.

 

Angel and Lindsey stood looking at each other for a minute. Angel said, "Lindsey."

 

Lindsey said, "Angel."

 

"Welcome back," Angel said, extending his hand out to Lindsey.

 

Lindsey hesitated, then shook Angel's hand. "I wouldn't have come back, if not for her. You know that, right?"

 

"I do," Angel said. He noticed the scar was gone, looked at Lindsey questioning.

 

"Side effects," Lindsey said. Angel didn't see any bite marks on him. "I'll explain later," Lindsey said.

 

Angel looked Lindsey in the eye. "I'm glad for you. And I'm willing to set aside the past. You can write your own contract, Lindsey."

 

Lindsey said, "The contract I signed is still in place, Angel. I didn't exactly quit, you know. I just walked out. I will not, however, sign the perpetuity contract, and," he paused. "I want my back pay. Agreed?"

 

Angel smiled about the back pay. Well, a little thing like half a million dollars was nothing to sneeze at. "Agreed," he said.

 

They both turned at the sound of the door opening as Adera walked in. Everyone there saw the difference in her immediately. She looked damn good in those black leather pants and the deep purple silk blouse she was wearing, but what was apparent to everyone there was the air she carried herself with. The rough edge of anger and arrogance was still there, but it was muted. The woman exuded sexual satisfaction from every pore of her skin.

 

Every one in the room looked at Lindsey, who blushed. He raised an eyebrow in enquiry. They all smiled. Adera came to a halt beside Lindsey. She looked at them both. "You two boys get the preliminaries settled?"

 

"Yes, we did," Angel and Lindsey said in unison.

 

"Great!" Adera said. "Now we can begin to unravel this web."

 

Wesley entered the office, a look of confusion and bafflement on his face. Everyone looked at Adera. She smiled and looked at Angel.

 

"Small talk, included innuendoes. I may have been thinking about oil involved," she explained.

 

Angel narrowed his eyes at her. Spike said, "Oh, bloody hell, not you too!". The others looked like they wanted to hear more, but Adera was mute.

 

Angel turned to walk back to his desk, muttering to Adera, "I'll get you for that one."

 

Adera laughed softly, took Lindsey's hand in hers, and they followed Angel. He said, "Lindsey, this is Fred Burkel. She's part of AI and head of the science department."

 

"Nice to meet you," Lindsey said.

 

"Me, too," Fred said. "I mean, nice to meet you. Lorne was telling us you have a very nice voice. Gunn said you rocked. I was surprised, knowing you were evil and all," then she paused. "Oh, I'm sorry! I was rambling, I do that a lot...I didn't mean to insult you..."

 

Lindsey chuckled. "It's all right, Miss Burkel. I'm not offended."

 

Angel said, "You remember Gunn and Lorne?"

 

Lindsey said, "Yes, I do." He shook both their hands. Gunn was silent, but Lorne said, 'It's about time you came back."

 

Angel said, "Lindsey, this is Spike. He's working with us," he looked at Spike and continued. "At least for now."

 

Spike said, "At least for now." Then he looked at Adera. Really looked. She was glowing. Spike felt happy for her. He looked at Lindsey. "She tell you about me?"

 

Lindsey said, "Yeah, she did."

 

Spike saw that Lindsey was a little protective of her. He liked what he'd seen of this Lindsey chap so far. They both nodded their heads at each other, but didn't shake hands.

 

Adera rolled her eyes. Men, she thought. "Okay," she said. "Now that the introductions are over, let's talk about Wolfram & Hart."

 

~Unveiled~

 

Angel sat on the edge of the desk. "Wolfram & Hart is now overseen by Angel Investigations. When we took it over a few weeks ago, we started diverting it's direction from doing evil to helping those in need within the city."

 

"That's all good and well, Angel," Lindsey said. "I hope you can do that. I'll do my part to help with that angle. But that's not why I came back."

 

Angel said, "Then why don't you tell us why you are back?"

 

"Because of the prophecies of Aberjian," Lindsey answered.

 

Wesley said, "The Shanshu prophecy?"

 

"Wesley, the short time that thing was in your possession, is that all you focused on? The Shanshu prophecy?" Lindsey said.

 

"Well, yes. I felt there was vital information in that prophecy about Angel's future. But before I could decipher any more of the scroll, it vanished. We thought Wolfram & Hart had it, but so far, I have not found it."

 

"No, we didn't take it. We didn't know who did, or for what purpose. Frankly, I always suspected Lilah had something to do with it," Lindsey said. He noticed the pained look Wesley got on his face, wondered about it, but moved on. "I believe the events that happened over the last year or two have something to do with the fact the scroll's gone missing."

 

"I don't think Lilah had anything to do with it, Lindsey," Wesley said. "She was as shocked and off guard as the rest of us when the Beast arrived. The Beast almost killed her, and the master of the Beast did kill her. I don't believe she was expecting that."

 

Lindsey thought about that. "All right. Let's say she didn't know. If it wasn't her, then we then have to think along the lines of the senior partners. But they may not have had anything to do with it, either. I took some heat over that scroll going missing. With everything that happened, I had forgotten about it."

 

Spike said, "You may have forgotten, but you can bet some one else didn't."

 

"What else was in that scroll, Lindsey," Adera asked.

 

He answered, "I don't know everything either. I never got to study it in any great detail. But I do know two of the prophecies have come to pass, and you, all of you, let it happen."

 

Gunn said, "You better back up, evil lawyer boy! We didn't let anything happen. They just happened."

 

Lindsey said, "Destroying the Ra-Tet, the Beast, It's Master, Angelus, Faith, everything was foretold in that scroll."

 

Every body thought about it.

 

"And that's not the worst part," Lindsey said. "Cordelia is in a coma, one she will be unlikely to awaken from. She cannot even pass her powers onto anyone. You ended world peace. The Abraham prophecy was fulfilled. And you have foolishly accepted this place, as a reward for ending world peace!"

 

"And?," Angel said, knowing now what Lindsey had told him once but which he had himself forgotten.

 

"You are now completely cut off from the Powers That Be. You are on your own, because there is no way back."

 

~Strategy~

 

"The Powers That Be?" Fred snorted. "You mean The Powers That Screw You?"

 

Lindsey looked from her to Angel. "See what I mean?"

 

Angel's forehead wrinkled as he thought about Lindsey's meaning. "All we can do at this point is the best we can, Lindsey."

 

"I'd agree with that, Angel. Except for one thing," He looked at every one present. "This entire thing is bound together by a common denominator. You, me, Adera, even Spike. You know what it is, don't you?"

 

"Darla," Angel said quietly.

 

"Darla? What does she have to do with anything?" Wesley said.

 

"Everything," Adera said, going to sit in Angel's chair, behind his desk. "Darla didn't just pick Angel out at random. She chose him because she hated me and wanted revenge. She didn't do it because he's handsome, although I'm sure that played a big part."

 

"What?" Angel said.

 

Adera leaned forward, placing her arms on his desk. "When Darla sired you, whose smell was all over you?"

 

"Yours," he said. Adera grinned.

 

Wesley said, "Well, we'll do research on Darla. Cross reference with prophecies, see if we can come up with any thing." He paused. Then his eyebrows nearly lifted into his hairline. He turned to Adera. "That wasn't funny!"

 

"Boy, I gotta hand it to you, Wesley. You are so fast on the uptake, it's scary," Adera said.

 

"Well, I never!," he said.

 

"Not yet, any way. I wasn't kidding," she smiled at him. "It's quite a ride."

 

His lips thinned out in an obvious effort to refrain from commenting on that. He turned around and gritted out from clenched teeth, "I'm doing research now!"

 

Fred, Gunn, and Lorne looked uncomfortable as well. They made excuses about helping Wesley and left. Lindsey, Angel and Spike were staring at her as if she'd grown horns. "What?" she said, a look of innocence on her face.

 

They all burst out laughing.

 

She grinned. "I know that was a little evil. I couldn't help it, I couldn't not say that!"

 

They laughed harder, until eventually they started talking about prophecies again. She listened, occasainly giving viewpoints. But in the main, she only listened with half an ear. She hated bull sessions. It was boring. She would rather admire Lindsey. She would rather be doing Lindsey. Right now.

 

"Stop that, Adera," he said, then continued his monologue about the ritual W&H had used to bring Darla back.

 

"All right," she grumbled.

 

The phone rang. Adera answered it. "Wolfram & Hart. This is Angel's office, can I help you?"

 

She listened. "Well, I know, but.."

 

She listened. "He's talking to some one right now, but I can get him for you, no prob.."

 

She listened. "Yes, I know who you are. But he's right he.."

 

She listened. "Uh huh. Uh huh. Right. No, I'll tell him. Okay," she said. Then she hung the phone up. She closed her eyes and whispered, "Crap!"

 

Then she got up and walked towards the men. They had been aware of her comments on the phone. Now all three of them were concerned because Adera had looked upset.

 

She looked at Angel. "That was Faith," she said. She looked at Lindsey. "She'll be here in 30 minutes." Then she left, walking very swiftly from the room.

 

Lindsey said, "Maybe you better go talk to her, Spike. Try and calm her down before Faith gets here."

 

Spike exclaimed, "Me? I'm not her lover-boy. You go talk to her!"

 

Lindsey replied, "In this instance, I'm not sure how much comfort I can give her. I believe you can do a better job than me. You can relate to her anger better than me."

 

"Why is that? I'm not going to hold her and cuddle her and tell her I love her- that's your job!"

 

Lindsey said, "Because Faith will know who Adera is. Because I've never killed a slayer. You have."

 

~The Feeling~

 

Spike followed Adera's scent, which led him to the training room. She was punching angrily at a dummy, hitting it harder and harder with each punch. She was concentrating so hard, Spike wasn't sure if she knew he was watching until she said, "Go away, Spike. I don't feel like talking just now." Then she punched the dummy some more.

 

"That's too bad, pet," Spike said. "I came after you because she's coming and you need to deal."

 

"I am dealing, you twit. Can't you tell? I'm going to beat this dummy to death before she arrives. Then maybe I can look at her and pretend she's someone who deserves the second chance Angel gave her." She continued punching.

 

"Is this reincarnated soul thing a part of the slayer myth?"

 

"No, only some slayers are reincarnated. Buffy kept being sent back because of me. Unfinished business. Faith keeps getting sent back because she's a cold-hearted murderer."

 

Spike said, "Adera, she's trying to redeem herself. You've helped Angel, Lindsey, and me. Why are you like this about Faith?"

 

"Because I've had to kill her five times," Adera said. "Each time it's just a little harder than the last. I have this darkness, this evil inside the same as you do. Faith brings it out of me," she sighed.

 

"How so? If you had to kill her because she was murdering people, I hardly think that's what you call evil, Adera."

 

Adera paused. "The last time was shortly before I became embroiled with Darla. She had followed me to France, although I wasn't aware of it. Shortly after I arrived, I came across Faith. She was still the slayer at that point. I tried to help her, I tried to be her friend. She isn't always evil, Spike."

 

"And?," he asked.

 

"She betrayed me, she used me, and she tried to kill me. I hated her so much, so furiously, that when I snapped her neck, I experienced immense satisfaction from doing it. Darla was in the shadows, watching the whole thing."

 

"Knowing Darla, I deduce she didn't give you time to come to terms with what you felt, did she?" Spike walked toward Adera, his movements becoming seductive and slightly animalistic. "No, she didn't. She took what you felt, and turned it against you. She slowly brought the evil to the fore, and you never realized she was playing you. Because you liked it."

 

Adera looked at him. "Just what do you think you're doing, Spike?"

 

He reached her. He whispered, "Telling you the truth. You liked it. You wanted it. For a small bit of time, you considered going back and making Darla what she wanted. Because it's what you wanted. You never felt remorse for the death of the slayer, because all you thought about for years after was your lover."

 

Adera punched him in the face. His head whipped to the side, but he didn't fall back. He turned his head back and smiled at her. "That is not so," she said.

 

"Sure it is," he continued. "You thought about her eyes, her smile, that hair. You thought about all the nasty little things you liked that she knew how to do just right. Deep in the night, when you were alone, you thought about her."

 

Adera hit him again. This time, he returned the favor, and smacked her back. She wasn't expecting it, and staggered back a little. "Spiky, you don't want to start with me," she snarled.

 

"Not man enough for you, pet?" Spike asked.

 

She growled and threw herself at him, hitting, kicking, biting, until he started fighting back. She fought until she was tired of it.

 

Then she burst out crying, throwing herself into his arms. He held her, whispering to her until she was calm again.

 

In Angel's office, Lindsey, who had went silent, suddenly relaxed. He looked at Angel,{who was wondering what was wrong with Lindsey, and admiring him at the same time.}

 

"Spike did it, Angel," he said. "She'll be all right now." Then he slumped into a chair.

 

~Abraham~

 

"How do you know that, Lindsey?" Angel asked. "And what's the deal with the scar?"

 

Lindsey sighed. He hurt in a dozen places, all from the fight she'd had with Spike. Here was one downside to the bond they had. "Adera and I share an empathic connection. It started with my guitar. Then she showed me memories, but not the way she did you and Spike. She had to make a blood link between us."

 

"But not through a blood exchange?"

 

Lindsey shook his head no. "She didn't want that. I believe she was hoping I'd stay as human as possible."

 

"It's obvious that hasn't happened," Angel said. "How long before you lost the scar?"

 

"It was gone when the memory exchange was over. That's when she knew that her blood was too ancient for her to risk ever trying that again."

 

"You love her, don't you? I mean, really, truly love her."

 

"Yes," Lindsey simply said.

 

"Then why aren't you angry about.."

 

"What you did together?"

 

Angel said, "Yeah."

 

"Angel, what she did before I met her is not my business. Besides, we both know, I was in her head most of the time she was in bed with you...and Angelus," Lindsey stated, thinking what a shame it was that it wasn't his physical presence that had been there. What would that have been like? {I'm so twisted.}

 

They fell silent. Then Angel said, "So, what's the Abraham prophecy? I've never heard of it."

 

"It concerned Conner, Angel," Lindsey said.

 

Angel was shocked. He said,"No one is supposed to remember him. Why do you know?"

 

"I know because she knows. Spike may know as well," Lindsey said.

 

"Then why haven't any of you said any thing about it?"

 

Lindsey looked at him."Do you think we don't know how agonizing it was for you to make that choice? I myself cannot imagine the pain you must be in. It makes what I went through seem like nothing."

 

"Not too long ago, you would have thrown it in my face, Lindsey."

 

"Not too long ago, I would have. But not now."

 

Angel walked to the wall of glass, looking out at the view of LA. Lindsey stood up and followed, standing by his side.

 

"She died for him," Angel said.

 

Lindsey said, "I know."

"I never thought I'd hold a child of mine-never even dreamed about it."

 

Lindsey said, "I know".

 

"All I wanted to do was give him everything. But all I did was cause him pain."

 

Lindsey said, "I know."

 

Angel whispered,"I loved him."

 

Lindsey said, "I know you did, Angel"

 

They stood in silence looking out over the city behind glass made to protect vampires from the sun's deadly rays.

 

Balancing The Power-Scene 53

~Faith~

 

Angel and Lindsey both turned at the sound of the door being opened. The woman who stood there held unpleasant memories for both men. Yet Angel had given her a second chance, and although Lindsey was leery of her, with good reason, he was willing to give her a chance, too.

 

Her tumble of dark brown hair and those onyx colored eyes, combined with the husky voice she had, drew most men like bees to honey. And the phrase "Dressed To Kill", didn't come close to her taste in fashion. "Dressed To Give You a Heart Attack" didn't even cover it.

 

Right now, she had a look of deep concern on her face. She looked from Angel to Lindsey, and the look deepened even more.

 

"Uh....B called and told me you had taken over this place, I couldn't believe it. I had to come see for myself. What's Lindsey doing here, Angel?" Faith said.

 

Angel said, "Lindsey works here, Faithy. Did you forget that?"

 

"Yeah, but you told me he quit. You said he left LA," she said.

 

"Did I? Funny, I don't think I did. And, I can't believe you came tearing your way over here all the way from Cleveland, just because of something the slayer said." Angel walked toward Faith. "I think Buff told you our little Spike was alive. You know, she told me you'd made a play for him in Sunnydale. Always want what she has, huh, Faithy?"

 

"Angel?," Faith said. "That's twice you've called me that. I...oh crap! You're him again, aren't you?"

 

"I'll always be him. What are you so upset about, Faithy? I'll let you shoot up again, and we can listen to 'Mandy' all night long."

 

Faith frowned at him. "You are so evil. I can't believe you just did that."

 

Angel smiled. "I try. Scared you, did I?"

 

"Hell, yes, you scared me," Faith said. "Listening to Manilow all night? That's like the ninth circle of hell, dude!" Angel laughed. Then he said, "Lindsey really does work here, Faith. I rehired him."

 

She looked at Lindsey. He said, "Faith". She said, "Lindsey."

 

"It's...interesting to see you again," he said.

 

"I bet it is," she said. "If I remember correctly, you sent someone to kill me."

 

Lindsey replied, "Yes, I did." He shrugged. "But it's different now."

 

"So, I won't have to look over my shoulder this time?"

 

"Might help if you did, Faith," Spike said.

 

Faith turned around to look at him. Angel and Lindsey glanced at each other, knowing Adera couldn't be far behind.

 

"God, you really are alive!" Faith exclaimed.

 

"Looks that way," Spike said. "Although, right now, sorta wish I wasn't," he said as he looked at the nasty bite mark on his arm. He looked a little bruised up, but not like he should've been, considering the fight he'd just been in. Angel took that as more proof that he was almost as strong as Adera.

 

"What are you complaining for?" Adera said as she came into the room. "I told you, that'll be gone in an hour or so, you big baby."

 

"You didn't have to bite so hard, pet," Spike said.

 

"Teach you to try and put a choke hold on me. You're just lucky your arm is all I tried to take a chunk out of!"

 

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Spike said.

 

Angel, Lindsey, and Faith looked from one to the other as they argued. The two looked as if they had forgotten everyone else. Faith had a strange feeling she knew this woman, but didn't know ftlinewhere from.

 

"I know you told Buffy the blood didn't exactly rush to your brain, but I didn't think you were that dense, Spike," Adera exclaimed.

 

"Hey, I only told you the truth," Spike said.

 

"Yes, the truth," She said, her voice husky with emotion and slightly bitter sounding. "Couched in seductive words and erotic imagery. Did you take lessons from Angelus? Oh wait- you once said he was your Yoda, didn't you? He taught you very well. Were you trying to turn me on?"

 

"Did I?" Spike said.

 

"Hardly! All you did was make me very angry. I'm still angry. I'm so angry, I could eat your eyeballs!"

 

"She used to say that," Spike said.

 

"Arrg!," Adera growled. "You know, I brought you into this world! And I can damn well take you out of it!" They were all startled by the thumping sound. They all looked to see Faith laying on the floor. She had passed out.

 

~Just Say No~

 

Adera stood leaning in the doorway, arms crossed, looking at the three men in such a fuss over Faith. Angel had picked her up off the floor, rushing to get her in the bed. Why were they so gullible? All upset because a slayer fainted. They acted like slayers were all-powerful or something. She thought it was the inner male ego that so attracted them. Something along the lines of conquering the unconquerable. When you got right down to it, men just didn't think with what brains they had.

 

"Maybe you ought to send for Fred," Lindsey said. "Didn't you say she had something to do with the labs?"

 

"Fred isn't a doctor! She's just very smart," Angel said.

 

"I think she passed out because she recognized Adera," Spike said.

 

They all thought about that.

 

"No," Angel said. "A slayer wouldn't do that. Buffy certainly didn't."

 

"No she didn't, did she," Spike said, grinning. "Buffy was all over Adera within two minutes of remembering who she was."

 

Lindsey and Angel turned to look at Spike.

 

"I'm just saying," Spike muttered.

 

They turned back to look at Faith.

 

"She only looks like she's sleeping, Angel," Lindsey said.

 

"I don't think that's it," Angel said. "The last time she was here, she had to fight Angelus. She injected herself with a drug, he bit her, and they both went into a sort of coma."

 

"It wasn't Orpheus, by any chance?" Spike said.

 

Angel glanced at Spike. "Yes, it was. What do you know about Orpheus?"

 

Spike answered, "Did it once back in the seventies. Had a wicked trip. Wouldn't ever do it again, it was so bloody awful. Any idea how much she injected herself with?"

 

"I believe it was an entire syringe, but I'm not sure. Why?" Angel said.

 

Spike groaned. "You're saying she deliberately overdosed herself, just to take you down? She almost died, didn't she?"

 

"Yes, she did," Angel said.

 

"Angel, if she was that deep in the barrens and came back, then she's subject to having flashbacks. Maybe when she remembered the past with Adera, the dream state pulled her back in."

 

"That sounds bad," Lindsey said.

 

"It is, mate. She could still die, Angel."

 

Angel got up, and started walking for the door. "I'm getting Wesley, Fred and Lorne in here now," he said.

 

When he passed Adera, he said, "You could try helping, you know."

 

Adera snorted, then walked toward the bed. "You guys are such drama queens." Then she bent down, took Faith's arms and shook her. "Faith, wake up! I said, wake up!"

 

Then Adera's eyes rolled back, and she slid to the floor, out cold.

 

Lindsey and Spike looked at her. They looked at Faith. They looked back at Adera. They looked at their hands. They then looked at each other.

 

"Well, this isn't good," Spike said, noticing how pale Lindsey was.

 

"She's with Faith now," Lindsey said.

 

~Walk On The Wild Side~

 

Adera looked at her hands, then she looked at Faith, who was standing there laughing at her.

 

"Son of a bitch! I hate being wrong!," Adera said.

 

"Tried to wake me up, did you?" Faith asked, still laughing.

 

"Yes! That smartass Angel said 'you could try helping', so I tried to shake you awake."

 

Faith was still laughing.

 

"It's not that funny," Adera said.

 

"Yes, it is! I finally come face to face with you again, but it's in a dream world, so I can't even hit you. It's so funny, it borders on lunacy."

 

Adera grinned. "What are we here to see?"

 

Faith pointed to the alley. "The last time you killed me, you dumb bitch. It's what I was remembering when I was sucked into the dream again."

 

They both watched as the Adera from the past kicked the Faith from the past, then swiftly bent down and placed her hands on Faith's head. "You have no idea how much I'm going to enjoy doing this," Adera said. Then she viciously twisted Faith's head until her neck broke. She let the evil slayer drop.

 

The expression on Adera's face was orgasmic. She was almost shaking from the rush of power she'd felt because the slayer had died at her hands. "Holy shit! You got off on my death," Faith said.

 

"Oh, like you never felt that way! Who are you trying to fool? I wasn't born yesterday. Besides, you get off brushing your teeth!"

 

Faith shrugged. "Ok, why aren't we changing scenes?"

 

"Because this one isn't finished. Watch," Adera said.

 

They watched as Adera got to her feet and made her way out of the alley. Then a few seconds later Darla emerged from the shadows, a wicked smile on her face. She followed Adera.

 

"Oh my God. That sly whore set me up! She told me where you were," Faith exclaimed.

 

Adera looked at Faith in disbelief. "You knew her?"

 

"Yes, she just told me where you were. I didn't think to ask questions. I'd been working with her, she's the reason I betrayed you. She was playing me all along."

 

"Well, this is getting ridiculous. What the hell was Darla? The whore of Babylon?"

 

"I said I knew her, but I didn't say I screwed her. Do I look like a lesbian to you?"

 

Adera looked at Faith. "No, to quote Willow, you look like a slut bomb."

 

"Check you out! Those leather pants you have on don't exactly scream Virgin Mary, do they?," Faith said.

 

They were suddenly transported to another scene, in a bedroom. Adera realized where they were and she said, "Hey, this is supposed to be your dream, not mine! What the hell!"

 

"You liked what you felt when you killed the slayer, didn't you?" The softly spoken question came from behind them. Faith and Adera turned to see Darla caressing Adera's face with her hand. They were in bed, half undressed. Darla continued. "I can make you feel that way again. Do you want to feel the shivers run down your spine? The blood pounding through your veins like fire? You want it, don't you?" Adera whispered, "Yes." Darla kissed her.

 

"All right!," Faith said. "You lost it to Darla! Kinky!"

 

Adera growled, "I did not 'lose it' to Darla! I was still a virgin."

 

Faith exclaimed, "Hey, there's more than one way to skin a cat! I've been told that's factually true."

 

"EWWW," Adera said.

 

"Hey, I'm not the lesbo, you are," Faith said.

 

"Never heard the term 'bisexual', Faith?"

 

"Uh, yeah. Whatever. Hey, if you didn't lose it to Darla, who did you lose it to?"

 

They were transported to Angel's bedroom at Wolfram & Hart. Angel pushed into Adera's body, his lips on hers, her scream of agony at the burning pain as he breached the shield of virginity lost in his kiss.

 

"You did Angel? What about Angelus?" Faith said. They were transported forward a little bit, still in the bedroom. She whispered, "Angelus, oh God, you're driving me insane. I'm too hot, I'm on fire."

 

He bent down to whisper in her ear, which he'd discovered turned her on, got her even hotter, which he took full advantage of. "I want you on fire for me," he said. "I want you always to think of me whenever another man is between these pretty legs of yours." Then he lifted her a little higher, he went in a little deeper, and at the same time he managed to inflict a little pain, too. To sharpen her senses, draw her away from the edge again.

 

Faith looked at Adera with awe. "You do have evil within you!"

 

Adera grinned. "Angelus certainly was."

 

They were transported again. This time to his office. Angel had Adera on the floor. She grasped the front halves of his shirt again, beginning a series of climaxes that made her want to die. "Do it now, now, now," she said.

 

He wound her hair in his hand, twisting her head to the side. He kissed her neck where the vein was. Angel's face changed as the vampire took over. He slid the sharp fangs into the vein. He began feeding from her, and they both moved like a storm at sea.

 

"Now, that's wicked!" Faith said. "I'm starting to like you."

 

"Oh, like I care!," Adera said.

 

"Anyone else?" Faith asked.

 

They were transported to Lindsey's bedroom in Sedona. Lindsey moved away from the kiss, to her ear, and he kissed it, he licked it where her diamond studs were, he gently pressed his mouth over the studs and bit down softly. She said, "I'm going to die" He chuckled, the husky sound making her burn hotter. He kissed her neck, working his way to the other breast. His lips closed over the nipple and he sucked on it, while he gently pinched the other one. Her entire body felt like it was going to burn from the inside out, and she felt his teeth graze her nipple. She moaned, and deep inside, she felt the small climax happen. So did he.

 

"What about Spike?" Faith asked.

 

"I didn't have sex with him," Adera said.

 

"Great! I was thinking about actually fucking him, you know," Faith said. "Bad enough he was in love with Buffy, wouldn't want to compete with your memory, too."

 

They were transported back to Angel's office once more. Buffy pushed Adera into the wall, pinning her arms behind her. The room was in shambles, stuff was broken everywhere. They were both breathing hard. Adera tried to loosen Buffy's grasp on her arms. It didn't work. The slayer had her in a death grip. She tried making Buffy lose her balance by moving her leg against the slayer's, to push her back away from her lower body. Buffy only leaned forward more.

 

"Let me go," Adera growled at Buffy.

 

"No," Buffy said as she lowered her head.

 

Adera stared at Buffy's split lip. "You so don't want to do this, Buffy!"

 

"Yes, I do. One time pays for all," she whispered. Then she pressed her lips to Adera's. Adera tasted blood. This was not good. Waves of hunger flooded her mind and she lost the tight reign of control she'd had on herself. She started returning the kiss.

 

"You had sex with Buffy?" Faith asked in total shock now.

 

"No, I didn't have sex with Buffy. If Angel and Spike hadn't walked in, I would have killed her. I tried to tell her, but she wouldn't listen. I knew her from the past, before you ask, no, we weren't really lovers then either!" Adera said. "I'm getting tired of the Adera show. Why the hell are we still in this dream?"

 

"I'm not sure. Maybe we're stuck here. Angel was the one who shocked me out last time. But it was a life or death thing. I don't see that happening now."

 

"There's a way to pull us out. Lindsey can think of it. I wish they'd hurry up."

 

"How?" Faith asked.

 

"If we share a blood link, I think my blood is strong enough to clean out the drug from your system. Since you're a slayer, I don't believe it would change you like it did Lindsey. Would you take that chance?"

 

"Hell, yes. I might act like I have a death wish a lot of the time, but I've learned that I really don't. "

 

"Okay," Adera said. "You've been controlling these visions. I need you to think of one where you were at peace, or at least calm. I need to concentrate on reaching Lindsey. Can you do that?"

 

Faith thought hard. They were whisked through scene after scene from Faith's life until she found it: The bedroom the mayor rented her, the dream vision she'd had with Buffy.

 

Adera said, "The only time you've been at peace in your life was in a dream? I've envied slayers my whole life, and this is what it's like? God, I'm so sorry, Faith."

 

Faith shrugged. "Maybe we both learned something from this. I can't imagine the being a virgin as long as you were. And the Angel/Angelus thing? When did that happen?"

 

"Less than a week ago," Adera replied.

 

Faith looked at Adera. "You're wicked cool."

 

Adera smiled. "Thanks. You are, too."

 

Then they sat on the bed, waiting while Adera concentrated on reaching Lindsey through the empathic connection they had.

 

~The Cleansing~

 

Lindsey rushed toward Adera, intending to pick her up. Spike tackled him before he reached her, pushing Lindsey to the floor. Lindsey fought him, until Spike had to pin him down. "What the hell are you doing? Let me up," Lindsey snarled at Spike. "I have to help her!"

 

Spike said, "If you or I touch her, we'll be pulled into the dream, too. We already have to get them out. Why make it worse?"

 

"I may be able to help her, Spike."

 

"From here, in this world. If you're where they are, you'll be trapped, too. I know, I've been there," Spike said.

 

Angel walked into the room, saw the two men on the floor, saw Adera on the floor, and said, "Can't I even leave to make a phone call?" Then he lifted Adera onto the bed, laying her beside Faith. "What happened?"

 

Spike said, "You told her to help! So she touched Faith, and she got pulled in through her empathic abilities."

 

Angel snorted. "Great. Just perfect. Now, what?"

 

"Get off me, you bleached blonde jackass!," Lindsey said.

 

Spike let Lindsey up. Lindsey glared at Spike. Then he stalked over to stand beside Angel, looking down at the two women.

 

Lindsey asked Angel, "Why are you able to touch her, if neither Spike or I can?"

 

"I don't share an empathic bond with Adera. I never did," Angel replied.

 

Wesley, Lorne and Fred came into the room. They saw that not only was Faith down, Adera was also. "Oh, by all the stars in this city," Lorne said.

 

"Somebody needs to do something, damn it," Lindsey said. "Bring her back!"

 

Lorne said, "I don't think we can do anything. Angel, when you and Faith were in the dream state, what happened to jerk her out of it?"

 

"Angelus and I were fighting, and Faith said something about feeling my soul being released. Then I felt danger from something, I can't remember what. I told Faith she had to fight. She woke up and so did I. It's kind of blurry now."

 

Spike and Lindsey looked at him, neither saying what he had omitted. They both knew Faith had to fight Conner.

 

Wesley said, "It is sort of a blur, isn't it? "

 

"Yeah, it is," Fred said.

 

"It's like there's a piece missing," Lorne said.

 

Angel looked around in an effort to distract them. "Where is Gunn? I thought I asked you to find him, Wesley."

 

Wesley sighed. "He's in the White Room again, Angel. We couldn't get him."

 

Angel wondered what Gunn spent so much time in that place for. Then he heard Lindsey humming to himself. At first he thought Lindsey had gone off the deep end. Gradually, he realized Lindsey was humming the song Adera had sang.

 

Spike started to ask something, but Angel shushed him. His eyes were focused on Lindsey, willing him to come up with something, anything to help. Angel could almost see Adera in Lindsey's eyes.

 

Within his mind's eye , Lindsey began to see images. They were coming from Adera, he could feel her. He could feel the love she felt for him. Then the images became sharper: He saw her hand enfolded within his. He saw the little knife pulled down, then their hands pushed together. He felt the small burning in his right palm, which he looked at, expecting it to be cut. It wasn't, though. Then he saw an image of Angel thrusting his hand within a well of water, which burned him.

 

Lindsey's eyes focused at he told Angel, "I know what to do."

 

He turned to Fred. "Take that barrette out of her hair and give it here. Get me some holy water, and some sort of bowl to hold it."

 

When these items were given to him, he said, "Okay, Lorne and Fred, you get behind them and hold them in a sitting position."

 

While they were doing that, Lindsey poured the water into the bowl, and handed it to Spike. Then he told Angel and Wesley to clasp the women's hands together. He placed the knife into Adera's hand before they did it.

 

"When I pull this thing out, push their hands together immediately. Then when I say, thrust their hands into the water. Ready?"

 

"Yes," Angel and Wesley said in unison.

 

"Get the water ready, Spike," Lindsey said. Then he twisted the silver knife, and pulled it out. Angel and Wesley held their hands together. Lindsey waited, then when he felt the voice within tell him it was time, he said, "Now."

 

Wesley and Angel pushed the clasped hands into the water, which turned a violet color. Almost the shade of Adera's eyes when she changed.

 

Then everyone in the room felt it. It was like a wind swept into the room as Faith and Adera's conscience was returned. They both breathed deeply, then opened their eyes.

 

~Symmetrical~

 

Adera and Faith sat up simultaneously. They smiled at each other, then both got up on opposite sides of the bed. Faith was bouncy and greeted everyone, thanking them all.

 

Adera only had eyes for Lindsey. She went to him and he enveloped her in a crushing hug. Then he kissed her as if he never wanted to be parted from her side again. She broke the kiss, and whispered, "I knew you'd hear me. I knew you felt me. I felt your love and your fear for me. Yet I knew somehow it would come out all right. I was never scared, Lindsey, because I know we're meant to be together for eternity, you and I."

 

He said, "Don't do anything like that again. My heart couldn't take it."

 

"I'll always be with you, Lindsey...no matter what," she whispered.

 

"Ooh...check this out," Faith said. "I think we need to leave these two alone."

 

Adera laughed, even though her heart hurt still because of the past. That little dream trip had made her see a different side to Faith, and she might one day come to trust her, but for now all she could offer was an open mind.

 

"No, I don't want to be alone with Lindsey here. Not here. We'll leave in a little while. I thank you all from the bottom of my heart....for many reasons. I won't forget it." Then she said, "Lindsey, I need to talk to him before we leave for the day. I'll be just a small while. Then we can go. All right?"

 

Lindsey gave her a smile of encouragement, knowing what she wanted to talk to Angel about. "I'll be waiting in the library with Wesley," he said.

 

Then they all went into Angel's office, where he already was, standing in front of the glass again. Brooding.

 

"Dude, I can't believe you're leaving her alone with him!," Faith said.

 

Lindsey gave Faith an evil glare, while Wesley, Fred and Lorne gasped at her outspokenness.

 

Faith said defensively, "Hey, I saw what they did! I mean, I learned some stuff. It was hotter than a volcano. I.."

 

Spike interrupted her. "God, where were you the day they gave out brains? Reform school?"

 

Then everyone hustled her out of the room. Adera was laughing when they left. She shook her head, then turned around and looked at him. She sighed. Always something to brood about for him, wasn't there?

 

"I'm glad you're both safe," he softly said.

 

"Yes, I know you are. After all, you prayed to God not to let me die once before. But I can almost hear the questions you won't allow yourself to ask. I can smell your pain. It's coming off your body in waves a mortal could see, if they truly wanted to."

 

"And you think you can just make it all go away, is that it?," Angel said. His face was a mask of hardness, his voice as cold as the grave.

 

"No, I can't do that, Angel. Because it never will go away. Pain like yours only mutes itself over time. It comes back at you, when you least expect it to, cutting into your soul like sharp shards of glass, cutting deep, baring your soul until all you seem to be is a hollow shell. It makes your heart hurt so bad, you want to cut it out, end it all, but even then, you know it won't."

 

Angel didn't say anything.

 

"You want to know why I never told you I knew about your son. You wonder why I hated Faith so much. Well, I'll tell you.

 

I didn't say anything about Conner, because there was nothing I could say. You did the only thing you could. You gave him a new life, even if you had to take his life to do it. Be happy about that, Angel. At least you have that. He lives. The powers at this company made that possible for you.

 

Well, the powers that be were kind to Faith, also. She doesn't remember her first death at my hands. She never has. And I've never told anyone this.

 

2,400 years ago, I came across a village that had been razed to the ground. Everything was destroyed. The people had been butchered, wounded, left for dead. I never found out why for sure, but I'm almost positive it was because of her."

 

"Faith," he said.

 

"Faith," Adera said. "I was too late to save anyone else, but I found her. Her mother had hidden her in a tree, she couldn't be seen. She was only around a year old, maybe not even that. The way she was in the tree, it hid her, but still allowed her to see what happened. It may have damaged her mind, and that's carried over from life to life. I don't know.

 

When I touched her, I knew. I knew she was a slayer. So, I took her away and raised her like she was my own. I loved her like she was my own flesh and blood. I taught her about being the slayer. I trained her, I coached her, I taught her everything I knew. She was such a beautiful child, Angel. She grew into a beautiful woman.

 

But inside, she was a monster. You know how it is. You've seen it. I tried to help her, make her change, but she turned on me, and nearly killed me. She said some awful things while she did it. She thought I was dead, and she left. She left me to what she thought was going to be a long, slow, agonizing death.

 

It was days before I could search for her. It was months before I finally did. In the time it took me to find her, I had seen a lot of suffering she'd caused. I had come to hate her as much as I'd once loved her. When I did find her, I killed her without mercy."

 

"Oh, Adera," Angel said.

 

"I've had to do it several times since. Each time it's worse. The last time nearly destroyed me. This time, I pray I don't have to. But if I have to, I will. You must understand that."

 

"Conner..." Angel couldn't finish.

 

Adera came up behind him. She put her hand on his shoulder and turned Angel so he faced her.

 

"Conner is alive, Angel. He will never know who you are, but he's got a chance at happiness you and I never truly had. Happiness his mother never had. Don't mourn for something you'll never know. You must be at peace with your decision, so you can move on. It's the right thing to do. Keep him in your heart, always. But let yourself live, too."

 

"I can't," he said. "I can't."

 

Adera touched his face. "You must," she whispered. "For Conner's sake."

 

Angel kissed her forehead, and she could feel the silent tears he'd shed. Then he took her in his embrace, and just held her. After a while, he finally broke down and released all the pent up anguish and sorrow he'd been holding inside for so long.

 

~Comfort Zone~

 

Adera softly shut the bedroom door. Angel had finally drifted into sleep. Letting go of his emotions had been physically draining for him. For her, it had been the nightmare from hell. As much as she loved Lindsey, as much as she longed for him with every fiber in her soul, the part of her heart that belonged to Angel had wanted to make love to him to ease the pain he was in. If he had even touched her in that way, she would have. But he hadn't. Because he knew she loved Lindsey. He had even told her so.

 

For a brief, shining moment, the love she had for Angel had overwhelmed what she felt for Lindsey. He had seen it in her eyes because she had not hid it. In that moment, she would have given Angel everything. He saw that, too. He'd smiled and touched her face.

 

"Thank you," he had softly said. Then he fell asleep.

 

She sighed, then walked out of his office, closing that door as well. Spike was waiting, leaning against the wall in the hallway.

 

She said, "I should've known you were here."

 

Spike smiled. He nodded his head toward the office, and said, "How is he?"

 

"You heard it all, didn't you?"

 

"I caught most of it, yeah. Angel going to be okay?"

 

She sighed again. "After a fashion. Why do you care? You two aren't exactly bosom buddies."

 

Spike shrugged. "Not sure, pet. I just do. What about you? I know you love lawyer boy, all the way in the pitch black bottom of your soul. Yet, I also know you just would've turned Angel every which way but lose in there. What's that about?"

 

"I do love Lindsey," she said. "But a part of me belongs to Angel. I feel for him."

 

Spike said, "I understand, I think. But will your lover?"

 

"I guess I'll find out, won't I?" Adera said.

 

"Well, I'm going to push off, pet. See you later," Spike said, turning to leave.

 

"Hey! What about Faith?" Adera asked.

 

"She's with Fred and Lorne, singing for him, last I saw."

 

Adera said, "Spike, she drove all this way to see you."

 

"What?" Spike said, amazement on his face.

 

"She told me so," Adera said. "This is something I don't think you should walk away from, Spike."

 

"And do what," he exclaimed. "Be her new boy toy? I know how Faith works, Adera. Use them and lose them, that's her philosophy. I'm not into that!"

 

"Spike, there is more underneath that than you know. There is more to Faith than any one knows, even her. I believe you could bring it into the open. Won't you at least try?"

 

Spike smiled. "Are you her liaison?"

 

"No!," she said. "Oh, come on! It's not like you aren't into the kinks, you know!"

 

"Didn't seem to interest you, did it?" He said.

 

Adera laughed. "You just don't turn me on, Spikey. It would be like doing myself."

 

He laughed. "Now, that I'd pay to see."

 

She said in mock anger, "Go on, get out of here! Go rock her world. Make her see stars! Make her think you're a God. Make love to her until she can't breathe."

 

"You slave driver!," he said, turning away to go to Faith.

 

"Spike," she said. He turned around. She walked to him, leaned up to whisper into his ear: "You rocked my world for six years. I knew what it would feel like to be with a man before Angel ever laid a hand on me." Then she kissed him. Just so he would know.

 

They broke apart. Spike said, "Well, that felt like..."

 

"Kissing yourself?" Adera said.

 

"Yeah," he said.

 

"Told you," she said as she turned away, leaving him to Faith.

 

~Heart To Heart~

 

Adera paused outside the door leading to the library. Spike's comments about Lindsey flitted through her mind. She could feel the emotional turmoil he was experiencing. Was he angry? Adera thought he probably was. Why wouldn't he be? He had felt everything she'd felt when she wanted to make love to Angel. At one point, she had forgotten about Lindsey.

 

Of course, that was when Angel had told her he knew she loved Lindsey. But, still. What could she say to defend herself? 'I was only going to use my body to ease his pain'? While that was true, it wasn't the whole truth. Because she wasn't the one who had said no, was she?

 

She took a deep breath, and opened the door. Lindsey was sitting in chair right across from Wesley, who was reading a book. Several volumes were scattered on the table between them. Then she realized he was still researching Darla, and any prophecies concerning her.

 

She looked at her lover. His blue eyes met hers, and she could see he was upset. Only not the way Spike had said he might be. Lindsey was amused. Very amused. Confused, Adera raised her eyebrows in question. He looked from her to Wesley and back to her. She could tell he was having a hard time keeping a straight face. Just wasn't sure why.

 

Deciding Lindsey would roast in hell before he said anything in front of the former watcher, Adera bit the bullet and asked Wesley, "How is the research going?"

 

Wesley answered, "I haven't found anything as of yet. But I'll let you know the minute I find something." His voice was very curt, and bordered on rude.

 

Understanding the problem now, Adera sighed and sat down on the table in front of Wesley, which caused him to finally look at her. Yes, he was angry at her.

 

"Wesley, are you still upset about what I told you earlier today?"

 

He tensed up. "Upset? Why would I be upset?"

 

"You're upset because you're afraid what I said is true," Adera said.

 

Wesley said between clenched teeth, "You don't know anything about me. How dare you presume to tell me I have feelings for my friend?"

 

"You really don't know me, either, do you, Wesley? I mean, you know I'm a vampire of a different breed from Angel. You know I slept with him. You know about Angelus...or, well, you think you know. And you know I went to Arizona to return Lindsey to Wolfram & Hart. We come back, and you know with just that one glance in the elevator, that we're lovers."

 

Wesley said, "I'm not judging you!"

 

"Yes, you are!," Adera said. "You are and you don't even know why. But I'll tell you why, Wesley. If you answer me a question."

 

"What?" He said.

 

"You've no doubt in your mind at all about my sexual proclivities, have you?"

 

Wesley said, "None. In fact, your proclivities run in the same direction as Faith's, I would say."

 

Lindsey pretended to cough to cover up the laughter. Adera grinned. "Score!" He muttered between the insane laughter he was trying to hide. She couldn't help it. She started laughing out loud. It was too funny. That caused Lindsey to break out in full laughter as well.

 

Wesley wasn't sure what was so funny, but he knew they weren't laughing at his expense. He had said that to be mean. They knew that, but were laughing any way. Now, his curiosity was aroused.

 

"What's so funny about that?" He asked.

 

"Oh, Wesley, Wesley, Wesley. A lot of things. The most amusing thing of all, however, is that you are dead wrong," Adera said.

 

"How so? Adera, I know you felt passion for Angel. You even had a thing for him when he was human. I heard you with Angelus. Don't really want to know what went on with him, but I do know it was a mutual thing. And I've got eyes in my head to see that you burn for Lindsey. All he has to do is look at you to set you on fire. So, would you mind terribly explaining how I'm dead wrong?"

 

"Gladly," Adera said. "Many years ago, hundreds of years ago, I had a very torrid affair with the vampire we all know as Darla."

 

The book Wesley held dropped to the floor. "What?" He said.

 

"Oh, yeah. I was in love with her. And not in the funky, obsessed way Angel was. Or the schoolboy crush Lindsey had on her, either. There wasn't an inch on her body I didn't know. She made me burn the same way Lindsey does."

 

Wesley blushed. "Uh, well I...don't know quite what to say."

 

"There's nothing to say. It happened. Of course, she was only using me in an effort to get me to resire her much the way I resired Spike. When I found out, it ended the relationship. She was very angry and threatened revenge."

 

Something she'd said in Angel's office came back to him. "She got it, didn't she," Wesley asked. "Darla sired Liam to spite you, didn't she?"

 

"Yes," Adera said.

 

Several things came together in Wesley's mind. But he wouldn't say anything just yet. He wanted to be sure first. "Oh, my," he whispered.

 

"Wesley, look at me," she said. When he had focused his attention back to her, she said, "The main reason I told you that is because I can sense the chemistry between Angel and you. I'm not saying it's sexual. Nor am I saying it's even anything you should act on. What I am saying, is that it's something you should acknowledge to yourself. That's all."

 

Wesley frowned. She knew he wouldn't say anything else, so she said, "Look, I'm sorry if I've been too forward. I truly didn't mean to make you angry."

 

"No, I'm not angry any longer," he said. "I just...I just don't know what to say. I...I"

 

"That's okay. We need to be leaving now, any way. I'm glad you aren't mad at me, though."

 

She stood up and held her hand out to Lindsey. He took it and they left, calling goodbye over their shoulders, leaving Wesley to his thoughts.

 

They didn't say anything until they were in the elevator. She turned to him, ans he held her face within his hands. She looked into those wonderful blue eyes and he answered the unspoken question in hers.

 

"I understand. I would have hated it, but I wouldn't have blamed you. I'm just glad it didn't happen."

 

"I sense the why you're glad isn't going to be about me, is it?" Adera asked.

 

Lindsey laughed. "I was sitting there, listening to him grumble about what you'd said, and how Angel was just his friend. Then I started feeling your emotions. I started getting aroused. If you had actually made love to Angel, I think I'd have gone insane. It would have been too much. Please don't do that to me again. Because, all joking aside, I truly have no desire to know what it feels like to make love to a man."

 

"Never thought of that," Adera said. // Yeah, right. Do you really believe that, lover? No desire to make love to Angel, huh? Why the hell do you think you left LA?//

 

"It's okay. You'll make up for it, won't you?"

 

Then he bent his head to hers and they forgot about everything else.

 

~Tempest~

 

Spike inserted the key into the lock, turning it. He opened the door, and stood back to allow Faith to enter first. The drive to his apartment had been a bloody revelation for Spike. Actually listening to Faith's nonstop monologue about her sex capades had at first quite turned him on. But then they got stuck in traffic. As she continued talking, he began to realize something he wouldn't have thought about himself. Faith was turning him off.

 

He was in a quandary about what to do. Here she was in his car, all but exploding from pent up sexual desire. And here he was, not interested. Even the thought of getting it on with another slayer wasn't helping. He tried thinking about the affair he'd had with Buffy, but Faith's words overran his thoughts, so that didn't help, either.

 

Faith sounded like a slut. No, like a whore. No wait! Like a tramp. Like she'd take any man on just to blot out bad memories, like an alcoholic with drink. Or a heroin addict desperate for a fix. Spike began to think that's exactly what Faith was all about. All her bragging was a front to cover up the fact that there had been very little love in her life. But he didn't quite know what he could do about that, despite what Adera believed. How could you force some one to feel a real, true emotion?

 

Then she said it. And the implications sent his mind reeling.

 

"And then, there was the time I slept with B's boyfriend Riley. Dude, he was a big guy! I rode him like a stallion rides a mare. I.."

 

"That right?" Spike interpreted her. "When you did the body switch, right?"

 

"Yeah. He really believed I was B. My God, that man had the equipment! Why B ever let him go-"

 

But Spike tuned all that out. Because one thing he knew with absolute dead-on certainly was that he had been the only one who had ever bound Buffy into the sadistic relationship they'd had. Faith was trying to bring Buffy down to her level.

 

And Spike had known Riley. He had seen and realized things about Riley before any one else had. And Spike knew that Riley had never been rough with Buffy in the same way Spike himself had. No, Riley had only touched her with love and tenderness. So why wasn't Faith admitting that?

 

Because it must have scared her senseless, that's why. Because she hadn't been in complete control, that's why. Spike thought control was very important to Faith. A plan began to form in his mind.

 

He walked into the apartment behind her, locking the door back. He slid off his leather jacket, tossing it onto a chair.

 

Faith said, "Check this out!", as she looked over his apartment. "I didn't think you would have such good taste in furniture."

 

"There's a lot you don't know about me, Faith," he said. "Why don't you fix us a shot of bourbon and join me in the bedroom?" Then he walked away.

 

While she was busy finding all that, Spike went into the bedroom and opened the top dresser drawer to pull out something Adera had left for him: two long, very expensive silk scarves. He walked to the bed, pulled back the covers a little, and shoved one under each pillow. Then he moved back to the dresser, began unloading his wallet, his keys, the watch Adera had also sent him, even his rings.

 

Faith came into the room, carrying two tumblers. One had way more bourbon than the other. Spike decided she had undoubtedly never had any before. She struck him as the rum type. He said, "Thanks, pet." Then he plucked the less filled glass out of her hand, and knocked the whole thing back, set the glass on the dresser and looked at her challengingly.

 

Faith looked at the remaining glass in her hand. She looked back up at him. He raised an eyebrow. She bolted the drink down. She kept it down, but her eyes watered. She set her glass next to his.

 

"That's my Faith," he said. "Never afraid to play. Are you ready now?"

 

Faith laughed in that husky voice of hers. "Man, I was born ready."

 

Spike took her in his arms, and whispered, "When I'm through with you, you'll think I'm God."

 

Faith laughed.

 

~Bound~

 

Spike waited until he could see the bourbon take effect in her beautiful onyx colored eyes. He needed her a little off balance. He knew he was stronger than he'd been as a 'normal' vampire. But he didn't want to hurt her. No, he didn't want to fight her. He knew what he was going to do would hurt her, it would just be pain she'd never felt before. He slid the panties off her body. Now she was his. He smiled at her.

 

He laid his body onto hers. He kissed her. He pulled her hands up near her head. He held her hands together with one hand while he reached under the pillow for the scarf. He wound them around the brass headboard, then quickly tied one hand. She started struggling beneath him. He tied the other hand. He left just enough room to move her if he wanted.

 

"You bastard! Untie me!," Faith said.

 

Spike ran his hand down one side of her body. "Now, now, Faith. We're going to play a game, you and me. It's called Spike does whatever he wants to Faith. You like games, don't you?"

 

"When I get lose-"

 

"Oh, now, Faith. Don't make me angry. You are in a bad way to let that nasty mouth of yours piss me off," Spike said. Then he slid his hand under the other pillow, retrieving the other scarf. He lifted it up so she could see it. Her heart started beating faster. That was good. Maybe he could scare her long enough so she wouldn't fight while he tied her legs down.

 

"Don't do that, Spike. I'm warning you," she said. But her eyes held fear.

 

Spike pulled her hair until her head was stretched back, until she hurt a little. Then he kissed her. She let him. "That's a good girl," he said. "I want you to remember that you came to me. Because you wanted to fuck me. Or was it because you still want Buffy's things? Which is it, Faith? Do you want to fuck me? Tell me the truth, and maybe I won't hurt you too bad." She had even more fear in her eyes now. She was breathing hard. Yet underneath that fear she was aroused by what he was doing. He could feel her nipples against his chest. He could smell the warmth of her body go up several degrees. Oh, yes. He was turning her on......

 

"Spike, I do want you," she said. "Just not like this."

 

"Faith, I asked you a direct question. I expect the right answer," Spike said.

 

"Yes," she said. "I want you to fuck me."

 

"I know you do," he whispered. "Now, I'm going to tie your legs down. No choice in that. You can fight me, and get hurt. Or you can let me do it. And not get hurt. I'll give you a minute to think it over, but while you do, I want you to remember who I really am."

 

Sweat had broken out over her body. Had he went to far? Gradually, her body relaxed. But there was still a fine tremble under her skin. That was good, too. She still had plenty of fight left in her.

 

He quickly tied her legs down, spreading them just far enough apart to make her think he was going to use her like that. Again, he left just enough slack to be able to move her. Then he stood up by the side of the bed, and looked at her.

 

The power he had in this situation made him momentarily dizzy. God, the nasty things he could do to her swirled through his brain. He briefly considered it. Then common sense took over. He deftly flipped over until she was face down on the bed.

 

Faith snorted. "You aren't scaring me. I've had it this way, too. Funny, I didn't think you were that type, Spike."

 

He ran one hand slowly down the length of her back. She shivered. "No, I'm afraid you've never had it like I'm going to do you. Are you afraid, Faith?"

 

"Yes," she softly said.

 

"That's my girl," Spike said. He patted her butt and left the room.

 

~Expectations~

 

Faith tested the strength of the scarves that bound her hands to the bed again. He had tied them good. Too good, damn him. The feel of the soft silk binding her to the bed was maddening. A part of her was shocked he'd done it. A part of her had known he would. The most shocking thing of all was how much she'd wanted him to. At first she had struggled, that was true. But when he had pulled out the second scarf, her body had frozen.

 

Fear of what he had planned was part of it. But it was mostly because heat had enveloped her body as a wave of desire had swept under her skin. She had looked into his eyes and the heat had increased. Every word he uttered drove it deeper. Then he'd walked away and left her here. Where the hell had he gone?

 

Something she'd once told him came to her.

 

"' I mean, I could be rich. I could be famous. I could have anything. Anyone. Even you, Spike. I could ride you at a gallop until your legs buckled and your eyes rolled up. I've got muscles you've never even dreamed of. I could squeeze you until you popped like warm champagne, and you would beg me to hurt you just a little bit more. And you know why I don't? (pauses) Because it's wrong."

 

She had talked to Buffy, lied to Giles, and driven here in a mad rush. To get to Spike. Well, she had him now. Funny. She thought she was the one who would pop like warm champagne. Just what was he planning on doing to her? How bad would he hurt her? This waiting was killing her. Of course, Spike knew that, too.

 

Then she heard him re-enter the room. She felt something being set down on the bed beside her. Then he checked her hands where he'd tied them. Making a tsk-tsk sound, he loosened them again, because she'd tried to get free. Then he kneeled down so he could see her face. He moved a strand of hair back.

 

"Are you afraid, Faith?" He asked once more.

 

"Should I be? You did this to Buffy, right? Don't see any damage to her," Faith said.

 

Spike smiled. "What happened between Buffy and I is just that. Between us. That has nothing to do with what's about to happen to you, Faith." Then he kissed her. "You have a hot body. All the right parts in just the right places. You're the wild one, all right."

 

Then he stood back up, and gathered her hair off to one side, setting it out of the way. "You act like you've done everything. Seen everything. Well, Faith, the truth is, you don't know anything. The truth is, you're quite boring. You're like one of those etch-a-sketch toys. You see a picture drawn, it catches your eye. But then you shake the thing and the drawing disappears. It's blank once more. That's what you're like."

 

He got in the bed, picked up the bottle from her side, and straddled her hips. He didn't put his weight on her, but he was still pinning her down.

 

"What are you doing?" She said.

 

"I'm going to draw you a picture, Faith. I want you to close your eyes. Keep them closed. And don't say anything else. Do you understand me?"

 

"Yes," she whispered.

 

He began massaging her back. His hands were slick with light oil, which smelled like musk. He massaged from her wrists to the soles of her feet. Her whole body was alternately relaxed and tense. At first, she had thought he was going to hurt her. Yet he hadn't. She could feel the power in his hands. She knew he could do damage to her body, if he'd truly wanted to. Yet he wasn't. Then right before he turned her over onto her back again, the picture he was drawing with his hands on her body became clear. It scared her more than she believed possible.

 

This man was not using her the way all the others had. This man was making love to her.

 

She looked at his face. The compassion she saw in his face made her feel trapped. Like an animal. She struggled against the bounds he had put her in. She was panting furiously.

 

He leaned over her, and whispered into her ear, "No, Faith. Don't fight it. Let it happen."

 

"I want to be free, Spike. I have to be free!" She said.

 

"I'm going to set you free, Faith. Just not the way you want. Shh," he said. "Shh. Calm down. I'm not hurting you, am I?"

 

"No," she replied.

 

"Close your eyes, Faith. Close them and let your body relax. Don't think. Just feel."

 

She closed them. He picked up the bottle once more. But the massage of the front of her body was an entirely different thing. His hands were relaxing her, but at the same time, they were arousing her in a way she'd never been aroused before. She felt fear in the back of her mind several times, but she pushed it away and concentrated on his hands. On her body. Which began to move under his hands. Sounds began coming from her. It was heaven. It was hell. It was beginning to feel like everything.

 

When he reached her feet, he untied the scarf from her ankles. She didn't try to escape. He ran his hands up the inside of her legs, which she parted for him. When he was almost there, he asked her: "Any last words?"

 

"Yes," she said. "I hate you. If you don't finish making love to me, I am going to die."

 

"That's my Faith," he said. Then he entered her and her body began convulsing in a series of climaxes she hadn't known existed. It left her drained and invigorated at the same time. When she was aware of real time once more, she realized he was still hard within her. She also became aware of the fact that her hands were free. She looked at his face. He was smiling. "Now, Faith. I want to make love to you," he said. "You think you can handle it?"

 

She smiled back at him. "Bring it on," she said.

 

In the time that followed, she came to believe Spike was a God.

 

~Dream of Desire~

 

Adera snuggled within Lindsey's arms, her body still throbbing with the passion she shared with him. She was insatiable where he was concerned. All the man had to do was look at her, think about her, touch her even once, and she was on fire. She had never known anything like it. She smiled, and closed her eyes.

 

She rolled in her sleep. The empty place beside her where Lindsey should have been allowed her to roll onto her back. It made her come to her senses. She opened her eyes, and realized where she was. The bedroom in France. The one she had shared with Darla so long ago. She sighed. "It's just a dream," she whispered.

 

"You're only half right about that, my darling Adera," he said. "I've been waiting for you."

 

Her eyes widened at the sound of that smooth voice. Without looking, she knew who it belonged to. "This isn't real. You aren't real. We're in a dream," she said.

 

He snorted. "Come on, get with the program. You're smarter than that. I told you, you're only half-right."

 

She sat up to look at him. "Why won't you go away? Why did you bring me here? Why here?"

 

He touched her face in tenderness. "Because this is where you were in love with her. It's your weak spot. You know me. I'm exploiting it."

 

"I understand," she said. "But what are you doing here?"

 

"I'm here because you invited me here, my dear."

 

She exclaimed, "I most certainly did not invite you into my dream!"

 

He gently pulled her off the bed and onto her feet. He bent his head down to hers and kissed her. She let him. In fact, she leaned into him. Inside, she was appalled at what she was doing, yet she didn't seem able to stop herself.

 

"See? You do want me. I'm in your soul now, sweet thing."

 

"No!," Adera said. "I never invited you in!"

 

"Oh, but you did. Don't you know that?"

 

"I don't want you! I..I revoke the invitation!"

 

"Too late, my darling. I'm here, and I'm staying here."

 

"What you're saying is impossible!"

 

"I'm in your soul now, Adera. When you wanted him so desperately, when you forgot about your lover, I knew it was time to reveal my presence. Did you think to get rid of me so easily? When I made love to you, that's when it happened."

 

"No....no," she pleaded. "I can't do this...not now. Please...not now."

 

"Scary thought, I know. The three of us in the same body. Every one else, they're morons. But sooner or later, they'll either remember or they'll figure it out. Of course, I was here already. I was here when it happened. That's how I know about the powers."

 

"I just can't deal with you now. Go away!"

 

He roughly pulled her against his body. "I told you, I'm not going any where. Inside your self, you know I'm where I belong. You want me here. You want my evil with the same passion as you want your lawyer's goodness. It's a part of you. If you keep denying it, denying me, you are going to void the deal you made with the powers. Everything comes with a price, lover. This is yours. Deal with it."

 

She jerked her self out of his arms. He was wrong, wrong, wrong! She backed away a little, her eyes locked with his. She forced her self to remember:

 

"Do you know what I could do to you?" Adera whispered softly, knowing he heard every word she uttered." Have you not thought on what I must be feeding on since I don't use humans? Hmmmmm? I could do things to you that you've never heard of. How much pain could you withstand before you break? How long before that calm facade you show the world crumples and you beg me for mercy, even death?"

 

His lips trailed a path to her ear and he replied, " I can feel you. I could take you. I could do it right here...right now."

 

"I'll be waiting for you."

 

"No,"He said. "You keep them open. I want to see your eyes when you're there. I want you to be looking into mine when it happens. You owe me that."

 

Seeing him raise the bottle , she quickly said, "I wouldn't drink that if I were you."

 

He stopped and looked at the bottle. "Test it on your finger," Adera said. Angelus let a drop fall onto his finger, and steam rose from the water as it burned him. He shot her an evil look and set the bottle back on the dresser. She grinned at him. "What? I told Angel I could drink holy water by the gallons, and not be harmed. Hahaha! Did you think I was joking? To paraphrase Spike, as he once told that skanky slayer from Sunnydale, a slayer must always reach for her weapon. I have mine."

 

"We're two of a kind, Adera. You belong to me. I need you. We could roam the world together."

 

She kissed him, touching his tongue with hers. She could feel him approaching the moment. She wove her hand into his hair, turning his head to the side while she whispered in his ear, "I could have loved you until the end of time."

 

She continued playing until she felt his presence. Adera looked up to see him before her....with tears on his face....she realized he was crying for her. He reached down to pull her gently to her feet, then kissed her. He kissed her tears away, he held her, he led her back to then bed, and he made love to her with all his heart.

 

"I told you I always wanted you to remember me being....where I was then. That came from me. It's what I thought when I was human. I always wanted to be ....There."

 

"You must become what you are. I want to be inside you for eternity," she'd whispered.

 

"For eternity?," he whispered.

 

"Tell me you love me," she said.

 

"I love you. I always will," he whispered.

 

"Tell me you want me," she said.

 

He touched her face in tenderness. "Words cannot express how badly I want you."

 

"For eternity?"

 

He whispered, "I want you for eternity," then his lips came down on hers.

 

She finally realized what he was saying was true. She had invited him into her soul, into her body, into her mind. She just wasn't sure how it would play out.

 

Then her heart began to pound with the further realization that she could, in fact, have him. That revelation set her in motion. It also set her body on fire.

 

She walked back to him, and went into his embrace willingly.

 

"Angelus," she whispered as his mouth came down on hers.

 

~Dream Lover~

 

Adera racked her nails down his back, urging him to move faster, harder, something, anything. She was riding the crest of abandonment, had lost all control in the dream, but didn't care. Once she'd stepped into his arms, there had been no turning back.

 

Angelus pulled her hair hard in retaliation for the nails down his back. "That's my bitch," he said. "I liked that. Does your lover boy drive you like I am? Do you hurt him, like you do me? You are one sadistic woman, Adera. Does Lindsey know that?"

 

She slapped him, hard. "Don't ever, ever say his name to me again, Angelus."

 

He laughed. "Touchy about it, aren't you? Well, I really don't care as long as you move under me like a bitch in heat."

 

"If I'm a bitch in heat, you must be a bull in rut, then," she said. Angelus laughed, then drove them both over the edge. She screamed for him.

 

The next second, they were walking down the street. She looked down at the beautiful red gown she was wearing. She looked at him, confused. She could still feel the after effects of her orgasm inside her body.

 

"Wicked, isn't it?" He asked. "I can still feel your wetness wrapped around me, sweet thing."

 

"How...why...I don't understand."

 

"It's a dream, lover. We can do whatever we want. Anything you want. Name it, and we'll do it."

 

"I'm afraid to, Angelus," Adera said.

 

He smiled. "Later, then." He noticed a woman passing by in the dream. He told Adera, "I have an idea. Let's hunt!"

 

"Hunt?" She asked.

 

He took her hand and they followed the woman. Angelus cornered her easily, and her pushed the woman against a wall. He viciously tore her dress, exposing her neck. He twisted her head to the side in a very cruel way. The woman was crying. Angelus laughed.

 

He looked at Adera. "Ladies first," he said.

 

"I thought I was a bitch in heat," she said.

 

"That, too," he said. He reached out to touch her face gently, rubbing it softly with his finger. "Come on, lover. I know you want to. Your contempt for them is almost as great as my own."

 

Adera shook her head no. "I can't. Even if it's only a dream, I can't."

 

"I understand," he said. Then he vamped out, and before Adera could say anything, he had killed the woman, draining the blood from her body swiftly and mercilessly. He dropped her to the ground without another thought.

 

Then they were back in the bedroom again. Still clothed in their fine clothes. The complete callousness of his actions had brought an awareness that she hadn't been thinking this thing out very well.

 

Then he began unbuttoning his shirt. He slid it off his shoulders, letting it fall to the floor. She lost her train of thought at the sight of his bare chest. He picked her up and said, "That's all right. I'll share." Then he gently pressed her head to the vein in his neck. She did what he wanted her too.

 

As the taste of his blood filled her, she never once thought to wonder why she hadn't had to become the vampire within. What she didn't know or care about was that she had been that way the minute she crossed the line and walked into Angelus' arms.

 

His arms tightened around her and she

 

Woke up. She sat up in the bed she shared with Lindsey. She was shaking from the dream encounter. She could vaguely taste blood in her mouth.

 

It woke Lindsey up when she'd moved. He sat up, too. "What's wrong?" He said.

 

Adera said, "I had an awful dream. Lindsey, hold me. Make me stop shaking."

 

He enfolded her in his arms, and she laid her head on his chest. When she had calmed down, he asked, "What was it about?"

 

Adera whispered, "Angelus. I saw him kill a woman. A long time ago, I think."

 

Lindsey tipped her face up to his. "It was only a dream, that's all. Just a dream." Then he kissed her. She let him take her to the place where only he lived and breathed. All thoughts of Angelus passed from her mind.

 

~Choices~

 

Adera should've known the day was going to be rough the minute Lindsey came up behind her and placed his hand over hers when she was opening the top drawer of her dresser. "No," he whispered into her ear. "Don't wear any. I don't want anything in my way." The images that invoked were beyond description. He bent down to press his lips to her neck. "I could just eat you up," he said. Then he walked to the bathroom, saying over his shoulder, "Wear a dress."

 

She wondered if Hell was as hot as she was.

 

She looked over the clothes in the closet, and finally picked out a black skirt that was made of sheer material, but several layers. She dropped the towel, and slid it over her head. It went down to just above her knees. Which she decided was great, cause she wasn't Sharon Stone. Then she donned a brown suede halter top she had bought in Sedona. It had just a small amount of fringe and a pretty design made of pony beads. Plus it laced together in the front, so her back was less bare than with a normal halter top.

 

She walked back in the room, and looked at herself. Something was missing.....Ah ha! She added a thin leather belt, pulling it through the loops on the skirt gently. She brushed her hair, making a ponytail. She added just a touch of light brown eyeshadow, only enough to highlight her eyes. Then she stepped back and said to herself, "I feel like Kim Basinger." She stuck her tongue out at her reflection. Then she sat on the bed, to pull on the pair of brown suede boots. Hey, even tackier! She pushed the soft material of the boots down a little, scrunching it. Well, a tad bit better.

 

Lindsey walked out of the bathroom. Bare. She lost her train of thought. Or, well, they went in another direction.

 

Lindsey said, "Ooh, you look good."

 

She said in a drawling southern tone, "Why thank you, Mickey."

 

He laughed about her movie quip all the way to W&H.

 

It was in the elevator where he became. She had known he was feeling something different, just not quite sure what. Then he stopped the elevator. He turned around and she realized what it was. His eyes weren't the blue she so loved. They were an even darker purple than her own got. His becoming was almost complete. Only he hadn't made a pact with Athena. She couldn't allow him to ever feed on any one. It would kill his soul, for he wasn't like her.

 

So she held her hand out to him. He took it and when he stood in front of her, and she turned her head to the side, exposing the vein in her neck. "I can't," Lindsey said.

 

"Lindsey, I'm sorry," she softly said. "I never wanted this to happen to you. I love you more than I've ever dreamed possible. But you must do this. You aren't like me. Evil hasn't really touched the core of your soul yet. Only despair. I never want that for you, ever. Do this now, and you will never hunger to feed. You won't feel the drive that brings you to your knees, that makes you see everyone around you as a way to sate it."

 

"But, the holy water....won't it harm me?"

 

She smiled. "No, lover. I share an exchange with you. It was close enough to the real thing for you to become. It doesn't harm Spike. He drinks it now, himself."

 

Lindsey said, "And Angel?"

 

"It would kill him dead," Adera answered.

 

"Then how could he feed on you?"

 

Adera frowned. "I'm not sure. I have a fuzzy memory of that piece of time. I think Athena had something to do with it, I'm not sure."

 

She looked up at him. "But that's not what matters now. You are." Then she pressed his head into her neck. When the sharp little fangs bit into her vein, she felt his rapture as if it were her own. She let him take her beyond the point Angel had. The pain began spiraling through her being, and he felt it. He stopped. Looked at her. Then he unbuttoned his shirt, and picked her up. She looked down into his eyes and felt a sense of peace steal over her.

 

"Do it," Lindsey said. She bent her head down and completed the exchange. As she did so, she felt a funny sense of dj vu. She thought it related to Spike.

 

When she stopped, they held each other for a long time.

 

Then he finally started the elevator back up. Some deep insight made her get the sunglasses out of her purse. She put them on seconds before the door opened.

 

Faith and Spike stood there.

 

~Admiration~

 

The four of them stood there looking at each other. Spike was looking at Lindsey, whose eyes had returned to blue, yet he was aware of the change immediately. He could feel her strength inside of Lindsey. He knew a blood exchange had occurred in the elevator, yet she didn't seem harmed, like the sharing with Angel had done.

 

Adera was looking at Faith, who was glancing at Spike. Faith had a....shy look about her. It was new and different. It dawned on her what must have caused the reaction on Faith's part. She smiled.

 

Faith was taking in the total tackiness of Adera's outfit. Not one to criticize wardrobe choices, she just couldn't keep her mouth shut. "That belt needs some silver in it, and those boots are totally wrong for that look. The ponytail is wrong, too."

 

Adera raised an eyebrow. "What are you, the fashion police?"

 

Faith's face turned red. "I'm just saying...."

 

Adera's mouth fell open. That was almost an apology! She checked Spike out, looking him over. "Oh my God, you really did it!," she exclaimed.

 

Now Spike turned red. He frowned to cover that up and said, "Look what you did! You turned Lindsey! What's that about? You wanted your lover for eternity?"

 

Now she turned red. "That just...happened. I did not do it on purpose! And, yes, nosey! I do want Lindsey for eternity."

 

Spike smiled. So did Faith. Lindsey looked at her. She thought about his hand over hers and his request earlier. About not having any thing in his way. The thought alone made her shiver.

 

Then he said, "That's all right, Spike. I wanted it the minute I saw her in my bed." She was rendered speechless, and she felt a flush of heat over her body. His eyes seemed to look past her clothes. God, what this man did to her. She forgot all about the others standing right there. She reached out and pulled him to her. She met his lips in a kiss.

 

Faith broke the spell by saying, "You guys need to either get a room or be hosed down."

 

They both laughed into the kiss. Lindsey let her go. He glanced at Faith. "Such a nasty mouth you have, my dear," he said.

 

Spike said in a satisfied tone of voice, "Yes, she does."

 

Adera and Lindsey looked at Faith, who was looking at Spike. She was now the one speechless.

 

Lindsey chuckled. He touched Adera's face. "I'm going to check with Angel before I make my way to legal. You coming with me?"

 

"Yeah, I was heading that way, too. Just walking Faith down to her car," Spike said.

 

Adera asked Faith, "You're leaving so soon?"

 

"Well, I was. But I can stay another day, if you want."

 

Adera turned back to Lindsey. "You guys go see Angel together. The Fashion Police is going to take me shopping. We'll be back later."

 

Lindsey kissed her again. "Don't forget what I said."

 

"I won't ever forget that," she said.

 

Spike asked Faith, "I'll see you before you leave?"

 

"All night, if you want," Faith said. Spike grinned. Then he and Lindsey turned around, going to Angel's office, talking about prophecies.

 

Faith and Adera watched them walk away. Faith leaned towards Adera. She raised her eyebrows in silent question.

 

"Not wearing any," Adera whispered.

 

"So? I never wear any," Faith whispered back.

 

"He doesn't want any thing in his way," Adera whispered back.

 

"Oh!," Faith said. "Now, that's hot."

 

"Yeah," Adera said. "It is."

 

They grinned at each other.

 

Adera said, "You have weapons in the car, right?"

 

Faith said, "Of course."

 

Adera said, "I know where a nest is. You wanna play?"

 

Faith asked, "How many vamps you talking about?"

 

"At least 10," Adera said.

 

"Sounds like fun. Better than shopping, any way."

 

Adera pressed the button for the elevator. "Oh, we're going to shop. I can't let a fashion victim like you get away with telling me my outfit is wrong."

 

The elevator doors opened.

 

"Hey, I look totally hot!," Faith said.

 

"You look like every biker's fantasy," Adera said.

 

"So? What's wrong with that?"

 

The elevator door closed.

 

Balancing The Power- Scene 67

~Vengeance~

 

Faith pulled up to the apartment complex. She looked through the windshield. "Are you sure this is right? Seems kinda swanky for vamps."

 

"Sure I'm sure! This is where I live," Adera said, opening her door. "I just wasn't positive about the nest until this morning. C'mon, let's do it."

 

Faith get out and followed Adera into the building. They rode up the private elevator. When it reached the fifth floor, they got out. Adera walked some distance in the hallway. She gestured to one door. "That's mine," she said. Then she walked a couple of doors down. "This is it."

 

Then she knocked on the door. A pretty blonde answered it. "Hi!," Adera said. "I live a couple of doors down. I've seen you around, so I thought it was okay to ask if I can use the phone. My girlfriend drove me here, but I can't find my key. I need to call the manager. Would it be okay?"

 

The blonde girl looked at both Adera and Faith. "Yeah, I've seen you, too. Where's your boyfriend?"

 

Adera said, "He's at work." Then she leaned forward a little. "I haven't told him everything about me yet," she softly said. Then she looked at Faith , and back at the blonde. The blonde smiled. "All right," she said. She opened the door and let them in. She glanced in the hallway to be sure they had been unobserved. Then she followed them, closing the door. "Hey, maybe before you call the manager, we can have a little party."

 

Faith shrugged, and walked up to the girl. "I'm ready to party," she said. Then she swiftly staked the blonde, who turned to dust. She turned to Adera. "You told her I was your girlfriend," she said.

 

"Oh, stop griping. It got us in the door, didn't it?"

 

"But, you told her I was your girl friend!," Faith said.

 

Adera gave her a shut up look. Then they went from room to room, staking vamps. Most of them were asleep, so they had an easy time of it. Until they found the last one. He knew who Adera was.

 

They found him in the play room, shooting pool by himself. He looked up when they entered. "Long time, Adera. You just killed my coven. I'm very unhappy with you."

 

Adera laughed. "Why, Philippe, I should have known it was you because of all the girl on girl action that made me notice this nest in the first place. You always did like to watch."

 

"Is this your new lover, Adera?" He looked at Faith, who smiled at him seductively. "Maybe we can work a deal here. Maybe I won't kill you both."

 

Adera slowly walked forward, and when she was standing in front of him, she said, "I came here to kill evil, and that's what I'm going to do." Then she hit him so hard he flew backwards into the wall. She was following him before he made contact with the wall. In her right hand was his pool stick, which she rammed into his shoulder, pinning him to the wall. She viciously twisted it. He screamed.

 

"Adera, don't," Faith said.

 

"Shut up, Faith," Adera said. "Keep out of this." Then she turned back to Philippe. "Do you remember all the things you and Darla did to me?" She twisted the stick again. He screamed. "Do you recall how angry you were because she wouldn't let you have me?" She twisted it again. "You beat her within an inch of her life." She twisted again. "Do you recall that?"

 

"Adera, have mercy. That was a long time ago," he gritted out.

 

"I remember like it was yesterday," she said. Then she twisted his head, biting into him, draining the blood from his body. Then she pulled the stick in a sideways arc, which made it go into his heart. He turned to dust. She dropped the broken pool stick and left.

 

Faith hastily followed.

 

~Unseen~

 

Faith followed her all the way into the apartment. Adera had unlocked the door, thrown purse, keys and sunglasses on the floor and rushed to the kitchen. Faith found her in the front of the sink, drinking a rather large bottle of water very fast. Adera closed her eyes when she was through, her body poised for the onslaught of pain she knew was coming.

 

"Go away, Faith," she said. "You don't want to be around me for a little while." She inhaled as the first pain began centering around her midsection.

 

"Adera, you don't look very well. What's wrong?" Faith said.

 

Moaning softly, Adera raised her eyes to let Faith see the change in them. "I don't want to hurt you. Please go. I don't want any one to see me like this, I.." The wave of pain brought her to her knees. She was shaking, trying to control herself. In her mind, she began having visions of attacking Faith.

 

"I'm not leaving you like this," Faith said.

 

"You must have a death wish, Faith," Adera said between clenched teeth. She screamed, and curled up into a fetal position, clutching her mid section.

 

Faith rushed to her, getting down on the floor, pulling Adera into her arms. She smoothed the hair back from her face and asked, "Why is this happening?"

 

"It's been too long," Adera whispered.

 

"But you have fed from Spike. From Lindsey, too. It can't be hunger causing this!"

 

"Not just hunger," Adera said. "It's the darkness inside trying to take over." She was breaking out into a sweat because of Faith's nearness. She could smell the life pounding in the slayer's veins.

 

"What about Spike and Lindsey?" Faith said.

 

"They'll never know this," Adera managed to say. "Well, Spike will remember similar hunger. But he won't feel this."

 

Faith turned Adera face so she could see it. She looked into her eyes, which were scary, but beautiful in their own way. "You made them different from you somehow."

 

"They won't ever have to feed, Faith. My blood is eternal."

 

Faith's eyes filled with tears as she realized how much the woman she was holding in her arms had done for them all. "I'm so sorry, Adera."

 

"I'd do it again. There's nothing to be sorry for," Adera whispered. Then she moaned as another cramp hit her.

 

Faith held her for a very long time. When the pain was at it's worst, she softly sang to her:

 

A little girl, a little small for her age

A little too slow for the field day race

Momma's waiting at the finish line

And wipes the teardrops from her eyes

She says, "You did just fine honey, that's okay

"Sometimes life's just that way "You're gonna lose the race from time to time

"But you're always gonna find

 

"You can't lose me

"Bet your life

"I am here and I will always be

"Just a wish away

"Wherever you go

"No matter how far

"My love is where you are

"You won't be lost if you believe

"You can't lose me"

 

Momma use to say "Girl it won't be long

'"Til it's time to go out on your own

"Chase your dreams find your place in life

"I know you'll do just fine"

When that day finally came

There were things she needed to but could not say

So I whispered softly as I wiped

The tears from Momma's eyes

 

"You can't lose me

"Bet your life

"I am here and I will always be

"Just a wish away

"Wherever I go

"No matter how far

"My love is where you are

"You won't be lost if you believe

"You can't lose me"

 

Faith held her until she finally drifted into sleep.

 

"You Can't Lose Me"

1995 Big Tractor Music (adm. by WB Music Corp.)/WB Music Corp. ASCAP/Kicking Bird Music, Inc./Thomahawk Music (adm. by Kicking Bird Music)

 

~Deep In The Dark~

 

Adera became aware when she felt the chill of the hand on her stomach. She knew she was dreaming again. She opened her eyes. They were in bed. He had his back to the wall and she was laying in front of him, her back against his chest. She was wearing his white silk shirt. It was unbuttoned and open a little. His hand was gently rubbing where most of the pain had been.

 

"Did you have fun killing him, my darling dear?" Angelus whispered into her ear.

 

"Why are you still in my dreams?" She asked him.

 

"I'll always be here," he said. His smooth voice sent shivers down her spine. He began using both hands to touch her skin, then he slowly moved them up to her breasts. He cupped them within his hands, his fingers twisting the nipples just enough to make them hard. Just enough to make her burn. She arched her back, pushing herself into his hands. He softly laughed. "Like that, do you?"

 

"Yes," she said, her voice husky with desire. He continued rolling her nipples within his fingers.

 

"You didn't answer me, Adera. I asked if you enjoyed killing him," Angelus said.

 

"Yes," she said.

 

"That's good. You told me the truth. Don't lie to me. I'll know when you do, sweet thing."

 

He kissed the side of her neck. She moaned. He kissed a path back to her ear, where he whispered, "Bend your knees and push your legs up." She didn't know why he effected her this way. But to not do what he wanted her to was impossible. She did it. He ran his hands down her body until he reached her legs. He softly said, "Spread your legs for me, Adera." She felt like she had just sat in a tub of very warm water, her body became so hot.

 

But she did it. She let them relax against his. He gathered her a little closer. "That's good, lover. How badly do you want my hands on you?" His hands, which were now gently rubbing the inside of her thighs, were driving her higher with each stroke.

 

"Angelus," she moaned.

 

"Tell me," he said. "I won't do it unless you do."

 

She slid her hands on each side of herself so she could touch his skin. So she had something to hold onto. "I want you to touch me, Angelus. I want you to take me there. With your hand." Saying that made her burn even hotter. God, he was evil.

 

He whispered in her ear, "See? That wasn't hard, was it?" Then he slowly moved his right hand until it covered the area she burned the hottest. She bit her lip trying not to let him know how much she craved what he was doing, but a moan escaped anyway.

 

He slid the hand down gently, pushing the middle finger against the soft folds of skin until they parted. She dug her nails into his skin. She could feel how wet she was, and it was slightly humiliating. He began moving the finger up and down in a gentle stroking motion. Her legs had relaxed even more. She was sickened inside because he had this power over her, but she wouldn't have stopped him from doing this if her life depended on it. Her hips moved for him.

 

"Oh, yes, my little bitch. Do you feel how wet you are?" He asked.

 

"Yes," she whispered.

 

He licked the side of her neck slowly. She could imagine his mouth on her where his hand was now. It was maddening. She moved her hips a little faster.

 

Then his finger found her clitoris. He began a slow circling movement than was driving her over the edge. She was afraid he would stop, after all, he'd done that to her in Angel's office bedroom. But he didn't. He very gently took her to orgasm. He rubbed until she couldn't take it anymore.

 

"Did you like that, lover?" He asked.

 

"Yes," she said, almost breathless.

 

He lifted his hand up so she could see the moisture from her body on it. "You see how I make you want me?"

 

"Yes," she whispered.

 

Then he rubbed her lower lip with his middle finger. She could feel the wetness on his finger. She felt like she was possessed when she stuck her tongue out and licked his finger. He softly said, "That's good. I want you to know what you taste like when I do put my mouth on you. Now, lover. Suck it."

 

Adera gently pulled the finger into her mouth and did as he'd said. The nasty things he was making her do didn't seem to matter because she kept telling herself it was only a dream.

 

His left hand moved where the other one had been and he brought her to a screaming, painful climax.

 

It woke her up. She violently pulled away from Faith, looking around at her surroundings. When she realized where she was, she started shaking.

 

She told Faith, "We need to go back to Wolfram & Hart, now. Something is very wrong."

 

"What?" Faith asked.

 

"I'll explain when we get to Angel's office," Adera said.

 

Faith frowned.

 

But Adera knew something was indeed very wrong. Because she could still taste herself from the dream.

 

Angelus had said she was only half-right. She intended to find out why.

 

~Lovers~

 

Faith and Adera rode the elevator in silence. Adera had not said any thing beyond one-syllable replies since they left the apartment complex. She was very afraid of what all this meant. Faith didn't know what to think.

 

The elevator came to a stop. They both stepped out. "Faith," Adera said. "I'm going to the library. Please send Lindsey to me. I need to talk to him before I talk to anyone else."

 

"You love him, don't you?" Faith said.

 

"Words cannot express how much I love that man. He's a part of my soul."

 

"What about Angel?"

 

"Angel, too," Adera said. "The two are inseparable to me. I love both of them. Understand?"

 

Faith shook her head yes. Then she left. Adera made her way to Wesley's haven, but he was not there. She was grateful. She sat at the desk in the corner and took pen and paper, started making a list. Right before Lindsey walked in, two things had become very apparent to her. She couldn't understand how she'd missed them. Adera thought pride might play a part. Or stupidity. She threw the pen across the room.

 

Then he walked in. Her eyes filled with tears at the sight of him. She prayed with all her heart this wouldn't hurt him. He'd been through enough.

 

He came to her and she walked into his arms. She just wanted him to hold her. As she breathed in the scent of him, and felt the warmth that always comforted her, a cold and merciless hatred for Angelus was born within her waking self. He was trying to tear her away from Lindsey. And she would fight him until hell froze over before she allowed that to come to pass.

 

"Faith said you had another nightmare or something. Are you all right?" Lindsey asked.

 

"So far I am. As long as I'm awake, I believe I'll be okay. Normally, that wouldn't be a problem. Now, it may be a very large problem," she said. Then she led him to the large sofa. They sat down and she looked at him. She held out her hand to him and he took it. She thought about how dear this man was to her. He felt her emotions as if they were his own. He placed his hand to the side of her face. She closed her eyes and just basked in his touch. They didn't need to say a word.

 

Then she took a deep breath. She told him, "It was more than a dream, Lindsey. I could tell you, but I want to try showing you first. It would be easier, and since the exchange this morning, I think it will work. But you'll feel everything I've felt. For that, I'm sorry. It's the only way I can see to make you understand what's going on. Well, as much as I understand, at any rate. Are you willing to try?"

 

"Just tell me what to do," he said.

 

"Close your eyes and clear your mind," Adera said. Then she took the hand she held and pressed their palms together.

 

The effect was immediate. It bonded them more completely than if Athena herself had given them to each other in marriage. He not only saw everything she'd dreamed, not only felt everything she'd felt, he now knew things she didn't know herself.

 

Adera felt his love shine for her brighter than the sun. To her that was the most important thing. To know he not only understood, and did not condemn her for the evil that was winding it's way to the surface, was only secondary to the knowledge that his soul was as bound to her as she was to him. The way they were both bound to Angel.

 

He knew she only wanted to love him forever. He knew she had not betrayed him, because she couldn't control what happened in a dream. He knew she wanted him to wipe the memory of what Angelus had done to her away.

 

So he did.

 

~Windows~

 

Adera and Lindsey stood before the closed door to Angel's office. He had waited while she put her self in some semblance of order after their heated encounter, doing a pretty good job except for her hair, which she ended up leaving down. She put her hand on his chest, just to feel his heart beat. "Are they all in there?" she asked.

 

"Yes," Lindsey said.

 

"Then I'll have to omit some things. How am I going to explain without mentioning..."

 

"I'll help you," he interrupted her. "We'll make them understand somehow."

 

Adera took a deep breath. "Lindsey, I'm not sure I can see him without seeing Angelus. I'm afraid."

 

"You have to have faith in yourself. You can fight this. I believe in you," Lindsey said.

 

"I may do or say things you won't like, Lindsey," she softly said.

 

He placed a finger under her chin and lifted her face so he could look into her eyes. "If you turned into pure evil, I would still love you," he said. He kissed her gently. "You can't walk away from this. You never walked away from a fight in your life. You can't start now."

 

"Yes, I did, Lindsey," Adera said. (But I'm not doing it again. I want both you and Angel.) "I walked away twice. Both times I could have fought for what I wanted. But I didn't have the courage to do it. It was a mistake both times."

 

"You mustn't think that way, darling'. Things have happened this way for a reason."

 

"I suppose," she said.

 

"Ready to walk into the den?" Lindsey joked.

 

Adera sighed. "Better now than later. Let's do this."

 

Lindsey opened the door, and she walked in first. He followed her, closing it behind himself. She glanced at every one in the room except Angel. She closed her eyes, and gritted her teeth. You can do this, she told herself. You can, you can, you can. A shiver of fear worked itself under her skin.

 

She turned back to look at Lindsey. He had crossed his arms, and he shook his head no at her. He smiled at her in encouragement. She tensilely smiled back. He shook his head yes. She nodded back.

 

Then she turned around to walk in Angel's direction, being careful not to look up until she was right in front of him.

 

Then she looked into his face, into his eyes and said, "Hello, lover." Then she kissed him.

 

-to be continued-


	3. Chapter 3

~To The Soul~

 

Angel pulled away from Adera. He looked deeply into her tawny colored eyes, which reminded him of amber. He could see Angelus in there. This wasn't possible. How could it be? And she had kissed him in front of her lover! He glanced at Lindsey, who looked amused. He looked back at her.(Err...why isn't he pissed?)

 

"Damn," Adera said. "The Doyle kiss didn't work!"

 

"This can't be," Angel said.

 

"Oh, but it's true, lover. You see him within my eyes, don't you?" Adera started pacing, walking around Angel, keeping her eyes locked with his. "Ever since I left for Sedona, before that, even, you've felt like a weight had been lifted off your shoulders. You've felt a freedom you've never known before. You've...been almost happy, right?"

 

"Yes, what you say is true, but....How is it possible?"

 

Adera said, "I came here to resurrect Spike. I tried to make you whole. I thought I had, but," she stopped and sighed. "I did that job just a little too well. I made Angelus scream. I made him hurt. I made his heart break for me. He cried for me. He made love to me. And when he did, he fell in love with me. And he decided he didn't want any part of you any longer. Because you just weren't evil enough."

 

"Adera," Angel said, "I'm..."

 

"Don't! Don't say that! It was my pride, my arrogance that caused this," she said. "And he's been in me all this time, waiting. Learning. Knowing just how much I wanted the both of you. Just waiting for the right opportunity to present itself. And I finally gave it to him, didn't I?"

 

Angel looked at Lindsey again. "Yeah, I know. I knew while it was going on," Lindsey said. "I knew she had you in her heart before we left Sedona. I've accepted that."

 

Angel looked back at Adera. "He came out after I told you no, didn't he?"

 

"It wasn't just that," she said. "When you said no, I know you love Lindsey, and I would never come between you. That minute in time after that is why he came out. Because my heart was so full of you for that one minute, I wanted you so much it hurt. I knew Lindsey was feeling everything I was. Yet I didn't care. And that gave him what he needed, you see. And open door, an invitation of sorts."

 

"An invitation to what?" Angel said.

 

"My dark side, of course. You remember how Angelus works, now don't you Angel? He never goes for the clean kill. There must always be some element of cruelty involved. Some sick, twisted plot he dreams up. He picked a real winner this time. Do you know why?"

 

"The seduction is working?"

 

Adera snorted. "Faith, what do you think about that. Is it working?"

 

Faith, who was sitting beside Fred on the sofa, looked at everyone. "After what I've seen today, I'd say it's working, all right. We need to figure out how to stop it or put Angelus on ice somehow. As much as we all fear him, I gotta tell you, I fear her even more."

 

"How is he doing it, Adera?" Angel asked.

 

"He's getting to me the same way Darla got to you. Through my dreams."

 

"But he doesn't have a physical presence. Darla did," Angel said.

 

Adera groaned. She should have known she was going to have to show him. Maybe Lindsey could! She looked hopefully at him. He said, "No way am I going there. You're the one who wanted to screw him. You get to be the one who shows him."

 

She crossed her arms and said, "A true gentleman would, you know." //And it would be really nice if you came out of Denialville, too.//

 

"Well, this man isn't," Lindsey said.//And let everyone know I have a thing for Angel? Oh, hell no!//

 

"Wesley would do it," she said.

 

"I'm not Wesley," Lindsey said.

 

"I beg your pardon," Wesley said. "That was uncalled for!"

 

"Sorry, Wesley," she said. She looked away from Lindsey to Faith, who came forward and hugged Adera. "It's okay. You'll be okay. I'll be here for you. I promise," Faith told her.

 

Adera's eyes filled with unshed tears. "You promise?" She said.

 

Faith smoothed Adera's hair and tucked it behind her ears in a comforting gesture. "Hey, you can't lose me. Remember?"

 

"I remember," Adera said.

 

Everyone in the room had been mostly speechless as revelation after revelation was revealed. Now they were bordering on shock at seeing this interaction between Faith and Adera.

 

"Thank you," Adera said.

 

"No problem. What are girlfriends for?" Faith joked. Lindsey and Spike laughed. Angel's eyebrows shot up. Every one else's mouth fell open. Adera and Faith grinned at each other.

 

Adera turned from Faith to Angel. "You want to know how Angelus is seducing me? Give me your hands and I'll show you."

 

Angel held his hands out to her. She hesitated, then took them. Everyone in the room felt an almost electrical charge as she showed Angel the things that had been happening in her dreams. Everyone caught a little glimpse of it, enough for them all to understand how she felt. They all knew the power she was exhibiting might not be a good thing.

 

When it was over, she was very pale. "You see?" she whispered to Angel.

 

"Yes," he said.

 

Then she put her hand over her mouth and ran for the bathroom. Fred and Faith rushed after her. Everyone heard the awful retching sounds she made.

 

Lorne said, "Uh...to the best of my knowledge, vampires don't get sick like that."

 

Everyone looked at Lindsey. He said the most shocking thing of all.

 

"They would if they were pregnant."

 

~Last Chance~

 

Stunned silence greeted that announcement. Then everyone started talking at once.

 

Gunn said, "Vampires can't have children!"

 

Lorne said, "I feel a funny sense of deja vu coming on."

 

Spike said, "She's a living vampire. Her heart beats. Why shouldn't she be able to conceive?"

 

Angel softly said, "I guess things really do come in threes."

 

Wesley said, "There may be a prophecy concerning this. I need to check on this."

 

Angel said, "No prophecies! This isn't a mystical pregnancy, is it, Lindsey?"

 

"No, it's not. We conceived her the morning after Adera got to Sedona," Lindsey said. "I made love to her and now she's pregnant. She may have a faster term than a mortal would, but the baby will be human. Well, half-human. It happened before the memory exchange, when I was still human."

 

"How long have you two known about this?" Spike asked.

 

"Less than an hour," Lindsey said.

 

They paused to think about that. Then Angel asked, "You said it's not a mystical pregnancy, but you also said: We conceived her. There is still some element of the supernatural involved, I take it?"

 

Lindsey sighed. "Angel, I want to ask you something. Did you never take the time to wonder why Adera would warn Angelus not to drink the holy water, and tell him if he fed on her, it would kill him? Did you ever stop and think about how you could feed on her yourself just hours later?"

 

Angel looked stumped. "Uh...no. I didn't," he said. "But now that you've asked that, how could I have?"

 

Lindsey said,"Do you remember what Athena demanded of Adera, the part about the virginity that related to you?"

 

"I think so," Angel said. "Athena told Adera:

 

My final demand for the favor I do for you today is the surrender of your virginity to a soul who is a shattered caricature of a man, and to a man who is cursed with the pain of his past and who seeks redemption for it. Your surrender will complete him, and enable him to fulfill his own destiny."

 

Lindsey asked Angel, "Is that what happened?"

 

Angel thought about it. He said, "I did take her virginity, but...I'm not sure you could call what happened surrender." Then something else dawned on him. "My God, Athena could have been talking about you!"

 

Lindsey said, "That we'll never know for sure about. You were a part of it or Athena wouldn't have broken Adera's spell and released you from that room. All I know is, her virginity she gave to you. But she surrendered to me."

 

"What does that have to do with the blood exchange later?" Angel asked.

 

Lindsey said, "Gods are a fickle bunch, Angel. Athena may have decided she didn't like the way things happened. Maybe she knew Angelus was within Adera's body. But she decided to change the deal, make another bargain, whatever. Until we talked just awhile ago, Adera has had a piece of time missing in her memory. The piece of time between when she talked to Spike and they watched the sun rise, and the piece of time when you came into this office and she was telepathically linked to me. Today, she remembered what it was."

 

"What happened," Angel said.

 

Adera said from the bedroom doorway, "I picked up this."

 

Everyone looked and saw she held a suitcase in her hands. Angel, Lindsey and Spike were the only ones who realized what she was holding.

 

Angel was the only one to remember whose it was. He remembered it like it was yesterday:

 

Cordy: "Hey, what are friends for?"

 

Darla: "If you ask me, they're for knocking you up and leaving you high and dry."

 

Angel spins around to see a very pregnant Darla standing on the top landing leading down into the lobby from outside.

 

Darla: "Hello, lover. Long time no see." She let the suitcase she was holding gently drop from her hand.

 

~Breaking Point~

 

"What does her suitcase have to do with anything?" Angel said.

 

"Everything," Adera said. "Tell me, lover. What do you think I saw when I touched it?"

 

"Darla standing in the lobby of the hotel?" Angel said.

 

"I hope you don't think that's funny," Adera said.

 

"I did, sort of. Yeah," Angel said.

 

The suitcase dropped from her fingertips, and Adera growled at Angel. Lindsey said, "I think you two need to think about what's fixing to happen here before any thing further is said."

 

"Oh, too late for that, lawyer boy," Adera said. "Everyone leave except for Spike, Faith and you. Now." She stood there and waited until they had left. Her eyes never left Angel's. She was so angry, she was afraid to move.

 

Faith asked Lindsey softly, "Don't you think we should leave them alone?"

 

"No, you don't wanna do that now, Faith. You guys are here to protect him, not me," Adera said.

 

She said to Angel: "In a lot of ways, you are as much of a jackass as Angelus, did you know that? So smug. So self-righteous. Making the big decisions for everyone else. Doing what you think is best without consulting the other parties involved. Because you think you know what suffering is. Well, you don't know jack! I'll tell you what true suffering is.

 

For 3,000 years, I've seen women die horrible, ugly deaths. I've seen them die screaming in agony as they tried to give birth. I've felt it through my empathic abilities. I've seen men beat them to death for having a girl instead of a boy. I've seen atrocities committed you can't imagine in your worst nightmares. All because men think they're superior.

 

Well, I'll tell you what I saw when I touched Darla's suitcase. I saw a rain-drenched alley. I saw her crying, she was in agony, she was bleeding, she was laying in the street! She told you she was sorry she made you. She told you be sure he knew she loved him. Then she rammed a stake in her own heart, so her son could live. And I saw how little you grieved over it.

 

But you really didn't have much to do with the whole thing, did you? Your work only took a few minutes of time. She carried him within her body. She suffered the most horrible hunger she had ever known. She suffered every time she killed because his soul was in her. She traveled and searched for help until finally, she had no choice but to come to you. Knowing you had told her you'd kill her on sight.

 

I saw the death of a woman I had once loved. And it broke my heart."

 

She was suddenly very tired. She walked all the way into the office and sat down on the sofa.

 

"Athena came to me. She said I had left something undone. She told me I could fix it. And she offered to give Darla one last chance. That because she had sacrificed herself for love, she had the chance to do it right....but she could only be born to two people who had loved her. Athena said since I was going to Lindsey....I had this one last chance to take away your greatest fear. But she had to weaken my blood to do it. That's why you could feed from me. But Athena took my memory away because she felt that I wouldn't be able to truly surrender myself to Lindsey if I had known what the outcome would be."

 

Spike said, "Bloody hell! You...you're saying....you're going to give birth to Darla?"

 

Adera looked at all of them. "That's exactly what I'm saying."

 

~Simple Logic~

 

Faith was crying. "Oh my God. That's the greatest thing I've ever heard."

 

Angel and Spike said in unison: "Excuse me?"

 

But Faith paid them no attention. She went over to Adera and gave her a hug. Adera burst out crying, too. "Shh, It's okay now. I understand," Faith softly said.

 

Angel said, "I think we need to get Wesley back in here. We need to keep checking out prophecies regarding Darla."

 

Faith sighed. She let go of Adera, and gently wiped the tears off her face with one finger. She smiled at her. Then Faith said, "It's not about prophecies, you moron. It's not about Wolfram & Hart, or some apocalypse down the road. Don't you understand? It's about love."

 

Angel said, "That's a funny statement coming from you, Faith."

 

"That may well be true, but I have to say, you know...I've always envied Buffy. At one point in time, I even envied her you. Now, I think I pity her more than anything. Because I don't believe you know what true love is."

 

"And you think you do, is that right?" Angel sarcastically said.

 

Faith answered, "While it's true I've never been in love myself, I do know the real thing when I see it. And I see it here. Lindsey and Adera share something I can only hope to one day find. It's eternal, Angel. And it's great enough to have created a miracle for Darla herself."

 

Spike said, "Because they have faith and hope enough for this one soul, because they both saw things within Darla none of us ever did, that Athena has given her another chance. Her last chance."

 

Faith's eyes shimmered with tears. Her heart felt...funny. She looked at Spike and her heart felt...full. She smiled softly. "That's right," she said. Spike smiled back.

 

"So, the thing we have to do first," Faith said, "is get the rest of the gang back in here. We need a protection spell for the baby. To protect her from Angelus. If he cannot turn Adera, I think he'll try to harm the baby. He does know about her, right?"

 

Adera sighed. God, she was tired. "He told me three of us were in my body. I didn't understand that until Lindsey and I ....in the library. So, yes. He does know."

 

Faith said, "After the protection spell is in place, we can work on a way to stop Angelus. Transfer him back to Angel. Something."

 

"C'mon then, pet," Spike said. "Let's go get them back in here."

 

Faith stood up to go with him.

 

"This is Darla we're talking about here!," Angel said.

 

"No, Angel," Lindsey said. "We're talking about our daughter's soul. Because that's the only part of Darla Athena granted. The baby is our flesh and blood. Her soul will be clean and innocent when she's born. Don't you understand that?"

 

Angel said, "No! There was nothing clean or innocent about Darla. She used the two of you for her own ends, and I can't understand how you both can see through that and give this baby her soul!"

 

Lindsey sighed. He sat on the sofa beside Adera, and gathered her in his arms. They looked at each other in perfect understanding. "Angel, I think I agree with Faith. I don't think you know what true love is. Maybe you should think about that."

 

Faith said, "Maybe you should, Angel. We are all going to have to be here for them. You, especially. Because you're linked to this whole mess. How can you honestly help, if you don't believe or understand?"

 

Angel gave Faith a go-to-hell look and stormed out of the office.

 

Faith shook her head and left with Spike to get the others.

 

Lindsey and Adera were lost in the spell of each other and never noticed everyone had left.

 

~Knowing~

 

Angel slammed into the conference room. He was extremely angry. How dare they say he didn't know what true love was! And this thing with the baby and Darla's soul was wrong! Couldn't they see that? Couldn't they see they were being used?

 

He walked over to the bar and poured some whiskey into a tumbler, and bolted the drink down. He grimaced at the taste, and the burning sensation as it went down. Then he poured some more into the tumbler, picked up the cut-glass container of whiskey, and sat at the table.

 

He sipped the whiskey, then stared into the amber depths of the glass as if the meaning of his existence was within it. As he did so, visions of the past filled his mind as he sat there brooding about the revelations of today.

 

Yes, he knew what love was. He'd discovered love when he'd went to Sunnydale to help the slayer. Now, he was forced to wonder if perhaps he'd only made himself fall in love with her, to hide a deeper truth from himself.

 

When Whistler had helped him, made him want to help her, had it been mostly about helping himself?

 

Buffy had only been a confused teenager at the time. She hadn't known what she'd truly wanted.

 

And now, having acknowledged the truth that the only thing separating him from Angelus was the willingness to be evil, shouldn't he be able to face the one thing he'd always believed until Spike had shown him wrong?

 

It was possible to love without a soul.

 

Angel finally came to grips with the wavering emotions he'd withheld so long. Yes, he had loved the slayer, but it was a selfish love, only born out of his own need to redeem himself.

 

Yes, he had loved Darla, deep inside, even as Angelus. But as Angel, he couldn't have admitted that, and by the time he had lost control and slept with her.....it could never have been perfect happiness, not by then.

 

He was in love with Adera, had been when he was human, and he didn't want to lose her.

 

But the hardest admission was....... He was in love with Lindsey, had been since the night he had claimed him, touched him, marked him as his own.

 

Angel sighed.

 

Why was his life so fucking complicated?

 

~Take Me Down~

 

Adera breathed deeply and opened her eyes. When they adjusted to the darkness, she realized it was the bedroom in Sedona. Then she felt his touch on her back. Oh, Lindsey. She turned around. He smiled at her. Those blue eyes just did her in. So did those lips.

 

"About time you came to see me," he said. "I've been waiting for you."

 

She touched his face. "I was here always," she softly.

 

Lindsey whispered, "I know you were. You just took a wrong turn somewhere, that's all. Are you ready to finish what we began?" He reached out to touch her body. When he did, a rush of heat enveloped her. She realized she was sexually aroused by him in a way that was different than before. It was hotter, more intense, more earthy. He was slowly moving his hand down her body, his warm hand was almost there, and she burned for him.

 

"Ooh, Lindsey," she moaned. Is this what Athena had meant about surrendering herself to a man? Is that why she was so aroused? Then he slipped his hand gently between her legs, and all though was then lost. He let the warmth of his hand rest there, not moving. She felt the heat in his hand spiral through her entire body, and it set her on fire.

 

"Do you want it?" Lindsey asked.

 

"Yes, I do. Touch me, Lindsey, please," Adera moaned.

 

He began to move his hand at the same moment his lips touched hers in a kiss that blinded her to everything. Her whole being was concentrated on that mouth on hers. On the heat between her legs. On the coolness at her back. On the hand that touched her breast, slowly twisting the nipple of it. On the voice in her ear that whispered, "You burn for it, don't you?"

 

Some part of her wanted to stop, but it was too intense a feeling. Her body temperature soared up, and she couldn't, couldn't, couldn't stop. Didn't even care why. Then he kissed the side of her neck, and sent that hot and cold shivers all over her body.

 

She moaned into Lindsey's kiss, "Angelus."

 

"Do you want it?" Angelus asked.

 

"Yes, I do," she moaned.

 

Lindsey rolled on his back, taking her with him. He moved his hand away from her. She moaned in protest. Then Angelus touched her there. He slid a finger inside her, moving it around, getting it wet from her body...and she could feel Lindsey hard underneath her, he was hot, he was ready. Then Angelus slowly slid his finger upwards, getting her wet, making her ready for him, and then he gently pushed his finger inside. She closed her eyes and whispered, "Lindsey."

 

"It's all right, baby. It's okay. It won't hurt, I promise," Lindsey said. Then they lifted her so Lindsey could let himself slip into her. Then he began to move under her, and she moved with him. Then she felt Angelus there. He slid into her just a little. She gasped. But Lindsey was right, it didn't hurt, but the pressure was...scary. Angelus slid forward a little more...while Lindsey was moving in her, and she wanted them both. Then Angelus pushed himself in all the way, and paused long enough for her to become familiar with the feel of him there. Then he began moving in unison with Lindsey.

 

The feeling was nearly indescrible. Both men were making love to her, but it felt like they were also making love to each other. The friction within her as they moved in concert with each other was like nothing she'd ever known. Adera climaxed almost the minute it started. She was almost insane with the desire within. She didn't care about anything, except the gentle rocking that was going on inside her body. And she could feel how close they both were, she could feel it.

 

When Lindsey and Angelus came, she did , too. It felt like they had created something together. But her eyes were closed, and she didn't see the tiny purple lights that surrounded them all. The last thing she heard was Angelus softly saying, "I could have loved you forever."

 

Then she woke up, because she rolled off the sofa. She sat up, and saw four legs in front of her. She looked up to see Lindsey and Angel, with funny looks on their faces. That could only mean one thing.

 

"I was talking in my sleep, huh?" Adera asked.

 

~Eavesdropping~

 

Angel silently opened the door to his office. Lindsey was slowly disentangling himself from Adera, who had fallen asleep. He managed to do it, leaving her asleep on the sofa. He looked at Angel, who was looking sad and worn some how. Lindsey sort of felt bad for what he'd earlier said.

 

Angel softly asked, "Is she going to dream again?"

 

Lindsey answered, "I hope not. She seemed so tired, I just wanted her to rest. Surely Angelus cannot be in her every dream."

 

"I wouldn't put too much hope into that, Lindsey. When he's after something, he can be utterly ruthless," Angel said. He walked over and looked down at Adera's sleeping form. "She thinks that he's after her. I believe it's something else."

 

"What else could it be?" Lindsey asked.

 

Angel said, "Athena made a deal with Adera. Angelus was there in Adera's soul when it happened. It's conceivable that the deal extends to him also. We know Adera said he fell in love with her. But maybe...maybe the same way she's in love with me. The same way Buffy's in love with Spike. She told me once that we were kindred. The same but different. I think..some thing is going on here that's going to shock everyone."

 

Adera softly said, "I was here always."

 

They looked at her a second, but she was still asleep. "She talks in her sleep?" Angel asked Lindsey.

 

"Not that I'm aware of," Lindsey said. "That's the first time I've heard her do that."

 

"That's really creepy," Angel said. "I swear, I was just going to say that you had two common denominators. Darla is one. Adera is the other. We know where Darla's soul is. But Adera....she's so different, so complex. And she's connected to most of us with that empathic ability of hers. She can take a memory from someone and make it hers. I was wondering, is it possible that she could be...taking a little piece of our souls as well?"

 

"Angel, that's really.....out there. I don't see how that could be," Lindsey said.

 

Adera moaned softly in her sleep and said, "Ooh, Lindsey."

 

Angel and Lindsey smiled at each other. Then Angel asked, "Why can't you feel what's happening to her, like you did when she was with Faith in her dream?"

 

"I don't know," Lindsey said. "These dreams are different. It's almost like reality, just a different reality. What did you just say? Kindred. It seems to fit these dreams, the way they effect her. Faith said the evil is trying to emerge. If that's true....this could get ugly, Angel."

 

"You know what you said before, about me not knowing what true love is?" Angel asked him.

 

"Yeah. Look, I'm sorry I said that," Lindsey said. "It's just I know you..."

 

"Loved Darla?," Angel said. "I thought about that. And I remembered a lot of things, things I never thought too deeply about before. And I realized you and Faith were right. It's not that I don't know what true love is. It's because I had never admitted to myself that I did love her. I had truly never grieved over her death. Too much happened too fast, and well, I had never believed you could love if you didn't have a soul. Spike proves me wrong about that."

 

Lindsey said, "Angel, if you can admit you loved her....how do you think Angelus felt about Darla?"

 

Angel replied, "He loved her as much as you love Adera."

 

"Do you really think that monster could love like that?," Lindsey said.

 

"I know he does," Angel said. "I think the feelings Adera brought out of him....are because of the love she had for Darla. He taunted her about it. Hell, he turned her on talking about it. Adera so reminded him of Darla, he even to her so. The last time he actually saw her as himself, not me, was the night they killed that gypsy girl. It must have been the shock of a lifetime when Adera tied him to the bed like she did."

 

Adera said, "Yes, I do. Touch me, Lindsey. Please."

 

Angel thought {Ok, I've got to leave now, before he sees how turned on this is making me.}, and said, "Man, I'm getting uncomfortable with this. Maybe I should leave."

 

"Oh, please!," Lindsey exclaimed. {It's not like you haven't fucked her before. } "It's not like she hasn't said that to you. In fact, I believe she was very vulgar about how much she wanted you."

 

"Lindsey, do you hate me?" Angel asked.{Just curious....that's all. Just wondering.}

 

"I did. For a long time," Lindsey said. {Hate? I never hated you.}"I hated the whole world for a long time. Most of all, I hated myself. Now, I'm not sure. But what you two did before I met her is not my business. As for what happened yesterday, if Darla was here and been in that much pain....I would have felt the same as Adera. I appreciate what you did, Angel. It must have been hard to turn her away the way she looked at you. I'm just glad it didn't happen."

 

"I know she loves you," Angel said.

 

"I know that she does. But that's not why I'm glad. I'm glad it didn't happen because I was feeling everything she was. And I'm sorry, Angel. But as good looking as you are, I just have no desire to crawl into your bed," Lindsey said. {Well...OK....that was a lie.}

 

Angel said, "I can't believe you just said that." {Is that true?} Then he smiled. "Not even a little?"

 

"Not an iota of desire for you, buddy," Lindsey said.{The road to Hell is paved in lies....why am I lying?}

 

"That's harsh, Lindsey. I feel insulted," Angel said.

 

Adera moaned and said, "Angelus."

 

Both Lindsey and Angel were now shocked speechless.

 

Adera said, "I do." Then she began making a series of noises that could only be interpreted as sex. She gasped and said in a low scared tone, "Lindsey." Then she gasped again, and a fine sheet of sweat broke over her body. Her face in passion was beautiful to both men, and they were in awe of her.

 

Then a bright yet dim light began to glow about her. It felt to Angel and Lindsey as if the light was gathering something from within Adera. Right as she arrived, the light turned a soft lilac color. They heard a voice say, "I could have loved you forever." Then the light seemed to absorb into Adera's mid section.

 

She rolled off the couch, and slowly sat up. She slowly looked up at Lindsey and Angel. Her face turned a pretty pink color.

 

"I was talking in my sleep, huh?" Adera said.

 

~Overload~

 

Lindsey and Angel said in unison, "What the hell just happened?"

 

Lindsey said, "Did you see that light?"

 

Angel said, "Did you hear that voice?"

 

Lindsey said, "It went into her body!"

 

Angel said, "It was Angelus!"

 

Adera said, "Can I take that as a 'Yes'?"

 

Lindsey said, "My God! She just had dream sex with both of us!"

 

Angel said, "Not me, Angelus! I wasn't there!"

 

Lindsey said, "Man, that's nasty!"

 

Angel said, "Did you just call me nasty?"

 

Lindsey said, "No, I just told you that you're sexually unappealing!"

 

Adera said, "Yeah, it was nasty."

 

Angel said, "If I'm so unappealing, why were you just in bed with Angelus?"

 

Lindsey said, "That was metaphorical sex and it was dream me- not the real me!"

 

Angel said, "Oh, like I never heard that before!"

 

Lindsey said, "Are you trying to say you think I've got the hots for you?"

 

Angel said, "You look pretty enough to!"

 

Adera said, "I think that's a memory I'm not going to share with either of you."

 

Lindsey said, "Well, I never!"

 

Angel said, "Can't prove it by me!"

 

Lindsey said, "Why? Your ego can't handle rejection?"

 

Angel said, "I handle rejection fine, but you can't handle the truth!"

 

Lindsey said, "What truth is that?"

 

Angel said, "Why would you do something like that, even in a dream, if you weren't so inclined?"

 

Adera said, "My dream has driven you both insane. Or I've died and gone to hell."

 

Lindsey said, "It was her dream, Angel. Not mine!"

 

Angel said, "Yeah, but you are linked telepathically."

 

Lindsey said, "I think you're the one who has the hots for me!"

 

Angel said, "That is so untrue!"

 

Lindsey said, "You just said I was pretty!"

 

Angel said, "You are, you moron!"

 

Adera said, "OK, I just felt your bodies making love to each other. I really don't need visuals here."

 

"Ahem, excuse us," Wesley said. Angel, Lindsey and Adera turned to look in the direction his voice came from. They saw all of them standing at the door, rapt interest on their faces.

 

"What the bloody hell happened while we were in the library?" Spike said.

 

~Surprise~

 

Angel and Lindsey looked at each other and started laughing at the stupidity of the argument they had been embroiled in. Adera smiled.

 

Faith said, "Who had sex where?"

 

Adera looked at the two men who thought they were so funny. Considered telling a big fat lie. Decided Lindsey and Angel might die laughing if she did.

 

"I had another dream, Faith," Adera said.

 

Fred asked, "About Angelus?"

 

Adera said, "And Lindsey."

 

Faith laughed and said, "At the same time? Wicked cool."

 

Fred said, "Oh God...that sounds..," she paused to consider it.

 

Adera, Faith and Fred all said at the same time: "Nasty." Each had a different tone to their voice. Fred sounded like she did think it was nasty. Faith sounded like she thought it was cool. Adera sounded like she'd never forget it.

 

Lorne said, "The English language is so strange. I never knew one word could have so many different meanings until you people came to my bar."

 

Adera chuckled at Lorne's observation. She held her hands out to Faith. "Help me up, please. Nancy-gel and Nancy-hand are too busy killing themselves laughing." Which of course, made them laugh harder. Faith helped Adera up.

 

"Adera," Wesley said, "Why would you have a dream like that?"

 

"Yeah, Angel," Adera asked. "Why would Angelus do that to me?"

 

Angel's face straightened out for a minute. Then he said, "Because he had a burning desire for your dark side?" Then both men started laughing again.

 

Adera crossed her arms. She waited. So did everyone else. Eventually, they stopped laughing enough to notice how quite it was.

 

Lindsey said, "My God, Angel. She doesn't know."

 

Adera said testily, "I don't know what?"

 

Angel said, "I had a theory about your empathic abilities. I thought you were-unknowingly-picking up pieces of our souls every time you used them. What we just saw proves I was right."

 

"How so?," she asked.

 

Lindsey said, "Honey, you're pregnant."

 

"I knew that already. So does everyone here!," Adera said.

 

Lindsey said, "No, that's not what I mean. Uh...when you...arrived, there was a halo of light around you. We saw it gather something from you. The light turned a lilac color, and within it, a soft glowing ball of white appeared. We heard Angelus say 'I could have loved you forever'. And then the light was like absorbed into your body."

 

Adera paled at this information. "That's impossible."

 

Angel said, "We both saw it happen."

 

Lindsey said, "We're having twins, Adera."

 

She passed out.

 

~Goddess~

 

Adera slowly came to, and when she was fully aware, she wished she was in the darkness once more. But she was too strong for that. She would not show that weakness again, she never had before. Must be the pregnancy that caused it. Strength like she owned was bought at the price of age. Athena had known it when she made her. Was that what the goddess was counting on? That her self-control could overcome her evil?

 

She felt hands lifting her up. Lindsey. Oh, Lindsey. I love you, I want you, I need you so. I just can't say it right now. Not out loud. But you know how I feel, don't you? She looked into his blue eyes, and knew he'd heard her silent reassurance. He had told her he'd love her even if she was evil. She hoped with all her heart that was true. She was going to make his evil nature come to the fore, and oh sweet heaven, she didn't want to. But he would need that hate to be in control. To deal with her. She knew it was there. She had felt it when he'd placed his hands on her the very first time. She'd seen it within her mind before they had met.

 

The hardness within him that allowed him to watch as his beloved Darla was resired by Drusilla, she needed that now. She touched his face. She was aware every one watching thought it was a tender moment. How wrong they were. Oh, Lindsey, she thought. My beloved, my immortal, I hope like hell you learn fast, because I want you to learn this lesson the first time.

 

She urged his head towards her and she kissed him. She kissed his lips, oh those lips, she could find the meaning of life in his kiss. She kissed his chin, the side of his face, his neck. Then she bit his neck. Hard. She can feel the memory she'd taken from him surface in his mind. And he instinctively jerked away from her. He put his hand up to his neck to feel the bite. Realized she had done it with her blunt teeth, not her fangs. His eyes locked with hers, and the memory came between them, a small chink in the armor he needed to built. It shimmered within the connection they shared:

 

Lindsey steps forward and kisses her softly.

 

Darla: "Mmm, that's how humans get what they want. I remember that much."

 

Lindsey kisses her again.

 

Lindsey: "Do you like it?"

 

Darla: "It's nice. - But it's not me you want to screw."

 

Lindsey pulling back to look at her: "What?"

 

Darla: "It's him. You all think you can use me to get to Angel."

 

Lindsey looks at her for a moment: "Maybe."

 

He kisses her hard, pushing her up against the table.

 

Darla: "What am I?"

 

Lindsey: "I don't know - and I don't care."

 

They kiss and suddenly Darla bites the side of Lindsey's neck, hard and he pulls away. They break apart.

 

Darla: "Now do you care?"

 

Lindsey: "No."

 

Darla: "That's how vampires get what they want. What am I?"

 

Lindsey steps close to her again: "Darla..."

 

Darla: "Is that it? Am I Darla?"

 

Lindsey: "Yes."

 

Darla: "Careful. Darla would snap you in half. - Is that who I am?"

 

Lindsey's eyes closed for a second, just a second as he remembered the past. Then he opened them again and it was there: the look on his face when he had forced Angel to watch as Darla was resired. The realization that the past was as dead as they all were. Except for her. And him. And Spike. Because they weren't dead at all. Her immortal did learn fast.

 

Adera smiled a wicked little smile. "Do you care now?"

 

Inside he heard: You have to be strong for me, my beloved. Can you do that?

 

Lindsey said, "Yes, I do care."

 

"That's good," she said. "All puppies need to be taught lessons, don't they?" She saw Angel flinch out of the corner of her eye. Bad memory? Too bad for him. "You learned that one fast. Don't make me repeat it," she warned him.

 

Lindsey said, "I won't. That you can believe."

 

"Good. That's good. Now, back off," Adera said. He slowly backed away a little. She winked at him. He grinned at her. Then she closed her eyes to concentrate. She deepened her breathing. She rolled her shoulders, to try and lose the tension there.

 

Then she opened her eyes again. And she said:

 

"I know you're watching. You're always watching. I must be the most interesting person on this planet. Didn't know what you did when you made me, did you? Are you trying to balance the power yourself now? If so, you really messed it up! How stupid you are. Come on. Come and play with me! Or are you too afraid of your creation? I'm very angry at you. And you don't want to mess with me when I'm angry. Come down from your high place and answer to me!"

 

A bright flash of light burst into the room, and when it faded, they all saw who had appeared in their midst. Everyone looked at Adera in awe. And realized that a woman with the power to call down a God with mere words was some one to fear.

 

"Adera," she said.

 

Adera smiled. "Hello, Athena," she said.

 

~Labyrinth~

 

Adera said, "Why have you done this to me? Didn't I do everything you demanded all those centuries ago?"

 

Athena replied, "Yes, you did a remarkable job. In fact, you did it just a little too well. I had to do something to counterbalance your nature by separating you from Angelus."

 

"By tempting me with Darla?" Adera asked.

 

"Exactly," Athena said. "I knew it was the only thing that would induce him to leave. I knew that he loved her. He only wanted you because you're so much a part of her. You realize that, don't you?"

 

Adera said, "I know that. I can understand your reasons. I even understand the second chance you've given them. A chance neither had before. But, Athena, after all I've done, after all I've seen, and all I've been through, could you lower yourself to explain why you did it like that?"

 

Athena said, "I don't see why you're so upset. I only helped you out. You didn't know he was there."

 

"You don't know why I'm so upset? Oh, well. Let me see. Could it be because: Those were not dreams? Could it be because: Angelus knew that the whole time? Could it be because: I feel like you raped me? Could it be because: I now have this insane urge to forget everything that's good, clean, decent, and turn into someone more evil than he was?"

 

"My, My!," Athena said. "You've certainly developed quite a temper. And yes, you are correct. They weren't dreams. Angelus did know that. Didn't he tell you that you were only half-right? It was the only way, Adera."

 

"So, you what-moved me to an alternate reality the minute I entered the dream state?"

 

Athena laughed, which put an even finer edge to Adera's anger, "No, I took you both to Mount Olympus. It's the only place I'm still powerful enough to make those kind of miracles happen. I was even able to utilize your Lindsey because of the telepathic connection you share. It was a brilliant plan, my dear."

 

Seeing only the rage that filled her with passion, Adera said bitingly, "Do you know what Angelus did to me? Were you watching the entire time? Did you enjoy seeing me so submissive to that sadist? Did you get off on it?"

 

Athena laughed again. "Yes, I did rather enjoy the show. You have such zest for life, my little Lilith. Why are you complaining? You throughly enjoyed what he did to you. And it's not like you haven't been submissive before. You learned all about that at the hands of your precious Darla." Athena laughed again. "And oh, the things she did to you. I almost wanted you to turn her, just so I could continue watching that show. But, I suppose things worked out in the end, didn't they?"

 

Everyone had been watching in complete silence, enthralled at the sight of the Goddess among them. However, during this last speech Athena made, Adera's features had settled into an almost blankness that Angel, Spike, and Faith recognized. Adera's eyes still blazed with rage. They knew Athena had just sealed her fate, but before they could move to intercept, it was too late.

 

Adera's upper lip twitched only slightly, giving away the roiling emotions within. "Athena, I hate being used. Pity you forgot that."

 

Then she swiftly snapped Athena's neck and let her drop to the floor.

 

~Darling Violetta~

 

Adera's cognizance had become only the feeling of freedom because of what she'd just done. Her soul was filled with new music, soulful music, that she couldn't resist the lure of. Every thing else slipped into the background. Every thing else became obsolete. She had become lost within her own darkness and wasn't aware of any thing around her.

 

Angel, more than Spike and Faith, knew what she felt. He had lived on those highs for over 100 years. He had to get everyone out, fast. "Gunn, you and Wesley take the body out of here. Everyone else, leave now," he quietly said. They all left as silently as they had been before this happened.

 

When the room was clear of all save Adera, himself and Lindsey, Angel looked at Lindsey, who was stunned by the rapid turn of events. Not that upset, just stunned. Well, he had learned his first lesson quickly. That word, lessons, the way she'd said it, had brought back memories Angel had almost managed to forget. They made him sick to the bottom of his soul.

 

And the thought of leaving Lindsey with Adera to face the aftermath made his skin crawl. The Adera he knew wouldn't want that. She loved her lawyer the way he was, and subjecting him to her right now would ruin him forever. He just had to convince Lindsey of that.

 

"Lindsey, you have to leave, too," Angel softly said.

 

"No, Angel. I have to help her," Lindsey said.

 

"You will, I promise, Lindsey. Later. If you stay, if I let you stay, both of you would hate yourselves for what's about to happen. You would hate me for allowing it," Angel said.

 

"Are you sure that's why you want me to go? Isn't there some part of you that wants her for yourself?"

 

"I do love her, yes. But this isn't about that. It's about you. And Adera. She loves you, Lindsey. Just the way you are. I know she regrets the fact that you're immortal now. But Adera isn't herself right now. That little lesson she gave you? It was nothing. Believe me, you don't want any more."

 

"It's her place to teach me, Angel. Not yours," Lindsey said.

 

"God, you're pig-headed! If you think I look forward to any of this, you're dead wrong. I hope you inherited some empathic ability from her, boy. Because I'm going to show you exactly what I'm talking about," Angel said. Then he took Lindsey's hand in his and willed his memories to Lindsey.

 

As the memories began flooding Lindsey's mind, he was sorry he'd pushed Angel into showing him. These were things he'd never wanted to know. About Angel. About Darla. About Drusilla. And Spike. Lessons, lessons, lessons. What Darla and Angelus had done to Spike to turn him from the fledgling who had sired his own mother in an effort to save her from death to the vicious cold-blooded vampire he had become was the worst.

 

Lindsey pulled his hand away from Angel, appalled and sickened. He was so upset, he balled his hand into a fist and slugged Angel. Mostly in realization that Angel had treated him in almost the same manner. Also, because something inside got off on seeing all that. Christ, he was twisted. Almost as twisted as Angel was.

 

Angel put his hand to his lip, which was now split. "I'm sorry, Lindsey," he said.

 

"Adera isn't like that!," Lindsey stormed.

 

Angel chuckled. "No? Then why does a part of you want me to leave you here with her, even after what I just showed you?"

 

"I don't," Lindsey said.

 

Angel leaned forward and whispered into Lindsey's ear, "Yes, you do. I felt your body heat go up. I always know, Lindsey." He stood back. "Welcome to the world of the sick and twisted. I can leave and let you enjoy the ride. Your choice, man."

 

Lindsey closed his eyes and inhaled deeply. "Just one question. Why are you offering to do this?"

 

Angel said, "Because she loves you. And I love her enough to want her happy. And this wouldn't make her happy. Also, maybe I feel I owe you for what I did to Darla. Maybe I like the way you are now myself. Maybe I don't want you going there. Satisfied?"

 

"No. But I can live with it," Lindsey said as he turned to leave the room.

 

"After, don't blame her. It's only the evil inside, you know that, right?"

 

"Yeah, I know," Lindsey said.

 

"Tell Fred to do a fast protection spell. And call Willow. Maybe she can help," Angel said.

 

"All right, I will."

 

"Lindsey," Angel said. Lindsey turned around to look at him again. "I'll bring her back for you."

 

Lindsey said, "You'd damn well better, Angel. If you don't.....I'll destroy you myself."

 

~A Promise~

 

Angel turned around and was surprised to see her watching him with a wicked grin on her face. He had thought she was still high from the kill she'd just made. Adera looked almost feral. It was a frightening sight after witnessing her kill a god. Mostly because Adera had just... killed Athena. She hadn't feed off her, she'd just snapped her neck like it was a twig. And...oh shit, she could just walk out that door if she wanted. The protection spell wasn't in place yet. He would have to give her a reason to stay...and the reality of the only thing that would froze him in place like a rabbit caught in the beam of headlights.

 

He was going to have to let her have free reign....and not fight back. She was walking towards him. The urge to back up was great, but he didn't.

 

"You just sent my fledgling away, now why did you offer to take his place?," Adera smoothly said. Her voice sent shivers down his spine. "I wouldn't have hurt Lindsey too bad. It wouldn't have taken much to break him."

 

Angel said, "Lindsey doesn't deserve that, Adera. He's too good for this and deep down inside where your true self is, you know that."

 

"Oh, is that the party line? It wouldn't have anything to do with this, would it?," she said, as her hand reached out and found the rock hard erection he couldn't hide. "You were ready for it the minute I said the word 'lessons', weren't you?"

 

Angel said what he had to, anything to keep her here with him. "You saw me flinch, didn't you? Since you're holding me within your hand, I hardly need to answer that question, do I? "

 

"Hmm," she whispered in his ear, as she began a slow up and down movement on the hard shaft. "We both know I could walk out that door and kill everything in sight. You give me a reason to stay. Or so help me, I'll rip this thing in my hand off, and eat it while you watch."

 

Angel softly said, "I give you my solemn vow, I won't fight. You can do everything you want."

 

She slid her hand down further down until she held his testicles within her hand. She squeezed just a little, just enough to cause nausea to form.

 

"Anything I want? You're either brave or stupid, Angel. Which one do you think you are?"

 

If Angel could have broken out in a sweat, he would have. "Right now, I'm thinking stupid."

 

"Such a brave little bitch," she said. "Offering him self up to save his friends. That load of guilt inside is really annoying, isn't it? Come now, are your friends worth every little pain I'm going to give you? Are they worth the blood and the tears?"

 

Angel said, "Yes, they are."

 

"And Lindsey? Why would you put yourself through this for him?"

 

"Because I feel like I owe him. I took someone he loved, and I used her like a common whore. I did it knowing how much she meant to him. And, because I want Lindsey myself. I don't want you hurting him, not if I can help it."

 

Adera laughed and released him. "I understand. You want to be punished for the things you've done. But Angel, punishment won't buy you redemption. Don't you know that?

 

Angel lifted his hand and touched her face. "I only know every time I see you, I want to take you from him, and fuck you until he's only a dim memory in your mind. I know it's not right, what I feel for you. Perhaps it has some thing to do with being the first man between those pretty legs of yours, huh?"

 

Adera said, "All right, Angel. I'll take you at your word. No fighting back, under my total control, and any thing I want. If you back out on me, I'll make it a point to kill them all in amazing agony. You'll keep that in mind, won't you?"

 

"It will be first in my thoughts, have no doubt about that," Angel said.

 

Adera snorted. "We'll see about that. When your back is on fire and you're writhing on those sheets in pain, will you still remember them?"

 

"I can take more than you can inflict, Adera."

 

"When was the last time you were tortured? Oh, yes," she said. "I know. Spike came to find the Gem of Amara. Hot pokers, wasn't it? I broke Angelus. I'll break you. You know that, don't you?"

 

"I know you're going to try," he said.

 

"Angel, my darling," Adera said. "You're forgetting a very important thing."

 

"What's that?" he asked.

 

"Darla's suitcase. You know what's in it. Did you forget about that?"

 

Angel felt the first trickle of fear. He had forgotten.

 

~First Choice~

 

Angel followed her into the bedroom. She made him take his clothes off. He could see the admiration in her eyes. He could see desire there, too. Maybe....but no. She was too much like Darla had been. Once an idea had formed in her head, nothing short of Armageddon shook it lose. Yet Adera still had softness about her that Darla had not. Because she couldn't just look, oh no. Adera had to touch, too.

 

She walked up to him and ran her hot little hands up his chest. She circled around him, touching his back, his butt, slowly, softly. It was erotic. It was also very unnerving, knowing those gentle hands had just killed a god. She came back around to face him. She reached one hand up and pulled his head to hers and kissed him. That's when he realized this wasn't only about pain, nor was it only about him. She was going to hurt him, yes. But she would be hurting herself, too. Punishing herself because she still wanted him in spite of the love she bore for Lindsey. Angel hoped like hell he could find a way to use this knowledge.

 

She pulled away from him, nearly breathless, and her skin was flushed pink. Adera was so beautiful, and those eyes of hers, those amber colored eyes, they told a story without her saying a word. They said that she could leave her lover for him. And something in him wanted that. Wanted her so damn much, that he himself could forget who his true love was. He could walk away from the slayer for this woman. Oh, but there was Lindsey......and he had already screwed Lindsey over a woman once. He had given the man a promise about Adera. He was damn well going to keep it, no matter how much it cost him. Angel shook his head no.

 

Adera smiled. "Open her suitcase, Angel darling. Make the first choice."

 

"You want me to hand you the thing you're going to torture me with?" He asked in disbelief.

 

She laughed. "The thought of that kind of makes your balls want to crawl back into your body, doesn't it?"

 

Angel didn't answer, just walked to the suitcase, picked it up and set it on the dresser. It wasn't heavy, there couldn't be that much in it. Besides, toward the end, she hadn't been into the whole torture your victims thing at all. He popped the case open, and the smell from the clothes inside hit him. Roses, jasmine, hyacinth, musk. Her perfume. Darla. The recent realization that he had truly loved her haunted him. It tortured him. Of course, Adera had known it would. He looked at the contents of the case. Well, there were only two things here Adera could use. One of those low-voltage tasers that didn't knock you out, only introduce enough electricity to your body to stun you, or well, if you were undead, cause mind-blowing pain.

 

The other thing was Darla's whip. God, he hated the damn thing. She had used it on him until she'd taken the skin off his back. And laughed while she did it. Angel picked it up. He didn't think Adera would do that. She admired his body too much. She had also been at the receiving end of this whip herself. Faith had told him about the dusting of that French vampire. Angel had the idea this whip had been employed on Adera at his hands. Darla would only have used it as foreplay on Adera.

 

He handed it to her. She took it, but he saw a flicker of distaste cross her features. If he hadn't been looking at her face, he'd have missed it, it was so quick. Interesting.

 

Adera uncoiled the short whip. It was just long enough to make that nasty snapping noise. She said, "All right, Angel. Face down on the bed." He lay himself down carefully. He was still fully erect. "Aren't you going to tie me down?" He asked. Adera handed him a pillow to hold. To fold his hands into and crush when the pain pushed him to scream. To smother said screams. The thoughtfulness of the gesture did not pass him by. Yes, it had been used on her.

 

"I don't need to tie you down. You gave your vow that you wouldn't fight," she said as she lay at the head of the bed, so he could see her face. She inched towards him until her face was near his. She kissed him again. She pulled back just until her lips were just so far away...and then she whispered, "Laying there, unfettered, yet not being able to move, is going to be worse. And I expect you to have total control over your body. No climax until I say so. Do you understand?"

 

"Yes," was all he was able to say. The rush of desire that flooded his body at her words, made him wonder why vampires got off on such sick things.

 

She said, "I could leave you here, and let you feel the desire of anticipation. Nothing quite like that, is there?" She kissed him again. She whispered , "I'm going to heat you up, Angel. It's been a long time for you, hasn't it? Tell me the truth. If I were to say you could walk out that door right now, would you go?"

 

He looked at her. Wanted to lie. Needed to lie. Yet couldn't. She had asked for the truth. "No, I wouldn't."

 

She smiled. Then she stood up and he heard the whip sing through the air.

 

~Angel Unbound~

 

Angel's body felt like it was on fire. She was right, it had been a long time. Too long and not long enough at the same time. This not moving and control over himself was even worse than the stinging pain she was inflicting. He wanted to just take her, take her and fuck her until they were both lost in the darkness together. And he couldn't blame that feeling on Angelus any longer, could he? He also realized he now understood with perfect clarity the connection Buffy and Spike shared.

 

Adera stopped. She was panting a little. Angel could also tell she was highly aroused. She dropped the whip and touched his back. Was she regretting what she had done? "Turn over, lover," she softly said. Angel turned over and she straddled him. Only she still had her clothes on. He could feel through the many fine layers of her skirt she didn't have panties on. And Lord, she was hot.

 

She leaned forward and whispered into his ear: "You keep yourself under rigid control now, Angel. No climax. Remember?"

 

"I remember," he said.

 

She said, "Don't forget those friends of yours. If you forget, they are going to die."

 

"I won't...I promise," Angel softly said.

 

She pressed her lips to his neck and kissed it. Her hands were softly touching him, as if she wanted to make up for the pain. Her lips on his skin was exquisite. Her teeth grazing his nipples, biting them just so...it was intoxicating. Her hands were still moving over him, soothing the pain away. He wanted to enjoy everything she was doing, but he couldn't because of....them. Angel began to resent....them. And when she took him into her mouth, he almost lost it. Her mouth was hot, and he couldn't help it, he began moving his hips and oh, God she began sucking on him gently. Angel was moaning, saying things to her, nasty things, and he didn't care.

 

When he was almost at the breaking point, he told her, "Adera, please. I can't take any more. I can't hold on any longer."

 

She stopped what she was doing and he felt the lose of her mouth on him, and it felt as painful as if he'd lost his soul again. Yet the tension in his body eased up a little. Adera put her arms on either side of his chest and she kissed him. She touched her tongue with his and started a different dance with her mouth. When he was dizzy with her kiss, she broke it off and whispered into his ear again. She said, "Oh, you'll take it. As long as I want you to. You'll stay as hard as you are for as long as I say. I know you can. Now, Angel darling. You tell me want you want now."

 

He closed his eyes. God, the only way for him to survive her was to ask for it. Did he truly want what he was going to say? He was shocked to find that he did. So he told her the truth:

 

"I want you to hurt me again. I want to lose myself in the pain. Get that goddamn taser and use it on me until I can't think. Until I forget about every bad thing that's happened since I was born."

 

Adera kissed him once more. Then she said, "There's my boy." She left the bed and got the taser from Darla's suitcase. Before she got back to the bed though, she paused. Then she held out her left arm and used it on herself. He saw the snapping look of pain in her eyes and he could almost feel her body clench as the pain hit her.

 

"Oh, that's wicked painful, Angel. Are you sure?" she asked.

 

"Yes," he snarled at her.

 

She sat beside him on the bed and hit him with the taser. The pain was as exquisite as the pleasure had been. It brought clarity to him, pushed him past desire, and he realized something else: this was a place he could live in. Pain was more familiar to him than pleasure, after all. He reveled in it.

 

But she quit after she'd used it only a few times. In fact, she threw the taser across the room, and muttered, "I'm bored with this." Then her eye fell on the little knife she had cut Angelus free of his bounds with. It was still on the night stand beside the bed. She picked it up and made the first of many little tiny cuts on his body. She pressed her mouth to the cut she'd made and sucked a little blood from it. She did it again and again, until his blood was slick on his skin. Every time she cut him, it drove him a little higher and when she licked at the cuts, he burned just a little hotter.

 

Finally, when it seemed like the blood was everywhere, and he was crying from the pain she had put him through, she stopped and threw the knife at the wall, where it buried itself. And she asked him: "What do you want to do now, Angel?"

 

He asked her, "Will you do any thing I want?"

 

Adera laughed. "That's what we've been playing at, haven't we? C'mon, Angel...tell me. What nasty little thing do you want now? Tell me, I'll do it. I promise."

 

Angel said, "You promise?"

 

"Yes," she said.

 

He reached up and touched her face, the first time he'd touched her since this began. And he said the only thing that would bring her back to her senses.

 

"I want you to let me make love to you," Angel said.

 

~Honestly Jaded~

 

Adera said, "What did you just say?"

 

Angel said, "I want you to let me make love to you." His thumb caressed the side of her face. He could feel a slight tremor run through her body as those words penetrated past the anger and hatred she felt for Angelus.

 

"You can't mean that," she said. She looked at her hands, which had started to tremble. They were covered with blood. His blood. "Angel, I just beat you. I just tortured you. I made you bleed, I made you scream, I made you cry. You must hate me as much as I hate myself."

 

"It wasn't only me you were doing it to, though," Angel said. "It was him, wasn't it? You killed Athena, but Angelus is beyond your reach now. So you used me instead. Well, I let you do it. I willingly got into this bed, and I enjoyed the whole damn thing. So, don't start a guilt trip because you hurt me. I wanted it, Adera."

 

"Angel, no one wants what I did to you. How can you say that?"

 

"Because it's true. Christ, Adera! You felt what Spike felt for six years. Why would you think I'm so different to him? Because Angelus is gone? Sweetheart, I learned about pain mixed with pleasure at the end of her whip. And so did you."

 

Adera finally looked at his face. There were tears in her eyes. "I can't...I can't do this, Angel. You make my heart hurt." She touched his chest, which was covered in a thin layer of blood. It was on him, it was on her, it was on the bed. She could smell blood, taste it in the back of her throat, and that wasn't even the worst thing about this odyssey.

 

She glanced at where she had thrown the taser. It was broken beyond repair. A moan from deep inside came out as the truth dawned on her. She saw a brief flash of Lindsey's face...the shock on his face when she had bitten his neck. And she hadn't only been seeing Angel....she had been seeing him on Angel's face. She had pushed Angel because she....because she....wanted him to kill her. But he hadn't snapped from the pain like she had thought he would. It was when she was using the taser that she realized....he wasn't going to stop her.

 

And she had thrown the taser because she had wanted to turn it on herself, thinking maybe it wouldn't kill her.....but maybe it would be enough to make her miscarry. To get rid of the life inside that had been forced on her. A blackness had overtaken her when she threw the taser away. That's why she'd picked up the knife. She looked at her hands again. The blood that was on her hands she had wanted to be on Angel's.

 

She raised her eyes to his. The dark knowledge that she had learned....he knew it, too. This must have been what he'd felt the night he had taken Darla. This total lack of remorse, the total despair.....was it what Lindsey had felt when he left LA? She trembled with the emotions that came fourth, and she softly said, "Angel, I'm dead inside. Help me, help me, hold me. God, make it go away. I want it to end."

 

He pulled her into his arms as she broke down crying, at last. And he talked softly to her, told her things she knew but yet needed to hear him say. About Buffy...Darla....Lindsey....Spike...and Faith. About Drusilla and how he'd driven her insane. About himself and about her. As he was talking, she cried the tears she so desperately needed to shed. And the hate, the anger inside, it slowly dimmed. It didn't go away, but it dimmed. She supposed it never would go away.

 

She whispered, "Angel, I'm sorry."

 

He smiled, and said, "Darling, there's nothing to be sorry for. I knew the darkness you had inside the first time I ever saw you. I'm drawn to it the same way a moth is drawn to a flame. It's part of who I am. Now, are you going to let me make love to you?"

 

Adera asked him, "How can you even want me?"

 

Angel said, "I love you."

 

Adera said, "I love you, too."

 

"And you love him," Angel said. "Adera, you know what I feel for him, and you must know once we walk out that door, what we have between us is over. Something has to come to a head between the three of us soon. And I don't want our last memory before that happens to be one of pain and degradation. I don't want you to remember how you made me scream. And I don't want you to see Angelus in my face again. I always want you to remember how I held you in my arms. I want you to remember being under me while I lost myself in you. I want you to remember I touched you with love in my heart and a song in my soul. I want you to remember that I would die for you. But most of all, I want you to remember I love you."

 

Adera said, "I never said...I saw Angelus in your face."

 

"You didn't have to. I could see it in your eyes."

 

She reached out to touch his face with a hand that trembled. "All right, Angel Newton-John. Make me a memory I'll remember forever."

 

He smiled at her joke, then started to kiss her. Then she jumped as if she'd been goosed. She said, "Woah!"

 

Angel said, "What?"

 

"I think Lindsey just pulled emotionally away from me," Adera said. She closed her eyes and listened to the voice within. "In fact, I think the wee little bastard is laughing at us."

 

Angel groaned. He could hear the jokes now. This was going to be worse than the Manilow thing. "Well, he did say he..."

 

"Had no desire to know what it felt like to make love to you?" Adera said.

 

Angel shyly said, "Yeah."

 

"You know Lindsey was lying his ass off, right?"

 

"Yeah, I know."

 

She smiled at him. He took her in his arms and he made the most beautiful memory he could. He touched her with nothing but love and whispered words that were full of tenderness and desire. She gave him everything of herself she could. He moved inside her with the most unremitting passion she had ever felt. She wasn't aware she cried during most of it. Nor was she aware he kissed her tears away.

 

It was the most exquisite and heartbreaking union they would ever know. When it was over, she held him within her arms and she softly sang to him.

 

Maybe I hang around here

A little more than I should

We both know I got somewhere else to go

But I got something to tell you

That I never thought I would

But I believe you really ought to know

 

I love you

I honestly love you

 

You don't have to answer

I see it in your eyes

Maybe it was better left unsaid

This is pure and simple

And you should realize

That it's coming from my heart and not my head

 

I love you

I honestly love you

 

I'm not trying to make you feel uncomfortable

I'm not trying to make you anything at all

But this feeling doesn't come along everyday

And you shouldn't blow the chance

When you've got the chance to say

 

I love you

I honestly love you

 

If we both were born

In another place and time

This moment might be ending in a kiss

But there you are with yours

And here I am with mine

So I guess we'll just be leaving it at this

 

I love you

I honestly love you

I honestly love you

 

(I Honestly Love You)

(Peter Allan/Jeff Barry)

 

~Awakening~

 

Adera applied the last bandage to Angel's chest. The cuts weren't bleeding much now, but she had insisted. She looked at the damage she had done to him, and still couldn't believe he'd let her do that to him.

 

She whispered to him, "If I could give you back all I took from you, I would. But I can't. I know you tried to make me whole again, but I still hurt inside, Angel. How did I go so bad so fast?"

 

Angel said, "It just happens that way sometimes. I don't know why. I did try to make what pain I could go away, but it's really Lindsey who will help you with that. His touch...it calms the soul, doesn't it?"

 

She closed her eyes and said, "Lindsey," so softly Angel barely heard her. Then she stood up and walked over to the open suitcase and sifted through the clothes until she pulled out a blue sweater dress. They had showered to wash the blood away, but she was not putting her own clothes back on. She put on the dress, which was a little big, and she wondered why Darla had it, for it must have been too small. It went down to just above her knees. Then she pulled the only pair of shoes out, a pair of black flats, and put them on. Adera picked up the hairbrush, and started to walk out the room.

 

"What about your stuff?," Angel said.

 

"Burn it," she replied. "I never want to see those again. Hurry up, Angel. I don't think I can walk out that door unless you're behind me." Then she left the bedroom, brushing her damp hair on the way out.

 

She walked into his office, and sat on the edge of the desk, working tangles out. By the time she was through, he was walking in the office himself. He was a little paler than usual, but otherwise, he looked all right, despite all she had put him through.

 

"Are you ready?," he asked.

 

"I suppose I am," she said. She dropped the hairbrush on the desk and stood up. "I'm...Angel, I'm a little afraid."

 

Angel said, "Lindsey knew, Adera. I promised him I'd get you back."

 

She said, "I know that, but I haven't really felt our connection since he pulled away from me. I feel empty without it. That's why I'm afraid."

 

"Lindsey respected your privacy, Adera. It was probably a hard thing for him to do."

 

"Yeah," she said. Then she started toward the door. He followed her. But as she stood in front of it, she paused. Then she turned around. And looked at a man part of her loved so much it would kill her to walk away from him. And that she wouldn't do. "As long as I breathe, a part of me will always love you. We have to work this out, Angel. I love both of you."

 

Angel smiled and kissed her forehead. "I know," he said.

 

She breathed in the scent of him. Her heart still ached for what she had done. Then she turned around and opened the door.

 

~Undertones~

 

Adera reached for the door and she opened it. When she did, a small feeling of broken power left the room, and Angel realized whatever protection spell Fred had used, Adera had broken with no thought or plan. It had just happened. It left him with an unsettled feeling. He wondered if she had gained more power by Athena's death.

 

Adera herself wasn't concerned about it. Because he was here, he was in front of her, he'd been waiting. Her Lindsey. The feelings she'd just expressed for Angel melted away like ice cream, because they were nothing compared to what she felt for this man. She was so confused. She looked into his eyes, those blue eyes she so loved, and knew every fear she had was foolish. She went to him, and he took her in his arms.

 

When their lips met in a kiss, the connection they had reestablished itself. It was felt by everyone present. They kissed until both were breathless. "Lindsey, I never want to be apart from you again. It hurts too much." He smiled at her. "We never will be apart again. I promise," he said. Then he enfolded her in an embrace and just held her. Everything faded for them just a short moment of time.

 

Then they backed away from each other. They were both smiling. Lindsey winked at her, then he walked over to Angel. And held out his hand. Angel looked at Lindsey. Then he took it, and they both nodded to each other.

 

Lindsey told Angel, "I won't forget what you just did for her. For us, all of us. If ever you need my help, I'll be there for you."

 

Angel considered how much he sounded like Adera. He said, "Thank you, Lindsey."

 

"And, Angel," Lindsey said as they let go of each other's hand, "the past is the past. I won't hold what you did against you any longer. Maybe I understand why you did it now." Angel crossed his arms and leaned against the doorframe. "I appreciate that. You know, I never understood how you could stand and watch while a woman you claimed to love was turned into a demon. I think I do now."

 

Adera snickered behind them. Then she turned to look at their friends, these people she had not long ago threatened to kill. Would have, if Angel hadn't met her bluff.

 

Faith said, "You know, doing bad things and then expecting Angel to put you out of your misery, that never goes how you plan. Remember that from now on."

 

Adera smiled. "I hope there never is a next time."

 

"So do we," they all said.

 

Lindsey asked Adera, "Are you ready to leave for today?"

 

"Oh yeah," she said. They joined hands, and were saying goodbye to everyone when Angel told them, "You know, you don't have to come in tomorrow, if you don't feel up to it."

 

"Oh, we'll be here," Adera said. "The Wiccian Fred called, she's on her way. She's not alone," she turned and looked to Wesley. "There will be six of us. You know what that means, right?"

 

Wesley appeared startled. He slowly said: "Is that prophecy true?"

 

Adera said, "It must be. All the elements will be here, won't they?"

 

Fred said, "Ya'll aren't talking about the Valley of Shadows prophecy, are you?"

 

Wesley said, "A woman with the power of magic. A woman with the power of knowledge."

 

Adera said, "A slayer one with the power of light. A slayer one with the power of darkness."

 

Wesley said, "A woman made to become the power of creation. A woman made to become the power of destruction."

 

Fred said, "Oh my God! This is too unreal!"

 

Wesley said, "I don't think we should get our hopes up until we look it up, and read exactly what the Valley of Shadows means, Fred."

 

Spike said, "Would you mind explaining what that means?"

 

Wesley said, "No, not now. I don't want to say anything until I'm sure."

 

"Which we're going to research right now! C'mon, Wesley," Fred said. They both walked off, talking very excitedly to each other.

 

"We're going to head out, too," Lindsey and Adera said in unison. They smiled at each other, joined hands and started walking towards the elevator.

 

Angel said, "If Buffy's coming, I guess I'll clean the mess in there up." He turned around, but was startled when Faith, Spike, Gunn, and Lorne said, "We'll help!"

 

"What?" Angel said.

 

"Gotta tell you, been feeling a little left out here, cream cake," Lorne said.

 

"Yeah, ya'll been so wrapped up with each other, we just feel like fifth and sixth wheels," Gunn said.

 

Angel looked a little guilty. He looked at Spike and Faith. "What about you two?"

 

Spike said, "Just want to see the carnage, mate."

 

Faith said, "Like after a car wreck, you know?"

 

Angel said, "You guys are twisted."

 

"Thank you," they replied.

 

"Well, if you want to help me, okay. I hate cleaning up any way." Angel said as he turned around to enter his office.

 

"We know," they said as they moved to follow.

 

Lorne said, "Hey, let's sing a song to make the work go faster, what do you say?"

 

Gunn, Spike, and Faith said, "Okay!"

 

Angel muttered, "Oh no."

 

They started singing in unison:

 

Maybe I hang around here

A little more than I should

We both know I got somewhere else to go

But I got something to tell you

That I never thought I would

But I believe you really ought to know

 

I love you

I honestly love you

 

(Fade to Black)

 

~The Valley Of Shadows~

 

"Are you sure it's the one?" Fred asked Wesley. They were sitting in the library, at the table, books and scrolls covering the space between them. They had been at it for hours, cross-referencing prophecies and translating ancient texts. Even with Wolfram & Hart's vast resources and advanced technology, Wesley preferred doing the job himself. Especially when it was as important as this. And broken tablets, plus lost scrolls meant piecing together the prophecy like a jigsaw puzzle.

 

"I'm positive this is the best we're going to get. Let me read it to you from the beginning:

 

In a time of great tragedy, when the world is on the brink of the final apocalypse, and the ultiment evil has been defeated in it's purpose, world peace will be denied for the good of mankind. Free will, the most important gift humanity has, will be given back to the world. But one soul will be left in the Valley of Shadows, to remain there until the balance of power that allowed the ultiment evil to be defeated can be restored. Within the Valley, she will stay. There she will learn her true purpose: to help those in need, to be true to friends, and that the past is where her future lies.

 

For the link to the powers that be to be restored, six women with power must gather and become one thought. Only one moment in time will this occur. It will be only chance that brings them together. All six will have the guilt of death on their hearts. All six will understand and rejoice in both sexes. All six will have a connection to one man. All six women will have these characteristics: innocence, invulnerability, intelligence, intuition, integrity, incompatibility. All the phases of becoming womanhood will be represented as follows:

 

Virginity: A woman with the power of destruction.

 

Survival: A woman with the power of knowledge.

 

Strength: A slayer one with the power of light.

 

Transgression: A slayer one with the power of darkness.

 

Spiritual: A woman with the power of magic.

 

Maternal: A woman with the power of creation.

 

All six have come to understand the duality of themselves. And only in this gathering will the one who is within the Valley of Shadows be brought back into the world.

 

That's basically it, Fred," Wesley said. He took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes.

 

"I think it's wrong. I cannot be on that list, Wesley. I have no mystical powers, I'm not anyone special. I'm just me. Just Fred. You're reading it incorrectly!"

 

Wesley said, "No, I'm not. Don't you see it? You're the survivor, Fred! You have the power of knowledge. You lived for years in an alien world that most women would not have lived a week. And you did it by escaping to the only place you could: within your own mind. I believe that's not just important, I believe it's the crucial factor in all of this."

 

"Stop!," Fred said. "Stop talking like it's me. I just want to remain in the background. To help. To know. I'm not good under pressure. And I don't believe something written thousands of years ago is about me. And I don't want to be part of this."

 

Wesley said, "You heard Lindsey say that Angel was cut off from the Powers That Be. This is the only path we have to correct that. To defeat the plans of the senior partners. You need to realize that you are, indeed, a part of this. Of all of this. You need to come to terms with it now, because in a few hours, it all goes down."

 

Fred whispered, "I just want to be me! I'm afraid, Wesley."

 

"Fear can be a good thing sometimes. It makes us cautious in battle, and makes us think before we act. But you're going to have to move past that and forge a new path for yourself, Fred. Because after reading all the information we have tonight, I've come to understand one thing with perfect clarity."

 

"What's that?," Fred said.

 

"If we don't find a way to get to Cordelia, we're all screwed."

 

~Velvet~

 

Adera had fallen asleep on the way home, but she had managed to walk into the apartment under her own steam. Once inside, all she had done was pull the dress over her head, kick the shoes off, and crawl under the covers. She was asleep before he got out of the bathroom. He looked at her sleeping form and was reminded of the night in Sedona. He turned off all the lights and he joined her, taking her in his arms. She pressed her head into his chest murmuring "Lindsey". He kissed the top of her head, and fell asleep with a smile on his lips.

 

She woke up later in the night. She was warm from the contact with his bare skin. Her whole body felt alive just being this close to him. Her hands started touching him. His skin was velvet and sand at the same time. His breathing changed, she knew he was waking up, so she started kissing and tasting his skin. She pushed the covers down with her feet. She moved slowly down, too. She could feel his hardness against her skin before she got there, and her senses were somehow higher than normal. Then she realized why. Adera had never made love in complete darkness before. Not even with Darla, who had always wanted to watch her lover's face. Although she could see perfectly well in the darkness, it had a different feel to it. Almost as if she was enveloped within something. It was very freeing, and sharpened her senses.

 

She reached down and held his hardness within her hand, gently moving her hand in an up and down motion. Then she moved her body down until she could take him in her mouth. As she did , the thought drifted through her mind that while Angel might be bigger than Lindsey, he lacked one crucial thing Lindsey's body had. Angel was only room temperature. Lindsey was on fire. Then she felt his hands touch her head, in her hair as he gently pushed her head down. She lost her self in the pleasure of what she was doing. When he was getting near, she felt him start to throb, like his heart was inside the hardness. He pulled her head back, and she whispered, "No, let me take you like this." He made that growly noise in the back of his throat, but his hands relaxed. She bent her head back to him once more. He had become in the elevator. It was time he found out what he could do. He was still throbbing and it didn't take much longer. She found out that heart beat she felt there had life of it's own.

 

He pulled her up until her face was level with his. He kissed her and he moved his hands on her body. He rolled her on her back, and he moved to her neck, kissing, tasting, touching her with those warm hands. She closed her eyes and felt the darkness of the night enclose her in the sultriness of what he was doing. She knew the second he realized how different he now was, she smiled but didn't say any thing. Then he sucked a nipple into his mouth, and she arched into him. She could feel what he was doing inside herself. She started to burn. By the time he spread her legs apart and touched the inside of her thigh with his kiss, she was insane with need. When he finally got to where she wanted him, he gently spread the folds of the skin back and touched her with his very hot mouth. The heat sent her over the edge into orgasm, but he didn't stop. He pushed her until she climaxed again.

 

Lindsey moved into position over her, and she moved to let him in. He kissed her because he knew she liked the taste of herself in his mouth. It drove her higher in passion every time. He slid his himself inside her and she finally felt whole again. She moaned deep from within, and she told him, "Ride me hard." So he did.

 

It was hours later when they drifted to sleep again.

 

~Twisted~

 

Faith followed Spike into his apartment, wondering why he was so quite. He'd been like this since they had left W & H. No, it began while they were all helping Angel. The smell of blood in the room was overpowering. The undertone of sex was as well. And if she could smell it, she knew Spike probably smelled the fear and excitement that was mixed in, too. They had cleaned, vacuumed, and aired out both the bedroom and the office. The bed linens, both Adera's clothes and Angel's as well, were taken by Lorne to be burned.

 

Spike had helped, but he had done so in silence. He kept glancing at Angel. He looked like he was thinking about something unpleasant. They had been the last to leave. Angel had asked Spike to stay for a second. Spike had looked a her and motioned her to leave. His cheekbones were kind of sucked in like he was angry or on edge. She had left the office door open, and walked only so far away. She didn't hear most of the conversation, but she did hear Spike say, "I don't want to talk about it, Angel. Ever! Don't mention this to me again!"

 

Faith had walked to wait by the elevator. Spike had joined her shortly. "Maybe you shouldn't come home with me, Faith," he had said. "I'm not in the best frame of mind for company."

 

The doors opened and she walked in. She told him, "Got nothing better to do. Besides, you don't scare me, Spike."

 

"I should. You don't really know me, Faith."

 

"And you really don't know me either. It looks like I'm here at least through tomorrow, maybe another day. You asked me to stay with you, so I am," Faith said.

 

"Fine," Spike had said.

 

Then he hadn't said anything else. She smiled behind him. Spike angry was turning her on. Anger was the one emotion she was the most familiar with. She had felt it most of her life. She wondered what it would be like to let that anger lose with him. He seemed more stable now. More in control. Was he in control enough for that? What would it be like with someone as strong, if not stronger than herself? Her mind raced with thoughts along these lines. He drove like a manic, switching lanes, speeding, running red lights. It was wild, and it exhilarated her.

 

Now they were in the apartment. He walked over to the liquor cabinet and poured himself a double shot of bourbon. He shot it down with one swallow. Then he poured some more and took the bottle with him to the couch. He sat down, placing the bottle on the table beside him. He sipped the bourbon this time.

 

Faith decided if he wanted to drink, she could, too. But not what he was drinking. That shit was nasty. She looked in the cabinet and pulled out the tequila, then got a shot glass, and sat down opposite him in a chair. She poured a shot and drank it. Only her upper lip curled as it went down. She did it again, then sat back with a third, smiling archly at Spike.

 

"Who taught you how to do shots like that," Spike asked.

 

"My mother did," Faith said. "When I was 10 years old."

 

"You're kidding?"

 

"No, she did. It was one of the few useful things I learned from her," Faith said.

 

"I'm sorry," Spike said.

 

"What for? That's the way it was. I've learned to live with it. Never knew my dad. I pretty much raised myself. Did a good job with that, huh?" Faith shook her head, then slammed the shot down. She sat the glass down on the table. "So, you want to tell me what the fuck is eating you?"

 

Spike said, "I don't want to talk about it." He glared at her. Well, she still wasn't scared.

 

Faith said, "My guess is it has something to do with the past. With Angel...or Angelus, to be more precise."

 

Spike slammed him glass down. "I said, I don't want to talk about it!"

 

Faith didn't flinch. She continued, "It has something to do with the way the room smelled. With the blood all over the sheets. The smell of sex in the air. It had to do with that whip. I saw you made sure Lorne had that, too. Was it used on you? Is that why you turned so pale when you saw it?"

 

"I'm warning you, Faith. Back the fuck off," Spike said.

 

"Did Angelus beat you with it until the blood ran down your back? Or was it Darla? Drusilla? What the hell happened, Spike?"

 

He moved so fast she didn't have time to move herself. He hauled her out of the chair and took her lips in a bruising, punishing kiss. Then he violently pushed her away from him.

 

Faith reached up with a hand and touched her lips. They weren't bleeding, but he had hurt them. She looked at Spike. He was breathing hard, and he looked dangerous. And sexy. She smiled and grabbed his shirt and pulled him to her. She kissed him. And he responded with more roughness. She viciously pulled on his shirt until the buttons popped off, and she ran her hands down his chest. She slid her hand down to feel and oh, yes...he was hard. She moaned and pressed into him.

 

Spike pulled back and looked down into her face. She was flushed. He knew she wanted it like this but....he had to ask. "Are you sure?" He said.

 

Faith said, "Touch me and find out for yourself."

 

Spike undid the snap of her jeans and unzipped them. He gently pushed his hand into her crotch. The heat and wetness that met his hand astounded him. She was panting harshly.

 

"How long have you been thinking about this?" He asked.

 

"Before we got in the elevator," she whispered.

 

"You are so twisted," he said.

 

"Look who's talking," she said.

 

He bent his head back down to her and what followed was more savage than either of them had ever done before. When it was over, he carried her to the bed, where they used each other for hours.

 

In the end, he told her a story about the past. And she began to understand Spike more than any one else ever would.

 

~Dare Me~

 

Everyone was already in Angel's office by the time Lindsey and Adera arrived. They were all waiting on Willow, Buffy and Dawn. Fred had called Willow last night to tell her the emergency was over, but they were needed anyway. So they had headed this way early this morning.

 

Fred was still trying to worm her way out of a role in the Valley of Shadows. Adera talked to her about it while Lindsey, Angel and Wesley were going over the prophecy. As she was talking to Fred, Adera observed Spike and Faith. They were listening to the men talk, yet Spike seemed to Adera to be in another world. Faith had her hand on his arm, in a kind of comforting gesture. It showed that they had grown closer during the night, yet Adera sensed not in the way she had wanted them to. Not in the way Faith needed to be loved.

 

It annoyed Adera. But it wasn't her concern. Yet that look on Spike's face....

 

It disturbed her. Greatly. And intuition told her that look was partly her fault. Yet, if she asked him, she wouldn't get a straight answer. She knew it.

 

So, Adera did the only thing she could to know for herself what was in Spike's head. She linked her mind to his to see his thoughts. They were of the past. Angelus. The way the bedroom smelled. And Spike's head was full of Faith...and it wasn't pretty.

 

Then she was shocked to feel Spike inside her own head. She looked at him. He smiled a wicked little smile at her, and she felt memories being pulled out of her mind. Memories of Darla, the bad ones. And yesterday...he pulled those out of mind as well.

 

The blood ties they shared had made him strong, indeed. She was amazed. She began walking toward him, leaving Fred in mid-sentence. But before she reached him, the door opened and a beautiful brown-haired teenager ran into the room. She looked at Spike with tears in her eyes and said, "It's true. You're really here."

 

Spike teared up as well. He said, "Niblet." Then he held out his arms to her, which she ran into. She began crying in earnest now, Spike rocking her gently within his arms. He kept saying, "Shh, it's okay now" between "Don't ever die on us again!" and "I'm sorry I was so mean about you and Buffy." and "Why didn't you call me?"

 

Adera smiled at the pair. This had to be Dawn, the key to the universe. Buffy's "sister". She obviously had grown very fond of Spike.

 

He pulled back from Dawn to look at her. He said, "I didn't call because I was trying to come to terms with myself, and everything that has happened." He tucked her hair behind her ears. "I swear, you've grown at least six inches since the last time I saw you."

 

Dawn laughed. "No, I didn't! I haven't grown at all for the last six months."

 

Spike said, "Yes, you have. You've grown into a beautiful young woman, Niblet."

 

Dawn blushed. "Spike!" she said.

 

A voice behind them said, "Dawn, I told you not to run!"

 

Adera turned around to see Buffy , followed by someone who could only be Willow.

 

Dawn said, "You were too slow, Buffy!"

 

Buffy frowned. "I told you I wanted to be here when you finally saw for yourself he's alive."

 

Dawn said, "No, you were just afraid I'd declare my undying love for him, and you just didn't want me shocking Angel and every one else."

 

Buffy snorted. "Please. All you have to do is open your mouth and talk to do that." Then she looked at Adera with a devilish gleam in her eye. Adera knew what she was thinking. She raised an eyebrow at Buffy. "I can do better at that than you can, Dawn," she said.

 

Dawn snorted, "Excuse me, but I hardly think so! Finding out about you and Spike, Buffy....you're never going to top that."

 

Adera thought to herself later that they would have failed doing the Valley of Shadows if not for Dawn's not so subtle dare to Buffy. Those words set in motion a confusing chain of events that no one could have foreseen, least of all her.

 

Buffy smiled at Adera, and started walking towards her. Angel, Lindsey, and Spike grinned, knowing what was coming.

 

"Priestess," Buffy said as she reached her.

 

"Slayer," Adera said. The ball was in Buffy's court...if she wanted to run with it, she was going to have to make the first move.

 

Buffy reached for Adera and pulled her close, her lips meeting Adera's in a kiss. Adera put her hands on the slayer's back, and returned it.

 

Everyone was in shock except for Angel, Lindsey, and Spike.

 

The chance spoken of in the prophecy only came about when Angel decided to separate them, because he wasn't sure how far they would go. He didn't stop to think about how Adera hadn't talked to him or even looked at him since she had walked into the office. In his joy at seeing Buffy, he had forgotten his unease about Adera and what had happened the day before.

 

Because when he touched the bare skin of Adera's back that her halter top exposed, she was in Buffy's embrace, not Lindsey's.

 

~Touch~

 

Adera was concentrating on feel of Buffy in her arms. She smelled like sunshine and vanilla. Her mouth tasted like coffee and chocolate. Then the slayer deepened the kiss, and everything else faded from Adera's mind. The subconscious craved this after all the awfulness of yesterday. Her awareness of the people around them faded, too.

 

Then Adera felt the coolness of Angel's hand touch her bare skin and her entire body flinched from the contact. She dug her nails into the skin of Buffy's back. She whimpered, a slight sound in the back of her throat, and she got a flash of memory:

 

"I want you to hurt me again. I want to lose myself in the pain. Get that goddamn taser and use it on me until I can't think. Until I forget about every bad thing that's happened since I was born."

 

Adera jerked herself away from Angel, out of Buffy's arms. She was pale and looked sick.

 

Buffy looked outraged. "When the hell did that happen?" She said. "What was that about?"

 

Adera realized Buffy had caught that flash of memory because of body contact. This was too much. It was all too much, too fast. She looked at Lindsey, and knew he'd seen it, too. So had Spike. Those visions of his hadn't helped. They only added to the spiraling emotions she felt.

 

Angel looked at Adera. He saw how pale she was. "You still see Angelus, don't you? No matter what I do, you're always going to see him, aren't you?"

 

"No," she said. "No, Angel. I saw you."It made her sick just saying that.

 

Spike asked, "Are you sure it's not about the past, Adera?"

 

"What about the past?," Angel asked.

 

Spike glanced at Angel. "She knows. She saw what you and Darla did to me."

 

"Oh, hell," Angel said

 

"It wasn't that, Angel," Adera said. "Whatever the thing was Angelus had for Spike has nothing to do with yesterday."

 

A large gasp was issued from the whole room.

 

"Oh, bloody hell!" Spike said.

 

"Oh my God," Buffy said. "Was there oil involved?"

 

"That's none of your business!" Angel and Spike said in unison.

 

Gunn said, "Well, my oh my, aren't you all just one happy family?"

 

Adera turned and started toward Gunn, her intent quite plain to Faith, who blocked her way."Don't do it," she said. "It's not worth it, Adera."

 

"Get out of my way, Faith. I'm going to teach that boy a lesson in manners," Adera said.

 

"Like you taught Lindsey and Angel yesterday?" Faith asked.

 

Adera slapped Faith. Then she burst out crying, turned and swiftly left the office. She wasn't running, but it was close to it.

 

"Damn!," Lindsey said. "I knew she was too quite this morning." He started to follow her, but Faith stopped him.

 

"Wait, Lindsey," she said. "I'll go talk to her. She might be having an issue with explaining what's wrong to her lover, don't you think?"

 

Lindsey considered that. Faith could be right, but Lindsey wondered why Faith thought Adera would open up to her. They weren't exactly friends.

 

"All right. You can try, but Faith, I don't think she'll talk to you either."

 

Faith softly said to Lindsey, "I'm not all that sure talk is all she needs, either."

 

Lindsey looked at the dark beauty that was Faith. He glanced over to Buffy. He said, "Faith, I don't think you're her type. She seems to prefer small blondes."

 

"I'm everyone's type, dude," Faith said. "Besides, she thinks I'm wicked cool."

 

Lindsey said, "Don't say I didn't warn you."

 

She smiled and turned around to leave. Buffy was standing there. "I know I just didn't hear what I just thought I did," she said.

 

"B, I don't have time to fight with you," Faith said.

 

"Are you always going to want what's mine?" Buffy asked.

 

Faith looked back at Spike, who blushed. She shrugged. "Guess so." Then she brushed past Buffy and said, "She walked away from you once before. A kiss means next to nothing sometimes. You know that, right?"

 

Buffy crossed her arms and glared at Spike, who only raised an eyebrow at her. She turned to Angel. "Okay, what's the sitch?"

 

He crossed his arms, and said, "That's not your affair, Buffy. Leave it alone."

 

"Angel, her whole body flinched at your touch," Buffy exclaimed. She lowered her eyes a second. "I know what she saw, because I saw it, too. For a second, before she pulled away, I felt what she felt. I've felt that before. Myself. Now, I repeat the question. What's the sitch?"

 

Dawn chimed in with, "Uh...Buffy, what was that about? You aren't gay."

 

Wesley said, "I believe the answer to that lies in the prophecies of.."

 

Fred muttered, "Yeah, the ones you're reading wrong."

 

"Excuse me?" Everyone looked at Willow. "I'm...really confused now. Could someone give me a little back story?"

 

Angel looked to Lindsey. "Man, you were so wrong. The Powers haven't deserted us. This is hell, and we're in it."

 

Lorne started laughing, and before long, so was everyone else.

 

~Different Strokes~

 

Adera was in the library, laying on her back on the sofa, softly crying. Faith walked into the room, and locked the door behind herself. Adera had her arm flung over her eyes, but she knew it was Faith. "Go away. I just want to be alone," Adera whispered.

 

"I thought maybe we could talk. About what's bothering you," Faith said.

 

"I don't know what's bothering me. OK? Now please leave."

 

Faith walked to the sofa and sat beside Adera, who sighed and moved a little so Faith could have more room. "Do you hate Angel?" Faith asked.

 

"God, no. I love him just as much as I love Lindsey. I don't know why that happened just now," Adera said.

 

"Does it have to do with Angelus and Spike?"

 

Adera moved her arm up so she could see Faith's face. The arrogant look that Faith normally wore wasn't there. In it's place was a vunerablity Adera suspected she rarely allowed to show. "Did he tell you before or after you fucked each other half to death?"

 

Faith reached up and tucked her hair behind her ear in a nervous gesture. "After," she softly said.

 

Adera said, "Weren't you just a little upset to find out your lover had been with a man?"

 

Faith looked Adera in the eyes. "Not that, no. It was Angelus, after all. Not Angel. He and Darla-"

 

"I know what happened. I saw it," Adera said.

 

"Vampires are different, Adera. You know that. In a way, all of us are twisted in some way. Even Lindsey. I mean, he stood and watched a woman he claimed to love be turned into a demon. He orchestrated the whole thing."

 

Adera whispered, "I know."

 

Faith reached toward Adera and wiped a tear off her face. "The pain, that's what's bothering you, right?" She ran her bent finger down one side of Adera's face in a caressing gesture. "It's upsetting you because you just found out how much you like it yourself. And you don't want Lindsey going there. But you know it's too late for that, right?" She lifted Adera's hair with her hand, and pushed it behind her back.

 

"But I never said....Faith, I never said I liked pain," Adera protested.

 

Faith leaned forward until her face was very close to Adera's. "You didn't have to," she whispered. "I saw you with Angelus, remember? You were letting him fuck you like you thought he was God. He didn't take it by force. I remember the look on your face. You liked it. He was putting a fair amount of pain into what he was doing, and you were moving like a storm at sea. And then there's Lindsey. I see the way you look at each other. He looks like he knows how to make love, but that's not everything, is it? Last night...last night, you two went at it almost as hard as we did. Isn't that right?"

 

Adera softly said, "Faith, what are you doing?"

 

Faith said, "What do you think I'm doing?"

 

Adera said, "From my point of view, it looks like you're attempting seduction."

 

"Is it working?" Faith asked.

 

Adera gazed into that face. At those lips so close to hers. She could smell Faith's perfume. She was wearing Poison. And underneath that, Faith smelled a little like Spike. Desire began building within her, and the thought of Faith touching her....

 

She met Faith's eyes with hers. "Lindsey..."

 

"Lindsey knows," Faith whispered. "He doesn't think I'm your type."

 

"Lindsey said that?"

 

Faith said, "Yeah, he did. Am I?"

 

Adera whispered, "I must have a thing for slayers."

 

Faith laughed softly. She bent her head down and pressed her lips to Adera's . It was a gentle kiss, a feather kiss. Then she licked at Adera's lip. Adera opened her mouth a little and Faith slipped her tongue into Adera's mouth. At the same time, Faith began touching her. Adera moaned into the kiss.

 

She knew why she had walked away from Thea now. Buffy only played at passion.

 

Faith wasn't playing at all.

 

Back in Angel's office, Angel was telling Lindsey about Fred's reluctance to join the others in trying the Valley of Shadows. Fred and Willow were gathering ingredients for the casting. Buffy, Dawn, Spike and Wesley had gone to do more research. Lorne was talking to the Furies in the hope they knew something about all this. Gunn was, as always, in the White Room.

 

"I think Fred will be all right," Angel said. "She's just nervous." He noticed Lindsey's eyes were shut and he wasn't paying attention. He was rubbing his forehead like he had a headache. It ought to be a sin for a man to have eyelashes like that, Angel thought."Lindsey, are you hearing a word I'm saying?"

 

"Fred. Nervous. Eyelashes. Got it," Lindsey said. His voice was a little deeper, very husky.

 

Angel wondered if he'd said that out loud, but decided not to ask. "Are you all right?" "I'm fine," Lindsey said. He sighed. "Angel, I want to ask you something, but I don't want to offend you. If you think I'm out of line, just say so, all right?"

 

Angel picked up the pencil and began fiddling with it. Here it was, he thought. No one else asked, but Lindsey was going to. Even Buffy hadn't asked. Yet, anyway. "Yes, Angelus had a thing for Spike, Ok? It wasn't mutual, but Spike submitted because he had to. Is that all, or would you like details?"

 

Lindsey frowned. "I've offended you."

 

"No, you haven't. I just," Angel paused. "I just...Lindsey, I've never talked about this before...not even with Darla."

 

"Are you attracted to men or not, Angel?" Lindsey asked. "I find it awful funny the woman you love imagines you in bed with men."

 

"That is strange, isn't it?" Angel said. Lindsey was biting his lower lip. Angel wished like hell he'd stop doing that. It was making his lips really red and Lindsey already looked pretty enough anyway.

 

Lindsey sighed and quit biting his lip. "That's very distracting, but you didn't answer my question, Angel."

 

"Why don't we skip all the bullshit, and you just ask the question you really want to, how about that, Lindsey?"

 

"The argument we got into yesterday: how much of that was bullshit on your part, Angel? That's what I want to know," Lindsey said.

 

Angel said, "Are you asking if I'm attracted to you, is that it?"

 

Lindsey thought about the wiseness of his answer to that. Then thought, fuck it. "Yes, that's what I'm asking."

 

Angel said, "Lindsey, it's hard talking to you when your eyes are closed like that."

 

"Why can't you answer a simple question?" Lindsey asked.

 

"Because I'm not taking advantage of you in the state you're in. That's why," Angel said.

 

"Well, at least that's some sort of answer. And what would you know about the state I'm in when you're on the other side of the desk?" Lindsey said.

 

Angel dropped the pencil, and stood up, walked around the desk. He placed a hand on either side of the chair Lindsey was sitting in, trapping Lindsey there, and leaned forward until he was very close to his face. "I'm in your personal space now. Is that what you wanted? Open your eyes and look at me, Lindsey."

 

Lindsey opened his eyes. They were a deeper blue than they normally were. Also dilated with passion, which Angel knew was coming at Lindsey through Adera. He thought Lindsey was only projecting that desire at him because Angel was the only one present.

 

"You're wrong about that," Lindsey softly said.

 

The combination of that voice, those eyes, those lips....it was just Lindsey, who had always gotten under Angel's skin. He leaned just a little closer and whispered, "Lindsey, have you ever been with a man before?" Lindsey licked his lips, oh , that was hot, Angel thought. "No," Lindsey answered. Angel's voice sounded strained, like he was at some breaking point when he said, "You tell me the first time you thought about us together, and I'll consider it."

 

Lindsey said, "It was the day you walked into that meeting, put your foot on Russell Winters chair, and pushed him out the window. That was the coolest damn thing I'd ever seen."

 

"And that was it? That's all it took?" Angel said.

 

"Pretty much, yeah," Lindsey said.

 

"Holy God," Angel said.

 

"Angel, are you going to kiss me, take me, or tease me to death? You're driving me insane here. You know that, right?" Lindsey said.

 

Angel softly said, "All right, Lindsey." Then he touch his lips to Lindsey's, who kissed him back. Lindsey tasted like want and need and desire and who gave a fuck what people thought, anyway?

 

~Different Strokes 2~

 

Angel broke the kiss off. God, Lindsey was hot. No wonder Adera clung to him so desperately. "Lindsey. Are you sure you...want this?" His voice was harsh and good Lord, he was sort of in shock.

 

"Yes," Lindsey said.

 

Angel growled softly in the back of his throat. He kissed Lindsey again, wanting the heat of him, and was he losing his mind here? "No," Lindsey said into the kiss. Angel pulled away once more. He looked at Lindsey, into his blue eyes and said, "We're doing this my way, all right?" How was it Lindsey understood him like that?

 

"Of course," Lindsey said. "You gave up control yesterday. I know you won't do it again. Besides, it's not like I've been here before, is it?"

 

Angel touched the side of Lindsey's face with his hand. Should he do this or not? Part of him felt as if he was corrupting Lindsey. "No, you aren't. That happened a long time ago, Angel." Lindsey said. Angel bent forward and kissed his forehead, then walked to the door and locked it.

 

He turned around walked back. "Follow me, Lindsey," he said. Then he walked to the bedroom. When Lindsey walked in behind him, Angel shut the door. He gently maneuvered Lindsey to the bed. He made Lindsey sit down, then he placed his hands on either side of Lindsey's head, his thumbs gently caressing his face. "This isn't going all the way, Lindsey. There isn't time, and I don't think you're ready for that yet. One day, maybe, but not today. I just want you to follow where I lead you and trust me." Then he kissed Lindsey again, couldn't get enough of his mouth. Lindsey was still responding, he wasn't repelled or frightened, so Angel pulled Lindsey's t-shirt off.

 

Lindsey's hands touched the small of Angel's back, touched his skin there, he could tell Angel liked that, he liked being touched. Because he was so depraved of contact for so long. Angel was damn near purring. "Lindsey," he said. Then Angel pushed Lindsey down and he took his own shirt off, and lay beside him. Angel put his hands on Lindsey, pretty Lindsey, who he only wanted to touch, feel and taste. Because some things you just didn't hurt.

 

Buffy tried the door again. Well, the damn thing was locked. What the hell? She pulled again. She was considering breaking it open when Spike put his hand on the door.

 

"I wouldn't bother Angel right now, were I you," he said.

 

"Why? What's he doing that he locked the door?" Buffy said.

 

"I'd say it's more of a who than a what," Spike said.

 

"Huh?" Buffy said. "The only one who was here when we left was that lawyer, and Angel wouldn't..."

 

"Oh, that right? I know better, and so do you, or you never would have entertained thoughts of it in your head, pet. You aren't even that upset, are you?"

 

"So it's true? You and Angelus?" she said.

 

"It wasn't a consensual thing, pet. I learned early on not to fight him. He twisted me into what I became."

 

Buffy closed her eyes. This wasn't surprising to her, but she wished Spike hadn't said that. "So what do you expect me to do-just leave them alone?" she asked. "If Angel's hurting Lindsey..."

 

"He's not," Spike said.

 

"Fuck!," Buffy said. "I thought while Dawn was occupied Angel and I could...talk or.."

 

"Fuck?," Spike said.

 

"Well, yeah," Buffy said.

 

Spike shook his head and walked away. Damn! Buffy thought. I could go ahead and interrupt them, but....well, there was Adera, but she was busy with Faith...and Christ, I'm ready now! What's wrong with me? Then she looked at Spike walking. Before she gave it another thought, she said, 'Hey, Spike! Are you busy right now?'

 

Adera arched her back when Faith's lips touched her navel. God, the woman knew what she was doing! Her hands were as soft as silk on Adera's skin and she was touching her in all the right places. And then she began to feel it.

 

Angel. Angel on Lindsey. Lindsey on Angel. Holy God! A different heat slammed into her body and she thought she was going to die right then. After what had just happened in the office, she couldn't believe she was feeling this. She moaned deep, arched her back again, and went with it. It was all she could do. She had known yesterday this was going to happen between them. Have it happening while she was so occupied, that was a hell of a thing.

 

Faith ran her hands softly down Adera's legs, touching, kissing, tasting. Because some things you just didn't hurt. When she parted Adera's legs and started on the inside , working her way up, Adera lost it. She sat up, pushing Faith up. Adera looked at those beautiful eyes of Faith's, that dark hair, those lips, that body...and decided to take an active part instead of passively letting Faith have control.

 

"Let's get yours off, too," Adera said.

 

Faith said, "You've accepted yourself, haven't you?"

 

"I've accepted the fact I have a thing for Angel. A thing for pain. And so does Lindsey. I'm in the ninth circle of hell, and you're along for the ride." Then she pulled Faith forward to kiss her.

 

Angel slid the jeans off Lindsey. His skin was so soft and hard at the same time. His body was so hot, why was he this hot? He ran his hands over Lindsey's chest. He kissed him. Lindsey pulled Angel closer, and the feel of full body skin on skin was something Angel never forgot. And Lindsey...he knew where to touch. Where to be soft...where to be hard. It was almost as if he could read Angel's mind.

 

Angel moved his head to kiss Lindsey's neck. Lindsey made that growly sound again. Angel liked it. "Hmm," Angel said. He moved down Lindsey's body, kissing, tasting, biting his nipples, wishing like hell he could really bite Lindsey, draw the blood from his body, what a rush that was, but Angel wasn't going to risk that pleasure. Not with her blood running in Lindsey's veins. Then he was there.

 

He took Lindsey into his mouth, and oh, Lindsey started moving. And he was hot. This man was on fire. He took Lindsey in all the way, because he didn't need to breathe, had no gag reflex. "Oh, damn," Lindsey said. "Feels so good, Angel." Angel responded by sucking him harder. Lindsey made that growly noise again. Then he convulsed, the orgasm rushing through his body like waves hitting the shore. When Angel didn't stop, Lindsey finally urged him up.

 

"Angel," Lindsey hoarsely said.

 

Angel smiled. Touched his face. "You liked that."

 

"Yes, I did, but Angel, you're touching me like I'm made out of glass. And that I'm not," Lindsey said.

 

"What are you saying?" Angel asked.

 

Lindsey drew in a deep breath. Angel wanted control. He also wanted Lindsey, but he wasn't going there unless he was urged to. Lindsey didn't care if it hurt or not.

 

So he told him, "I want you to fuck me, Angel."

 

~Different Strokes 3~

 

"Would you mind repeating that? I don't think I heard you correctly," Spike said. His eyebrows were raised and he was in shock.

 

"I said: I want you to have sex with me. Now. How was that unclear?" Buffy replied.

 

Spike was pissed. No, this was beyond pissed. "What the hell do you think I am? Your own personal wind-up sex toy? You can't just come to me and say that! We're over! Done! Finished! I'm not your bitch any longer. And I don't appreciate you doing this, Buffy."

 

Buffy said, "God, Spike. It's not like you're in love with Faith. It's only sex, right?"

 

"That's my business, not yours. What the hell makes you think I'll do you just because you...what? Want to make your mark on me? Prove to her you can snap your fingers and I'll be your whipping boy? Well, fuck that! You're so hot to screw just anyone, go screw Wesley."

 

Buffy turned around and started walking to the conference room. "Fine, I will. You can watch Dawn."

 

Now Spike was really shocked. "You can't mean that. There's something so wrong here. You need to think about what you're doing!" He followed her.

 

She shook her head no, but she didn't stop walking. "I can't! It's not a spell, Spike. I just....I just want to fuck...now. Are you still saying no?"

 

"Yes! I mean, no, I'm not going to....my God, you're really gonna do this, aren't you?"

 

"Yes, I am. Are you going to keep Dawn occupied or what?"

 

They were almost there. Spike stopped her. "I'll send him out to you. I don't want Dawn to even see your face right now. I don't want her to know what a bitch in heat her sister is."

 

"You bastard!" Buffy said. Then she slapped him. Hard.

 

Spike's head just slightly turned. He looked at her. "Are you still going to do this?"

 

"Damn straight! Mostly just to show you that you can't tell me what I can or cannot do!"

 

"Fine! That's just great!," Spike turned and walked into the room. Wesley and Dawn were going over some scroll or something. "Wesley, Buffy wants to talk to you."

 

Wesley didn't even glance up. "About what?"

 

Spike smiled. Bookworm. Buffy was really gonna get some play outta him. This was funny. He was going to enjoy her surprise when he turned her down, too. Wesley looked up inquiringly at Spike. "Why don't you go ask her that?"

 

Wesley sighed. "I'm busy, Spike."

 

"So, get unbusy. Trust me. You aren't gonna believe it when you hear it," Spike said.

 

Wesley frowned and left the room. Dawn said, "What does she want Wesley for?"

 

Spike walked over to look at the scroll she was working on. "Oh, I'm sure it has something to do with this Valley of Shadows thing. Can't imagine it being anything else. What are we working on now?"

 

Adera and Faith were on the carpeted floor now, having rolled off the sofa some time before. Adera was presently kissing Faith, who had the most kissable mouth she'd ever seen on a woman. They both tasted like each other now, hell, the sex smell was all over them, they had done damn near everything they could short of being really kinky, but she couldn't stop, oh no.

 

Her body kept going hot and cold, she kept feeling Lindsey, and when the hell had Angel turned into Mr. Foreplay anyhow? Faith pulled her head back by her hair, oh the pain from that was sharpening, she was kissing and licking Adera's throat, and then she felt the heat inside her intensify. She was in the vortex of Lindsey's orgasm when she felt Faith's sharp teeth bite down on her shoulder, but she couldn't stop her because the feeling of Faith....my God, she was feeding on her, and she was human, Adera had to stop her...but then, she started shaking, and Faith pushed her back, she never lost the grip her teeth had on Adera.

 

When she could coherently think again, Adera forced Faith away from her shoulder. "What the fuck do you think you're doing?"she said.

 

Faith smiled. "What I want. You haven't fed off me, so I can't turn." Then she moved very fast, forcing Adera back down from the half-reclining position she'd been in. She placed one arm on either side of Adera's head and looked down into her face, her dark brown hair a cloud around them. "Your blood is hot, Adera, like your body is." Then she kissed Adera.

 

The taste of her own blood in Faith's mouth was like tasting very good brandy. It was intoxicating. Adera wound her hands in Faith's hair and turned her head a little so she could kiss her better. She felt hands on herself, touching her body, and it was a minute before she realized the hands weren't Faith's. They were Angel's. Angel's on Lindsey. Angel's hands on Lindsey in places she couldn't believe. They were...they were ....going all the way. Holy shit!

 

She moaned and bit down on Faith's lower lip. Faith broke the kiss off, sat up so she was still on top of Adera, and touched her lip. "What the fuck did you do that for?" Faith said.

 

"Play with fire, you get burned. Didn't your mother teach you that, Faith?" Adera said. Then she moaned again. It sounded like half-pain, half-pleasure.

 

"Jesus, why are you doing that?" Faith said. Adera's body had broken into a fine sheet of sweat, her eyes were closed, and...and...and... "You look like you're being fucked, and I'm not doing anything."

 

Adera had started panting. She said, "Lindsey. I feel....what he does. He...feels me, too. I...I, oh sweet St. Jude.....Ooh...Lindsey....Angel....Lindsey...Angel....why don't you do something, Faith? Help me here! Touch me, feel me, go down on me again....oh dear God..."

 

Faith laughed and said, "That's what I call kinky." Then she reached out and touched someone.

 

Angel stared at Lindsey like he'd gone nuts or something. "I said I didn't want to hurt you, Lindsey."

 

"God, you're so dense sometimes," Lindsey said. He reached out and pulled Angel's head down to his and kissed him, hard. He touched Angel with his other hand, running it down his chest, his stomach, until he softly held Angel in his hand. He felt Angel shudder. He started pumping Angel in his hand and he stopped kissing him. "Does this feel like I'm afraid of you? I might breathe, my body might be hot, but I'm no more mortal than you are. I know you want this. So do I."

 

Angel touched his face with a hand that now had a fine tremor. "You're sure?"

 

"I am," Lindsey said. Angel kissed his forehead, and got up to search for something to use for lubrication, which he did find, because he came out of the bathroom with a tube in his hand. He kneeled on the bed and Lindsey started to turn, but Angel said, "No. I want to see your face."

 

Lindsey turned back and looked at Angel, surprised. Angel shrugged. "I like your face, I like looking at it, okay?" Lindsey grinned. Angel opened the tube and squeezed the lubricant in his hand, then rubbed his hands together to coat them. He said, "I want you to relax, Lindsey." Then he started to make Lindsey ready, and along the way, he discovered that although Lindsey was a living vampire, his digestive system must be radically different from a human's. Nice. All the perks and no drawbacks.

 

Lindsey was relaxed. Angel was being gentle, but he had gotten hard again, and good Lord, Angel had some long damn fingers, didn't he? Then Angel touched his prostate, and Lindsey moaned. "Angel, please," he said. Angel said, "All right, Lindsey." He used some more lubricant on himself, then lifted Lindsey's right leg over his shoulder. He positioned himself, then said, "Relax now. I'll go slow." Then he pushed forward slowly until Lindsey's body let him in. He felt the tightness close around him, and he paused to let Lindsey adjust. Then he pushed in a little more. Lindsey made a sound that was half-pain, half-pleasure. Angel froze. He didn't want to hurt Lindsey.

 

"Don't stop," Lindsey said. Angel slid in until he was all the way inside Lindsey's body. Then he was still for a few seconds, the feel of Lindsey around him flooding his senses. Then he started moving within Lindsey, and oh, he had forgotten what this felt like. Lindsey was his, his, his. Angel balanced him self on one arm, and began pistoling Lindsey within his hand. It didn't take long, but Angel waited until Lindsey came before he allowed himself to. His whole focus had moved between his legs, and he never heard the nasty stuff Lindsey said about Adera and Faith.

 

When it was over, Angel removed himself from Lindsey, kissed him and whispered, "You're mine."

 

Wesley said, "You want me to fuck you? Did that just come out of your mouth?"

 

Buffy said, "Yes, that's what I said." She gestured around the break room, and said, "I know it's not the Ritz, but hey, I used to do Spike underground." She thought to herself, I should have known better. Wesley was too tight-assed to do anything like this, and hey, he's walking out now...

 

But Wesley only turned the lock. And when he turned around, the look on his face was one she'd never seen there before. It reminded her of Angelus.

 

Wesley said, "You wanna go? We'll go." Then he walked to her and pulled her in his arms.

 

-to be continued=


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Within this chapter I have included a short story written by Angel Jade. The title is ['Revenge of the Evil Hand'](http://darkness.deadtime.net/Revenge.htm). It's not mine, it's hers, but it was so funny I asked for permission to use it. She very kindly gave permission.

~One With The Light~

 

Buffy pulled away from Wesley's lips, shock radiating through her entire body. The white-hot surge of heat she'd felt when his hands touched her arms and his mouth had descended on hers was something she'd never felt before. It was arousing to the extreme. It was also quite confusing.

 

She touch her lips and just looked at him. He looked at her. Neither one said anything. They both realized they could walk away now...pretend they hadn't felt that or....go forward and walk away from the past, knowing the future was forever changed for them. They both thought about the pain, the heartbreak, the betrayers, the abandonment, the desolation of the past.

 

Each recognized in the other a completion, a wholeness that had forever eluded both of them. The longer they stood there, contemplating each other, the stronger those feelings became. The longer they stood there, the more the each grasped what had happened.

 

She, who had always used words to convey the wealth of emotions within her, in this moment of perfect clarity, found she had no words for what she felt. It was there, it was real and she found it was all that mattered. Her heart opened to let someone else reside there without reservations since Angel had shattered it so long ago.

 

He, who had always used words to convey intelligence and breeding, in this moment of perfect clarity, found he had none to express the wealth of emotions he was experiencing. Inside where his heart was, he felt something he never had before. All the hard, emotional, gut-wrenching decisions he'd made over the last few years dimmed until there was only her.

 

A silent tear fell down her cheek. He reached out and wiped it away. She took his hand and pressed it to her face. In that little tiny gesture of comfort, their souls bonded into eternity. They looked into each other's eyes and the thing that had been missing within them was replaced with something finer than either had ever known.

 

When they moved into each other, it was with the knowledge that the past was over and done with. Their hearts were, at long last, filled with a dawning hope for the future. One that neither had thought possible, but had longed for their whole lives.

 

They spoke with their eyes, their hands, their lips, the movements they made. The silence in which they made love was more eloquent than mere words could ever be.

 

When they were done, she cried while he held her in his arms. He understood why she was crying. There were tears in his eyes, too.

 

They had finally found the place where they belonged. The place they were needed, wanted, and understood.

 

They had found home.

 

~Transitions~

 

Adera and Faith stood before the locked door of the office. Adera closed her eyes and concentrated on Lindsey. They had showered and Lindsey was in the bedroom, dressing. Angel was still in the bathroom. She placed her hand on the doorknob and concentrated harder. The door unlocked.

 

She opened it, and motioned Faith to stay in the office. Faith smiled in understanding, and nodded her head yes. Adera moved to the closed bedroom door, and she took a deep breath to calm down before she opened it.

 

Lindsey was sitting on the bed, pulling his boot on. He looked up at her. Those blue eyes of his twinkled at her. She came forward and stood in front of him. Placed her hand to the side of his face. "Hello, lover," she softly said. She bent down and kissed him. Lindsey pulled her onto his lap. She twisted until she straddled him, face to face.

 

They kissed until they were nearly breathless. When their lips parted, he said, "I can smell her all over you." She whispered, "Does that bother you?" Lindsey chuckled. "No, it doesn't," he said. She smiled and kissed him again.

 

This time when the kiss ended, it was Lindsey who asked, "How long have you known this was going to happen?" She smiled at him. "Since I picked up the guitar. I could feel your emotions for Angel underneath the feelings for Darla." He shook his head. "Why didn't you tell me?"

 

"You can't tell someone that. You both had to come to terms with it yourselves. I could only be there and love you both. It was all I could do," Adera said.

 

They smiled at each other in perfect understanding. Then they continued kissing, tuning out everything around them. She gloried in the feel of him touching her. He was in awe of the woman in his arms.

 

This time, when the hand touched her bare skin above the halter top, she didn't flinch. It was right this time. Angel was in her heart and soul as deeply as Lindsey was.

 

"Not afraid now, are you?" Angel softly said.

 

Lindsey let her stop the kiss. "No, I'm not," Adera told Angel. "I'll never shy away from you again."

 

"You're the most complex woman I've ever known," Angel said.

 

Adera laughed. "I should be. It took long enough to make me what I am."

 

Angel reached out and touched Lindsey's face. "You're both mine," he said.

 

They smiled at each other and then looked at him.

 

"Forever," Lindsey and Adera said in unison.

 

Angel smiled back.

 

Sometimes fate gave you everything you wanted, needed, and dreamed about.

 

~One With The Darkness~

 

Faith was sitting on the easy chair when they came out. Which sort of surprised Faith, since she'd thought maybe a three way thing would happen or something. They weren't angry or fighting...in fact, Faith thought they looked at peace. Whole. Complete. Which didn't shock her, with what had happened in the library.

 

In a way, the most important way really, she envied them. It was something she thought she would probably never achieve. Happiness. What the hell was that? Some thing she'd never known. Even when she was a child, safety and security were unknown to her. How she so longed for some sense of peace.

 

She put aside her maudlin thoughts, and smiled for them as if she wasn't painfully hurt by their happiness as she was. There were things you never showed the world. It was a lesson she'd had to learn early in life.

 

"Well, is it Three's Company now? What's the sitch, I'm dying to know," Faith said.

 

They looked at her, at a loss for words at her openness, but then humor got the better of them, and all four laughed.

 

"You're a wicked thing, Faith," Lindsey said.

 

"Don't I know it," she replied.

 

"You're really nasty, too," Lindsey said.

 

"Nasty? How dare you!," she said in mock anger. "You want to talk about nasty, let's talk about the look she got on her face when she realized what was going on. It was wicked cool!"

 

They all broke out laughing about Faith's comment. They were laughing when the door opened and a silent Buffy and Wesley entered the room. Angel, Adera and Lindsey knew immediately the dynamics between the pair had radically altered.

 

Angel thought about how right they looked together. How he'd been ambiguous about Wesley a while now. It seemed....it seemed as if a part of him had known, sensed, that they belonged together. And in this world of unparalleled surprises, this didn't surprise him at all. What surprised him was, it didn't hurt at all.

 

Buffy and Angel looked at each other and they knew. It was over. Neither much regretted it. The past held too much pain. The future beckoned, and they would go forward without guilt.

 

Faith wasn't as quick on the uptake. She smiled and told Buffy, "With the flakiness of today, I sort of expected you to show up at Spike's side."

 

Buffy said, "Spike? I wouldn't go near him again if we were on a deserted island! If he was the last man on earth!"

 

Faith smiled. "Did you have a fight with Spike?"

 

Buffy said, "No, he just very rudely informed me of his opinion of me. I didn't like it. He touched you and thought he touched gold."

 

The smile dropped from Faith's face. "That's not funny, Buffy."

 

"I'm not laughing," Buffy said.

 

Faith shook her head. "Spike wouldn't do that."

 

"I'm standing here telling you he did. I did go to him. He turned me down. Flat. He didn't even think about it, he just did it," Buffy said.

 

Everyone waited for the words to penetrate Faith's denial. "Why would Spike do that?" she asked. "Why?"

 

Adera said, "Don't you know, Faith?" She came up behind her and turned Faith so she could look at her. Faith had tears in her eyes. And there was a tiny bit of hope there as well.

 

"He can't love me. No one ever loves me. You can't fall in love with someone that fast," Faith said.

 

"Everyone in this room will tell you different," Adera softly said.

 

Faith looked at Adera as she accepted the truth of what Buffy had said. As she did, she recalled something from the dream state she had shared with Adera. She remembered Adera telling Angel: "The only way to understand is to embrace the truth. You aren't doing that. I made you whole but you're still trying to be what you were. You must become who you truly are. We all must to over rule the problem Wolfram & Hart has created."

 

In that second in time, Faith knew what she had to do. To become who she was truly meant to be, she would have to embrace the darkness. To be with the man she wanted, Faith would have to do what she had never before done. Believe in something other than herself.

 

She looked Adera and smiled. She said, "I'd like to finish what I began now."

 

Adera said, "Only going to ask once: are you sure? You love him enough to do this?"

 

Faith said, "Yes, I'm sure." She was still smiling, even though she was the only one who could see the change in Adera's eyes.

 

Adera said, "Okay." Then she kissed Faith while turning her head sideways. She had a brutal grip on Faith's hair. She broke the kiss off and kissed her neck. She sank her fangs into Faith and drained her to the point of death.

 

All this she did so quick no one could stop it. She raised her head and looked at Faith. Smiled. Used her nails to tear a gash in her own neck. Pressed Faith's mouth there, and felt her do what she already had once in the library.

 

What shocked all of them, Adera included, was the bright white flash of light that separated them, making Faith fly backward into Buffy and Adera into Angel and Lindsey.

 

That's when they all knew this was what Faith's destiny was all along.

 

~Sire~

 

The white hot flash of heat Adera had felt upon their separation didn't knock her out as it had when she'd resired Spike. Indeed, she immediately untangled herself from Angel and Lindsey. Instinct told her that Faith flying backwards into Buffy wasn't a good thing. They had both landed on the coffee table, smashing it beneath them. Buffy was true to form. Had to give her props for that. The first damn thing she did was reach for wood.

 

Adera was on her before she could employ it. She grabbed the wrist holding the broken wood, and applied just enough pressure to let the slayer know she meant business. "Drop it, slayer," Adera said. Buffy get a stubborn look on her face, one Adera didn't care for. So she applied more pressure, and dug her thump into the vein on Buffy's wrist. "If Faith dies, you die next. How far are you going to take this?"

 

Buffy said, "Why did you just do that? You just killed Faith!"

 

"No, I didn't-not technically, at any rate," Adera said. "Let go of your weapon, and I'll show you what I mean."

 

Buffy made a face, but she let the wood fall from her hand. The flash of emotion that flickered over Adera's face at the slayer's submission was so quick only Angel noticed it. Of course, the low feeling of desire that went with that look, he was aware of that also. Bending others to your will was something Angel knew all about. He stood up, and held out his hand for Lindsey to get up. Angel hoped this wouldn't get ugly.

 

Adera placed Buffy's hand over Faith's heart. It only took a second for Buffy to feel the heart within Faith beating. She looked at Adera. "Her heart's beating! Is she like Spike now?"

 

Adera breathed a huge sigh of relief. "Yes. She still retains her soul, too. You saw that flash of light. This was meant to be, Buffy."

 

Wesley asked, "Did the same thing happen with Lindsey?"

 

Adera closed her eyes in anguish at his question. The regret she harbored over Lindsey's change washed over her. "No, it didn't, Wesley," she softly said, her voice betraying the devastation she felt about it.

 

She felt a touch on her arm. He opened her eyes to see it was Buffy who had done it. The sympathy in the slayer's eyes hurt her even more. Adera shook her head to clear her thoughts, then said, "Help me move her to the soda."

 

When Faith was moved, Adera asked Wesley to go get Spike. "But, please, don't tell him what's happened. Just tell him I need him, now." She watched him leave, then turned around to find Lindsey there.

 

He bent down and kissed her. "I love you. I don't regret a single thing. And I don't want you to either."

 

"I know you do, Lindsey," she said. "I love you, too. With all my heart. But it doesn't help. The guilt and responsibility I feel..."

 

"You didn't do it on purpose, Adera," Lindsey said.

 

"No, she didn't," Angel said as he walked up to stand beside Adera. He reached out to touch Lindsey's face. "But she still sired you. And that means she owns you. It means she also owns everything you do, including evil. Do you understand?"

 

"I think so," Lindsey said.

 

Angel said, "Good enough for now. I expect you to remember that when Spike gets here. Somehow, I just don't believe he's going to care much for this."

 

They turned to look at Faith, and found Buffy looking quietly at them. Well, at Lindsey. She had a faraway expression on her face. Adera laughed and said, "Hello? Can you bring that can of worms you call a mind back to reality, please?"Buffy's gaze sharpened as she realized Adera was talking to her. She looked at Adera. Then Angel. Then Lindsey. And her face went beet-red. "Ah ha!," Adera said. "Imagined yourself between Angel and Spike, did you?"

 

Buffy turned an even darker shade of red. Adera, Lindsey and Angel burst out laughing.

 

Unfortunately, Spike and Wesley walked in when they did. Spike took in the chaos of the office, Faith on the sofa, and came to the right conclusion about what had happened. And he said the worst thing he could have.

 

He looked at Adera and said, "What the hell did you do that for? Who do you think you are, that you can just turn anyone you want?"

 

Angel was on him before his next breath.

 

~Respect and Power~

 

Angel slammed Spike into the wall behind them. He had a brutal grip on Spike's throat. "I thought we were over this a long time ago, Spike, but you never learn, do you, boy?"

 

Spike gritted his teeth and told Angel, "It's not your place to correct me any longer, Angel. It's hers. Now take your bloody hands off me!"

 

Angel moved his face forward until he was looking Spike directly in the eye. "You're wrong about that. I'm doing it because she cannot bring herself to. I'm doing it because she's mine, Spike. Mine. You understand what that means, right?"

 

Spike laughed. "Defend or Die, Angel? I always hated you when you said that. You'd kill to protect me, yet turn around and do things to me I still have nightmares about. Because I was yours. It that what you plan for them?"

 

Angel was so enraged he morphed into his vampire face. He was going to pummel Spike senseless, he was going to teach him what the word sire meant in a way he'd never forget. Everyone in the room expected it to happen. What they didn't expect was what stopped him.

 

Adera softly said, "No, Angel. Don't hurt Spike. He's mine."

 

Angel saw that those softly spoken words put more fear in Spike's eyes than he did. He smiled, went back to his human visage, and said, "Nothing like a woman's touch, is there, Spike?" He let go of Spike and backed up.

 

She came forward. She crossed her arms and just looked at him. But he had dropped his gaze and wouldn't look at her. She sighed. "Look at me, Spike." She waited until he did. She told him, "I'm not going to hurt you. What's the point? Angelus already did all he could to break you. Why should I even try? Don't you know I feel for you? I held you in my heart for six years, Spike. I brought you back, I gave you a new purpose, and I gave you the freedom to live on your own. I'm not Angelus. I'm not Darla. And I'm not that fruitcake Drusilla either. But I am your sire. I told you once I wouldn't hold your hand because I'm not your parent. I still mean that. But you will respect me, Spike. Not because I beat it into you or because I deprived you until you were so starving that you were willing to participate in obscene sex just to feed. You're going to respect me because I deserve it. After all I've given you, it is the least I'm owed. And all I truly desire from you."

 

"I'm sorry," he said.

 

"I know you are. Now. I don't ever want there to be a second time for this conversation. Ever. Are we clear?"

 

Spike said, "Yes, I understand. We're clear."

 

She smiled. "Good. That's good. Now, I understand why you said that. So, this one time only, I'm going to explain my actions to you. Faith wanted it. She asked for it. I chose to give her what she wanted because I had a reason. Now, you tell me something. Why did you turn Buffy away when she came to you? The truth, Spike."

 

Spike struggled for an answer to that. He had done it because Buffy was acting like a skanky...no, that wasn't why. He'd done it because the thought had turned his stomach. Being with her...no, the truth...being with anyone after Faith was....the thought sickened him. Then the real truth dawned on him.

 

"I did it because I love Faith," he whispered.

 

Adera touched his face, and he didn't flinch away from her. She smiled. "Faith did it with hope in her heart, Spike. She did it because she believed in you. I asked her if she loved you enough and she said yes. Faith did it for you, Spike."

 

"Oh, my God," he said.

 

"I could take her, make her mine, but I won't. I'm leaving it in your hands, Spike. Her heart beats, she still has her soul. But she's different than us. I was made by Athena while I was purity itself. Drusilla made you while you were still an innocent yourself. Faith is neither of those things. She has blood on her hands and murder on her heart. It's up to you to be sure she stays on the path of redemption."

 

Spike realized the enormity of what Adera was doing in giving up the first true fledgling she'd made. Lindsey was the product of chance. Faith was turned on purpose. "Thank you," he said, the emotion in his voice apparent to all.

 

"Your welcome. It was her fate, Spike, to become one with the darkness."

 

"Is that the reason you did it?" he asked.

 

She said, "No. This is." And she turned so that everyone could see while she pulled the halter top away from the place on her shoulder where Faith had sank her teeth. Wesley and Buffy only saw skin. Angel, Lindsey and Spike saw underneath that. They saw how ruthlessly Faith had bitten her. "It was going to happen no matter what I did. I only hastened the process because she asked me to."

 

Then she walked to where Angel and Lindsey were. She turned around so she was standing in front of both men. "Oh, and Spike? My personal life is none of your affair. You'd do well to remember that. After all, I just spent a great deal of time in the arms of the woman you love."

 

~Bittersweet~

 

Adera walked into the office expecting it to still be empty. Spike, Angel and Lindsey had taken Faith to the med labs to be sure she was alright. Faith was still out, it worried Spike, even though Adera had assured him she was unconscious because she had been human. So, the waking up process would take a little longer. Buffy said she wanted to check on Dawn, Willow, and Fred. Adera had picked up the oversized purse she'd arrived with this morning and announced she was shower-bound, then disappeared into the bedroom.

 

She heard Lindsey's "She said she wasn't ever walking in this building without a spare change of clothes again." She heard the laughter at his comment. She had thought they all left. She hadn't taken long because they still needed to go over this Valley of Shadows thing, and wasn't it convenient there wasn't a time limit on the thing? After she'd dressed, while she brushed her hair, she wondered where Angel lived. She knew it wasn't this room. She was still thinking about that when she walked back into the office and saw Wesley.

 

Waiting. On her. She sighed.

 

"What do you want to know, Wesley?" she asked. She sat on Angel's desk, letting her feet dangle in the air.

 

Wesley looked at her with that serious expression he sometimes got on his face. That look, he didn't remember everything that caused it. She knew it was the Conner thing. He didn't. She was suddenly afraid this was about Conner. Because if any of them were going to remember, it would be this man. His soul was eaten away by guilt, betrayal (on both his and Angel's part), and anguish. Some of it he remembered, but most of it was gone. Yet, the emotions remained. He thought it was because of Lilah's death.

 

Wesley said, "I wanted to ask you about Lindsey and Angel," and it took an enormous amount of willpower on her part not to breathe a sigh of relief and keep a straight face.

 

She said, "What about them? You aren't jealous, are you?"

 

It was Wesley who now sighed. "No, not jealous, Adera. I admit, my feelings for Angel are somewhat....ambiguous. Puzzling, in a way. But that's not why I asked. I've been watching you ever since you came back with Lindsey. I've seen your face when he touches you. I've seen what happens when he even looks at you. It's like...like you reach out to him. As if you aren't complete without him."

 

Adera closed her eyes, and it was there, on her face...that look. He knew she was thinking of Lindsey. "I love Lindsey with every fiber of my soul, Wesley. I'd die for him. You're right, I'm not complete without him. When he looks at me, I feel it in the depth of my heart. I burn for him. And when he touches me, it's like fire racing under my skin. Lindsey, he's the sun, he's the air, he's everything. When he...Wesley, when he makes love to me...it's like I'm in heaven. The world dims and there's only him. There truly aren't words enough to tell you what that does to me."

 

Wesley thought about that. Then he asked what he really wanted to know. "If you love Lindsey that deeply, Adera...what about Angel?"

 

Her face underwent that change he'd noticed. The look that said she loved Angel also, it was there. But under that was something else...something dark and unsaid. This is what he wanted to know about...it had been puzzling him for days. And since Buffy....he had to know what Adera was feeling....because he'd seen that look, that exact look on Buffy's face.

 

Adera softly said, "Oh, Wesley. Angel is....he's a part of me that is hundreds of years old. It's so hard to explain...it is, but...I'll try. Knowing him when he was human, that's the core. That's the thing that defines Angel from Lindsey. After I left that graveyard, I mourned for Liam. Every night after that, I dreamed of Liam. I dreamed of his touch, his kiss, his body against mine. I remembered every word he said to me, every gesture he made. And I deeply regretted walking away. Because by the time I'd realized I loved him, it was too late. He was dead. I lived with that inside, unspoken, all those years.

 

Then I walked into this office, and he was here. It was really him. My Liam...only he wasn't that, was he? Liam died long, long ago. Yet he remembered me. He still wanted me. And I had hope for a few minutes. Even though he was a vampire, that didn't matter, you see. It's what I am, too. But then he said it. The one word that changed everything. Angelus. And I knew. I knew. Liam had died because of me. I had walked away, and left him in danger because I was afraid to love.

 

Well, I balanced the power within him...but I didn't do it right. And there was Lindsey. He was in my heart by then. But I had to finish what I'd started. There was the exchange of blood. You know that. What no one else other than Lindsey, Spike, Faith and Buffy know is...a sexual act occurred at the same time. It was during that act I realized I had to have both of them. Because I loved Angel with a passion that matched what I knew I'd feel for Lindsey. I can't separate the two. I can't...I can't live without them both. I lived too long alone."

 

Wesley said, "I know what it is to be alone."

 

Adera said, "So does she."

 

Wesley said, "I know."

 

Adera sighed. She asked, "Was that all you needed to hear?"

 

"One last thing," Wesley said. "When Angel touches you, when he makes love to you, there's something you feel underneath everything else. It's the weapon Angelus used in those dreams. I want to know what that thing is, Adera."

 

Adera started silently crying. "When Angel....oh, Wesley. I feel love. Pain. Guilt. The combination is as soul-rendering as what I feel for Lindsey. It's the way a vampire loves, you know. But under that....underneath all of that, I still feel those human hands of his. I still feel the warmth of his body. I still smell his humanity. I always will."

 

Wesley asked, "Does he know that?"

 

She said, "No. I'll never tell him, either. What would be the point? He knows how much I regret Lindsey turning. It's why he was so desperate I not see Angelus in his face. Because he loves me and he couldn't bear the thought of it happening to him twice. And that's the question you really wanted answered, isn't it?"

 

Wesley said, "Do you know the answer?"

 

"Yes, I do. Buffy never looked at him again without seeing Angelus. When she killed him, it was her defining moment, Wesley. Inside, they both knew it. It's why neither were ever able to just...let go and trust each other blindly again. You have the same thing inside, the same pain, she does. That aloneness...that quality, it enables you to do things no matter how devastating it is to you personally. You were made for each other, Wesley. Your journeys have lead you both to this path. But you know that, don't you?"

 

"There are things I'm unclear about, Adera. They puzzle me, and I..."

 

"Question fate?," she said. "Wesley, if you always look for the worst, eventually, you'll find it. Is that what you want?"

 

"It's not that. I hurt inside, it's a pain I don't know where it comes from, but it's eating me alive, Adera. I need to...I need to find out why I feel this way."

 

She, who knew Conner was the reason, diverted his attention the only way she could. It was the only way. "Why don't you go ahead and admit it, Wesley? If you can't get past this, how can you claim to love Buffy with a free heart?"

 

"What are you saying?," Wesley asked.

 

"Lilah. Dig deep, Wes. Admit it to me, at least. Say it out loud, truthfully, just once. Just once. I lived with the same guilt for over 200 years. I don't want you to. Please, Wes. Let it out."

 

His face froze. She moved from the desk and bent down in front of him. She touched his face. "You did, didn't you? Even though she was evil. Hell, maybe even because she was, isn't that right? The smell of her perfume, it haunts you. Because you never told her. The softness of her skin, the way she moved under you, those things won't go away, Wes. They won't go away unless you face the truth. Unless you say it out loud. Here. Now. You can pretend I'm Lilah, I don't care. Just...say....it...out...loud!" Then she grabbed his shirt and pulled his lips to hers in a brutal kiss. He put his hands on her shoulders, his fingers dug into her skin, and he kissed her back as if he was trying to make her be Lilah.

 

It cleared his head in a way nothing else could have. This wasn't Lilah. Lilah was dead, he had cut her head off, she was gone....and he had...he had...loved her. He had. And he hadn't told her. But he could tell the woman he had in his hands. He could. She understood.

 

Wesley broke down and told Adera all he could about Lilah. All he remembered. She held him in her arms while he did. And finally, when he was spent, when the wealth of words dried up and only the truth was left, Wes told her how much he had loved the woman every one else had hated.

 

Neither were aware that Angel, Lindsey and Buffy had heard everything. They didn't know that the three eavesdroppers cried for both of them. They never found out.

 

~Awakenings~

 

Spike watched Faith like a hawk. He wanted her to wake up, badly. He wanted to very badly hear from her own lips why she'd done this. It went against everything a slayer was. Of course, Faith wasn't your ordinary slayer, either. But to have made the choice out of love? It wasn't her style.

 

Yet he wasn't ready to hear her say she loved him, because it was too soon. Too fast. He'd only wanted to do what Adera had asked of him, not fall in love. He wasn't sure when that had happened, but when Buffy had come to him, the thought of her after Faith....was wrong. He hadn't stopped to think about why or what it meant, he'd only turned her down.

 

Faith's forehead wrinkled. She moaned like she was in pain. But she opened her eyes. She saw Spike and looked confused a second. Then her hand went to her neck where Adera had bitten her, but she couldn't feel anything. She looked at her hand, saw it was clean. She whispered, "Was I dreaming?"

 

Spike grinned. "No, pet. It really happened. Adera turned you."

 

"Then why don't I feel different, Spike?" Faith said.

 

"Because her blood is eternal. You're never going to feel bloodlust the way a vampire does. The way she does. I have so many things to tell you, Faith. To show you. But it has to wait. We need to return to Angel's office in a few minutes," Spike said. He moved a lock of hair from her face. "Why did you do it, Faith?"

 

She looked away for a minute, then took a deep breath, and looked back. "Buffy said you turned her away. I...I want you, Spike. I want to be with you. So...."

 

"Why didn't you wait and ask me why I did that, Faith?" Spike said.

 

"Because I knew you wouldn't want me to do this," she said. Then she looked at him with an unspoken question in her eyes.

 

Spike sighed. "The thought of her, after I'd been with you, it sickened me, all right? I..."

 

He never finished the sentence. Faith kissed him. She whispered, "Later."

 

Buffy and Dawn heard Willow's voice coming from the room down the hall.

 

"Oh, thank God!," Dawn said. "I was thinking they'd left the building."

 

"I'm beginning to wish this thing was over with," Buffy said. "Look, Dawn, I need to talk to Angel about something. Could you tell them to meet us in his office?"

 

Dawn said, "Yeah huh. Um, what are you going to talk about?"

 

Buffy smiled. "That's not your business, Dawn. We'll talk later, OK? I have something to tell you, but it can wait." Dawn, who was used to being shut out of her sister's life, was surprised. "Really?"

 

"Yeah," Buffy said. "There are....changes that have happened. I promise, I'll tell you as soon as I can."

 

Dawn smiled. "Okay. I can wait."

 

Buffy gave her a hug, then left, walking back the way they'd arrived. Dawn happily walked to the room and opened the door. But she didn't see Willow. She knew she was here. So she walked into the lab, and there they were.

 

Willow and Fred. Kissing. Looked liked they'd been doing it awhile, too.

 

Dawn said, "Woah."

 

Willow and Fred looked up. Fred said, "Oh, no."

 

Willow said, "It's okay, Fred. Dawn's cool," She asked Dawn, "What are you doing here?"

 

Dawn, whose face was red and wished she'd left without saying anything, said, "Um, Angel wants everyone to meet in his office, and so me and Buffy came to find you, but then she wanted to talk to Angel, so she left and...and....does this mean you're not with Kennedy any more?"

 

"Not now, Dawn, okay? Wait outside. We'll be there in a few, okay," Willow said.

 

Dawn looked at them both and smiled. She was going to think positive about this. Kennedy was so over. She walked out of the lab humming and almost dancing.

 

Buffy caught up with Angel and Lindsey when they were almost at his office. She was going to say something, but then they all heard Wesley say, "I wanted to ask you about Lindsey and Angel," and all three of them just listened.

 

By the time Wesley started talking about Lilah, they were all in tears.

 

~Gathering~

 

Adera was sitting on the desk brushing her hair, and Wesley was in the easy chair when Angel, Lindsey and Buffy walked in. They had taken a few minutes to calm down themselves, and give the two people whose conversation they'd overheard a chance to calm down. Buffy didn't tell Angel what she'd wanted to. After what they had just overheard, telling him she had been going to him first seemed trivial and immature. And the wrong thing to do.

 

Lindsey had been getting the feeling that the empathic connection they shared was becoming a little muted. She still didn't know he could sometimes read Angel's mind. He needed to tell her. But it was new, he couldn't control it, yet. And they were sort of busy. He wondered why Angel, and no one else. Was it because of Adera's blood that ran in their veins? But he wasn't getting Spike's thoughts. Puzzling. Why hadn't Angel changed like they had? Or...maybe he slowly was and they weren't aware of it.

 

Angel had walked over to her along with him. Angel took the brush from her and turned her sideways, then started brushing it himself. Lindsey touched her face. She closed her eyes and whispered, "Lindsey. Angel." He could feel the desire she felt. He wished Angel could know this. He couldn't recall any longer how it felt when he hadn't known her. She was so remarkable, it bordered on frightening. The depth of emotion within her was surreal.

 

Buffy was silently watching them. Wesley came up behind her, and wrapped his arms around her waist. "Not jealous, are you?" he softly said.

 

"No," she softly answered him. "They look right....complete somehow. Don't you think?"

 

"Yes, they do," he said.

 

"That's how you make me feel, Wesley," Buffy said. "I knew all this time something was missing. I kept thinking I'd come back wrong. I made so many mistakes, stupid mistakes. And behind all of that, I held Angel in my heart. When I'd really given up on him years ago. But I'm nothing if not stubborn. And, truthfully, I never dreamed it would be you. You've changed so much."

 

Wesley kissed her shoulder. "So have you," he said.

 

"In a way I haven't, though," she said as she turned around to look at him. "I think when I had to kill Angel all those years ago, something in me died. And when you touched me, you brought whatever died in me back, Wesley."

 

"It takes a smart woman to know when the heart is home, B," Faith said from the doorway.

 

They all turned to see Faith and Spike standing there. Buffy smiled. "How do you feel?"

 

"Five by Five," Faith said. "You know me, B." She walked into the room until she was standing in front of her former enemy. Spike was right behind her. "So, I hear you wanted to stake me."

 

Buffy turned red. "Yeah. I'm sorry about that. It was just instinct, Faith. I'm sure I'd have thought before I did it." Faith shrugged. "I'm just glad it didn't happen. So....Wesley, huh?"

 

Buffy smiled. "Wesley," she said.

 

"Wicked cool," Faith said.

 

Buffy considered Faith a few seconds. Then she reached up and undid the clasp on the gold cross she wore. She stepped up to Faith and put it on her. She flipped Faith's hair so the chain was underneath, then placed the cross correctly. "So you'll remember always which side you're on," she said.

 

Spike met Adera's eyes and they smiled.

 

Then Dawn sailed through the door, smiling from ear to ear. "Kennedy is so over," she blithely announced, then noticed Angel, who was now braiding Adera's hair. "Oh my God! Angel braids hair? I'm next!"

 

Everyone laughed. Willow and Fred walked in, arguing over whether or not Willow was going to break up with Kennedy. Now they were all stunned.

 

Then Lorne waltzed in. "Good news, ladies and gentlemen, good news! The Furies say the Valley of Shadows isn't another dimension, just a joining of minds to reach another. One small problem, though. Major mojo before the actual spell. Something about fate, destiny, soul mates, that sort of thing. Figured you could use a heads-up."

 

Angel chuckled, then finished twisting the band around the end of Adera's hair. "That info would've been useful...oh....say three hours ago. Are the Furies saying 'Mmm Lorne' now?"

 

Every one smiled as Lorne turned a darker shade of green.

 

~Entering The Valley~

 

Everyone walked into the conference room which had been cleared of everything. Cordelia was laying in the middle of the room, the pallet beneath her. She was in a white nightgown, long and very laced. She was very beautiful. And very still. Adera couldn't help but admire her, knowing all the woman in the coma had been through, how far she'd come from the self involved girl she'd been in Sunnydale.

 

But she had the feeling this wasn't going to end how her friends hoped. Adera had read the same reports they had. Cordelia only had minimal brain activity. Possibly only enough to keep her alive. If they brought her back, she was going to have brain damage. Adera just didn't believe Cordelia would want to live that way. And that's what she thought this spell was really all about. Giving Cordelia a choice, and passing the visions onto someone else. Who that some one was, well, that was Cordelia's choice as well. In a cosmic way, the Powers That Be owed the woman for allowing this to happen to her.

 

Adera looked at Angel, who was standing near Lindsey. Had he loved her or not? His face was so inscrutable, she couldn't tell. She wished she had an empathic connection to him sometimes also. She understood the way he'd sometimes driven Buffy to the emotional depths she'd been through.

 

Willow said, "Everything's ready. We can begin any time now."

 

Wrinkling her nose at the stinky herbs that were burning, Adera said, "Just in case this doesn't go how we hope it does, I think all of you should say goodbye."

 

A loud sigh filled the room as everyone silently agreed. All of them said goodbye to Cordelia, one by one. They said things that were heartfelt and made Adera realize how loved Cordelia was. Poor Lorne sang "Candle in the Wind". He was crying the whole time. Adera thought he knew.

 

Finally only Angel was left. He wasn't moving. And she knew why because Lindsey knew why. Angel remembered all the good in Cordelia. Yet he couldn't see past the evil of the last year. Given time, maybe he could come to forget the sight of her in his son's bed. He had forgiven Wesley. But time wasn't theirs. It was against them.

 

She hoped Lindsey understood the nature of vampire hierarchy the three of them were involved in. Angel had claimed both of them when he had told them "You're mine." So, as far as Angel was concerned, they were. He had a very unforgiving nature. And even though Angelus was no longer an issue, Angel himself could be sadistic in the extreme. And when the hell had Lindsey began reading Angel? And why could she read Lindsey? Emotions were one thing. This was new and different.

 

She looked at Buffy. "I think we can start now," she said. Buffy agreed.

 

The six women formed a circle around Cordelia, holding hands. Wesley poured the mixture of conduit sand around them, forming the circle within a circle.

 

Willow began to speak. "We six join minds to enter the Valley of Shadows so that we may speak to our dear friend Cordelia today. We have found our soul mates and are now ready for the future. Our journey will lead us there."

 

Buffy said, "I embrace the power of light within me. I call it fourth to show us the way."

 

Faith said, "I embrace the power of darkness within me. I call it fourth to show us the way."

 

Fred said, "I embrace the power of knowledge within me. I call it fourth to show us the way." Willow said, "I embrace the power of magic within me. I call it fourth to show us the way."

 

Adera said, "I embrace the power of creation within me and I call it fourth to make the way."

 

Dawn said, "I embrace the power of destruction within me and I call fourth the power of the Key to open a door into Cordelia's mind."

 

A soft wind drifted through the room and Angel, Lindsey, Gunn, Wesley, Spike, and Lorne knew the spell was working. The six women were in the Valley with Cordelia. They all hoped and prayed for a safe return. They all also wondered, if knowing who your soul mate was had been so important, who was Dawn's?

 

~Elysian Fields~

 

Adera heard Dawn say, "Oh my God." She opened her eyes to a field of green grass, pretty flowers, trees, and such a feeling of peace it was unreal. She noticed Buffy closing her eyes and breathing deeply. Well, maybe she was remembering paradise.

 

"I wonder where Cordy is," Willow said.

 

"Let's look around," Adera said. "I don't fancy being stuck here. This is too Orpheus like to suit me."

 

They all walked up the gentle hill, to see Cordelia sitting on a blanket that was spread out on the ground. She smiled at them when they walked up. She gestured for them to sit.

 

"It's about time," Cordelia said. "I've only been waiting- like forever!"

 

"Cordy, we came to help you find your way back," Fred said.

 

"Fred, I'm not going back. I can't," Cordelia said.

 

Fred got upset. "But that's why we came! To lead you home!"

 

Cordelia smiled a gentle smile. "There's too much damage, Fred. I wouldn't be normal, and as much as I love you all, I can't live like that. The Powers are going to reincarnate me. It's alright."

 

"Then what did we do all this for?" Dawn said, a whiney tone to her voice.

 

"To say goodbye. To pass on the visions. To help Angel," Cordelia said.

 

Willow said, "Angel didn't say goodbye like we did, Cordy. He looked upset about something. It almost felt like he hates you." Cordelia looked at Adera, who realized Cordelia knew everything. Like osmosis. She asked Adera, "Give him a message for me?"

 

"Anything," Adera said.

 

Cordelia held out her hand. Adera took it, and her body went stiff for a few seconds. When Cordelia let go, Adera was silently crying.

 

Cordelia told Faith, "Tell Wesley, Gunn, and Lorne I love them and I was proud to call them my friends. Tell them not to mourn for me."

 

Willow said, "Cordy, I could try to heal your body. You don't have to do this."

 

Cordelia said, "Can you promise me I'll come back like I was? Whole, beautiful and with my brain functioning normally?"

 

Willow said, "No, I can't promise you that. But any life is better than none, Cordy."

 

Cordelia said, "Do you remember how Tara was after Glory messed with her mind? I would be worse than that. I cannot and will not do that. Call me vain, whatever. I don't care. Besides, how often do the Powers owe a mere mortal? Can't pass this up."

 

Buffy sighed. "Who gets the visions then, Cordy? I don't want them. I have a chance at a normal life now. I don't want to lose it."

 

Cordelia looked at Buffy. What would her life have been without her? Nothing. "Did I ever truly thank you for all the times you saved my life?"

 

Buffy shrugged. "Kinda sorta," she said.

 

Cordelia said, "Oh, we're good then. Can't get all weepy now, can we?"

 

"No, that would be bad," Buffy said.

 

Cordelia laughed, then she turned to Fred and swiftly kissed her. Everyone felt the energy transfer to Fred.

 

"Uh, no...not me. Not me, Cordy!," Fred said.

 

"You're the only one capable of handling them, Fred," Cordelia said. "What you went through in Pylea gives you an edge that's going to allow you to process the visions without becoming part demon. You're the one, Fred."

 

"I don't want to be the one," Fred said.

 

"Sounds familiar. Who used to say that every other week?" Cordelia joked.

 

Every one looked at Buffy and laughed. She grinned. "It's time for you to go. I can feel the Powers calling for me," Cordelia said. She turned to Adera. "Take care of him for me. Promise? I don't know how much more pain he can take."

 

"I promise," Adera said.

 

Cordelia smiled.

 

The field of grass was replaced gently in their vision with a bright white light, and they all watched as Cordelia walked into it. Then they gently became aware they were back in the conference room, amid the sorrow of Cordelia's death.

 

~Knowing~

 

The ambulance had arrived, and Cordy was gone. Willow, Fred, Gunn, and Lorne had left to make funeral arrangements. Every one was pretty much either shocked at the suddenness or resigned. Except Angel. He was sitting at his desk, face utterly immobile. Lindsey was massaging his shoulders. Angel was letting him.

 

Buffy pulled Adera aside and said, "That is one bad sign, him not talking. When he lets loose, it's going to be like a tornado, Adera. You sure you and Lindsey know what you're in for?"

 

Adera quietly told her, "Yes, we do. It'll be okay, Buffy."

 

"But, you're pregnant. He could hurt you," the slayer said.

 

"He won't. Trust me, I know this. Besides, if he wants to get that rough, Lindsey can deal with him. He's as tough as I am. Maybe more so," Adera said.

 

Spike came up behind them. "We're heading out, girls. Faith and I have things to work out. Adera, I just have to split. Look at him. It makes me remember things....bad things. I...man, I just can't deal with that. Will you be okay?"

 

She snorted. Why did everyone ask that? "I learned at the hand of Darla, and that's a stupid question, Spike. This isn't totally Angel...it's Angel in denial. Besides, he claimed both of us....he actually said, "You're mine." And Spike, you of all people, know what the hell that really means."

 

Spike blanched. "God, Adera...he said that? Angel like....said that? When did he tell you that?"

 

Adera sighed. "Right before he took my virginity."

 

Spike's mouth fell open. She reached out and put her finger under his chin and closed it. He pushed her hand away. "I can't believe he let you go to Lindsey, if that's true. He's too possessive."

 

"Telling thing, no? And you know what happened in this room before I left," she said.

 

"My God...he wanted Lindsey as bad as you did. That's what you're saying. He could really hurt him, if he wanted to."

 

Adera felt Angel's gaze on her. She looked back at him impassively. "No, he won't. I sired Lindsey, not Angel. He's mine. I may have given you Faith, but I'm not letting go of my Lindsey. Isn't that right?" Angel nodded his head yes. She smiled.

 

"I'm so out of here. Screw this. I just can't deal with it," Spike said.

 

As he turned to leave, Adera softly said, "You're mine, too. That makes you off-limits to Angel. Forever."

 

Spike paused. Without turning around, he said, "Does he know that?"

 

"Yes, I do," Angel said.

 

Spike's jaws clenched at the sound of that voice. How he hated it. He wondered if he'd given Buffy nightmares about his own voice. Probably after what happened at the Bronze.

 

"Sadist," Spike snarled at Angel.

 

"Masochist," Angel replied.

 

Spike didn't reply, he just left. How can you refute the truth?

 

Buffy said, "You know...I think I'll find Dawn and Wesley, and um...get the hell out, too."

 

"Might as well," Adera said. "Chicken little."

 

Buffy paused at the door. "Like Spike said. Screw this. I just can't deal with it." Then she left as well.

 

Adera walked over to them. "What now?" she said.

 

"We're going home," Angel said.

 

~Reflexes~

 

Adera got another one of those swimmy feelings in the car again. She'd been having them off and on since she'd drained Faith. She knew what was causing it. She kept hearing Buffy telling Spike, "You got off on it." in the back of her mind. It wasn't the time for this...not with Angel being so....cold. And Lindsey, well, she always wanted to fuck his brains out. Right now would be damn nice. She could just slip between them and.....

 

Lindsey said, "There isn't enough room, Adera. You're driving me insane here."

 

She smiled innocently at him. Angel made a sound like half-cough, half laugh. She glanced at him. It was the first indication he was anything other than highly upset about Cordelia's death. She also noticed he was turned on by her turning Lindsey on. My, my. Did he like watching? She was planning on avidly watching these two go at each other.

 

"Just how long is this ride going to take, Angel," she asked.

 

"About 30 minutes, give or take. Why?" he answered.

 

She grinned wickedly. "I'm going to relieve some pressure I caused."

 

Lindsey said, "What the hell does that mean?"

 

"This," she said as she moved from her seat across from him, to on her knees in front of him. She placed her hands on his thighs. She moved them slowly up his legs. She spread them apart so she could get between them. Lindsey's eyes had gone that really deep blue now. Oh, yeah. She glanced at Angel. He was watching, and he even had a little smile on his face. Good.

 

She covered his erection with her hand and began massaging it through his jeans. Lindsey said, "Oh fuck, I can't believe you're doing this." She used her other hand to unzip the jeans. "Lift your hips, lover," she said. Lindsey pursed his lips but he did it. He was so damn hard now it was unreal, the combination of her on her knees and Angel watching was enough to almost make him come as it was.

 

Then she bent her head and took him into her mouth, and Lindsey said, "Fuck me." He arched up, couldn't help it.

 

Angel watched for about a minute. He knew Lindsey was close to orgasm, and this was too entertaining to miss. God, he loved Lindsey's face in passion. And Adera was doing it right, but she could do it better. So he decided to teach her.

 

Angel reached out and encircled Lindsey's engorged cock at the base and applied just enough pressure to stop the approaching climax. Both Adera and Lindsey froze. Angel softly placed his other hand on her head. He said, "Listen to my voice, let it guide you, Adera." He could feel her relax. "Lindsey, I'm not going to hurt you. Trust me, please." Slowly, slowly Lindsey's body relaxed until Angel felt he was ready. Using a soft, seductive tone of voice, Angel said, "I know you have to breathe, Adera. But not like a human would. I want you to deepen your breaths so you don't have to stop."

 

She had her eyes closed and she listened and did it. "That's right," his soft voice continued. "Like that. Now open your mouth just a little. Yes, that's it."

 

Lindsey was almost whimpering by now. "Angel, you're fucking killing me!"

 

Angel chuckled. "You listen, too, Lindsey. That way, I won't have to repeat myself."

 

Lindsey said, "Oh God."

 

Angel made that purring sound again, the one Lindsey liked so much. Adera had gotten to the point where she stopped going down. Angel moved the hand from her hair to her throat, gently massaging as he softly said, "Relax the muscles here. Concentrate on my voice and relaxing, block everything else out. Yes, that's right," he said as Lindsey went a little deeper into her throat. Every time he felt her reach the threshold of her gag reflex, he told her to relax again, massaging her throat the whole time.

 

Then she was past the reflex and had Lindsey in all the way, her mouth was hitting his hand when she was on the downward stroke. She had it now.

 

Angel removed his hand from Lindsey and watched that beautiful face while he came. His plans had changed. He didn't want to rule over these two lovers of his. He only wanted to make love to them.

 

~Willing Hearts~

 

Adera and Lindsey followed Angel into the foyer of the really large house. Adera wondered why he was living in something so huge when he was such a singular person. But she was too sleepy and she still felt too funny to think about it long. Things had changed for him now, anyway. He wasn't alone any longer. She never wanted Angel to be alone again.

 

Lindsey looked at all the glass windows. With no curtains. They must be made out of the necro glass, too. "Jeez, Angel, do you sunbathe in here?"

 

"I have, yes," Angel answered.

 

Lindsey was very obviously moved by the thought of a naked Angel in here, taking in the rays of the sun he'd been denied since Darla had sired him. He got that glazed look on his face again and whispered, "Oh, fuck me." Angel chuckled. When the hell had Lindsey become so damn open? This was a side of him he'd never seen before. He wondered if Adera had caused the changes in Lindsey or if they were the product of his absence these last two years. Angel couldn't wait to find out.

 

Adera sighed. Men. "Ok, guys, as much as I'd love to stay and watch the male bonding happening, I want a hot bath, followed by sleep, please. I feel kinda icky. Angel, where...I mean, can I...Lindsey, would you stop that for just a few minutes? God, now I know how you felt when I wanted to screw Angel that day. This is torture."

 

"Hmmm?" Lindsey hummed in answer. His eyes were smiling.

 

She blew him a raspberry while Angel directed her to his bedroom. Lindsey thought about how much he wanted to make love to her. He could just take her down right here and...

 

"Lindseyyyy," Adera said.

 

"Oh, all right," Lindsey said. "I'll try to control my baser instincts. Just don't take too long."

 

She almost ran from the room in her haste, leaving both men chuckling this time.

 

Angel walked into the living room, going to the bar to fix them a drink. He touched the bourbon, but some instinct told him Adera hated the smell and taste of it. He couldn't recall her telling him so, but he knew it was true. Weird. He poured brandy instead. He handed Lindsey his, and sat down on the couch. Lindsey followed suit.

 

Angel sipped the brandy and wondered if Lindsey would talk if he asked...things he really wanted to know. He glanced at him, and his thoughts wandered because he was entranced with the sight of Lindsey swallowing the brandy in his glass. Watching Lindsey's throat while that brandy went down made Angel want to kiss him all over and that mouth, man...he could fuck that mouth forever.

 

Lindsey swallowed too fast and started coughing. Angel patted his back, "Linds...are you all right?"

 

Tears in his eyes, Lindsey said, "Uh..yeah. I just swallowed it wrong." Oh, that sounded wrong, Lindsey thought. "I'm fine, Angel," he said out loud. Please don't think any more shit like that, Angel. How am I supposed to control myself while you sit there and do that? I'm so damn glad I didn't say that out loud.

 

Angel sighed for effect. "Lindsey, can I ask you something?" Tell me the truth, Angel thought. I...god, I need to hear you say it out loud. The last two years, when I've thought about you, it was always with that wistful, vulnerable look you used to get on your face. I thought about you a lot. And I wondered if that look....I wondered if it was about me.

 

Oh, no, Lindsey thought. I hate it when someone asks that. It always means they want to know something you'd rather they didn't. And he wants the truth? I'm fucked, man. "What do you want to know, Angel?" Lindsey said.

 

Please tell me. Please, please, please. "When you..ah...left LA, it wasn't just because of Wolfram & Hart, was it?" Angel asked. When had he become so goddamn needy? He thought about what Angelus had called him. Angel shmangel. Yeah, that's what he felt like right now. An Angel Shmangel.

 

Lindsey laughed. "No, it wasn't. Okay, I'm...well, Angel...I left...mostly, because well...oh man, this is hard. Why are you asking me now? I would have given anything to hear..." Lindsey growled a little at his inability to finish that statement. He snatched Angel's glass out of his hand, and along with his own, went to the bar and refilled them.

 

Angel's eyebrows rose at Lindsey's action's and what he'd not quite said. OH Was I right? It was about me...it had to be or Linds wouldn't be so wrought up over it. And...oh...my...god! How did I manage to miss seeing what those jeans looked like on him? Lindsey's ass was just too much. Angel wanted to feel that ass in his hands while Lindsey...oh wait, back that up! I didn't just think that...no, I didn't. That image did not just appear in my head!

 

Lindsey sat the glasses down and poured brandy in them with a hand that was now shaking. Why the hell had he gotten up? Now he was going to have to walk back towards Angel...who had finally noticed the jeans. And his ass. Well, he could handle that. Cute ass, yeah, he'd heard that a lot. But, Angel's hands cupping his ass while Lindsey fucked him...oh...my...god. Now he was going to...hand Angel his brandy calmly while he was harder than he'd ever been before?

 

But it did, Angel thought. I did..no wait...I just..just..never thought I'd be the one who wanted..no, needed...that's right, tell yourself the truth. The truth, truth, truth! Well...the truth is....I need to feel Lindsey's hands on me. I need to feel his mouth, his tongue on my body. I want him inside of me desperately. I need Lindsey to make love to me. I always wanted him to. Those eyes of his...those lips...that face...that body....and god, Lindsey's voice. He just does things for me no one else ever has. That day he came to my office seeking my help, I laughed and told him I smelled big stinky mortal fear...but what I really felt was big scaredy cat Angel fear. Not because Lindsey was a man, cause hey....Spike. It was because I wanted him to take me right there in that office, and that was something I'd never in my wildest dreams thought I'd ever want. So, scared. No, it was quite terrifying, truth be told.

 

How the hell am I ever going to tell Lindsey all of this?

 

~Nuances~

 

Lindsey decided standing here because of his hard on was foolish. It wasn't like they hadn't been all over each other earlier. Besides, Angel could smell arousal, anyway. It was just, well. He was going to tell Angel some things he wished he'd had the guts to 2 years ago. Also, this reading everything Angel was thinking was freaking him out a little. Even Adera was beginning to...well, maybe not read Angel...Lindsey thought she was reading Angel through him, but still...getting a little too weird now.

 

So he turned around and walked back to the couch, handed Angel the brandy, and sat down without even eye contact. Had Angel noticed? Mmm judging by the blankness in Angel's thoughts....yes, he had. Lindsey sipped his brandy, trying to gather his thoughts into some semblance of order so he could be as truthful to Angel as he could.

 

Angel, without thinking too deeply about it, only just...he wanted to know. So he burst out with, "Are you ashamed of what you feel for me, Lindsey?"

 

Lindsey turned to look at Angel, so he could look into Lindsey's eyes and see the truth in them. "No, I'm not, Angel. I want you just as much as I want Adera. You...when we first met, I wanted you then, but I was confused. You made me feel things I never had before. I was shocked and, well...angry. At myself. At you. I couldn't understand my attraction to you. Every time I saw you, it got worse. I ruthlessly pushed the desire I felt as deep as I could, you know. So you couldn't smell it on me. But...you knew, didn't you?"

 

Angel said, "Yeah, I knew. I always know, Lindsey. Your body temp always went up when I was near you. And if it had only been about control or just me wanting to fuck you, I would have acted on it. But it wasn't. That time you came to me for help, I wanted you to make love to me, and I'd never had that desire before. It freaked me out big time. That's why I was so...sarcastic, I guess. I was covering up because of what I felt. But, Linds...that night, I waited for you on the roof for hours...but you never came. At first I was...hurt, I suppose. Then Cordelia read in the paper about the promotion. I was so angry at you, I could have just....eaten your eyeballs."

 

Lindsey smiled. "Yeah, I was pretty stupid, all right. I think I did that to prove to myself that I didn't want you. Then you cut off my hand, Darla was back, and, Christ...it just got out of control, Angel." Lindsey sighed. "You know, she knew. She told me that she wasn't the one I wanted to screw. She said it was you."

 

"What did you say to that?" Angel asked.

 

Lindsey shrugged. "I said, "Maybe". Then, things went from bad to worse, we had the fight with the damned sledgehammer, and then I got my evil hand. And, the love/hate thing was eating me alive. I couldn't stay. I needed to get some perspective on the whole thing. You, me, Darla. I had intended to return, but...I kept putting it off, because inside, I felt so empty. I never meant to stay gone so damn long."

 

Angel said, "I wanted you to stay, I really did. I just couldn't bring myself to say the words."

 

Lindsey laughed and said, "By the way, Angel. Cops Suck? I mean, really! How childish was that? Do you know, I got a fucking speeding ticket because of that sign? God, I dreamed for months afterwards that I came back to get revenge on you for that."

 

Angel paused in the act of taking a sip of the brandy. He went utterly still. "Dreams, Lindsey? What dream? Tell me about it."

 

Lindsey said, "It was stupid, really," then he laughed again. "No, it was funny. Very funny. You really want me to tell it to you?" Angel's mind had gone blank again and Lindsey couldn't tell what he was thinking. Stranger and stranger.

 

Angel said, "Yes, I do. Honestly."

 

Lindsey grinned and said:

~~"That was childish." I say, standing in the doorway as he leans over the lobby desk, his back to me. Without even turning, he speaks. "Hello Lindsey." 

 

"I wondered why you were smiling so much." I say. "You just had to have the last laugh, huh?"

 

He turns and I see the little smile appearing on his face. "And you came back to, what......tell me off?"

 

"Actually, I'm here to charge you for the fine I got." I tell him, walking in with a smirk.

 

"Not here to swear revenge then?" He asks.

 

"For a joke? Think I can live without lowering myself to your level." I reply, smugly.

 

"I misjudged you then." He says, turning back to the desk behind him.

 

Misjudged me? Huh? "You knew I'd come back then?"

 

"Come on Lindsey......you? Guy like you with so much to prove?" He asks. "I knew you'd turn back."

 

He knew and did it anyway......he did it because he knew......small smile on my lips that I immediately replace because there is no way Angel did it to get me back here. "You worry me when you go quiet. What's going on in that twisted mind of yours, Lindsey?" He asks, suddenly.

 

I realize just how long I've been considering the option that he tricked me back here......

 

"If you know me so well, why don't you tell me, Angel?" I ask, smiling sweetly.

 

"Don't give me that look......it doesn't fit you anymore. If it ever did." He says, making his way over.

 

I laugh. "Maybe so......but you still haven't answered the question. What's going on in my head?"

 

He smirks as he looks at my forehead, as if he can see the mental cogs working inside. "Revenge, cocky humor and just a hint of lust."

 

Was prepared for that. So I stand my ground, smile unfaltering. Yes, Lindsey McDonald has a little......infatuation that needs to be taken care of. But the important thing is, I realized this before he did. All the times I hid that lust, knowing full well he would smell it......well this time he can.

 

Makes it all the easier for what I'm gonna do.

 

"That so?" I ask.

 

"You know it is." He replies.

 

Amazing......I bet he's never had someone who can look him in the eye and not flinch. I have to wonder who's gonna stop first. "How old are you? I used to play this in kindergarten......stop staring at me."

 

"Back down then." He says, smugly staring into my eyes.

 

Oh there is so no way I am giving in. "Not a chance."

 

"Twenty bucks says I win." Angel says, not even blinking.

 

I smirk. "Easy money. You're on."

 

And so we hold our very own staring competition......derived simply from arguing and general stubbornness that seems to follow us wherever we go.

 

At least he's not trying to kill me.

 

But he's making me blind......man, my eyes hurt. Do vampire's need to blink? He must be cheating.

 

Dammit.

 

"I win."

 

"You are so childish." I say.

 

"So you keep telling me. But I didn't come all the way here for a staring match, did I?" He says, grinning as I hand him my twenty bucks. Shit, I really need that money.

 

"You still owe me money." I remind him.

 

"They fined you for having a sign?" He asks doubtfully.

 

"No, they fined me for speeding, but I could have talked them out of it......being the great lawyer I am......if it hadn't been for the damn sign." I say, loudly.

 

"Ex-lawyer, not so great......and I'm not at fault." He says, softly, before turning away.

 

Okay, the money excuse is wearing thin, maybe it's time to bring in the second phase of my oh so brilliant plan. I stare at his ass as he's walking, continuing to do so with every ounce of innocence I can muster, even as he looks at me. "Lindsey?"

 

"What?" I ask, snapping out of it.

 

"You were staring." He says, with a tone similar to suspicion. Doubt perhaps?

 

"I was?"

 

"At my ass no less. Is that what you came for?" He asks, smiling happily. This is so much fun to him.

 

Well, gotta take a blow to the pride if I want my revenge.

 

"Maybe."

 

The look on his face is a classic. He obviously wasn't expecting that. Maybe he was planning on doing the seducing.

 

Not the plan, Angel, not this time.

 

He recovers and cocks his head. "McDonald? Are you coming on to me?"

 

I laugh. "No......of course not."

 

"Was that sarcasm?" He asks. "Because you lie so damn often it's hard to tell."

 

"What do you think, Angel?" I ask, getting closer.

 

"Is this a ploy to get your money back?" He asks suspiciously.

 

"If that makes it easier for you." I say.

 

He really resents being the uncomfortable one. Me being so at ease with this makes him feel like I'm in control. And we couldn't have that, could we Angel?

 

"I'm touched, Lindsey. You've come all the way back here to flirt with me." He says, trying to regain his control.

 

"Like you weren't hoping I would. Nice joke, that sign. You knew I'd come back here to have the last word......maybe you wanted me too......"

 

"You're not serious." He says, now desperate to prove I'm lying.

 

The senses don't lie Angel. I'm aroused, you know it. Now will you please just fuck me over the nearest table, some of us have things to do. "I'm not?" I sigh in fake disappointment and go to move away. "I guess you're not interested."

 

His hand flies out and grabs my collar, taking me back over and slamming our lips together.

 

The moment I recover from the shock, I relax and let him kiss me, allowing myself to kiss him back.

 

When you've waited as long as I have for this kiss, you want it to be perfect. And everything about this man is. Centuries of practice I guess. But his hand slips behind my waist and before I can protest, he's swung me round is practically dragging me over to the office desk. I help him shove the papers and junk off. Sounds of things smashing but neither of us really care. I jump up onto the table and let him help me undress.

 

"Wait." He says.

 

Breathing hard, I wait, praying he won't change his mind.

 

"I don't want to do it here." He tells me.

 

Trying not to laugh and spoil the mood, I nod, jumping off the table and leaving our unnecessary mess behind us, I follow him upstairs.

 

We barely make it into his bedroom, having lost clothes along the way and paused rather too often to kiss and......explore. But as I land on the bed, I'm more than just a little happy we made it. That desk really was uncomfortable.

 

He's on me in a second, both of us naked and horny, nothings going to stop us this time.

 

"Wait."

 

I groan. "What now?"

 

"I have to find some lube." He whispers. As if anyone can actually hear him.

 

I have to nod and let him, because lets face it, pain isn't my biggest turn on.

 

He's back on top again, after having successfully located the stuff, and he seems to be doing a rather expert job of lubricating himself. He's had practice, I'm sure, but still can't help wonder which males he's screwed lately.

 

I moan as I feel his finger, gently applying the lube to my ass, before the finger slips inside. It feels so damn good I want to start begging for more, but it's far too soon for such a humiliating gesture.

 

His eyes lock on mine and I can't help but feeling weird. Being naked and stimulated in such a way with his face opposite mine is something I never thought I'd have the guts to initiate. Guess I'm lucky he played that practical joke. Because my revenge is going to be all the sweeter.

 

"Are you sure?" He asks me, eyes full of fear that I'm messing with him.

 

I nod. "If you don't fuck me now I'm going to do you, so hurry the fuck up."

 

With a little smile, he pushes his cock at my entrance, and with a small thrust he's inside me. What starts out as painful, begins to feel so good as he picks up speed, moving in and out of me, my pelvis moving up to meet him with each thrust.

 

"God, you're so tight." He murmurs.

 

I groan as his cock touches my prostate and a wave of pleasure passes through me. "Please, harder." I beg, needing more.

 

He's now pounding into me and I never want him to stop because this is what I've been waiting for. A few more thrusts and he comes inside me, groaning happily. He pulls away and looks at me, as if he's afraid I'm going to scream rape. I stand with him, hoping he'll notice the rather large erection I'm sporting. He takes the bait.

 

"Do you want me to take care of that for you?" He asks, sinking to his knees before me.

 

Makes me even harder just watching him there. As his mouth surrounds my dick, I slip a hand behind his head, ignoring the gel, and I guide him down the length of my cock, fucking his face with desperate need.

 

Best thing about vampires? No need to breathe. And we sure test that out as he licks and sucks my cock and balls, making me all but cry out in pleasure.

 

His expert mouth brings me off sooner than I would have liked, but can't complain. After all......Angel. This is the best thing that's ever happened to me and I almost resent what I'm about to do.

 

Never mind. Plenty of time to think of that later.

 

Exhausted, I collapse on his bed and smile as he climbs on top of me, and over, kissing and running his hands across my chest as he goes. The guy's really a touchy feely type.

 

Not that I'm complaining.

 

As weird as it sounds, I'm happy to fall asleep in his arms.

 

Three am and I'm wide-awake. I slip out of his grasp and watch him sleep through it. This is gonna be tough. I go into his drawers and search for something useful. Watch, papers......twenty dollars, which I soon pocket......permanent marker. Perfect.

 

Cops suck?

 

Try this on for size.

 

I grin like a kid at Christmas and leave, picking up clothes as I go. Almost fully dressed I go to grab my shirt in the office and I notice a pen and paper on the floor. An evil thought crosses my mind......after all......evil lawyer......and I scribble a note to Cordelia and sign it from Angel.

 

Wake me up as soon as you get here. Angel

 

Leaving it where she'll see it, I do my shirt up and walk out, 'forgetting' the speeding fine for Angel to find and pay.

 

One last look and I sigh. Almost sad to be leaving, but I did what I came for. Revenge and maybe even closure. I leave the same way I came in. Complete with cocky smile.~~

 

Lindsey laughed as he finished. He looked at Angel, who wasn't smiling.

 

"Well, that's just wrong," Angel said. "God, you were so cocky, Lindsey. Do you know what the fuck happened after you left?"

 

"Hey, it was only a dream, Angel," Lindsey said.

 

"Well, I kept dreaming it, too. How's that for weird?" Angel told Lindsey.

 

-to be continued-


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Within this chapter I have included a short story written by Angel Jade. The title is ['Revenge of the Evil Hand'](http://darkness.deadtime.net/Revenge.htm). It's not mine, it's hers, but it was so funny I asked for permission to use it. She very kindly gave permission.

~Nuances 2~

 

Lindsey said, "You're joking, right? Angel, that's impossible...oh wait. Maybe not. Fuck me! This is unreal."

 

"What's that supposed to mean?" Angel asked.

 

Lindsey sighed. "I'll tell you after you tell me what happened after I left. In your dream, I mean. I told you all of mine."

 

Angel glowered at Lindsey. Man, he wanted to know now. See, I knew if I told him about the wanting him to make love to me, Lindsey would try and have control. I knew it!

 

"No, Angel. I won't do that. I promise," Lindsey said. "You're the one with the control over me. You always had that." Then he touched Angel's face. "Please. Tell me. I won't laugh, I promise."

 

Angel closed his eyes. Why did Lindsey effect him this way? "Ah, Lindsey, that's one promise you can't keep. It's so fucking funny, I woke up pissed and laughing every time I dreamed it." Then he told Lindsey the rest:

 

__

_~~"Angel!" Cordelia's calling me. Oh God......Cordelia? Lindsey!_

_I open my eyes and sit up in bed, looking around for Lindsey. No sign. Maybe he's hiding in the bathroom. "Cordelia......"_

_"What the hell did you do to yourself?" She asks, laughing hysterically._

_Does she mean Lindsey? No......she's laughing at me. I look down at myself, trying to see what she means._

_And then I see it._

_'I suck.'_

_Cute Lindsey, real cute. I'm gonna kick his ass._

_"What happened?" She asks, mid-laughing fit._

_"Nothing." I reply. "Are you here for a reason?"_

_"You asked me to wake you up......the note, remember?"_

_Note......note......Lindsey. "You bastard......"_

_"Excuse me?" She asks._

_"Nothing. Thanks Cordy. Now if you don't mind I'd like a shower." I say._

_She shrugs and leaves me to try desperately to wipe this little message off. Permanent marker. When Lindsey gets revenge he really gets revenge._

_I can tell by the way they're laughing Cordelia spread the news. They silence as I walk in, but I can see it on their faces._

_Wesley takes his coffee and goes to open the door to his office._

_His office. Shit. "Wesley!"_

_Too late._

_"What happened?" He asks, mortified._

_"I......uh......we had burglars last night." I say, lamely._

_"Is that who messed up your chest?" Gunn asks, grinning._

_I ignore him and look apologetically at Wesley._

_"Tell me you didn't have sex with Lindsey McDonald." Wesley says seriously._

_"What?" I ask. Why does messy office automatically mean sex with Lindsey?_

_"He left this for you." Cordelia says, holding up his speeding ticket._

_"Bastard." I mutter, snatching it off her._

_They all start talking about it amongst themselves and I leave them to it. I have evil thoughts to attend to. Because Lindsey left his new address on it. And after all, I couldn't let him have last laugh could I?~~_

 

Lindsey kept a straight face for about one minute. Then he laughed so hard, he cried. Seeing Lindsey so amused, Angel couldn't help it. He had to laugh, too. They laughed so hard they slid off the couch.

 

Adera watched from the hallway. She smiled, then went back to the bedroom. They were going to make love, and she felt she had no part in that. Besides, she would feel everything Lindsey felt.

 

What she didn't count on was that their connection was nearing completion, and that the strange feeling she'd had since turning Faith had a purpose.

 

Adera not only felt Lindsey.

 

She felt Angel, too.

 

~Southern Wind~

 

Angel and Lindsey slowly stopped laughing, and grinned at each other. They had laughed so hard, they had both slid to the floor, laughing like lunatics.

 

"Now, that was funny," Lindsey said. "I could almost believe it actually happened, too."

 

"In a way, it did, I suppose. We both dreamed it," Angel said. Kiss me now, Lindsey, he thought. I want you so bad. Can't even explain why...I just do. Put your hands on me, all over me, I just want to feel you. Don't know why...really not caring why either. Can't bring myself to even say these things out loud. But somehow...you know anyway....I feel this....and it's right.

 

Lindsey took Angel's face in his hands and whispered, "Are you sure, Angel?"

 

Angel thought, please, God, yes. It's all I thought about whenever I thought of you. But all he said was, "Yes."

 

Lindsey touched his lips to Angel's. He was soft, coaxing, gentle. What he knew Angel wanted. Angel opened his mouth to let Lindsey in, and Lindsey warmed Angel's mouth with his own, kissing him like this kiss was the meaning of life to Angel.

 

Ah, yes, Angel thought. This is it, it's what I wanted. This is Lindsey how I want him. Before Wolfram & Hart got a hold of him. Before the bad things that came between us happened. Before LA. This is what should have been.

 

Then Lindsey unbuttoned Angel's shirt and when he started to touch Angel, as softly and seductively as he was kissing him, Angel lost himself within Lindsey, in the soft southern voice that was like whiskey and sex. Lindsey, who always smelled like honeysuckle drifting on a soft summer breeze. Lindsey, who felt like the intense Indian summer, humid and hot, and oh so erotic to the senses.

 

Lindsey was so stunned by the things drifting through Angel's mind he didn't know what to think. He'd never thought Angel could feel this way about any one, much less him. Too much bad blood between them, he had thought. Angel had seemed too jaded, some how. To know Angel had always thought of him this way was....humbling. And far better than he deserved, after all he had done to the man he was making love to. It hurt his heart to think about it, so he didn't. He gave Angel more of himself in that moment than he had given even Adera.

 

Angel was so into Lindsey, the emotions so close to the surface, that he wasn't sure when the clothes had come off, and Lindsey's mouth had begun making him hot, making him moan, kissing him, licking him, biting and sucking his nipples until Angel was one big mass of need. He kept getting flashes of Lindsey in Oklahoma. Lindsey as a boy. Poor, but happy. Lindsey, when their house had been repossessed. The fear and rage he had felt inside at his father. Something Angel was very familiar with. And, oh, endless fields of summer wheat growing in the hot summer sun, the cold of water biting into the skin while swimming on a hot day. Lindsey losing his virginity on a beautiful spring night while a soft gentle rain fell from the sky. That soft, beautiful face going stone cold when the abortion happened. Feeling hurt, feeling alone, feeling dead and angry inside because no one had asked him if he wanted the child to live or not. Turning his back on Oklahoma forever.

 

Then Angel felt Lindsey making him ready, oh yes, want you inside, desperately, please Lindsey. He was using his own blood and why the hell wasn't it burning him? Then Lindsey pushed slowly inside, oh god...he's there. And Angel lost whatever inhibitions he'd had where Lindsey was concerned. He moved his body to allow Lindsey to go deeper. He cupped Lindsey's ass in his hands and pulled him in deeper still. Lindsey moved within Angel, and Angel said, "Lindsey." It was all he could say.

 

Lindsey's eyes met Angel's and he knew they were inside each other's mind. But that didn't matter, not now, not when there was this. Angel moved with Lindsey, they moved together, and when Lindsey put his hand on Angel's erection to complete the act, Angel felt like Lindsey held his heart within his hand. He lost himself in the blue eyes looking into his. The eye contact held even during the mutual climax they shared. It was the most mind blowing thing either had ever experienced.

 

Lindsey collapsed onto Angel, who enfolded the shivering man in his embrace. And Angel, so stoic, so reserved, so collected, told his lover the only truth he could.

 

"I love you, Lindsey McDonald," he whispered.

 

~Under The Surface~

 

Lindsey collapsed onto Angel, who enfolded the shivering man in his embrace. And Angel, so stoic, so reserved, so collected, told his lover the only truth he could.

 

"I love you, Lindsey McDonald," he whispered.

 

Lindsey closed his eyes as a thousand images and a million dreams passed through his mind. He had always wanted to hear those words come out of Angel. Ever since he'd laid eyes on the vampire. How many nights had he lain awake, thinking of it? Lonely, bitter, angry nights. Knowing all the time that Angel had that streak of bisexuality that burned like a candle lit at both ends. Coming to grips with himself over his own feelings for Angel was the hardest thing he'd done before leaving LA. Now here Angel was saying what Lindsey had so desperately wanted to hear.

 

In a ragged voice, Lindsey whispered, "Don't say anything you don't mean, Angel. I couldn't handle that. Not after all we've been through."

 

Angel began running his hand softly through Lindsey's hair, soothing him, petting him the way he would a cat. He softly said, "I never say any thing like that unless I mean it, Lindsey. I may not say what I feel very well, or even that often, but when I get around to doing it, I do it with all my heart."

 

Lindsey said, "You couldn't...love me. This is just sex, right? Don't make it something it's not because we both love Adera."

 

Angel sat up, holding onto Lindsey, positioning him in his lap so they were face to face. He cupped his former enemy's face in his hands. "Look at me, Lindsey," he said. Angel waited until those blue eyes were on his. "I'm only going to say this once. I want you to understand what you mean to me. After I got my soul back, I never wanted another man. I had thought it was the evil in Angelus that was that way. The demon, you might say. For a hundred years, I lived thinking I was straight. Until the day you walked into my office asking for help. The desire I felt for you was overwhelming. I could smell your fear, what was underneath it, the lust, the desire you felt for me, and I could've taken you then, Lindsey. A part of me wanted to."

 

Lindsey brokenly said, "Why didn't you?"

 

"Because I wanted what we just did, Lindsey. Don't you realize how important what just happened is? No man has ever, ever done to me what you just did. I would have killed the motherfucker who had even dared to try it. And, Lindsey, I made love to you this morning. Do you honestly think I'd have taken a man's cock in my mouth, sucked him off, and fucked him into the mattress just for the thrill of being perverted?"

 

Lindsey, pretty much in shock over Angel's bluntness after his reluctance earlier, shook his head no.

 

"I love you, Lindsey. Do you understand? I love you," Angel said.

 

Lindsey was so full of emotion, he couldn't speak. So he kissed his lover and told him with his body what he couldn't say himself yet. He gloried in the feel of Angel's hands on him, at the power held under such a tight reign of control. In hands that could crush and kill, but only sought to build desire and cradle him in passion. In the danger within them both, although Lindsey's was in check.

 

And Angel would have made love to Lindsey again if it hadn't been for the low moan that came from the bedroom. They looked at each other and both men whispered, "Adera." They got up and hurried to the bedroom.

 

Adera appeared to be sleeping. She had a fine film of sweat covering her upper body, which was not covered by the sheets she lay under. Both Lindsey and Angel assumed she was in the throes of a sex dream because of what they had done. They decided to clean up.

 

They were very, very wrong. Because blood will have blood. And the death of Faith at the hands of the Lilith vampire, combined with the murder of an Olympian god, which always demands replacement, was about to bring about prophecies that were unknown to the group.

 

Adera had read the prophecy. She was in a dream state to remember everything she could.

 

~Mistakes~

 

Adera felt the kaleidoscope of emotions that were bouncing between Lindsey and Angel, and combined with the soul binding sexual connection, plus the added sense of approaching destiny she had endured for hours now, she fell into a deep coma-like sleep of her own. It felt like spiraling down the darkest pit of hell, and she could see colors in motion, hear choirs singing, she could see all the pain and anguish the three of them had caused. She also saw the lives saved, the destinies the three of them had changed.

 

Then she found herself in a place she had forgotten all about. High on a mountain, deep in the wilderness, only spoken of as myth, she had once traveled here 2,500 years ago. The journey had been grueling and, in the end, for nothing. The higher powers had not allowed her entrance. Yet she was here now, within her dream state. And what she'd searched for all those many years ago was there, on the pedestal.

 

The Prophecies of Aberjian. The missing scroll.

 

"Why have you brought me here?" Adera softly said.

 

The answer she heard, but with her mind, not her ears. "The time has come for you to know the mistakes that were made, and to know how you alone have changed the fate of mankind."

 

Before she could utter a reply, her vision was filled with scene after scene, showing the mistakes they had all made. Her being captured by minions of the First, Angel writhing in the rain and Angelus emerging, Lindsey closing that door behind Holland, Angel locking lawyers in with Darla and Drusilla, Lindsey leaving LA, Wesley kidnaping Conner, Angel attempting to smother Wesley, Cordelia being whisked away to the higher powers, Gunn killing the professor instead of the righteously vengeful Fred, Willow's grief after the murder of her beloved Tara....

 

It became almost nearly endless cycle but one she knew by heart. Faith, Buffy, Spike, Dawn, Giles, Xander, Joyce, Kate, all of them. Little mistakes that effected the rhythm of time.

 

And two huge mistakes that changed fate.

 

The first was made by Lilah Morgan. Nearly four years ago, she had translated part of the scroll, after she had gained possession of it in the weeks after Lindsey had lost his hand. And in secret, she learned that Lindsey McDonald was fated to become some kind of vampire god, created by the vampire goddess of Athena. She learned these two were fated to begin the final apocalypse. And Lilah thought long and hard about Lindsey. About how he had turned to Angel for help. Then she burned the scroll and cast a spell on herself to forget she'd ever read the scroll. Lilah was now roasting in hell for that colossal mistake.

 

The second was Adera's belief that Angel was the one she was fated to balance the power with. It was supposed to have begun with Lindsey. She did it in the wrong order. Because of love, remembrance, and the passion of Angel's once beating heart. All the evil they were to have wreaked was now contingent on one, single, hopeful emotion.

 

Love.

 

Adera's sight cleared, and she saw the scroll was now gone. Frustration at the empty pedestal ate at her.

 

"Can't you at least give me a clue about what to do now? Please, after all the horror of the last year, why don't you help me?"

 

She felt the low humming vibration in the air, the soles of her feet, in her bare skin, which crawled with fear.

 

Then the cave-like room went silent, and she again heard the non-voice speak.

 

"The mistakes can only be upheld in the almost changed one. You must complete the change now before mantle of the Greek godhood descends on you. It is his fate the mistake was made with. The blood you have taken from the slayer, shared with this vampire, will facilitate his change. He will have to be shown the last message from the second Seer before he will allow this to be.

 

When that is done, you must complete the balance of power by wearing the amulets of Asherula, and joining hands while the three of you wait for the responsibility of the death of the goddess Athena to ascend you. If you are united in love, the power of a god will be divided and broken. Only in the beating hearts of true love and desire can this happen."

 

Barely had these words been heard when she was whisked forward within time, still seeing the colors in motion, still feeling the love shared by the two men she had given her heart to. She felt herself drift back into her body, and she bolted up from her position in the bed.

 

Lindsey was right beside her. Angel was standing behind him. She felt something in her right hand and she raised it up to see three amulets suspended on chains within her grasp.

 

Adera softly said, "Oh, sweet Carolina rain."

 

Lindsey laughed and said, "What?"

 

Adera looked at him and said, "I hate failure when there's no one else to blame it on."

 

~Little Subtle Moments~

 

Lindsey laughed. "I used to say that. What did you fail at?"

 

Adera sighed. "I'm not altogether sure this qualifies as failure. It may in fact be our only saving grace, Lindsey. Tell me, just how much of the prophecies of Aberjian did you transcribe? Did anyone other than Holland Manners and the senior partners ever translate the entire thing?"

 

Lindsey shrugged, "I didn't do much with it. I was too busy with court cases. I know some stuff, but everything I remember has come to pass. Why?"

 

Adera said, "Didn't you ever wonder why Holland didn't have your head blown off, too? Why he let you go back to Angel when he knew you'd betrayed the firm? Didn't you stop to think about just why he offered you the promotion couched in such seductive terms? And haven't you wondered why, other than a few annoyances in the month or two after you left LA, why they didn't have you killed?"

 

Lindsey shrugged again, "Yeah, I thought about those things. But to be honest, not until I was in Sedona. I used to sit in the dark and I thought about those things a lot. Until I would realize I was acting like Angel. Brooding. Yeah. Of course, I'd forget all about what I'd been brooding for, because then I'd start thinking Angel thoughts. Why did you ask all of that?"

 

"Because....men are so dense sometimes, I swear. I mean, you know they didn't want Angel dead, they wanted him dark. Didn't you ever wonder why they didn't want you dead, why they didn't hound you after you left?"

 

Angel, who had been silently observing the conversation, said, "You're saying Lindsey was mentioned in the scroll, aren't you?"

 

"Yes, he was. We both were," Adera replied. "If I hadn't made the mistake, I'm pretty sure the prophecy would have come true."

 

Lindsey said, "What was the prophecy, Adera?"

 

Adera quietly said, "You and I were slated to begin the final apocalypse, Lindsey."

 

"What?" he said.

 

"But it's okay now," she brightly said. "I changed our fates. Yours, too, Angel."

 

"What?" Angel said.

 

"Oh, yes I did. You know, I used to have this perfect clarity. Nothing I did really mattered because everything mattered. Sounds stupid, but it was true. I didn't have ties to bind me, so I was unfettered by desire. Then I met her, and well......just haven't been the same since. You see, I brought Spike back. I balanced the power within Angel. And I was supposed to go to Lindsey after that. That's not the way it happened, though. I picked up that suitcase and had a vision, and lost all clarity whatsoever. I changed fate by tempting Angel into the second encounter, into the blood exchange that was never meant for him."

 

Angel said, "Never meant for me? Wait....is this why Lindsey's reading my thoughts? Is this why I know things about you that I know you didn't tell me? Is this why I just saw all those images of him in my head when we were making love? Is it why his blood didn't burn me?"

 

Adera was amazed at all the questions Angel asked. How could that so facile brain be so dense at the same time? "Yes, it's why Lindsey's blood didn't burn you. And it's why you know things about me you shouldn't. You're changing, too, Angel. But not fast enough. We're going to have to exchange blood again. As for the link between you and Lindsey, the blood from me you both carry in your veins, may have contributed, but the link was there already. You damn well know this. Why did you ask me that?"

 

Angel frowned. "Lindsey doesn't know that, Adera."

 

"Excuse me! Lindsey doesn't know what?" Lindsey asked.

 

Adera stared at Lindsey. Hadn't he ever noticed the oh so tiny scar on his neck? My stars, he...really.....really didn't know? What a trip! Claimed by a vampire and didn't know it.

 

She looked at Angel. "Now, that's what I call thrall. Damn good job. Too bad, though. If you hadn't done such a good job, maybe he wouldn't have went back to Wolfram & Hart."

 

Angel smiled. "Thank you," he said.

 

"Angel didn't enthrall me! That's just so wrong, Adera," Lindsey said.

 

She laughed. "Oh, he didn't? Well then, Lindsey.....could you answer me a question?"

 

"Of course," he said.

 

"When you got into the limo with Holland and Lilah to go to the Raising, you knew Angel was in the shadows watching, didn't you?"

 

~Where The Power Lies~

 

Lindsey said, "Yes, I did know he was there. So?" Angel asked, "Why didn't you tell Holland then?"

 

Lindsey thought about that. Why hadn't he? But his mind was blank....it was funny. "I'm....not sure why I didn't."

 

"Lindsey, you knew almost everything about Angel," Adera said. "Knowing all you do now, about Darla, Dru, and Spike.....how can you not see he treated you with the same combination of possession and disdain he did them?"

 

Lindsey considered this. What Adera said was true. Lindsey had always known Angel could have done something else besides cut his hand off. At the speed he moved, he could have taken the scroll easily. Or even just killed him outright. Yet, he hadn't. But the past was as dead as Cordelia was, and opening old wounds now...Lindsey didn't see the point.

 

It was only curiosity that made him ask, "When did this happen exactly, Angel?"

 

Angel sighed. "It was the night we saved those children, Lindsey. Do you remember what I did right after you settled the children in the car? I know that memory's still there."

 

"You mean when you licked the blood from my face? Yeah, I remember that. Christ, how could I not? It only drove me insane for three years!" Lindsey said.

 

Angel chuckled. "Be glad I mesmerized you into forgetting what happened in my office later on. You see...:

 

It was the smell of your blood, that's why I did it. I had to taste you, Lindsey. Your blood, it smelled of power. The only thing I could ever recall coming close to it was Drusilla. And she was only a pale imitation of what you held in your veins. The ride to deliver the children and back to the office was pure hell for me. The demon inside was mad to make you mine...take you...turn you....whatever.

 

It was in the office, watching you copy files for your protection, when I realized that any vampire you came across would know what I did. And it seemed like you truly had changed. Seeing you comfort and cuddle those children....was a revelation to me. And I saw what you could become. I wanted to believe in you, Lindsey.

 

So, in order to protect you, I claimed you. I marked you with my bite. When you left my office, I was secure in the knowledge that no other vampire would attempt to turn you. The only one who would even dare to try was my sire, and Darla was dead.

 

Then the night I was fighting Vocah....and you completed the spell he'd been casting, I knew how much power you had in your blood then. So did Holland....he's the one who goaded you into walking forward to take the scroll in your hands to complete the spell, because he knew. You did it like you were born to it, Lindsey.

 

Then Holland walked away and left you to my tender mercy, didn't he? You know, I think that's the reason I shut all of you in that room with Darla and Dru. I knew you wouldn't die. But there was a big part of me that was immensely satisfied because I knew Holland would."

 

Lindsey said, "If Darla knew, even before she was turned back....why didn't she tell me? All she ever said was that I wanted to screw you, not her. And I still don't remember what happened in the office. All you've told us are facts."

 

Angel asked him, "Do you want the memory back? I can let you take it, but what's the point? It doesn't have a thing to do with where we are now."

 

"Yes, Angel," Lindsey said. "It does for me. After that night, whenever I saw you....I felt my emotions rage out of control. Before that night, I may have had sexual thoughts about you, but after.....no matter what I felt: rage, fear, desire, I was insane with it. I never could understand why that was. Oh, I blamed it on the hand thing....but when I was in Sedona, I realized when I was holding the scroll hostage....I felt all those things at once. Before you lopped my hand off. It was the bite that caused it, right? That's where you and I truly began....and I need to remember that. You have no idea how much."

 

Angel sat down on the bed, facing Lindsey and beside Adera. He put his left hand on her sheet covered knee, and held out his right hand to Lindsey.

 

Lindsey took it and he began to remember what it was like to be seduced into a claiming.

 

~Clarity Revised~

 

His voice breaking with the strain of the disappointment he felt, Angel said, "It's still their world, Wesley. Structured for power - not truth. - It's their system, and it's one that works. - It works because - there is no guilt - there is no torment, no consequences. - It's pure. - I remember what that was like. - Sometimes I miss that clarity."

 

And then Lindsey walked in the door. His face was wistful, lost, and his voice was soft with that accent when he said, "I need your help."

 

Angel looked at him, and felt a new desire slam into his body out of nowhere. He narrowed his eyes and said, "What do you mean?"

 

Lindsey didn't flinch from the tone in Angel's voice. He looked directly at him and said, "I want out."

 

They rode the elevator down to the basement floor. Lindsey began making copies of the discs while Angel leaned against the far wall, watching. Thinking. Tasting Lindsey's blood in his throat. Smelling the Lindsey's confusion mixed with the desire he felt. A desire Lindsey may have been aware of, but hadn't come to terms with. He was considering what to do about the young man. He wanted to protect him, in some way. He also wanted to own Lindsey, and therein lay a world Angel didn't even want to think about just now.

 

Lindsey was confused. Although he understood at least part of why Angel had held his face in his hands and licked the blood away, Lindsey had seen things within the vampire's eyes that had nothing to do with bloodlust. The look in his eyes combined with the touch of Angel's tongue on his face sent a wave of desire through his body that nearly drove him to his knees. It made him breathless, wanting, and hard....and he knew why. It wasn't because he found Angel attractive, although Lindsey did. Nor was he overly upset because Angel was male. He could deal with that.

 

It was because Angel was a vampire. Dangerous. Tempting. Seductive. Powerful. That's what drew Lindsey to him, he knew. Power called to him, it always had, and Lindsey thought someday, that need for power would lead to his death. It's the main reason he had joined the firm. But this was more than that. This was flirting with death itself, and Lindsey found that quite arousing indeed.

 

Angel waited until the young man was through. Then he moved faster than Lindsey could have hoped to avoid, and had him pressed into the wall behind the desk before the other man realized what his intentions were. Fear now flooded Lindsey's bloodstream, but so too did a blinding flash of sexual heat surge through his body. He raised those incredible blue eyes to look into Angel's. Lindsey licked those full lips and he still didn't drop that gaze. Angel inhaled the scent that was pure Lindsey, a scent like honeysuckle, the smell of desire, and the blood in his veins, which was so, so powerful. Angel found this young man more alluring and desirable than any one he'd ever met in his life. And Lindsey didn't know it, didn't have a clue.

 

"Are you afraid of me now, Lindsey?" Angel said in a soft voice.

 

"No, I'm not," Lindsey answered, still holding his eyes locked with Angel's.

 

Angel smiled and reached up with his right hand, touching Lindsey's chest. He could feel the heat of Lindsey's body under his palm. He could feel his heart beat. He could smell the arousal that rode the man under his hand, and Angel understood it. The control he kept on his own desires slipped a little when he realized Lindsey wasn't afraid of the demon in him at all. Angel grasped the shirt and pulled, popping buttons, and Lindsey gasped, but still kept his eyes on Angel's. He really wasn't afraid. Angel realized he had Lindsey mesmerized. He let his hand wander down slowly until he touched Lindsey's erection. Lindsey inhaled sharply. Angel massaged Lindsey, rubbing his hand against the hardness under his palm. Lindsey tried to move his hands but Angel captured them and held them over his head.

 

"Tell me what you want, Lindsey," Angel whispered.

 

"I don't know, Angel," Lindsey said. His voice was lower, growly, filled with need. His brain was on overload, his body was on fire, and he was having trouble forming a coherent thought, much less an answer. What the hell was Angel's game? "But...Angel, please..." Lindsey bit his lip and moaned deeply as Angel started to move his hand away."Don't stop. Just please, don't stop."

 

"Do you like this, Lindsey? Do you like me holding you down and petting you?" Angel's voice whispered into the young man's ear while he applied more pressure, more friction against the erection under his hand.

 

"Yes," Lindsey softly said. His body was straining into Angel's touch now. The whole world had faded away, and the vampire's hand on him was all he knew. "Angel, I..."

 

"What, Lindsey? Tell me," Angel whispered.

 

"Mmm, please," Lindsey moaned. "I.....Angel....." Another gasp, another moan. "I want."

 

Those two words set Angel on fire. He had made Lindsey want. He was mesmerized, but not past the point to where he didn't know who was making him want. He had said Angel's name. It was music to the vampire's ears. This little flirtation had just become deadly serious. Angel realized he'd started this because of some sadistic need in him to retaliate for the desire he'd felt for Lindsey to make love to him. He had the tables turned now, but at a cost. Because Angel wanted, too.

 

Angel wanted to grind himself into Lindsey, take him and fuck him into the wall, the floor, the desk behind them. He wanted to take him, turn him, make him his forever. But he knew he couldn't do either of those things. Yet, the raging need he felt the most was the desire to sink to his knees for Lindsey, go down on him, make love to the young man under him that way. Angel couldn't do that either, he wasn't sure if he could maintain his suddenly fragile control if he did.

 

He had to end this. Fast. So, Angel unzipped Lindsey's pants and reached inside to take the young man's erection in his hand. Lindsey was hot, he was steel encased in velvet. The bright, sharp smell of his arousal nearly drove the vampire over the edge. Lindsey moaned when Angel started stroking him, and he tried to get his hands free from Angel's grasp, but the vampire only tightened the grip he had on his hands.

 

Lindsey began moving his hips, he couldn't help it. Angel whispered into Lindsey's ear, "Calm down, Lindsey. Just go with it. Close your eyes and feel me touching you. Stroking you. Making you mine." As Angel's hand began moving faster, Lindsey became almost delirious."Unnnh, Angel, I'm gonna fucking die. You're killing me!" Angel chuckled softly and said, "It's only the little death, Lindsey." Then Angel kissed him, and softly said, "You won't remember any of this."

 

Angel kissed and licked the side of the Lindsey's neck. Lindsey began making this incredible keening noise that Angel instantly adored. When he felt the throbbing pulse increase, and he knew Lindsey was near, Angel went into game face and gently bit into young man's vein. It sent Lindsey over the edge into orgasm, and he screamed Angel's name. Angel withdrew from the vein, and bit his tongue, pressed his mouth to Lindsey's, kissing him until the blood stopped flowing, and the taste of the small amount of his blood was gone. Lindsey passed out, falling forward into Angel.

 

Angel caught him when he slumped down, he picked him up, and carried him to the bed. He cleaned Lindsey up, and straightened his clothing as best he could. He briefly contemplated the sight of Lindsey in his bed, turned and went to the bathroom, taking his shirt off as he walked because Lindsey's bodily emission was all over it. And Angel relieved himself of his own desire, because it was raging and he didn't want Lindsey to know what he'd done.

 

After he donned another shirt, he sat down in the chair behind the desk to contemplate what he'd just done. He had only intended to mark Lindsey, not sexually seduce him. But....when he'd gotten Lindsey up against the wall, that desire to have that beautiful man make love to him had returned, and Angel had acted on pure instinct.

 

Clarity. Something Angel obviously lacked when it came to Lindsey, who got under his skin in a way no one else ever had.

 

Lindsey walked into the room looking dazed and confused. He was in his undershirt, having removed the torn shirt, which he held in his hands. "What the hell happened," he asked. He felt exhausted and exhilarated at the same time. Strange.

 

"You must have been really stressed today, Lindsey," Angel said in an amused tone of voice .//You lost yourself in passion, that's what.// "Just as you were through copying the discs, you passed out. I tried to catch you, but I only managed to tear your shirt. Are you okay now?"

 

"Yeah, I'm all right. I don't care about the shirt," Lindsey said. //Passed out? Passed out?!? My body feels like I had a mind blowing orgasm! And I only passed out? I'm losing it.// "In fact, I'm throwing it away. Too much happened today while I was wearing it." He pulled the suit jacket on, picked up the discs, and walked to the elevator. Angel followed him. It was a ride taken in silence.

 

When the were upstairs, and Lindsey was close to the outer door, he turned and said, "Thanks for your help today. I'll never forget it, Angel."

 

"Sure you will. Guys like you always do," Angel said.

 

"Angel, you don't even know me," Lindsey said.

 

"I already told you, Lindsey. I know all I need to know." He reached out and touched Lindsey's lip where it was split. "Don't I?"

 

Lindsey reddened with embarrassment as he remembered Angel licking the blood from him, and the bolt of pure desire he'd felt when he'd done it. "Christ on a crutch! You aren't gonna lick my face again, are you?"

 

Angel burst out laughing. "Only if you want me too," he replied.

 

"Huh," Lindsey said. "The day comes I want you, you can pretty much bet Hell froze over, or World Peace ended. Guess that pretty much means no, don't you think?" He turned to exit the building. "Lindsey, if you ever need me.....I'll be here," Angel said.

 

Lindsey looked back. He smiled. "I'll remember that," he said. Then he left.

 

Angel stood there and watched Lindsey walk away, hoping like hell the young man made all the right decisions in the days to come.

 

~~Passion United~~

 

Lindsey thought about the days following what had happened in Angel's office. He thought about the past. It was true, what Adera had said. Angel had treated him with the same combination of possession and disdain as he had treated Drusilla and Spike. But the one constant fact Lindsey was aware of, for the first time, was that he had never been afraid Angel would kill him. Even after he'd attacked the vampire with his truck, and beaten him with the sledgehammer. And Lindsey had to admit, at least to himself, at that point.....he would have welcomed death, to release him from the agony his life had become.

 

He also realized how Holland Manners had demoralized him to the point where he'd truly believed turning Darla back into a demon would save her life. Being told your life was expendable in the Firm's eyes had done something to him inside. Made Lindsey feel as if nothing he did mattered, because he didn't matter. Finding out now how deceitful his former boss had been was pretty much moot at this time.

 

"Are you angry at me for what I did?" Angel now asked him.

 

"No, I'm not angry about that, Angel," Lindsey softly said. "You undoubtedly saved me from Darla with that act alone. But what you did was wrong on so many levels. You did that to me, and you let me walk away. Why did you do that?"

 

"Because I wanted you, but not like that. You wouldn't have been with me of your own free will, Lindsey. It had to be your choice......and when you made it, I was hurt and angry that you'd chosen Wolfram & Hart over me."

 

Lindsey said, "Because Holland said all the things to me that you should have! I was at a crossroad, and you all but pushed me right back into the firm. Why did you do that? I could have loved you then, I was already halfway there. It wouldn't have taken much on your part to make me fall in love with you. So, why did you push me away?"

 

"You weren't afraid of the demon in me, Lindsey," Angel replied. "Even when I had you pressed up against that wall, even as fear flooded your system, you still looked me in the eyes. Those blue eyes of yours, Lindsey, they said so much. You looked at me with passion, with desire, and you knew what I was, all I was, and you wanted that, too. I'd never had any one look at me in that way before. There wasn't a part of me you didn't like. I pushed you away because it scared me. You scared me. I scared myself because I wanted you so much." Adera touched Angel's face and turned it until he looked at her. "It was the curse, wasn't it? You were afraid of any kind of happiness. You walked away from the slayer, because in your heart you knew when she looked at you, she saw Angelus. You wanted her to live a normal life, so you left. Then you moved here, but it wasn't long before Doyle gave you purpose, and then Cordelia got the visions, and Wesley showed up. You learned that friendship was important, and for a while, you were content. Until Lindsey walked into your office and asked for your help. And when you claimed him, you realized the truth. The thought of Angelus returning frightened you so much, you let Lindsey go, and everything after that sort of spiraled out of control."

 

Angel smiled. "Yes, but you came along and you changed everything. Now, I don't have to hide what I feel from my friends. Frankly, I don't care if they approve of what we are or not. I'm dead tired of being alone."

 

Lindsey softly said, "You're not alone. I'm here. She's here. We're together. You'll never be alone again."

 

Both Adera and Angel smiled at him, but before either could say a word, she felt the world focus and fade away from her and she knew it was time. She handed them each one of the amulets of Asherula, slipped the third over her head while they did the same.

 

Then she turned to Lindsey, and whispered, "I love you." right before she drained him to the point his heart slowed down. Adera then turned to Angel, told him, "I love you." and she fed from him, too. She moved until she was between them, and lead Angel to her neck while whispering "Lindsey,"and he bit into her the same second Angel did.

 

They were vampires united in love and passion when the mantle of Greek godhood descended on Adera, and the power of Asherula split a godhood three separate ways, capturing the essence of Athena within the amulets, which disappeared when the work the Powers That Be had designed them for was over.

 

In that singular, shining moment, they all saw the final message from Cordelia Chase.

 

Finality

 

It was if they were viewing a sepia toned movie, the vision of Cordelia was soft in that way. Her dark brown hair was long, flowing down her back and swaying as if a gentle breeze was blowing. Her smile was soft, her body was relaxed, and she looked at peace. Angel, Adera, and Lindsey all envied her in that moment, for peace was something none of them had ever known. Cordelia was beautiful, but the true story lay in her eyes. In them, they saw compassion, contentment, understanding, forgiveness, and love. Angel realized in that moment that he had tried to make Cordy into something she'd never been, and that's the main reason he had not loved her.

 

"I've said my goodbyes to everyone who came to see me, but I wanted to leave you with my thoughts before I go. Don't be sad for me, because I have another chance. You know how we all say, "I wish I hadn't done that." or "If I could, I'd do it different."? Well, the Powers are letting me do that. Oh, I won't be Cordelia Chase, but let's face it. I wasn't perfect, you know. I was a catty, hateful, spoiled brat who made life pretty much miserable for everyone around me most of my life. Until I came to Los Angeles, and then I sort of forced myself on your good graces, Angel. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for hiring me. It meant more to me than I can ever say.

 

I learned more in these last few years than all the ones proceeding them. I learned what true friendship was, I learned what it is that makes a hero. It's something I don't think I ever considered until Doyle sacrificed himself because he believed in you so. I do love you, but not in the romantic sense of the word. I love you as a true friend, one who sees all the flaws, as well as the sterling qualities, and still loves you anyway. I loved you for the compassion in your soul, as much as I feared you for the evil inside you. Oh, there's so many things could tell you, but I don't have time. I loved you most of all when you smiled, because you didn't do it often.

 

I knew you had feelings for Lindsey, Angel. I knew almost the minute you did. You should have hated him, yet you didn't. You should have helped him more when he came to you. Yet, you didn't. You gave him the freedom to make his own choices, mostly because you felt guilty about turning back time for Buffy's safety. And you let him walk away from you. If you're surprised, you shouldn't be. Remember, I was there for the whole Buffy/Angelthon. I'll never forget it. Even Angelus couldn't forget it. But after Faith came to LA, it was never the same about Buffy. I think you both fell out of love that night. It's all in the voice, you see. I knew you had feelings for Lindsey, by the way you said his name. There was a softness you gave his name, even when you were angry or tried to hate him, it was always there, Angel. That's how I knew, and why I could never come to love you, knowing how you felt about him. You used to say her name like that.

 

I'm happy for the three of you. In some Murphy's Law kind of way, you three being together makes total sense. It's what was meant to be, even if it didn't happen quite the way it was supposed to. You complete each other somehow. And that includes the conception of Darla and Angelus. It makes a Twilight one sort of sense. I'm happy knowing all of you have found your someone special. I'm actually thrilled it was the spell to see me that caused all of you to see the truth. Call me vain, I don't care. I'm thrilled I had some part in that.

 

My time is growing short, so I'll leave you with two final things, Angel. I cannot apologize for the past year. It wasn't me who did those things, although I am sorry about what you had to do for Conner. I know how much you loved him. So, the Powers are letting me show you a minute of his future. Just so you can try to be content with the choice you made. Goodbye, my friends. Be at peace with yourselves."

 

The vision of Cordelia was softly replaced with one of Conner, several years in the future. He was laughing, and smiling, and he looked very happy. The girl he was dancing with had long brown hair, and was very beautiful.

 

It was Dawn Summers.

 

When the haze had cleared from their minds, Angel and Lindsey both became aware of only one thing. Adera was clinging to Angel as if he were a lifeline to reality. She was softly crying, almost keening, in fact. Both men were confused as to why she was doing it.

 

"Your heart is beating, Angel," she whispered in answer to the unspoken question. Angel was in shock when he realized it was.

 

Lindsey reached out to feel for himself the slow beat within his chest. "Oh my God, it is," he said. He touched Adera's back in a comforting gesture, and his eyes met Angel's. Both men knew how she felt, having overheard her conversation with Wesley.

 

The silent understanding eventually gave way to deeper emotion, and they made love with exquisite slowness, and such devastating thoroughness that the bond between them was forever sealed, and no force on Earth would ever break it.

 

Adera silently cried during the entire thing, as hands alternately soothed, comforted, and aroused her. Her soul was laid bare as she gave herself over to the two men, embracing what was meant to be, leaving behind all sorrows, all doubts, all thoughts of the future to come.

 

They fell asleep in a tangle of limbs, and when she awoke in the early hours of dawn, she rose from the bed, and looked down at the two men who had come to mean so very much to her. And she considered on the fate the Powers had given her.

 

She, who had wandered for centuries, alone, loveless, friendless, beholden to a pagan god, watching as the world changed while she remained the same, all because she had caused the death of a loved one.

 

Alone, always alone.

 

Adera wasn't alone any longer. Come what may, she would never be alone again.

 

She smiled at the sight of her lovers asleep.

 

She had Angel, whom she had loved for so very long.

 

She had Lindsey, who meant more to her than life itself.

 

And she would soon have two souls to raise and love who would change the world someday.

 

It was enough.

 

THE END.


End file.
